What hoops do you have to jump through while trying to date?

DrunkOnRamen · 2026-01-19T13:45:06+00:00

for me it is mainly the conversation, one word answers, no follow questions, no answers that gave me anything to work on which turned a conversation into an interview cause the woman didn't want to engage properly. usually things die within chat because i would have to wait days or weeks for a woman to a respond with one word answer.

one date I took her to an arcade which was more physical games than electronic then we went to make our own lamps and then to a well known rooftop bar/restaurant.

at the end of the date, she said she was depressed and sad over the idea of being on a date with someone like me. that was my last date with her or anyone.

JollyRoger66689 · 2026-01-19T13:31:33+00:00

Men in general tend to have to attract women usually and as many men here will attest to, this is very true on dating apps.

Aside from dating apps where men need to try and stand out and be entertaining in my offline life I've recently had 2 women that I "fumbled" due to not being entertaining enough. One literally called me a boring texter, which isn't necessarily untrue bit was definitely putting in more effort than her..... women do not realize how hard it is to seem "fun" when you aren't giving us anything to bounce off of (seems to be worse with younger women as the 2 I fumbled were in their mid 20's and I haven't had this issue as much while dating women in their late 20's and early 30's)

Desperate-Eggplant29 · 2026-01-19T14:28:28+00:00

Double texting? No response Joke or funny statement? Lol Attempt to discuss anything? K cool Respond too quickly? Ghosted Take over 10 minutes to respond? Are you even interested? Ghosted Take even a few hours too long to escalate the relationship even after just meeting? Ghosted Escalate too fast or awkwardly? Understandable, but still ghosted Can we call to avoid all the issues of texting? Don't be ridiculous, blocked.

Every single one of these has happened to me, sometimes multiple times. Sometimes even from women who approached me initially.

Especially with online dating, there is a very small window to grab a woman's interest. You have to say something to keep her responding because most of the time, you end up with no response. And it doesn't stop there, you have to keep dancing, making jokes, keeping her engaged while often getting very little feedback, and then maybe you get to suggest, plan, and pay for a date where you can only hope she has more to say.

I went through it enough times that I lost most of my interest in dating. Its both disappointing and boring to try to establish basic communication with someone who says openly that they're interested but can barely answer a question. In most cases things failed, I think I just missed the window because I have to show full interest to convince a girl to give me a chance, so there's not really space for me to make up my mind. The only successes I've had are because I didn't bother with expressing myself beyond saying I liked the girl, every other time I was doing too much or too little I guess.

Unfortunately for me, I like to think before I commit to anything. It makes sense to me that dating is how you figure out if its worth pursuing together, but in my experience, the guy has to already decide (and express it at just the right time), before the dating process really begins.

I get that women want guys who are serious about them and a future relationship, but that kinda just pushes towards overemphasizing their commitment from the beginning because they feel like they can't get a foot in the door if they're honest and in my experience, men aren't wrong for feeling stuck and pressured to perform under these circumstances.

N_Count_Council · 2026-01-19T14:14:05+00:00

The most common thing I find really annoying is like a girl with an almost empty bio and it says "make me laugh" on the conversation starter thing. Like are we supposed to just pull a joke out of thin air?

If we aren't entertaining enough, thoughtful enough, too nonchalant or too casual, too sexual, not sexual enough, literally anything - women will reject us. But we all saw what women do when they're forced to message first (Bumble): "Hey" or "hi handsome" lmao

Suspicious_Loss_84 · 2026-01-19T13:16:51+00:00

It feels like this sometimes irl. Anecdotally for me, it happens in two situations, the first is when you first match or connect with someone, the conversation is one sided about 80% of the time. Idk what it is but it seems like there’s an expectation for the man to carry the conversation and ask all the questions. I usually unmatch if the other person cannot converse because reciprocity and care are important to me. The second context I see this in is after a date. Even if the date went really well, I will sometimes be ghosted for no apparent reason. I am not told why, so I’m left to assume that I didn’t meet some secret threshold or perform a certain action that they wanted. Hard to tell sometimes

growframe · 2026-01-19T13:28:57+00:00

My only experience with this is that occasionally you can tell a woman has a really passive energy. She'll engage only on her time, never tries to carry anything, stuff like that. It's pretty easy to filter them out though.

