Help me!

Halafax · 2022-02-06T17:41:50+00:00

My advice would be to focus on things that you can control. Dating is frequently unfair to men, but you can't change it so don't fixate on it. Figure out what you do enjoy and focus on that. I urge you to find a social outlet, like volunteering, a team sport, or an active club. Make your life comfortable and find things that fulfill you in some way.

I know how hard the loneliness can be. I hope things get better for you.

UnfurtletDawn · 2022-02-06T18:13:46+00:00

Try doing some collective things. Pick up some hobbies. Get some friends that share similar interests.

Or you know if you want to try for a relationship. If you are overweight lose weight. Eat healthy food, exercise regularly, get enough sleep. Not only you will look better you will feel better too. Get clothes that fit you...

SodyPops17 · 2022-02-06T20:14:18+00:00

We all feel like this sometimes. I guess before we even go further here, what is it about you that makes you a 'loser'?

Because it sounds like you're basing your entire self imagine on whether or not you get women. Which is silly because as someone who has been with women (not an astonishing amount of them, but enough), I can tell you that no woman is going to bring you self fulfillment. If anything, they will slow it down. Being able to get women is nice and might help you meet brief sexual wants/needs. But at the end of the day that just doesn't define you.

You should be basing your personal success off of:

Career advancement
Self fufilment
Financial status
Skill (life, hobby, etc)
Doing things you genuinely enjoy (good work - life balance)
Self betterment every day
Your character (strong is ideal)
Building intelligence and wisdom
Being a good man and a good hu-man
Fitness (if you're into that stuff)
Having a home or your own place, being self sufficient

And whatever else is important to you.

Because i'll tell you now, I never remembered somebody for how many women they've had. The people i'll never forget are people who had the most character, the intelligent people, the strong people with courage. I think almost every grown man on this sub would agree.

When you watch any movie, the main character, the protagonist (the hero) has a lot of impressive qualities. Having women around has always been either there or wasn't, but did it effect how you felt about that character? You could take it or leave it.. but that wasn't the important part of their character. So when you are judging that inner protagonist inside of you, why are you letting that effect your opinion of that guy (you)?

Not to be corny... but I have said my piece on this.

Thegreatestanus · 2022-02-06T17:52:57+00:00

Accepting yourself is hard when the condition for accepting yourself depends on others accepting you.

Accept yourself first without the reliance of others acceptance. And see what happens then.

omellil · 2022-02-07T05:08:27+00:00

I really hope this isn't downvoted to hell not because I care about the votes of whatever, but because it's sincere, but I feel like a lot of you are going to disagree with me (which is fine and understandable; you're probably all pretty normal people unlike OP or seems, and unlike myself) so all you well-intentioned normies, prolly you'll just never get it.

First, I feel you. I feel your loneliness. I really, really do. I'm a loser 10x what you are I would wager, and it's largely due to my own choices. I wish I could blame it on being ugly, because that at least wouldn't be my own fault. My loneliness is... Bleak. You're ugly so you can't get girls, which is awful no doubt, but you can still have guy friends which is at least a legit form of real companionship, and if you did spend enough time with women I suspect you might find guy friends better company after awhile anyways.

As for intimacy? It's important; essential even, and there is a solution (though imperfect)

Prostitutes.

Idk where you live, but you should really consider trying to find a decent prostitute, and seeing her regularly. You may easily find that, while attractive, many are just as fucked up as you or I, and therefore you can relate on some personal level. Not only that, they REALLY don't care how ugly you are. They fuck guys 50 years older than them, disabled guys, whatever. No? Gross you out? Don't want to "go down that path" or whatever? Well, you're judging them for your reasons just like people judge you (and me) for theirs, and the reality is that people like us aren't doing ourselves any favours by being judgemental, so IF you're thinking along those lines, I would suggest you reconsider. Prostitutes. For the sex, and surprisingly so much more.

