How should men try to present themselves as fulfilling basic requirements?

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-03-08T07:33:11+00:00

For most people who date a relationship is the end goal. Women are more likely to think about the future of that relationship. How he acts and treats her and those around him can be (or seem like) indicators of how he might act in a future relationship. Some people equate financial stability as an indicator of a hard worker or someone who has made good financial decisions or someone who is plans for the future. Some people equate paying for the dates as courting or showing they are a provider or are traditional minded. Which of these (or any of the other possible options) the person equate any other these actions are individualistic. They are perceiving the world through their lens. How important these things are and what that might mean in a future relationship are also completely dependent on their lens. People think they know things outside of themselves. They don’t. They just think they do.

TL:DR there are no set of basic requirements. Everything is subjective.

Siukslinis_acc · 2026-03-08T07:46:01+00:00

Being vouched by someone both parties know and trust.

Taking time to build rapport.

blebbyroo · 2026-03-08T07:01:18+00:00

Be attractive and social (funny, charismatic) which will get you in the door and if you truly have none of the problems then once your in you will be in for as long as you want barring major incompatibilities.

If you aren’t attractive, be social and fun and try to become more attractive but your personality will have to do the attracting so that again you can get in the door

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-03-08T13:06:38+00:00

How should men try to present themselves as fulfilling basic requirements?

By fulfilling the basic requirements.

I feel like when listening to what women complain about, I don't know how to actually present myself as not having those problems.

Primarily - by genuinely not having these problems. Nope I'm not being passive aggressive - if you genuinely don't have these problems, it's because you have a certain mindset that's attractive. And that mindset shows in everything you do. She knows you're the type that does the dishes long before the two of you are in the same kitchen.

For example, one thing a lot of women complain about is division of labor in a household. Personally, this strikes me as a "relationship problem" more than a "dating problem", but either way, it creates a paradox.

It's just - it's not actually a paradox. Here's why:

(Massive oversimplification) Men are hyper focusing strategists. Women are observant planners.

Women notice patterns. It's not a uniquely female trait, but women tend to be particularly good at noticing patterns of behavior, expressed in how a person looks, acts and influences their environment, that translate into other situations, spotting details and inconsistencies. So when women say they want a man who does his part of the chores, they actually mean they want the kind of man who does his part of the chores. Washing the plates is the observable result of that mindset if you're a man. If you're a woman, you're almost guaranteed to have observed it in a gazillion of other things.

A lot of problems women have with men only seem to be revealed once they are already dating them, so men without those problems don't get a chance to show off how they are better.

Yes but no. It's typically because women with low emotional intelligence (not nearly as uncommon as people might think) tend to have a very stupid saviour syndrome. It's less about the problems revealing themselves during the course of the relationship, more about women being very well aware of the problems from the very beginning and hoping to fix them.

It creates a kind of paradox where I hear, in so many words, women complain about men not meeting a bare minimum, except it doesn't seem like the solution would be to straight up say "I care deeply about female pleasure." or "I won't ask you to clean the dishes."

Yeah if you are very direct about it it might go both ways. Attraction is a game of subtlety.

What does someone who doesn't have the stereotypical "problems with men" (i.e. not caring about women's pleasure or consent, not doing share of housework) do to stand out?

I got you. Here's a bunch of useful strategies to get the attention of sane women. Do not follow if you want to attract crazy.