Men who are "jumping through hoops" are simply wasting their time on women who don't like them.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-01-19T14:32:50+00:00

There definitely is a subset of women who expect men to be a constant stream of entertainment during the talking stages and dating.

When I was single, this would usually manifest as entitlement during the dating process, which was a dealbreaker for me. Things like you'd message with them frequently working towards a date, they'd receive it kinda lukewarm, so I'd skip the messaging, and later that evening they'd hit me back with "hey, u didn't text today, I thought we were getting to know each other?" kind of messsages. Or they'd show up on a date and not bring much in the way of conversation, expect me to carry it, short/one word answers, not much to go on. Regardless of whether it was extreme shyness or expecting me to carry the interaction, it was an attraction killer for me.

There is also a subset of women who struggle with rejecting guys, so they'll agree to plans then cancel at the last minute. So I also think some of this could be soft rejection and these guys just don't stop pursuing. For example, if I'd proposed a plan to go out and a woman initially agreed but cancelled it the day of, I'd simply say "ok thanks for letting me know" and that would be my last communication unless she reached out to reschedule.

Life is too short to jump through hoops.

I think a lot of guys who struggle approach dating from a scarcity mindset and try to go above and beyond to impress women, which puts them in a supplicant position. I always wanted an equal partner, so anyone who acted like that or expected that from me was a total nope.

AngelEyes_9 · 2026-01-19T14:58:34+00:00

I learned that physical attraction is absolutely key. Jestering is usually a sad way to leverage what is missing in looks.

aslfingerspell · 2026-01-19T16:14:23+00:00

It's initiating everything. Basically nothing happens without me trying to bring it up or do it first.

Creation_Soul · 2026-01-19T13:34:57+00:00

I think the main hoops I had to jump through when I was dating was being the one to initiate and organise stuff during the initial phases of the relationship.

but it's kinda obvious when a women likes you as she will not complain or discourage you from your plains (of course, within reason). of course it helped that last time i was single was in college, so expectations on a what a date was considering we were all broke students were not that high.

Inabind369 · 2026-01-19T16:28:48+00:00

I don’t jump through hoops. The only work I felt I had to do was plan the actual dates. As for dates themselves i wing it and just be myself.

In my experience I find women make space for me and self impose hoops on themselves to jump through. I’ve never felt a woman has asked me for more or expected anything other than for me to be myself. I wait for them to try to change me or critique me and they don’t. So I have to give myself hoops to jump through so I stay growing.

krackedy · 2026-01-19T13:17:07+00:00

I've dated 4 women. I asked 2 of them to hang out and they said yes. We were already friends and there was obviously some chemistry so it wasn't a huge risk. One asked me to come over and I said yes. I was so surprised by being asked out that I said yes even though looking back on it I wasn't all that into her. I tried to make it work.

Then there's my wife. We were both dating other people when we met but again there was obvious chemistry. As soon as we were both single we had sex and just jumped into a relationship. I don't even remember who asked. It was obvious it was going to happen.

I'm not sure I went through many hoops with any of them. I'm naturally outgoing so that helped I guess.

With all if those women, we pretty much had sex right away, before even deciding to "date".

BrainMarshal · 2026-01-19T19:12:43+00:00

We have to prove a level of confidence that women would never imagine rising to. We have to be smooth and pass shit tests that women deal out but would never survive even one round of. We have to signal value, we have to signal dominance, we have to signal strength.

Men have to approach, most women openly say on here that this is our duty because she has the all important and sacred organ called a womb.

Women say the idea of an alpha male is stupid but an alpha male is a man who is dominant (not domineering), confident, strong, holds frame, and is never bumbling or incompetent, and all of that are traits of an alpha male. We have to live up to this shit if we want a date.

Every last thing that you would call toxic masculinity is men striving for traits that are known to be most successful in competing for mates.

Barely-moral · 2026-01-19T13:36:10+00:00

Changing every single aspect of my looks, the way I talked, the way I ate, the time spend doing exercise... My career, my job, the place I lived in.

You know... Every single aspect of my life.

There is nothing I do in my day to day life that is not altered in response to what I need to do to get/maintain a LTR.