Working out is more beneficial than you think, and it's got nothing to do with physical appearance. I'm as confident as I can be that if you go to the gym 3 times a week and run 3 times a week, you'll be telling me all about the benefits instead of the other way around. Hint: they're all mental. One of the first ones you'll notice is you'll be too tired to stay up all night thinking about how awful life is and how while you might be too much of a fucking coward to even kill yourself it would be so much easier if you could just disappear completely, or if you were never born. (wait, is it just me who does that? Lol) Anyways, work out. Nothing to do with getting ripped or meeting girls

Someone said get a dog, and that's GREAT advice. You love a pet, they love you back. Fuck cats btw, not for guys like us. You want a pet that runs to the door as soon as the key hits the lock and is fucking thrilled to see you. You need that spike of good emotion & happiness in your otherwise shitty-every-day.

Male friends
Prostitutes
Exercise
Dog

That is all. Good luck. Life sucks, and it doesn't get any better, which it seems like you've already figured out.

LettuceBeGrateful · 2022-02-06T19:43:20+00:00

Hey man, I've dealt with severe loneliness in the past too, and I'm really sorry you're feeling that way. It led to some serious depression for me that took years to dig my way out of.

I know in the short term this won't make the pain go away, but are you pursuing stuff outside of dating that you find fulfilling? (Depression and loneliness can make this difficult to embrace, so I'll understand if your response is "I don't see the point anymore"). For me, after years of loneliness, I pulled the trigger and got a dog. Best decision of my entire life. Not only did I have something else to live for, but pets do help with loneliness to a degree. Obviously there isn't the same level of intimacy as with a romantic partner, but pets get the same hormones flowing when they're snuggled up with you, and they teach you that you're lovable.

Just a suggestion. No sweat if you're not a pet person.

The other thing that helped me was therapy. It's important to find a male-friendly therapist, because unfortunately, many therapists harbor anti-male bias. But if you can find one who clicks with you...it's long hard work, but it can change your life. Therapy helped me realize what specific obstacles were holding me back from dating. People give shitty advice like "it'll happen bro, just be patient bro" because they have no idea what to say. A good therapist can help you dig into why you're struggling.

Maybe you really just want to accept permanent singledom, and I don't want to force you to follow a path that you truly don't want to. It's just that I've been where you are, and every time I told myself that I would just accept how things were, I was surrendering to the misery, and I never felt better, just more numb - which was the depression gaining ground.

I might be projecting my experience onto you, I just hate to see other guys in that situation. It's painful and scary to keep holding out hope, but it's also painful and scary to surrender.

The_Dapper_Balrog · 2022-02-06T19:56:40+00:00

Check out r/malementalhealth. It's a male-only space that's pretty good.

Lifeisfantastic_95 · 2022-02-07T08:09:31+00:00

Hey man ! I wish I could give you a hug honestly. Let me be honest. You are a great guy..the fact that you came on this sub reddit to discuss your insecurities is one thing I must appreciate.

This sub is literally the best because I came here with my height and race insecurity (Since i am a 5 foot 7 Indian man and compared to real life, I sucked at dating apps and it ruined my self esteem completely). Every guy on this sub who commented on my post https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sfn3oo/why_are_asians_especially_indian_men_hated_the/ are literally ones who I want to thank because they helped me get over it.

Dont get me wrong, when I was back in India, I was *lucky* to even get a girlfriend and that too, one who was way above my SMV. Unfortunately, that relationship ended from my side and i had to meet women the authentic way (cold approaching in malls), because there was no way in hell I want to get metooed for speaking to a girl at my workplace if you are considering romance...so trust me when I say this, I get the deep feeling you have of wanting to be close to a girl, let alone just to have a basic conversation with her without her looking away from you.

Let me be quite honest, its going to take a lot of work for you. I cant give you a magic pill and make your insecurities go away but i will say this :- If you are overweight, hit the gym and get ripped. Your facial deformities will not strike out so much if you look good. And second, if you are trying to meet women through dating apps...STOP IT.

You are not going to get any play in that because its heavily skewed against men and favors women and their hypergamy.

Focus on meeting women authentically in real life ( If you are in the west, its way better). Meet girls IRL either though hobby clubs or focus on cold approaches with girls. Your main objective through all these conversations is to simply have a conversation with them and their feelings instead of trying to escalte to sex from the get go because it will already create a lot of pressure on you. Meet them irl and if you both vibe, ask her for her number and set a date.

Its not going to be easy, but know one thing. You must appreciate every small thing you are doing, be it your job, your effort at keeping your body fit, and even you taking the step to meeting a woman authentically in real life because that takes balls.

