Get a TheRaPIsT

bigdaddyrongregs · 2024-02-15T23:09:15+00:00

I dislike the narrative that men need to “just go to therapy” or “men will literally do __ instead of going to therapy.” I’ve done therapy for 3 years and I agree it’s more like paying for a friend than an actual one-size-fits-all solution that many people make it out to be. It’s just one small branch of the mental health tree like exercise, going out, etc.

Johntoreno · 2024-02-16T03:56:40+00:00

People lack this amazing ability called humility, simply saying "I can't help you and i don't know what can" is something people's ego won't allow them to say.

NCC-1701-1 · 2024-02-16T00:01:51+00:00

I met one useful therapist once, she told me that my wife was immature and that I wasnt the problem.

GuysItsGalxy · 2024-02-15T23:24:00+00:00

Therapy wasn't built for men

Plenty of studies, even ones done by the CDC show that men and women process information and emotion differently and then even converse differently to boot. The difference between us shows that it quite literally doesn't help men in the way they need it.

Yes therapy can help serious trauma victims, but once they've talked through that and come to terms with the issues, or found legitimate coping skills... That's it you're done, even if you have plenty of issues along side that they won't get touched

If we want therapy to work for men we have to make it work for men instead of blaming them because it doesn't

boyatrest · 2024-02-16T00:40:14+00:00

its so weird. now that i make money i dont get looked at like a creep and when i was younger more attractive and passive i was looked on like a freaking weirdo.

IceWingAngel · 2024-02-15T23:40:33+00:00

Been going to therapy for on-going 4 years now. In most cases I only advise it if one does NOT live in America or can reasonably afford it if so. I thankfully don't have to pay for my sessions, but I do get the bill and in my area at least (AZ) a single session tends to hover around $600-800 depending on where you go. Putting aside the actual debatable benefits to it all. Primary reason I even still attend is because it's free and it's nice to have an outlet to vent.

michaelpaoli · 2024-02-16T02:04:08+00:00

Get a TheRaPIsT
What a joke.

Well ... sometimes it's great advice. Sometimes it's a cruel joke. Sometimes its an ignorant response attempting to be helpful but isn't helpful.

There are resources, really?

Resources cost money. Got money? Great, you got resources. Don't have that cash to spare? Uhm, good luck. Resources otherwise vary ... a lot. But hardly unique to therapy. E.g. without the "right" health care coverage (yes, these cases have happened), person doesn't have the money, they've got colon cancer, they need surgery that'll save their life. They have essentially no coverage, so the surgery doesn't happen. But because of the cancer and it's location, they block ... this becomes a medical emergency - so they get covered as an emergency - to get unblocked ... but that won't qualify to get them the surgery to get the underlying problem fixed - so they're tossed to the street again - for this to repeat over and over until they're dead. So, yeah, not unique to therapy, mental health, etc. Similar can be said for housing. Qualified for low income housing? Great. Oh, there's a waiting list. How long is that list? Oh, about ten years.

majority of medicine has a ton of side-effects

Psych meds are kind of a crap shoot. Depends a lot what condition(s), what med(s), what they cost, and even randomly down to the individual patient.

Therapy is even worse. You’re essentially paying for a friend

Kind'a ... at least in part. Though therapist isn't there to be a "friend" - though they certainly shouldn't generally be decidedly unfriendly. As I and many will oft say, "Friends is good therapy". The reverse, however, doesn't necessarily apply, and doesn't generally apply.

We live in this weird timeline when people are desperate to label everything and everyone, to be heartless while claiming to be the most virtuous generation to exist.

What? Humans, hypocritical? Say it ain't so! ;-)

lonely? Well, damn, go to gym and talk to women

Oh hell no. Hardly any women in the gym, and they sure as hell don't want to be hit on by a bunch 'o guys there.

have not seen any woman defend a man or do half of what men do

You haven't looked very hard or well have you? Or maybe it's a matter of where/how you looked. Not saying that there are bazillions of such women out there, but they do very much exist, and not that incredibly hard to find 'em ... if one's paying attention and well looking and in the "right" - or reasonable/appropriate places.