Neptune-Jnr · 2026-01-19T14:38:12+00:00

Hoop 1: Initiating. I needed to come on strong but not too strong. If don't initiate and mind my business nothing ever happens dating wise

Hoop 2: Texting, Its seems like it is a game of some sort now. I'm not much of a texter but I've met women in person, gotten their numbers and then only texted to set up a date but then I got ghosted even though giving me her number was her idea.

Hoop 3: Planning, I got to plan dates and for some reason asking for her opinion is some sort of taboo. So all the pressure is on us to perform first date rituals because if the date isn't to her standard I'm suddenly an socially inept idiot and not the woman who refused to use her words.

Hoop 4: Performing, Navigating all the dumbass icks and small turnoffs that women have. Women in this day in age seem to look for reasons to not like you instead of letting hangouts and date happen naturally to see if you're compatible.

Hoop 5: Boundary testing, because most initiating is on me, I always have to read her mind to know when she wants me to escalate sexually or not. Like if I take a "Oh she'll make it obvious or tell me when I can kiss her so I'll just be patient because I wouldn't want to cross a line" and then when she told me it wouldn't work and I was like why not. She said I just didn't feel the spark and that I should have been more sexually forward with her so she didn't feel like I liked her. ????? Like why would I have kept going on dates with you if I didn't like you?

Hoop 6: Preemptively the bad guy, Some women seem to want me to try extra hard to proof I'm a good guy. Like lady you need therapy for your paranoia not any thing I can do. This woman in particular would be eager to make me the bad guy in any situation even ones that didn't involve me all that much.

Hoop 7: Sex, This one time me and this girl we were trying to schedule a meet up. She made it VERY CLEAR she wanted to hook up afterwards. I would have been cool with not doing that. So when ever I tried to set something up she would not be available or at working that weekend or what ever. Then one time I suggested a Sunday when it was Friday and she rudely texted me back a chastisement text saying "I have other responsibilities I can't just put that on hold because you want to get laid." ??????????????????????????????? Queue the "Hold on this hold operation was your idea" meme from star wars. A lot of women I met want to fully embrace female sexuality and then still want to demonized male sexuality. Everything was fine when she wanted to do it but then suddenly when I was simply on board I was a disgusting pig for being okay with optional sex.

Thank you for this post I need to rant about my experiences.

Avanni24 · 2026-01-19T13:25:32+00:00

Women only require jester work from men they're not really attracted to to compensate for their lowered physical appeal. Only this doesn't guarantee said jester any added romantic or sexual appeal.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-01-20T03:50:32+00:00

For myself currently none at all. When these discussions are brought up people are speaking of those that aren’t as fortunate and have to play the game to get anywhere. So yes, a good number of men have to jump through hoops, but there are a decent amount of men that don’t.

Maleficent-Remote580 · 2026-01-20T04:43:26+00:00

I faced it during normal socialising.

Iknew I was not good looking so I had given up onmlove in my 20s. I was trained to be a moral person by my parents however and tried to be a good moral decent person.

I had friends I care about and dud my best to support.

I remember some of them in talking phases with women. I became friendlier.with them because I didn't want them to be awkward with me once they became couples.

Both of these girls told their individual guys (my friends) that inwas a loser and to step in because they had no interest in me.

Another girl i regularly talked to as a part of my job j tried to set at ease because I wanted us to have a cordial working relationship. Hopefully we get to point where she could bend a few rules to do me a few favours wrt work. She complained to her fiance (much bigger than me ) that I was hitting on her.

One girl called me a loser to my face after I tried to warn her about a guy I knew who had attempted to rape someone before.

At a new year's party I was dancing in close quaters. A girl turned around looked at me, made a disgusted face and put out her hands like a barrier when I was not even close to her. "Don't get any ideas" she said scowling at me...

Now that I am thinking about it, I have had trash teir experiences

To me the hoops that I have to jump through are not wrt dating, it's wrt trying to be a person considered worthwhile.