I hope this message finds you well brother and I really really hope you overcome this obstacle and see that you are much better than this. If you want to talk to me, feel free to reach out to me via dm..all the best !

SanctuaryMoon · 2022-02-06T19:22:56+00:00

What is your diet like?

MarkMy_Word · 2022-02-06T19:36:44+00:00

You’re gonna get the same response as most guys have already posted, but start working out if you haven’t already. There are three things that no man can change even after grinding consistently in the gym: his height, his face, and his penis size.

Lose some pounds, get in shape, and even if you still believe you’re ugly, the level of confidence you have after you put 3 to 6 months in the gym will rise slowly but surely. Plus, people can smell your insecurities oozing off of you if you’re seriously wrapped up in them.

Yoramus · 2022-02-06T20:29:51+00:00

I suggest you find a therapist, professional help is better than some messages

Anyway dating is hard for most men. And it isn't everything. Male (and female) friends are a great resource. A job, hobbies, there is a lot of stuff...

For sex there are hookers too

And I don't want to come off as mean but ugly women are more likely to pair with ugly guys. Most importantly- you can date them and learn from them how to be a better lover. Then you may level up.

Kindly-Town · 2022-02-06T21:31:15+00:00

Thickness of your wallet unlocks the door.

coming2grips · 2022-02-07T09:50:09+00:00

Finding ways to be happy with yourself when you are alone is difficult but far more rewarding.

Eedoryeong · 2022-02-07T11:49:08+00:00

I see a lot of good advice in here, and you are to be commended for reaching out for help.

I just want to add to please make sure once you have established your routine and created fulfillment, that it is becomes something you are emotionally invested in , and not a bandaid you throw away at the first woman that comes along shaking her tail at you - especially when those dollars start rolling in. I'd hate to see you give it all up. As I get the impression you are a virgin and emotionally vulnerable man, I could see it happening. Once you go down this path of self-care, please don't let that happen, for your sake. I think you can anticipate it and create that fulfillment thus:

I'm borrowing this from observations on ascetic life (no particular religion, e.g. non-religious ascetics) : When people remove romantic partnerships from their lives as a possibility, they keep on loving, as is our nature, but it gets expressed in other ways. Some love through patronizing a cause, others through volunteering. It doesn't have to be social. But either can be deeply fulfilling and it can nicely round out and enrich a lonely life.

Some possible scenarios - these particular examples may do nothing for you but it may get ideas started:

-being part of a volunteer search and rescue team or force -being part of a volunteer disaster relief effort -being part of a volunteer team to help maintain a pristine wilderness or hiking trail -cutting sandwiches 1x/wk for a local soup kitchen -joining a men's book club -volunteering to help at the hospital -men's knitting club or doing toy drives for orphanages or for child protective services if they have a need for that. -volunteering at an animal shelter -volunteer for a crisis help line

These and others will make you a beautiful man on the inside. In some examples, you wind up adopting a piece of land or a cause. That becomes like your baby or your extended family. People are more willing to look past the ugly exterior when they detect an inner light. (I'm not trying to draw you to a particular organization. An acquaintance decided after never having kids that they would "adopt" (i.e. sponsor) emerging artists as a patron.)

I'm just trying to point out that immersing yourself in a place where there is pain and a need, and alleviating that through your presence and actions, can richly fill out the place in your heart where love should be. And that can have a profound effect on the you that you become. (NB not dating advice!) You may never have a resolution to your loneliness but I think it will dwarf in the shadow of such volunteerism, and thr cause it will awaken in you, and you may even end up coming home and feeling grateful for the life you do have.

Good luck.

Bipolar_investor · 2022-02-06T19:07:50+00:00

Love yourself first, the rest will follow. It's a life hack

MoshGamer690 · 2022-02-06T19:35:35+00:00

Check out r/ForeverAlone

MetalKamina · 2022-02-06T20:36:12+00:00

r/TheRedPill

Klutzy_Pride_5644 · 2022-02-06T20:44:23+00:00

Firstly 30 is young so you have time to change the way your life turns out if you want to. I am 48 with a 5 year-old and a nearly-2-year-old. I am an ugly bloke with a small head and a large nose that is crooked and bumpy. I am 6' tall and weigh 60kg,.... so I am a weed! But, I am a nice guy and reasonably confident. As dopey as it sounds if you figure out how to love yourself your life is likely to pick up a lot. There are lots of ugly blokes with great wives (me, for example). Hence, I'd be looking to get some psychological help to help you feel more positive about yourself and everything else will fall into place. And, if this sub teaches you anything, it should be that women don't always improve your life. My first wife was a sociopath and she left me hollow and broken. My new wife is an MRA

FortuneNo7 · 2022-02-06T19:30:02+00:00

Women don't care about ugly.

