Everyone has flaws

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-02T14:30:58+00:00

That's not just a flaw, that's cheating and fundamentally disregarding the premises of a relationship. Someone who does this is completely disrespectful and is giving me far from "absolutely everything I desire". I'm okay with someone who has their own personal struggles or screws up sometimes or needs help with things or doesn't totally gel with my lifestyle and preferences, but cheating is not forgivable.

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-02T14:47:27+00:00

Your question got a very sudden turn in the end. No, cheating is a dealbreaker and I just couldn’t deal with it. I see no point in staying with a person who prioritizes immediate pleasure over their commitment and family. That’s not love.

Answering your first question, yes, everyone has flaws. I can deal with some of them as long as I still love and feel loved and can rely on my partner. I don’t mind making more money and occasionally fully providing for my partner in case of job loss. I’m fine with being the one responsible for deadlines in case he’s not very good with time management. Not knowing something and learning to do is totally fine and acceptable as well. I have no desire for traditional romance so I don’t care for a lack of it.

MistyMaisel · 2024-03-02T14:47:28+00:00

Lmao. No. His occasional infidelity would mean he wasn't everything I desired intellectually, emotionally, sexually, or a great father. Men forget part of being a great father is setting a good example. And they also forget most women will never desire or trust a man who is cheating on them even infrequently.

Few-Laugh-6508 · 2024-03-02T14:37:10+00:00

Everyone has them and we each have ones that we don’t really mind and others that are deal breakers.

Lying is the biggest deal breaker for me.

Also, if you were married to a man who gave you absolutely everything you desired, materially, intellectually, emotionally, sexually and was a great father to your children, would you tolerate him sleeping with someone else occasionally?

1) No one can do this.

2) No, because sleeping with someone else would be the opposite of what I need in a monogamous relationship.

ughtheinternet · 2024-03-02T15:04:03+00:00

I would not tolerate cheating.

The “flaws” I tolerate with my husband are that he has pretty bad anxiety, he is insecure about his body, he’s too hard on himself, he procrastinates on things I ask him to do, and he sometimes doesn’t listen. He’s kinda bossy… it literally doesn’t bother me at all but it could totally bother someone else. Oh! And his family is kind of pushy, but that’s not his flaw, so I’m not sure it counts. That’s literally all I can think of! I’m really not tolerating anything more than minor annoyances.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-03-02T15:47:57+00:00

I'd say an inability to keep it in his pants is a dealbreaker of a flaw.

operajunkie · 2024-03-02T18:56:48+00:00

Cheating isn’t a flaw it’s an active decision.

RubyDiscus · 2024-03-02T18:39:30+00:00

would you tolerate him sleeping with someone else occasionally?

Fuking wot. No lol.

Only if it's in a 3some I gueesss. Better if it's MMF ngl 😁

Safinated · 2024-03-02T20:21:25+00:00

I consider my standards reasonable and unremarkable. Cheating is not reasonable or unremarkable

bluepvtstorm · 2024-03-02T15:28:29+00:00

Everyone has compromises they are willing to work. The problem with your sleeping with someone else occasionally is that you haven’t given enough information. Are you and your wife Poly? Have you discussed opening your marriage? What sexual needs are not being met that you need to step outside the marriage?

If all the needs are being for her, what is missing for you that this is even a question?

For me and only for me, I am Poly AF so someone having another partner isn’t a deal breaker for ME. However it sounds like you want to cheat which is more a violation of trust than the physical act of sex.

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-03-02T16:32:57+00:00

As long as he tolerates me seeing a few men, then sure he can do what he wants.

blebbyroo · 2024-03-02T19:35:25+00:00

Nope not tolerating cheating. Would rather leave, split assets, have a healthy coparenting situation, and go fund my next husband who wouldn’t cheat.

Yes everyone has flaws. Cheating is not a flaw it is a choice and one I won’t put up with.

_Bene_Gesserit_Witch · 2024-03-02T22:04:01+00:00

The last part is such a downer that it puts a massive dark cloud over the good things. Why on earth would I want a picture perfect life but always feel sad and empty? I would rather be single.