I don't have this issue with men. I only have this issue with women despeie atleast in the beginning treating them exactly the same

With this type of life experience I could never see blue pill as legitimate

sensitive1young4man1 · 2026-01-19T13:29:02+00:00

Yoooo I think this was influenced by my post. So basically what I was talking about, most men are physically unattractive to women. So with the lack of physical attraction, men basically have to do a "mating dance" like birds in order to have a chance. If you noticed, only men have to make up some obscure dating strategies, pick up lines, purposely try to be a clown telling jokes that you don't even find funny but that are supposed to work, catch interest, try to make small gestures and moves, follow some plans, faking confidence and assertiveness. Generally pretending to be someone else and doing a lot of uncomfortable stuff you wouldn't want to do. Obviously this includes paying for all the dates, making gifts and everything of such kind.

At the same time women are doing nothing but deciding whether a man is worthy or not, because women have value by default and the man is interested in them by default. A woman doesn't have to do anything mentioned above and men will still be interested in her because they're physically attracted to her. Only a small amount of men are physically attractive enough for women to show initiative and do at least some of those things to catch attention

RycerzKwarcowy · 2026-01-19T13:21:01+00:00

During several dates I felt the weight on having to keep the conversation flow, because other side didn't contribute much. Usually, there were no second date in this case. That was online dating, so apparently regardless of how much dating/messaging was before, it seems that they expected someone else, not me (well, I didn't pretend to be anyone else).

Nothing worthy of anecdote happened.

avocadolanche3000 · 2026-01-19T14:35:20+00:00

*Wanna caveat that I don’t dislike “jumping through hoops,” I just like recounting stories. And also want to caveat that I’m highlighting the annoying parts, but still mostly enjoyed this person’s company. She was just vexing.

I matched with a smut content creator who was explicit about what she did. Her face looked elvish and she had an unforgettable ass. Outside of smut she made money streaming video games. There is no hoop I wouldn’t have jumped through.

She was barely responsive in chat, which I think falls into the “entertain me” column. She only texted back in the middle of the night, but fortunately I was violently ill one night. I texted her from the porcelain steering wheel and she was finally consistently responsive. So I’m puking my guts up and googling fun things to do soon near us, and I land on a coffee shop walk to a ren fair going on in a popular part of town.

She’s late. There was this fantasy style booth set up for us to solve puzzles, and that first fucking puzzle was so hard, ha! We spent like an hour on it trying everything before giving up. I’m inwardly dying because I can’t think of a more frustrating, less sexy date, and I’m worried that this thing that is entirely out of my control may be held against me (because I’ve had situations like that before, where you feel blamed for happenstances like rain or a preferred bar being closed. I think that can also feel objectifying and “hoops” adjacent).

The good thing is she’s largely dissociated for most of the date and doesn’t seem to mind.

At the end I walk her to where her gorgeous green haired nesting partner picks her up and meet her (she was really sweet). But I note it because there’s a bunch of things like this that she presents to me as kind of “shit tests.” I was chill because I genuinely don’t mind her having a preexisting female partner. But there were a bunch of things like this throughout the date that she sort of presented as challenges and it’s still a little insulting that she keeps checking to make sure I won’t be enraged by hot lesbian sex. She’s also using “straight white man,” and “cis white guy” as an insult a lot. And it’s not that I take offense to those terms per se, but there’s that weird “jester” implication you mention. Like it puts me in a position where I have to malign my own demographics to prove that I’m not the default evil oppressive white man, which feels a little “dance, monkey!” after we’ve already discussed politics quite a bit.

The next date is me driving us a couple hours to see a show. From my POV, this means I have to be funny, interesting, interested, and charming to a complete stranger for two hours (again, I enjoy this but it does feel like an expectation foisted on me without the expectation of much reciprocity. It’s somewhat easier with her because she only talks about herself, so I can just keep asking questions. This is all for a girl who barely kissed me at the end of our first date, who may cold shoulder me all night. She of course doesn’t owe me sex. But it’s a lot of investment and it’ll hurt if, after all of this, it turns out she just wanted a chauffeur for four-five hours. And maybe the worst part is you can’t know until the end of the date).

She pretty quickly gives me a real kiss once we’re in the venue. She’s like 5’0 but she tugs us up to the very front of the stage, and we start grinding and fondling each other for the whole 3 hour show. This part was definitely one of the best dates of my life.

She sings a song about her ex boyfriend for most of the ride back, which I find amusing. She was trained to sing opera and her voice is beautiful, but I sort of feel like a dad carting his daughter around, like she couldn’t care less that I’m there.