They care about success. They love money and power. The ugliest, shortest guy on the planet will have plenty of women if he's rich.

So really, your mission is to make more money. I realize that's frickin hard in today's world, but that's the truth as I know it.

Good luck. You are not alone, most young men are in the same position. I do not envy young men today.

maxzzzz666 · 2022-02-06T20:17:16+00:00

Addicted Testicles

AdAcademic4290 · 2022-02-06T20:27:52+00:00

Have you ever considered volunteering for something? I am sure by now you will have picked up many useful skills, that you can use to help others. If not, you can always learn / develop these. Great way to interact with people in a positive way, raising confidence and looks good on your resume 🙂

TryingToLearn_17382 · 2022-02-06T20:56:27+00:00

You might be in a languishing state.

Reptilian_Brain_420 · 2022-02-06T21:29:57+00:00

Check out r/bropill or possibly r/DecidingToBeBetter

There are some really supportive people there.

Hefty_Ant1025 · 2022-02-06T22:08:42+00:00

Work on your career and stack your cash. Try to build the biggest friend group and focus on your health. Be the best version of you and pursue your hobbies and dreams. You will have a full life that way. I will say a prayer you get lucky.

ShitFauxBrains · 2022-02-06T23:42:24+00:00

are you in any fb groups or irl clubs? what are your hobbies or interests. get involved. meet people like you.

stackshockprism · 2022-02-07T00:34:55+00:00

You should resist any emotion telling you to isolate yourself. Find out what you want from life, take active steps to care about others, and they'll care about you. Honestly 30 is too old to have never kissed anyone, you dangerously need some therapy and some positive thinking. Honestly, many people waste their lives away in depression, and you have to want to be an active participant in life and get out there.

Parking_Tangelo_798 · 2022-02-07T03:53:17+00:00

Don't worry, most of the women I know are not like crazy feminists. But you'll just need to learn a trick or two so you don't get off of one. Don't rush into it but just talk, talk and talk a lot. Find things you like about her or vice versa.

Other-Tooth7789 · 2022-02-07T04:29:00+00:00

Hey Op, don't feel sad, loneliness can be a good deed, in fact I rather be lonely than in a toxic marriage/relationship nowadays, you got to choose you path, there's a long road and you can track yourself when you're driving this road, live you life without caring too much about others people opinion's.

Peace brother and stay safe.

BalloonPilotDude · 2022-02-07T04:33:10+00:00

This is not going to be popular (or on the internet in general) but have you considered your relationship with your faith and belief system?

As I have started to come into middle-age my belief system has became much more important to me and the more I involve myself the more I understand about myself and the nature of happiness.

More importantly I understand we, as a species do not do well trying to ‘generate’ happiness and fulfillment from our lives. They are not something you are handed, or can take. They are byproducts of good living. It’s something people seem think is new but it’s not. Thousands of years and religious belief henge in this very question.

So how to ‘do’ good living?

Take, for example, the suggestions above: Go to the gym, get in shape. Find hobbies. Learn ‘self love’. Volunteer. Focus on a skill, on work.

These are not things that themselves generate happiness. What they do, however, is allow you to get out of your head and DO the activity of living. Many of them without thinking. Many of them to benefit others and not yourself. That’s because they are not about lust, or checkboxes, or financial progress or even fulfillment. They are simply about doing.

You spend enough time on here in ‘men only’ spaces (including redpill content) and all throughout you’ll see similar themes. Even added to this the suggestion of things you should not be doing: porn, addiction, not seeking help for trauma. Why? Especially when feminism and MSM seem to glorify some of these ‘freedoms’ (like ‘sex work’)? It’s because most people find that these things eat at the soul and are terrible for you. I’ve had my own struggles with them as have many here. And that is even without a religious context. Study after study after study. They are bad. Weather you believe in God or not.