If you’re a man, it doesn’t matter what’s in your head or what your personality is like. You have to make enough money and be strong enough to defend yourself or someone else

Not always, but sure, in general society majorly overemphasizes the "man's role" as the strong provider, blah, blah ...

Pharma industry

Yeah, no surprises there - there's a huge major inherent conflict of interest. Gee, help people, or make lots of money for the stockholders. Which do you think the stockholders will prefer and demand? So yeah, there's that ... and a lot of it ... and more generally for commercialized medicine. And that's not the only area where such problems creep up.

Past_Study_4913 · 2024-02-16T00:49:24+00:00

Urgh. Therapists, key workers, all useless blood sucking parasites profiting on others misery whilst pretending they give 2 monkey shits about you. 🙄

C20H25N3O-C21H30O2 · 2024-02-16T07:13:53+00:00

We have "Men's Sheds ", a small, underfunded charity in Ireland that helped me a lot when I became homeless (court kicked me out of my home during divorce, away from my small children). It was a tough time and I knew that normal therapy wouldn't necessarily work for me, as it's geared towards women and how they process mental issues, not men. Men's Sheds allow you to participate in different DIY projects and community work with other men from different backgrounds and ages in your area. Everyone is very nice, supportive and amazing. Some of them went through a LOT worse than I did and they helped me see that "there's light at the end of the tunnel". I hate gyms, so these projects gave me purpose, plenty of physical activity, new skills and a sense of belonging in the community. Looking back, I think these lads saved my life. Stay strong Brother, find what works for you and and don't hesitate to reach out!

Infinite_Procedure98 · 2024-02-16T12:55:06+00:00

Virtually every time I say or do something atypical someone tells me to go to therapy or to gym. I have divorced: go to therapy. My father died: go to therapy. I say I hate hearing loud kids screaming in public transports: you can't say such thing, you can't hate kids. You have a problem, go to therapy. I feel tired because I am overworking and I don't sleep enough: go to gym AND to therapy. I am introvert and avoid loud extrovert people: go to therapy.

denvercaniac · 2024-02-15T23:17:40+00:00

In my experience, asking myself what steps I needed to take was what was most effective. And it was free!

avoidingpsychos · 2024-02-16T03:07:29+00:00

Literally just experienced this in the last week...

My kid's mom has been intentionally leaving me in the dark on a lot of things and I've been learning things about her new boyfriend and whatnot through my daughter. I met up with a friend and told him about it all and he was very empathetic and offered to share with his girlfriend and see what she thought and if she could give me a woman's perspective on how my kid's mom is behaving.

I forwarded an email thread with my kid's mom gaslighting me, DARVO'ing me, etc. I waited like 3-4 weeks before following up with him. I finally messaged and asked if his girlfriend took a look at it and he responded the next day and said "She just suggested that you go seek a therapist" yadda yadda. I was just like... Well, cool, thanks for offering to help but then not actually helping? I feel like some people offer to help just so they can get in on the gossip and drama and then don't actually care to be supportive or helpful.

AK47WithScope · 2024-02-16T14:02:17+00:00

Therapist trending is just another asocial materialistic side effect of the modern life full of social media fake standards

Wakka_Grand_Wizard · 2024-02-16T14:25:10+00:00

Too true honestly. Have that done to me a lot. Sorta defeats the point of connecting and befriending ppl

HotwheelsJackOfficia · 2024-02-16T17:39:29+00:00

If I want to be gaslit I can save my money and argue online.

X_BlackBirdX · 2024-02-17T22:36:33+00:00

I was told to go see a therapist often as well. It can help to talk about problems tho but it isnt a magical solution for everything especially if your life kinda stays the same. Medicine only numbs the pain as well

theSilentNerd · 2024-02-16T01:41:37+00:00

By the looks of it, therapists in the country you are seem to be really bad.
Where I live, the therapist and psychiatrist did a great job getting me out of a depression crisis and I even managed to overcome my anger management issues.