We get back to her place, a $4000/month 4-story luxury apartment. Her roommate is her ex, and they are extremely toxic, but she leaves the door open when we go to her room. She’s very particular about what she likes and doesn’t like. I eat her out for a while and then we have slow deep sex. She moans louder than any natural moan the whole time (I guess it’s those opera lessons paying off). Honestly for me it feels performative and breaks the fourth wall, but of course I’m just happy to be there. She doesn’t like hard sex because of her PCOS, which is fine. But she wants me to fist her, which doesn’t do much for me. I also just feel sort of inexperienced with that. When we do have regular sex I try to be playful but she doesn’t like that so we just kind of have middling, emotionally disconnected sex. I don’t finish. Later I mention that it surprised me she moaned so loudly with the door open, and she says she always leaves the door open when auditioning men.

For our third and final date, I got us tickets to a drag dance party. I wore drag, but have a very masculine presence with a beard, swole pecs, and my dress showed off my abs and rib muscles. I’d spent around $150 - $200 on my costume and putting it on takes a couple hours. I miss her text saying to head over whenever and get to her place 20 minutes late. She does not forgive me. She’s pissy, indirect, and withdrawn the whole night. She spends an extra 45 minutes doing her eyes, makes us stop at a pharmacy on the way where I buy her more lip liner, and when we finally get to the show she ignores me the whole time while hitting on a hot girl dressed as Ripley from Alien. After a couple hours I tell her I’m going home but I offer to cover her uber, since I drove us and she needs a ride back. To me, it’s $25 to see if she cares. She doesn’t, and that’s that.

Terrible_Lift · 2026-01-19T14:51:36+00:00

For OLD, I just had to make a decent profile and be honest. I became single fully like last January, dated through that month and a bit of February, then met my now gf/future wife on March 1st and that was a wrap.

I’m a creative jock type, so I’m quick witted with messages and have some “appealing to most eyes” pictures. I KNOW that both of those gave me a tremendous advantage over most. I’m also not shy, I’ll kind of just talk to people.

In real life, things were fairly similar, except I had to go to bars and shit back in the day when I still drank a bit, and almost all of those girls were just hookups. I didn’t find relationship material there.

I do believe things are hard out there. I also believe it’s semi-easier than a lot of people think it is when they check off enough boxes for THEMSELVES, not other people.

My gf said flat out confidence, emotional IQ, values, and attraction are what really made her fall for me. And she’s an amazing woman, utterly amazing, and I feel lucky.

wtknight · 2026-01-19T16:10:12+00:00

I’ve never experienced any of this because I’m a low-effort slacker who doesn’t put a lot of work into anything, including finding romantic partners. Even when I was a virgin I gave up on women who seemed like any kind of effort very easily. Once I was no longer a virgin then, if she wasn’t really into me and making a strong effort to attract me herself, then that was basically the end.

Men put a lot of effort to jump through hoops because it makes them feel like better, more skilled people when they succeed, and so they can then brag to other men. None of that is very necessary. From my experience, some women will eventually express interest if a man is chill enough and she notices enough value in him without him having to show it off.

anonymousppd123123 · 2026-01-19T14:14:25+00:00

honestly once i get to actual dates, none besides having to plan them. but in the early stages of texting etc off online dating a stupidly high ghost rate thats just annoying. i get through the texting part of the funnel conversion maybe 1/3 1/4 times

LysanderAegis · 2026-01-19T15:43:35+00:00

Maybe it's because I never used OLD but I never had the feeling I had to jump through hoops. Things progressed naturally when the attraction became mutual.

AccomplishedDot7092 · 2026-01-20T14:51:07+00:00

I haven't jumped through hoops for a woman in a long time. I'm just upfront about wanting sex by the end of the first date if not the first conversation. Either they're down or not.

The closest I've come to jumping through hoops was with this FWB I had for a while. I walked up to her outside of a club at 2 am and just told her what I wanted. It didn't happen that night, but we eventually went out for drinks together. Then we had a another date at my house where she cooked me dinner. She said she couldn't have sex because she was on her period so I got some head.