I once read something about men that is apt, I’ll paraphrase: Men have hobbies more readily than women. Why? Because we have an innate need to create, to build, to refine. To do active work. It feeds our souls and helps us reach enlightenment not through thought alone but through action.

So how does faith and belief fit in? To be clear I am Christian. But most religions do have a similar theme somewhere and the most beautiful one I know is that you allow yourself to not be in charge. To allow your ego to take the back seat so that (for me) God can be in charge. You then don’t have to worry about what comes next. You don’t have to think about what next year will bring. You trust and have faith and live. And life approaches you instead of you forcing it. You don’t focus on pleasure or grudges or finances just on what you are doing. Thats where those activities above fit. Then you allow yourself the pleasure of the task itself. ‘The Zone’ if you will but your entire existence.

There will be starts and stops and falling off and struggling and none of us get it quite right. BUT having something bigger than yourself and acknowledging that, despite what the internet thinks, we can’t know everything and that ‘this task’ is the most important thing for now is freeing in a way no amount of validation ever will be. At least for me it is.

But the first step is Do. Active, physical, participation in whatever it is you choose is the MOST important thing you can do for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if people listen. If anyone likes you. If you are skillful or not. Do, and do again, and again and again. Skill will come. Respect and listening will come. You focus on the doing, the rest will sort itself out.

gregg_dark · 2022-02-07T04:52:24+00:00

Hookers. Find 1 asap!

Glittering_Bus_7679 · 2022-02-07T05:31:11+00:00

Go adopt a dog than focus on yourself bro get a good routine fitness, reading being positive about yourself

Frosty-Gate-8094 · 2022-02-07T05:39:22+00:00

The solution is simple and pretty seamless. You don't have change the world, you just have to change yourself...

You need to realise that you are complete human being by yourself. You don't need anybody else to complete you.
You need to be happy with yourself. If you aren't happy with yourself, nobody else can make you happy. And if you already are happy with yourself, you dont need anybody else to make you happy anyways.

So, what can you do? Not much. Accept the fact that you might not be attractive to oppose gender (whatever reasons).
Does it make you less of a human being? Certainly not.

What things are you really losing by not having a romantic partner? Honestly not much.
Sex may be. But there are alternatives to physical sex. And you can always buy it, if you want it so desperately.

As far as being lonely is concerned...
Don't you have any male friends? Family? Even female friends that are platonic?
How can you be so sure that you are lonely?

And you really think men who get girls are winners? Some are lucky..
But about 50% end up getting divorced and losing half their assets. And still pay half his income to her for rest of his life.

You really think you lost something, by not being 'chosen'?

I don't think so.. Your loneliness may be a blessing in disguise for you..
Use it to leverage yourself..

Start saving up.. If you aren't dating or spending unnecessary money, you will easily save up an extra $500-1000 per month.
Even with modest income you will be able to retire by the age of 50 with enough savings to take care of for your life.

That time, your more 'successful' friends would be getting divorced and losing their retirement savings. But You will be planning a blissful life ahead.

What you need women for anyways? Validation? Obtain it within yourself.
You don't need society's approval for your manhood. You are real man. Nobody has a right to deny that. Ignore shaming language.. That's their last weapon. Watch it fail.

Finally, a word of caution. I am sure, you will find a few women interested in you when you tick the above boxes. And you will be tempted. (Understandably)...

I wont tell you whether you should reject them or accept them. Your choice..
But take your time before you commit. Avoid marriage, cohabitation, or having kids (use your own precaution- don't rely on her word) at least until you are 100% sure.
Watch out for red flags.
Keep your boundaries firm, and if she violates them, she should get out.

And remember about the honeymoon period. (Where your judgement is clouded by hormones).. Usually it lasts for 1-2 years..
So do not move-in or propose during this period.
If she insists, drop her.
Take your time... A girl who really lives you, will be prepared to wait.

If you think you are lonely now? Imagine yourself in the same situation, but with half the assets and monthly CS/alimony payments..

The grass is never greener on the other side, its greener where you water it.. Good luck!

