How does a relationship look like for you?

Gravel_Roads · 2026-04-27T09:46:17+00:00

It took a long time and a few failed relationships, but I’ve finally gotten a relationship that has everything I need.

We just like each other. We’ve known each other for decades and still stay up all night talking. We love each other’s bodies and don’t take shit seriously.

As I write this response, we’re on vacation at a hotel; we’re gonna go to some Japanese sunken gardens tomorrow then a Queens of the Stoneage concert in the evening.

This is my favorite person. And I’m theirs.

Libitatu · 2026-04-27T11:53:47+00:00

Well, my current relationship as follows:
We are both in our 20s, I am working full-time as an engineer, she will graduate from college this summer.

For the time being I am the main provider, she occasionally sells her handcrafts.
We split house chores in a way that both are content. I usually cook because I like the process and I am moderately good at that. She does the dishes. If she is cooking then vice versa. House cleaning is also divided by our liking. I don't mind doing housework even though I provide and we live in my apartment but after her graduation I expect her to either find a job or take care of the most chores. She knows that and we are on the same page here.
Hobbies is a big part of our lifes. We even found mutual interests. I like video games, 3d printing, and metal casting. She is a good paintress, makes custom dolls and other handcrafts. Since we are both craftsman in a different ways, I sometimes help her with her projects. For example I designed and assembled her fare market stand out of plywood and other materials. Also I learned how to cast polyurethane resin to help her make custom dolls. We aslo play video games together, our lattest is Abiotic Factor.
One of the crucial thing is she likes adventures. We both like to travel and I don't mean spending time in a hotel and beach. Last year we were in China and I am so glad i found someone who is also willing to visit less known for tourists places and generally be more active during our vacation. Shame she hates spicy food. Also we are both have okay physic and are willing to make hikes even up the mountains.

I see our future together. One day I will propose to her.

Creation_Soul · 2026-04-27T09:31:50+00:00

so, I may be an outlier here, having been with the same person for about 15 years now, married for about 8 and with 2 kids.

I will be honest, when we started the relationship, I didn't consider that "she was the one" at first. Yes, the relationship was great, but it was time and us growing together that solidified the relationship and made it work.

What I consider the most important in a long term relationship? being willing to move in the same direction as a unit and being able to make compromises for the other person that you are comfortable living with long term.

not sure about what "specific details" you want to hear about so feel free to ask any questions you want.

MonochromaticPrism · 2026-04-27T19:31:33+00:00

Age 31, working on completing a PhD degree on the functioning of a regulatory cell surface protein.

I'm not interested in the average woman, but no, I'm not referring to appearance. My parents had a distinct intelligence gap which resulted in one (1) of them generally being in charge of everything while the other (2) periodically had issues where they misunderstood something important and it caused problems. It led to some mutual frustration, as 2 disliked feeling less competent and 1 disliked how the same kinds of problems kept cropping up 1-3 times a year (situation amplified by 1 having some general insecurities). While they succeeded in raising me without those same insecurities, I still promised myself that I would pursue someone that would be a peer. (Maybe a bit controversial, but personally the idea of being with someone I can mentally run circles around feels, for a lack of a better term, "pedophilic-adjacent", so I'm not comfortable with compromising that).

Second, I was raised with strong moral standards and want my partner to also share them as well. This is technically first, but it's also a lot easier to sort for and is an area where someone can rapidly grow, unlike intelligence which takes years and years of consistent effort.

Third, obesity. Parent 1 was obese, and numerous members of my extended family are/were as well. I have witnessed first hand the health cost, and I find it horrifying. I fundamentally am not attracted to someone that is overweight+, and even merely being a bit fat/chunky is red flagged in my mind, as I've seen how easily that snowballs in the long term. This one has unfortunately eliminated many potential options from the local pool of PhD candidates and post-grads.

Because each of these is a distinct filter, I don't really have much further in the way of how I picture a potential relationship. I'd like her to be very physically attractive, for example, but given how small I have already made the pool of potential partners setting the bar anywhere above average feels too greedy.

I wanna know how does a relationship look like in your mind? I saw someone say they are willing to compromise and spend less time on hobbies and are willing to spend more time with their partner.

I find this a bit odd, as to my mind this goes without saying? Relationships inherently require committing a portion of your weekly time if you want them to work long term, and that time isn't coming out of Work Time or Necessary Household Tasks time, so it has to come out of downtime. Sharing a hobby would be ideal, but if not then a 25-33% reduction (on average) is easily justifiable.

How does she behave? How is your everyday life is going to look like?

Like how life currently looks, but with shared meals and more chatting. I suppose I would like her to be better practiced at maintaining active social connections, that's a personal weak point so while I'm willing to put in effort I would prefer to do so at her direction given the skill gap. I suppose I would also like it if she didn't like to cook, as I do and so would make for an easy area where I can provide relational benefit in turn. As far as behavior, I would prefer her to be more outgoing. I'm on the line between extro-/intro-verted and so enjoy going out and about, but can rarely justify it to myself for myself. While an introverted partner would be cosy I don't think it would be good for our health long term unless I become the extraverted drive. I could, but we are talking ideals so that would be my preference.

mikiencolor · 2026-04-28T02:42:00+00:00

A relationship is a shared project.