I wouldn't call that jumping through hoops though, it was just a process the two of us went through together. If you feel like you're jumping through hoops for women it's because you're trying too hard to impress them instead of focusing on the ones who like you

xxTx-Toymanxx · 2026-01-20T18:30:33+00:00

Well for instance, this idiotic nonsense of paying for her makeup, hair and nail costs before even establishing a relationship. That is just her preferred personal grooming habits. Personally I would rather see her natural self not some overly made up version. Or how about instead of having a generalized first date to establish if any attraction is present they expect 5 star treatment of an expensive date "for the experience". I was in Dallas and met someone and offered to take them to dinner and suggested a steak house I prefer, but no she wanted and expected me to get reservations at Monarch or The Mansion that is more of her "style" because they are high end. I can enjoy that experience myself so why share that with someone where there is no real interest or attraction that I JUST MET. It makes NO sense.

And yes I have had these experiences and they have gotten worse over the recent years. I had one especially that found out I was a private pilot and her first and I mean first request was for me to fly her out and pay for a Hawaii vacation for the FIRST DATE to PROVE myself because she has never had the opportunity to visit. WTF is that all about?????

What I learned is that if they look difficult to know, act like they are difficult to get along with and speak that clearly show they have no real respect for anyone in their lives except those willing to fund a lifestyle then avoid them AT ALL COSTS.

IgorXY · 2026-01-19T13:26:40+00:00

What kind of women have you discovered while trying to navigate dating?

There are 2 types of women: those who are into you and those who are not. Former will put effort, initiate, propose date ideas, have fun conversations and in general make dating process fun and easy, latter will push all responsibility of creating fun on you using "you are a man" as a justification.

coochie4sale · 2026-01-19T15:53:08+00:00

I’ve always said that this jester dynamic shouldn’t exist post first date. By then, she should have a concrete idea of who you are as a person, if she’s attracted to you, and if she could at least see potential for a relationship. I think contrary to popular belief, the pool of people that are

(1) attractive (2) somewhat compatible

is pretty small, so when people come across people that meet these 2 criteria, they immediately lock in and start to push things forward. I’ve only had to play the role of a jester with girls where there wasn’t too much chemistry with. If mutual interest was high, they would ask me out on dates, text in between, and even initiate sex.

I feel like men have bought too much into the chase dynamic, so they pursue situations that are obviously doomed from the start because “she’s playing hard to get”. Playing hard to get is such a silly concept, imagine “playing hard to get” for a job? or any other domain?

I recently experienced my male co-worker trying to pursue me as a straight male and it was an illuminating experience re: romantic/sexual pursuit. He asked me multiple times if I wanted to “trade”, “link up”, called me cute, and texted me multiple times of the day despite me showing no sense of romantic interest. This went on for a week! There was no hoops to jump through; I simply wasn’t attracted to him.

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Lift_and_Lurk · 2026-01-20T14:34:41+00:00

Never thought of it as “hoops”. Thought of it as “the process”

You approach, you flirt, you vibe, you try to arrange a later date. If it works great, if not you repeat the process.

And I met all kinds of women, from good to bad, to plenty of in between. Never judge a book by its cover because the one’s very insistent on a certain “appearance” can be very much something else when you get to know them. So let them reveal you who they really are. It’s usually a fascinating story.

Standard-Banana6469 · 2026-02-10T22:24:40+00:00

You have to first beat the height filter and income filter, and have good pics. I can have good pics, but I can't beat the height filter and i dont make 6 figures so ya I am prertty limited.

2 I have to navigate through the BS, Dating Apps are full of fakes, scammers, sellers and all manner of nonsense. The dcams are pretty sophisticated now.