42nanaimobars · 2022-02-07T05:54:18+00:00

I could become a pen pal by email if you’d like. No guarantees as I’m a busy person, but I could try to send an email a week. I’m much younger, but have an old soul in some respects.

mrb33n123 · 2022-02-07T07:49:50+00:00

Any man can go from a 2/10 to a 8/10 with a year of hitting fitness, job & educational goals. You get one life, it would be a hard year but would change the next 60 years overwhelmingly. Best of luck,

Practical-Rip6471 · 2022-02-07T07:54:08+00:00

You need three D's in your life. Dudes, Dog, Doll. Dudes, you need a close circle of male friends. For unconditional love you need get yourself a dog. And for physical love, get yourself a life-like sex doll. You can share your bed with the woman of your dreams.

SapperChimo · 2022-02-07T10:22:58+00:00

There is nothing wrong with having a escort or two to give you some sex and company. You have to find the sugar baby type of escort who are in it for fun and some extra cash. You are a human being and you deserve to have that kind of contact. It can boost your confidence and will relieve you of a lot of sexual pressure and stressors. If you cannot maintain a real relationship for a variety of reasons escorts are a fun and safe way to alieviate the problem.

mt-egypt · 2022-02-07T10:28:18+00:00

Gotta exercise. It’s your only way out.

unaskedforbutgiven · 2022-02-07T11:27:29+00:00

You don’t have to accept any of those things - in fact it’s normal to feel rage and resentment - start by accepting that you will feel those things, probably forever - once you accept that this feeling is there it will get better for you. No fairytales here either.

traveller1976 · 2022-02-07T23:21:02+00:00

improve yourself - physically, financially, mentally, career-wise, knowledge-wise; from that success will come confidence, from that the attention of women; go young for your dating picks - unspoiled girls not tainted by feminism; do not give a fuck if they want you or not - just play the game; be very very careful before commitment; do not make anyone pregnant you are fucked for life; there are many good men's channels on youtube - learn there too;

Mother-Key582 · 2022-02-08T14:41:06+00:00

I have a family friend that I’ve known pretty much all my life and is 6 months younger than me. He’s not super good looking either and has OCD and other little quirks, but he’s a very hard worker and a good guy. He told me about one date he went on a few months ago, his first date. He offered to walk the girl back to her car and she just rudely asked “why?” And he never saw her again because she was just so rude and stuck up. He was just trying to be a gentleman but apparently that wasn’t good enough for her. I guess had he looked like Tom Brady or something, she would’ve probably grabbed him and made out in the car with him. It’s disgusting. If I didn’t feel it after a first date, at least I was honest and felt bad for saying how I felt but I wasn’t a stuck up jerk. (I’m gay btw. Yes a lot of gay men aren’t great prizes either.)

Master-Highlight1127 · 2022-02-09T02:25:02+00:00

Dude don't get a hooker, some of the guys in this subreddit lack basic fundamentals and discipline, having a hooker doesn't make you any less lonely wtf

codeine_inmycereal · 2022-02-10T01:53:31+00:00

Be happy with yourself. Obviously way easier said than done. But while companionship is nice, you are also avoiding a whole lot of life complications that you don't even realize. Of course it always seems like the grass is greener on the other side and I know when you haven't experienced it, half of what makes it so shitty is just the overwhelming feeling of rejection from the rest of the world. I can promise you, its nowhere near as great as you are making it out to be in your head. I know when I was younger it bothered me more than anything that I hadn't lost my virginity yet, and when I finally did I was like "that was it???".

I honestly think I got more satisfaction from just knowing I'd done it and I could stop obsessing over it than I did from the act itself.

Something else I realized was that for most of the time I thought I wanted a girlfriend, I really didn't and I was in no way equipped to even deal with having one nor did I really want the reality of everything that came with having a gf. What I really wanted was to prove to myself that I could get one. That there was at least one person out there would was at least somewhat physically and potentially mentally attracted to me. Really take a moment and think about whether you really want to be with someone or whether you just want to know that at least someone out there would be willing to.

At this point you also have to be real careful because if at some point you do get a lady friend or something, odds are that you will overcommit and probably ignore a bajillion red flags because you just want someone to care about you. Which in the long run will likely cause more problems than it fixes.