NiceParkJob · 2024-02-16T04:00:53+00:00

R/MensRights is our therapy my dude**

rhoo31313 · 2024-02-16T03:47:40+00:00

You've gotta find the right therapist. I went through a dozen before i found one that actually helped me.

Roro-Squandering · 2024-02-16T10:24:12+00:00

I see a lot of views that are contradictory to me:

"There's a male loneliness epidemic; men don't have friends"
"Men need therapy"
"Your friends aren't your trauma dumping ground"

Yet often despite these slogans you'll eventually whittle down to the understanding that therapy is sometimes used as a substitute for the support of people you have an organic bond with. Professional help is useful when you have specific issues to address, but going to the shrink isn't supposed to replace having a sense of kinship or community. I think it might be another roundabout example of "men should feel their feelings more/no not like that" that remains a prevalent issue. Ladies want a sensitive man until a man is sensitive in front of them.

Entire_Spend6 · 2024-02-16T03:18:52+00:00

I’d say if you have no friends or anyone to talk to then paying for one isn’t really a bad idea, could be beneficial

Beginning_Wing_49 · 2024-02-16T05:57:28+00:00

Go to a small Christian church. And go to the gym. ;)

Thegeekanubis · 2024-02-16T16:11:27+00:00

It says TheRapist....

DoctorStorm · 2024-02-16T01:27:37+00:00

Friendly neighborhood fucking therapist here.

You should get more physical exercise and you should find more opportunities and outlets to speak your mind and get shit off your chest, preferably with others who will judge least and offer constructive criticism and feedback so you can build yourself back up to your own snuff, while letting yourself off your own goddamn hooks.

It's just easier to say "hit gym, therapist, bro." - that's all.

Salty_Obsidian_X · 2024-02-16T07:23:32+00:00

Some people aren't going to like me this but psychiatry is a scam... Instead of addressing the root cause of the illness because the brain and mood does not exist in a vacuum they instead want to force feed drugs which AT BEST work a small little bit but with side effects that are always noticeable in some way, but at worst or if long enough will give life long neurological and nerve problems... ask me how I know. People will give such lame cope about the situation but in this area I know better than to put up with their bullshit. You don't want any part of that system and if you are then make it your top priority to figure out a path out of there and do the work necessary to get real positive changes in your health. I will explain a bit more as I go.

At best they will run a basic blood test which don't include vitamin D levels, hormones, inflammatory markers or anything else that is valuable (they will check your cholesterol though because that is another sale opportunity). The objective is pills; the more they can get you on the more money you will give to the pharma-medical industrial complex, not just at that doctors office but others for more conditions because that is what will happen. Even people who are deemed a threat to themselves because they have schizophrenia or w/e black mark they want to put on patients shouldn't be interfacing with the system on a long term basis... unfortunately most people don't want to put in the work or the time to recover their health and the system will do the opposite of help them... I know it would seem i am being a bit hard here but given what I have been through, and all the victims I have interacted with both through reddit and IRL to the psychiatry system and knowing that full recovery (or atleast stability where the prior damage is manageable) is possible... knowing this in myself I don't have sympathy if this hurts anybodies feelings, that's just the ego talking.

When I went into the system, not only did I have the mark of ADHD that I was given when I was 5 and all that comes along with it in terms of medication history, I also through poor life choices and addiction to drugs and alcohol also got diagnosed with generalized anxiety, depression and bipolar with associated mania and psychosis and I did suffer through all of those symptoms so that is the one thing the system is capable of doing and that is diagnostic codes.

It will be hard to tell my whole story and all of the different things I have tried in terms of drugs, therapies, supplements and diet I ether have done or currently do but I had to become my own doctor, do my own research and make up my own mind about what I was feeling and adjustments that need to be made. What is is even harder to pin down is exactly the various deficiencies and diseases I could have been diagnosed with because I didn't have lab equipment and treating even though I had pretty remarkable results with say treating iodine deficiency, just doing that doesn't prevent something else from still being a problem and supplementation or other therapy will not fully take away the root illness, it takes time and persistence because the damage wasn't done in one day, nether will the healing. I also don't want to go into more specifics because everyone's situation is unique and some of the solutions I found may go too into 'woo-woo' territory for some to handle without walking this path. Knowing what I know now maybe I could have done this a bit faster if I could take everything I have learned and transplant it into me from 6 years ago but I made my health, sanity and soul into my life's work and I want to say it is possible to see the other side without any compromise (well time, relationships and maybe earning potential) but I have no drug side effects and am healthier and stronger than at any point prior.