Mayfloweronthewall · 2024-03-02T17:30:33+00:00

If it’s an open relationship and I get to fuck who I want also then sure. If not no.

apresonly · 2024-03-02T20:23:54+00:00

if he is cooperative and oriented towards making the relationship work for both of us, a host of flaws can be forgiven.

if he is trying to dominate or isn't interested in cooperation then thats the only flaw that matters and i'm not dealing with it.

but obviously its not that black and white i knew a very cooperative man that i really liked but once he told me he fantasized about kids (wanted to roleplay daddy/little girl) it was over forever.

> would you tolerate him sleeping with someone else occasionally?

no bc that's not a "great father" if he is okay exposing the mother of his children to STDs

there is no way to sleep around or practice "safe sex" that does not expose your primary partner to STDs (except for no longer being sexual together, ever again or until after months have passed in celibacy and your STD test comes back clean)

DreaminInChocolate · 2024-03-02T21:41:04+00:00

would you tolerate him sleeping with someone else occasionally?

Absolutely not. He would be gone instantly.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-02T01:26:24+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-02T18:56:56+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-03-02T21:53:28+00:00

My husband has minor flaws (leaves his clothes on the floor, forgets his night to make dinner) but none are deal breakers.

There used to be some, but I told him they were deal breakers, and he cared about me and our marriage, so he changed.

I am in a happy marriage (not perfect, but as good as I think two flawed people can get), and I would not feel okay with him sleeping with anyone else.

Of the two of us, I am slightly more interested in that than he is, but not enough to ruin our dynamic. Even if we were poly and I could, too, I would rather end the marriage and be 2 single people than stay married and have external partners.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2024-03-02T23:07:15+00:00

If I love him I will tolerate absolutely anything. It's not abaout a perfect list of traits, it's about what I FEEL about him. And love is more than anything.

So if I love him I don't care if he doesn't want to work and plays games all day, I will provide for him... But I don't care about any list, I just have to FEEL it.

Cheating would break my heart and totaly tear me apart. But if I love him so much it's lesser evil than losing him completely. I don't agree with "open relationship". It would totaly destroy me but him leaving would be even worse. But why would he cheat if he has me at home and I want it any time several times a day... And I would hate that he wasted it instead of pleasing me.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-03-03T02:44:17+00:00

Also, if you were married to a man who gave you absolutely everything you desired, materially, intellectually, emotionally, sexually and was a great father to your children, would you tolerate him sleeping with someone else occasionally?

Presuming we are communicating about it, sure. It's not cheating if the wife is aware and fine with it, it's just ethical nonmonogamy at that point.

As far as I'm concerned, the only thing a relationship needs is open communication, and two (or more) people interested in supporting and building a life with each other. Anything else depends on those specific people, including things like sexual inclusivity or exclusivity.

Planthoe30 · 2024-03-03T05:12:19+00:00

I (36M) would like to know what flaws women are ok with in their husbands?

Some minor acne, beer belly (not morbidly obese but overweight is fine). I have dated men with birth defects such as cereal bowl chests (sorry if that is offensive I just don’t know what it is called). Could be short. I am not forgiving of personality flaws, likely to an extreme, but I don’t mind some insecurity as long as they are not inconsolable and it isn’t all the time. For example going through depression happens, but if they have shown me depressed isn’t their constant state and they have resilience then that is also fine. So depression at the beginning of me getting to know you would be a deal breaker but once we have an established relationship I would be more understanding/supportive/loving.

Also, if you were married to a man who gave you absolutely everything you desired, materially, intellectually, emotionally, sexually and was a great father to your children, would you tolerate him sleeping with someone else occasionally?

No. If the question was even asked I’m not sure I’d ever trust him again and I’d divorce him. If he didn’t want commitment like I wanted then I take it as I was never fully respected.

Edit: exposing your family to STD’s and potential children out of wedlock that can disrupt your families standard of living as well as bring a child into an unideal situation is about the most selfish and irresponsible thing you could possibly do.

Direct-Alternative70 · 2024-03-03T16:56:23+00:00

My partner lets me have fun with other men so him having one girl randomly wouldn’t bother me.

Very situational though

Title	Everyone has flaws
Author	BDE_NC
Upvotes	0
Comments	38
Date	March 2, 2024 1:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1b4bsrw/everyone_has_flaws/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/everyone-has-flaws.1246892 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246892

Comments