I'm not sure if you are more concerned with being in a relationship or just knowing what clapping some cheeks actually feels like. You may wanna think about maybe just getting an escort or something so you can experience it at least once, just to get the monkey off your back. Once your able to realize that you made it into more than it really was it will be much easier to focus on yourself.

In regards to becoming comfortable with being alone. That's a difficult one, not because it isn't possible or anything, but because I'm not sure how much it's dependent on personality type. For me personally, I went on a huge debaucherous phase for like 5 years and now I'm boring as hell. I got it all out of my system and realized how empty it all really was. Also I think that thinking about it as "learning about how to be happy alone" is the wrong way to look at it. I think it's primarily about understanding your own worth. Living for yourself and really taking the time to appreciate the things that you choose to do everyday.

Also be careful not to focus on resenting others, men or women. That's not to say some people don't deserve it, but it's just pointless because doing so is only hurting yourself and does literally nothing to the other person. I've had it described as "drinking poison and hoping the other person dies". Don't try to use spite or hatred to motivate you, while it might work for a bit, it's super toxic in the long-run and will just make you miserable. Be better for yourself, and don't be so goddamn hard on yourself all the time. Having a social circle is a good thing as well.

Best of luck man and I hope something in this rambling mess helped a bit. I know that situation sucks and it's really easy to get into a really really dark place and basically end up hating the entire rest of the world and everyone in it. Especially when the hypocrisy of so many is so plain to see. But at this point the only person you can count on having in your corner is yourself, so don't leave yourself hanging. And honestly, I wouldn't completely give up hope, sometimes this kind of stuff can happen when you least expect it. What I would suggest is to just take like 3-5 years and focus completely on yourself. Don't even think about women or trying to get some. Just work on building yourself up,, for yourself. Your number one goal should be to wake up and be happy with who you are. That's really the most important thing. I'm glad you were able to find somewhere where at least you are able to get some real advice though and not contrived false hope from people who have never been in remotely close to the same situation. I'm sure you've already experienced the "joy" of having extremely conventionally attractive people tell you that "all you have to do is be yourself!"

Man that shit used to piss me off so much lol. What I will say is that I have no idea if being yourself is going to get you any girls or anything (lets be honest prolly not). But if you can be unapologetically yourself, for yourself and comfortable with it, I think that will be overall good for your quality of life.

Anyways, you may feel old and like there's no chance now that you are 30, but I mean you probably have like at least another entire 30 years of life to live. So don't go completely giving up forever now! Just think of this time as one big ass training arc. Personally I've spent the last 3 years completely focused on getting my degree, I haven't hung out with anyone really in the entire 3 years, I don't try to get with anyone, I occasionally talk to maybe 4-5 people and 2 of those are family members. I've basically just been indoors since the whole Covid thing started and have only gone outside to get groceries and go to my yearly doctor and dentist appointments. You'd be surprised how quickly you adapt to it, especially when its a deliberate choice. I rarely feel lonely because frankly, I have little to no desire to talk to most people and hold a conversation about some stupid BS. Much less bother trying to text back and forth with some girl. Too much fuss. Obviously I don't have the full-picture of your life. And I won't advocate for smoking weed if you've never done it before. But never underestimate how much just smoking weed and playing videogames can make you not give two shits about trying to get girls or any of that.

Ok I'm done for real now. The Universe will have to throw you a sick W eventually! And regardless most people focus so much on social interaction because they absolutely cannot stand, under any circumstances, to be left alone for extended periods of time with their own thoughts. Once you are comfortable with that. then its just like living in your own little world. After a while your realize how much extraneous crap most people do just to avoid confronting their thoughts and the reality of their life. Face that shit head on!

P.S. Try not to go all incel-y, it's not a good look, trust me on this one.

Ok I'm done for real for real this time.

HaelenHaagen · 2022-02-11T13:46:34+00:00

The fact that you wrote this message and asked for help means a lot not only for you,but for plenty of other men that might want to speak out but can't for obvious reasons.

First of all congratulations on choosing truth over escapism and denial.

The fact that you are/become aware of your flaws, puts you ahead of so many people. ‘Awareness it's the precursor to change’, they said.

Allow me to respond to a couple of your sentences:

‘I tried all my life to stay positive’

Perhaps ‘positive’ it's not the way to be,but rather allow the negativity of your emotions/life experiences to have a space.