If you are not a straight up chad, you are going to have to pay for the most premium subscription, boosts, and super likes, and now recently many apps do $0.10 per messege and make you buy a currency like how the video game industry is
Just swipe swipe swipe, can't afford to be picky at all, I just swipe any women who looks like she gives a shit about her partner (not looking like a farm animal, being a healthy weight).
If I do get a match, chaces are other guys have also matched her, so I have to now be a litterary genius, I'm not going to stoop to using AI, but other guys might. I can hold a genuine polite conversation, though, and a lot of them can't
If I get a reply, then I can hold a concersation, but because of scammers and sellers, I make it clear that I want to meet in person ASAP for a coffee date. Dating apps have taken basically no deliverable action on scammers and sellers. And at $0.10 a messege, i cant afford to be texting for long within the app, and their AI filter blocks handles for messeging apps. Women are getting lit up in their dms, socials, and all the other notifications, so they have a high likelyhood of losing interest no matter how well I do in text chat, thats just reality
If I do actually get a date going, women also have a high likelyhood of canceling, or ghosting, they only care about themselves and their lives, so they make no room for men (I wouldnt want to ne with someome who puts everyone and everthing else ahead of me, Ive experienced that before)
If a date does indeed happen, It's about as secure as a cold aproach, and she might just be phone addicted, maybe even texting other guys while she is with me. I will listen to her, but if she won't listen to me then I know it is over. (most guys have no hope of getting to number 7.
If date 1 goes good, then I will take her to dinner at a sitdown place, I need to see how much she will take advantage of me, since I don't make 6 figures, this is a pretty big sacrifice and could mean only eating spaghetti and chicken nuggets the rest of the month. If she gets expensive food and drinks, but does not set up a third date or give me at least a handjob in the car, I just call her a selfish bitch, and I will leave her with the bill and something to think about.
Now if we get a third date, Ill ask if she thinks she wants to get serious, I make it known pretty early that I am monogomus and don't suffer BS, I won't be anyones gentleman plug. i expect sex on the third date if things go well. If she pulls a bunch of that consent stuff on me, it feels fuckin weird, not organic or natural at all, I'm a respectful guy, and it makes me feel like she is treating me like an animal. Its very demoralizing, instant boner kill. If no sex or sum bulshit, I'll tell her it was nice, but shes too selfish and needs to get over herself. She needs to set her socials to freinds only, in a relationship, delete the dating app accounts, and I will do the same. I'm a fair guy, but I won't be taken for a fool either. I'll delete my spank bank too (if single men can't have a spank bank but single women can read crazy smut, then thats totally unfair, get over yourself)
If that goes good then I will buy gifts, be romantic and such, probably ask for engagement if 3 months go by and there is legit compatability. If she says no to engagement, then I'm not wasting my time, shes wasting my time when I made her the only girl, I'm not going to accept "I'll think about it" either, cause when women "think" 99% of the time the answer is no. I don't want to waste anymore of my time, I'm too old for stupid shit and being treated like a door mat by indecisive women. If im her partner and I am not special enough by that point, then its over, unless she repents and does the right thing within 2 weeks. There needs to be consequences for treating me like shit and keeping me on the fence or just saying no. I seen too much, I been hurt too much, I don't want to be hurt bad again.
i want a wedding ceramony date ASAP and I want a courthose wedding ASAP, with a prenup that protects against no fault divorce other than abuse (I consider indefinite sex denial a form of abuse) or infidelity, protects what I have, and protects me from financial exploitation. I want a happy marrige, but If it doesnt work out, then I do not want to suffer paying alamoney that I need to start over.
She needs to wiling to have kids, I want to have the healthiest kids possible, which means getting busy on babymaking ASAP while she is outside the autism risk age range (35+). I can't afford to have a kid with autism, it's just too expensive. 35+ eggs are old and prone to defects. What kimd of selfish woman denies a good man a healthy legacy?

Men like me put too much into relationships to get treated like dirt or denied what society owes us for being good and decent and doing what is right. We are deserving of companionship, while the men who win at hookup culture and able to pay away barriers and consequences for being terrible thrive. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Women have are terrible at havimg control of the dating ecconomy, patriarchy is flawed but i delivers for men who have merit. Women just don't understand that society is not built on consumer goods, its built on sex, relationships, and families. Don't come crying for forgiveness when you wasted you youth on awful men and have nothing to offer Mr. Right.

WebNew9978 · 2026-01-19T15:58:26+00:00

The woman being interested in me hoop. The woman saying yes after I asked them out hoop. I can’t even make those cause I’m universally ugly.

Title	What hoops do you have to jump through while trying to date?
Author	Lysa_Bell
Upvotes	33
Comments	403
Date	January 19, 2026 1:10 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qh3qkc/what_hoops_do_you_have_to_jump_through_while/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-hoops-do-you-have-to-jump-through-while.1571522 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571522

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