As far as therapy goes... between the 7 I had for more than 3 weeks and the dozen others I interacted with through group therapy, only 1 had any clue but at the time I didn't know how to get the full use out of them, one was very nice and a joy to work to but was like interacting with a human golden retriever (this cost me alot of time) the other 5 were a waste of time and I even made one lady cry because I was at the end of my rope with the "process" I told her off to her face because she was genuinely 85 IQ and other people must have been being nice to her for to make it as far as she did.

Therapy can be very useful like when it comes to learning meditation, recognizing and acknowledging counter-productive thinking and just the general hearing ones bad idea echo off someone else for them to react to but I needed a firm hand with expectations and goals (not just the paperwork they make you fill out every year) but I think the system disfavors strong communication with clients because the whole women-centric, feminist, HR dominated bla bla bla that has over run the education system. At the end of it though I was telling my therapists about modalities that they had never even heard of prior because I was doing research looking for any kind of answer.

As far as who I am as a person I am far from perfect, still pretty reserved, I don't have a girlfriend or decent friends in general, I am even more jaded about the world than I was when I didn't know any of this stuff, even less interested in "pop culture" or surface level conversation, my spirits have never been higher but spiritually I am still wondering aimlessly and I still that ADHD tendency to hyper focus only on things which I am very interested in and are stimulating which leaves me aimless most of the time... The point of this whole wall of text is simply to say I needed to get my health in order to feel good enough to where I can "work on myself" because being in pain every day, being hot and cold, and having periods where I would burn myself out and be in a ditch energy wise for weeks on end made it impossible to operate at times. The only goal I ever set for myself was the end point and I could have bursts at times where I would learn a new aspect which would help a little, time would go by and it would marinate, something else would happen I would research another angle and the loop-de-loop would keep going but always trending upward. I see all of this as answered prayers but in the beginning I had no clue that I could be where I am now.

The only thing I wish I had was someone to punch me in the face, pick me up and tell me "we're gonna do this" in no uncertain terms, I think that motivation would have been more helpful than the multiple times I relapsed on cannabis or kratom or the 2 different times I tried to make adderall work and the misery that put me through.

I know this wall of text which won't get proper editing is pretty much me being self congratulatory which may not be the best thing to do when wanting to help someone else but maybe it will offer some hope.

Dragonlordserge · 2024-02-16T12:22:22+00:00

Sorry man I understand your feelings I started therapy Around 2017 after my mom's death and honestly it made it worse, the antidepressants and other drugs made me hate myself more after 6-8 months I stopped it all, took a year off work and just started eating my pain, drinking, traveling and buying stupid shit. After that I woke up one day I was 450# and I wasn't happy, I went back to work and started moving and working, I still felt sad started working out completely cut out soda and started figuring myself out, my general practitioner recommended me to go back to antidepressants, because I still had bad depression episodes, looked into therapy again, and I'm glad I did alot is just hearing your self talk (to me) and just having a neutral take on it, it has helped me a lot, ATM I'm 298# and I'm still becoming better as a person.

Frird2008 · 2024-02-15T23:50:20+00:00

My ideal type of therapy is getting in my Subaru & riding the speed limiter's ass in the left lane.

DeluxeEmperor · 2024-02-16T08:13:45+00:00

I disagree with the "horrors of war" and conscription parts. Unless you're actively in the military, or a partisan force, or in a batshit country that still practices mandatory military service, the chances of any of those affecting you are null and void for the most part. The people who would be drafted today are much more aware of what war actually is and won't have it.

