A question on hypergamy

-AveMaria- · 2017-11-17T12:02:26+00:00

Don't men ever second guess their choice of partner either?

This is a common theme on TRP and PPD. A lot of the behaviors and 'strategies' TRPers accuse women of are widely seen in men as well.

People in general are hypergamous.

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-11-17T08:45:28+00:00

Even Superman's gf will wonder if she could do better.

rulenumber303 · 2017-11-17T08:24:02+00:00

Certain things can quite justifiably cause anyone, male or female, to wonder whether they've made the right choice. We have entire phases of relationship devoted to allowing people the chance to doubt that they've made the right choice and giving them the chance to gather more information to make good choices. We allow divorce precisely because people do sometimes make the wrong choice and it leads to awfulness. We have marriage counselors who make livings off dealing with the fact that people make the wrong choice then decide to make the best they can of it.

It is not "flaky" to occasionally think "did I make the right choice" or "is this really what I chose" or "did I know what I was getting into" or "have the rules been changed on me halfway through" or "shit, how bad was my bad choice really?" and seek information to address that concern.

That's just Rollo hating on women for being people.

Five_Decades · 2017-11-17T12:57:57+00:00

The issue, at root, is that procreation requires much more physical and psychological investment from women.

There are multiple reasons for this obviously. For one, a woman can only have 30 children max over her life. A man can have 60,000+. Also a woman's health is put at risk from pregnancy (being pregnant was a major killer of women before modern medicine). Men don't get health risks from pregnancy. Also women supposedly get stds easier and have more effects from them. Plus men are more like to abandon a child than a woman.

The end result is this. A woman has more to lose by making a bad decision regarding procreation. So they second guess, fall into neurotic 'what if' scenarios and reflect on if they got the best deal way more than men do.

I've seen studies where women were far more likely to consider breaking up than men are, and studies that show lesbians have higher divorce rates than gay men.

Men have less to lose, so we are less neurotic.

LewisCross · 2017-11-17T14:16:56+00:00

Men are not hypergamous. Only women are. In the "pill"context, hypergamy means "am attracted only to those people above me in SMV". And women are the only ones who do that.

Sure, men second guess their choice of partner. But we aren't CONSTANTLY doing so like women do. We do it when we start seeing patterns or behavior trends that make us think we've made a bad choice or that aren't congruent with the representations she's made or with past behavior.

And we also aren't constantly testing a woman, like women do to men. And when we test, sometimes it's clandestine (like women's tests are all the time) and sometimes it's above-board and straightforward (women never do this). We men are constantly being evaluated, all the time, every second of every day, by everyone. Our friends, our bosses, our clients/customers, and women - we are under the microscope every waking minute of every single day we're alive.

wtknight · 2017-11-17T14:25:53+00:00

Men are by nature polygynous, so men don't question whether they made the right choice in a woman as much as they question whether settling down with one person is the right choice. For myself, I'm quite introverted and have never had the desire or energy to want to be around more than one woman who I am attracted to, but for other men with more extroversion I can see how it would be appealing.

DemonConsulting · 2017-11-17T09:39:28+00:00

All humans do this. However our brain puts more power into rationalizing our choice if the alternative is harder to attain/ it looks like there is no alternative. So a man with no options will end up thinking he made the right choice to stay with an ugly or horrible woman who makes his life miserable while a woman with more realistic options is also more likely to consider them. This whole mechanism of choices making you doubt your decision and a perceived lack of alternatives making you double down is a big part imo why people stay in bad relationships, even defending them, because admitting that you made a wrong choice is hard for our brain (and the real alternative isn't ideal either). It applies to all other parts of life too - switching jobs, moving house, making big financial decisions etc.

DebatePony · 2017-11-17T14:56:07+00:00

I can only answer for myself but since I'm a woman maybe it will be helpful.

Do I constantly wonder if I've made the right choices regarding being with my husband?

No, in fact I would say that last time I had a serious sit down think about this was back in high school/1st year of college after deciding to say in (certain geographic location) instead of moving back to (other geographic location) for college. I decided to stay because I wanted to make the relationship last and knew that if I moved we would have broken up quickly.

I'm assuming that men also second guess their choices, because they are also human.

eliechallita · 2017-11-17T17:02:00+00:00

I think that it's pretty normal to ask yourself if you made the right choice, and some people are more prone to it than others by nature.

I know I am: I still wonder if I even went to the right college, and that was more than a decade ago.

The issue isn't whether or not you ask yourself that question: It's whether you can answer it with a "yes" when it does come up.

GridReXX · 2017-11-17T17:25:16+00:00

Don't men ever second guess their choice of partner either?

Of course men second-guess.

TRPers are just fearful that a woman could actually act out on her second-guessing, whereas while a man may want to, his options to do so are way less.

So they project “well if I were her I would totally leave me”

Or “if I had the options I would totally bounce up out of here ✌🏻”

And then they start freaking out and become hyper insecure and start blaming her for shxt she never did which is actually more unattractive and he ends up aiding this self fulfilling prophecy he’s conjured.

Noxin__Nixon · 2017-11-17T18:33:54+00:00

I have no idea when the old concept of "bigger better dealing someone" turned into some quaint idea that only women do it because men do it just as much as women.

Bigger, better dealing someone or what the kids today label as "hypergamy" is something that men and women have both done for a long time at least in the cosmopolitan west.

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Maikowski2 · 2017-11-17T15:51:56+00:00

I hate how TRP and their ilk over-complicate simple things.

P.S. men second guess their choices too. At least I am.

saturnshellz · 2017-11-17T16:29:48+00:00

Every long term relationship has ups and downs, and I would venture to say most people, men and women, have questioned their choice during the downs.

As I mentioned in another comment, a lot of this sphere of PP/RP/etc tend to be compromised of men who have been rejected, so usually they have not been the ones doing the second-guessing. But on a whole level (including outside of here), I would say both genders do it if there are problems/discrepancies in the relationship.

Title	A question on hypergamy
Author	justhanging92
Upvotes	14
Comments	89
Date	November 17, 2017 7:36 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7dj941/a_question_on_hypergamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/a-question-on-hypergamy.264837 https://theredarchive.com/post/264837

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