From what I understand when anything bad happens, our brain is ensuring we escape that thing, there and then.

More often than not, we don't stay in the discomfort of our shitty life, or choices.

The more we deny or suppress such events or emotions, the more resentful we become.

And we risk having outbursts of anger in our day to day life, which ruins relationships and interactions with others, and ultimately our life.

Try this:

After you identify the root of your negative aspects of your life, allow that grief to just be.Give it space and time, write it down, speak it out, work it out, punch it off, scream it or cry it out.Ask yourself how could you convert all this into fuel for your passion, work, creativity?

‘I am not here to hate on a gender or anything’

That’s yet another courageous thing you’ve said.

Like you probably know, it’s very easy to blame it on other people why our life is the way it is. Taking responsibility and accountability for our own life is the freedom we all ache for.

'How does one accept reality and move on with life?'

From my experience, resistance to reality it’s not understanding what or why it’s happening.

The times when I lose my wits, I open my voice recorder, and on the way to the gym I speak as uncensored as one can. Ranting about one’s life is equal to not accepting the reality.

It’s surprising how from an unatractive behaviour (the rant) I always manage to come up with thoughts of awareness that otherwise I don’t.

These thoughts taught me the why of my reactivity, and once I understand it, I accept it, and I let go...

We seem to not respect our shadow, just because we’re wired and trained to think it’s bad, thus bad things should not be respected. Allowing ourselves to unfold the shadow aspect of your character, will speed up the process of finding the light, and move on.

‘how to find peace while being alone’

Even though I can't begin to imagine how it is to be a man, I can empathise on the loneliness aspect.

Since loneliness doesn't know any gender.

I’m very fortunate and I had it easy in life because I have the privilege to be a woman, and a not very bad looking one.

Making “friends” it’s the easiest thing I’ve done, and even though I’m an introvert, the times I have energy I ensure to be out there in the world with people.

The loneliness time in my entire life was when surrounded by people.

That’s not to say that having quality people in your life is not everyone’s aim.

The point was, that even though it’s counter intuitive, I felt supported and heard when I finally had the courage to do that to myself primarily, to be on my own, for real. Just me with myself, in silence.

It was both the worst and the most constructive time of my life.Long story short, you are and have anything you need within yourself.

You don’t need friends, you want friends. You don’t need anything, you want it.

And the best part is that you can go get whatever your heart wants.

Even though you’re ugly, according to you, women don’t care about how pretty you are. And you’re lucky in that regard, because if you would’ve been a woman and ugly, that’s painful.

I hope I wasn’t too mumsy, and managed to strike some spark in your thoughts.

Take care and all the best

This is too important to have TLDR : )

P.S. The Unplugged Alpha is a book that I think you'll make use of it, if you can't afford it I can send you eBook format (Look up on YouTube Entrepreneurs in Cars)

solar-garlic1776 · 2022-02-11T19:24:34+00:00

OP, first you probably aren't as ugly as you think. A lot of us think we aren't as attractive as we are all. Second, in regards to attractiveness it's a full package and confidence in yourself plays a HUGE role.

Right now, trying get laid or partner or whatever should not be your priority. YOU, OP, YOU should be your first priority. Start small, start by going to the gym. One, it's great way to get rid of stress and second you will start to look better. Start setting goals, focus on your job career.

Also, learn some game. At the very least learn how to do the text dm stuff. And don't think of it as rejection it's just practice.

But mainly, focus on YOU, get yourself to better place physically and mentally. And when you feel confident to wade back into th piss riddle dating pool, know your worth, don't settle, don't let them disrespect you.

It's hard, but there guys on here that will offer good advice.

TrulyMotivation · 2022-02-06T17:53:35+00:00

Get a Life.

Mr---Noodles · 2022-02-06T21:32:54+00:00

get prescribed addiral if you want to just cover up your emotions or find something you will enjoy doing if you want to solve the issue

okfornothing · 2022-02-07T10:54:03+00:00

I think there is someone for everyone. Follow the advice in this sub and you will find your peace, if not more.

Title	Help me!
Author	Iwillriseabove007
Upvotes	127
Comments	124
Date	February 6, 2022 5:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sm1tr3/help_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/help-me.1100724 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100724

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