The point I think you're trying to make, is that women have been given been given equal rights, but have yet to experience the RESPONSIBILITY of those rights.

Earning more means you are expected to earn more. Societally, you are expected to provide. I'm good with money, I save. Im planning to be able to afford a house (in this economy?) In the next few years. Ive made sacrifices that I probably wouldn'tve made if I didn't have a societal expectation to provide that for my family.

Women don't have that societal pressure, so equal pay can be just extra money to fuck around with, making bad decisions, until you find a man whos done the sacrificing.

But by being paid equally, you've diminished workers bargaining power, and now no one gets paid well, and that's just one aspect. There's also the increasing trend of hypenating last names, shared workload between couples, the breakdown of gender roles, and many others. All of which men have opinions on, because of a societal expectation, while women tend to want them because "muh equality" without considering the long term consequence.

It's not all women. I'd be hesitant to say it's even most women, but I think that's the point you were trying to make. Women tend to want equality, but have no societal responsibilities about what to do with that equality.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-02-16T11:54:30+00:00

Therapy is bullshit.

D1onigi · 2024-02-16T11:33:57+00:00

I too hate capitalism

Eat the rich

DeportForeigners · 2024-02-16T06:03:38+00:00

Going to the gym is something you should do, regardless of your life and where you are. It's like eating healthy foods. Everyone should do it.

A good therapist is not just paying for a friend. He listens patiently and helps you work through your problems without the give and take, complications of loyalty, and personality conflicts that come with friends. He's more like a coach than a friend

wackedoncrack · 2024-02-16T06:19:00+00:00

“Paying for a friend”

Accurate af.

I don’t need friends, I need results.

Foxsayy · 2024-02-16T20:06:01+00:00

Hard disagree with the therapy being just a paid friend part. A good therapist is an incredible resource to have.

couldntyoujust · 2024-02-16T05:20:19+00:00

I read the title and all I could think was...

Sean Connery: "I'll take "The Rapists" for 400"

Alex Trebek: "... That's Therapists..."

I'll have to read the rest later. It's bedtime for me.

tacobellbandit · 2024-02-16T13:01:42+00:00

Therapy for me was okay for getting passed some actual trauma inducing events throughout my life but it wasn’t until I made real lifestyle choices that I really became better and that genuinely only came from within. I feel like a lot of people will make others feel upset and then try and shame their reaction by saying things like “get therapy” or if someone opens up but opens up a bit too much, it’s “get therapy”. That’s not really helpful.

Fragrant_Original868 · 2024-02-16T15:29:34+00:00

All valid. You're especially right about the healthcare industrial complex. It's designed to create weak, dependent men who will be chained to an employer that offers insurance, a woman, and the government. Society needs broken men to work into their 60's and beyond to pay income tax, make sure the fairer sex has a comfortable lifestyle, and even raise someone else's children. How do you do this? Get them on head meds to destabilize and zombify. Indoctrinate boys that doctors can be trusted and when they whip out the script for an SSRI, you take it without question. These meds are designed to be impossible to get off of, so once you're in, you'll never get out of the system. What they don't want is men to see what's really happening and walk away.

Acousmetre78 · 2024-02-16T15:50:36+00:00

You're so right. The lack of resources and people thinking they are virtuous for making social media posts but in daily life behave dispicible to struggling men.

YourInnerShadow · 2024-02-16T16:54:38+00:00

What men need are other men that they can depend on, be vulnerable with, and learn to value brotherhood over pussy. Create pockets of communities around the world. 12 steps can be used as a template if needed, but deeper cells, strong bonds.

We are men, we solve problems, we build.

This is the most critical problem to be solved, being here for each other.

Tokimonatakanimekat · 2024-02-17T00:31:04+00:00

Best therapy in my life was finally getting into HEMA and swinging that 4'4" sword with and at like-minded people with joy.

Title	Get a TheRaPIsT
Author	ModerateModerators-
Upvotes	186
Comments	99
Date	February 15, 2024 10:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1arsk1x/get_a_therapist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/get-a-therapist.1245517 https://theredarchive.com/post/1245517

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