We're emotionally complicit - we share secrets, desires, intimacy. We open ourselves to each other. We're mutually vulnerable. We're committed. We love one another. We respect each other. We admire each other. We long for one another. We are both self-critical, accountable to one another, and willing to hear each other out. We plan for the future together. We support and nurture each other. We encourage each other. We build together. We contribute to a shared nest where we feel safe, nurtured and happy, and able to pursue our goals, both individual goals and joint goals.

For me the ideal person is mostly not extreme. They are kind, but won't let themselves be walked all over. They're organized, but not obsessively. They're ambitious, but value family. They're active, but don't spend their whole life at the gym.

They're emotionally intense, sensitive and deep. I love emotional intensity.

They have a rich inner world to share, and they enjoy me sharing mine with them.

They see me as a human being, not a monster or another species. They don't judge me for my sex or my ethnic background. Hard to find these days, but it's a must. They don't assume they know things about me without asking.

They're genuinely curious about me, and they appreciate me being curious about them, because we're into each other.

They like spending time together. They enjoy cuddling. They like gentle but intense emotional sex.

They do non-violent communication. They appreciate my body and find me attractive.

We share at least a few hobbies that we can do together, like say tennis, skiing, biking, video games, board games. I really find shared activities romantic.

They're introverted and prefer small intimate gatherings, or at least not a party person.

They're thoughtful and philosophical, intelligent, and intellectually stimulating.

I know, I don't ask for much. 🤣

Gemini_zyx · 2026-04-27T10:10:43+00:00

For me it would be living with a best friend.

Day to day our lives are both working but at home simple things like chores become shared. House maintenance becomes a shared project rather than a solo one.

Hopefully meals are shared together. We each have someone who can listen to the small grievances of our days.

Every week or two we could plan at least one shared excursion or event together, probably on the weekend. We have done shared and some individual hobbies.

Asterion__Moloc · 2026-04-27T09:49:04+00:00

I see it as friendship premium. I am single and honestly most relationships look unbearable from outside.I'd say apart from that stability is the single most important thing. I grew up with my mother throwing tantrums at my father constantly and I rather be alone than that for sure, also vulnerability, if your partner has the need to look tough in front of you it means he does not trust you.

The hobbies thing is very much real, unless you work 20 hrs a week or have insanely lucky schedules you will have to adapt to your partner routine sometimes or it becomes more a chore.

I'd say that wanting a loving partner is the bare minimum, I don't understand this whole idea that relationships are transactional because then it's only logical (if you reason that way) that someone is destined to leave you the moment they find someone better.

I never had a relationship so maybe I am not very knowledgeable to give an opinion. From what I can see also in healthy relationships people do no argue nearly as much. It is not normal to always argue.

Trancetastic16 · 2026-04-27T11:20:02+00:00

I’m a part of several statistical minority groups, to the point every person I’ve told my story agrees I’m a severe outlier.

Theoretically every human gene pattern eventually repeats, and thus there would be someone with similar enough brain neurological makeup to be compatible, even if they have incredibly different life experiences - but it’s statistically unlikely I’ll meet them in my or any local area.

I’m a male with a Transgender identity (He/She/They/Them) and would only truly feel compatible with a Bisexual person who wants Egalitarian gender roles, I’m also Bisexual, Autistic, disabled, child-free, marriage-free, Pantheist and an ethnic minority. I’m also Monogamous and most LGBT-folk on the dating pool at late-20s are Poly-.

But so long as they’re compatible with all of that, we share basic values (basic human rights/etc.), at least some hobbies, and they live nearby or are willing to move-in with me in my families’ multi-generational home, I have very diverse and open standards for attraction, willing to date any adult age, Neurodivergent or not, ethnic group, disabled or not, accident victims, homeless, legal prostitute, height, Class 2 obese or less, the vast majority of conventionally “ugly”-faced people, etc.

The final thing is that despite being an Ambivert, I’m very Asocial and highly value my independence and solitude, so they’d have to be someone who feels similar.

Otherwise I’d want nothing less than a lifelong Monogamous life partnership, and remain best friends even if we eventually fell out of love.

My ultimate preference is other Queer, Neurodivergent, highly creative, gender non-conforming Ambiverts.

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BigMadLad · 2026-04-27T18:42:24+00:00

I’m looking for my best friend. To me that means equally supporting and calling out bad behavior, but in terms of actual structure an equal partnership. Some sort of shared financial structure, but I think from an emotional standpoint the idea is that you’re choosing your partner first over other aspects and I would do the same. To me in the perfect relationship that is the person you’re choosing to spend the rest of your life with, which means it means more than your family or your friends. You should be 100% loyal to each other.

OpavshiListochek · 2026-04-27T11:25:18+00:00

Torture. But at least you get consistent access to sex and elevated social status.

SentinelATL · 2026-04-27T12:14:39+00:00

Cute. Kind. Feminine. Respectful. I love a woman who can cook. Consistent intimacy. Loyal. We guys don’t ask for much at least I don’t think so

Jephta · 2026-04-27T10:19:10+00:00

Cute and doesn't make life much harder.

AreOut · 2026-04-27T11:23:14+00:00

I just want her not to bring frustrations and bad intentions, also to limit spending time with such persons as well. Then I will bring everything needed to the table.

Title	How does a relationship look like for you?
Author	Lysa_Bell
Upvotes	10
Comments	94
Date	April 27, 2026 9:21 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1swyiqq/how_does_a_relationship_look_like_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-does-a-relationship-look-like-for-you.1578989 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578989

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