Sit back, relax, take notes

Signal that you got your shit together, housework-wise. If you're chatting and she asks about your weekend plans, DO mention that vacuuming of the place you plan to do Saturday morning. DO mention that quick grocery run you did Thursday after work because you ran out of bell peppers. When you're just talking about how you live your life in general (which is a huge part of deciding if the attraction might be there), casually mention your housework routines, like doing big groceries once in two weeks, having a favorite dishwashing liquid, meal prepping, having meals planned for the week, adding more leeks to the stir fry because they've been in the fridge for a while and you don't want them to go off, getting more snacks with your next grocery run because you will be having your mates coming over to watch football on Friday three weeks from now- whatever it is that you do for yourself and your space. For you it might feel like sharing completely useless information. For her - it's a signal that you have a plan. Women are planners with a strong tendency to get compulsive about it. Knowing that her potential mate is a planner as well puts her mind at ease - he will not leave her alone with the mental load of all the planning, he will do a good chunk of it himself, so he will add to her peace not take from it. Obviously, don't make your entire personality about housework - show her that you have plenty of time for hobbies/sports/other stuff/thinking about life - it actually adds to the quality of your planning, and signals it's efficient.
If your fridge is cans of monster, a rotten salad from January when you promised yourself to live healthier and a half full KFC bucket from yesterday because you gave up right after you bought the salad - you really need to change that well before you start inviting her over.
Be consistent in the messaging. If you take a selfie with a filthy gaming desk in the background, your image of someone who's got their shit together housework-wise is ruined. Even if your shirt is off. Especially if your shirt is off. Actually, about that:
Don't send unsolicited nudes. Not until you know it's the right time, which is typically well after you've started dating. If you're in the phase where the messaging is getting flirty, send f. Ex. a picture with your shirt unbuttoned. Something subtle. If she is interested, she will more likely than not pick up on it. Make her ask for more- either on her own or by asking her if she wants to see more. Having the woman ask for more of you not only is scorching hot for everyone involved, but also serves a very important purpose. Your goal is to make her feel desired, but at the same time very clearly signal that at any moment, there's space for her to say no. And give her hints that saying "no" would make her miss out. Hints, don't ever actually say that.
Don't ever simp. Red pill is right here, they just get the reasons wrong. Hold on to your beliefs and opinions - unless you genuinely change them as a result of a discussion (by the way, admitting you're wrong if you've actually been wrong - huge, absolutely do that). Don't act like everything you say and do is to obtain her approval - easiest way to do it, actually don't care if she approves or not. Don't go all ohhs and ahhs about everything she does and says (but do ooh and aah about stuff that deserves it). If you disagree about something - cool, agree to (very respectfully) disagree. Compliment what you genuinely like about her, and never make it just about looks - if you start talking and she keeps saying stuff that makes you smile, say it. If you end up going on a date, go in with the attitude of: I think this is going to be fun, let's see if we like each other. Relax. Never go to a date thinking of it as a test you'll be lucky to pass. She cannot feel like she's the only one doing the selection here. She needs to feel that you picked her as well. It's not because "men who have options are attractive because alpha male energy so make it look like you have options". It's because she's supposed to be that one special woman that you want above anything else in the world. And if she feels that she's doing you a favor by picking you, the "special" bit is out the window, because in her mind, you'd just drool over anything with tits that showed you an ounce of attention, so she's a random person who could easily be replaced with another random person. It was never about him, it was always about her.
Make her feel positively special. Don't even get near the not like other women territory, especially in the beginning. It signals you don't like women and make an exception for her. You want to signal you absolutely adore and genuinely respect women, but she's the one that's special. "You're the calmest woman I've ever met, just hearing your voice makes me feel so relaxed, what kind of magic is that?" and "My ex was one crazy bitch yelling at me for no reason, you're not like that" are almost the same message, it's just that the first one contributes to you getting laid, the second one contributes to you getting ghosted. Even if your ex genuinely WAS one crazy bitch yelling at you for no reason.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk 😂 As you see, there are plenty of ways for you to show that you have these qualities.

love_in_october · 2026-03-08T08:32:45+00:00

You can't. You can't even present it to yourself really. Many men think themselves that they will avoid these problems or are avoiding these problems but actually they fall into the exact same pattern. Women are always just going to have to take a gamble about it.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-03-08T07:54:59+00:00

I don't think that women look for someone who will do chores. Don't get me wrong, it's important in relationship, and it might destroy it if you won't, but it's not something that's attractive. So I think you need to present yourself as someone attractive and then just not ruin it with not doing bare minimum

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2026-03-08T08:58:50+00:00

Honestly? Competence. Be competent, and do what you say you're going to do. Or be where you say you're going to be. Literally it.

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MiddleZealousideal89 · 2026-03-09T00:31:46+00:00

Show, don't tell. Give people the opportunity to see that you do, in fact, care about those things. Host an evening at your place, make the place feel nice and welcoming, pick up some good snacks, if you're able to - make something yourself. This shows people that you care about your environment, the comfort of your guests, and that you're willing to go the extra mile (everyone loves a good homemade dish/snack).

If there's someone in your group that you're interested in, they'll see for themselves. If your friends know someone who is looking for a date, they could tell them about you and the good impression you've made on them.

DenverKim · 2026-03-09T06:09:31+00:00

In my experience, there isn’t really anything you can do in the very very beginning to demonstrate these things. If you try to state this vocally, you will just come off as being performative or disingenuous.

When it comes to showing a woman that you are capable of participating in domestic responsibilities, the only thing I can think of to do in the beginning is to just make sure that you keep your own home, clean and enjoyable.

If a woman comes over to your place and she feels comfortable there and like it’s a nice clean place, she’s just going to subconsciously assume that you aren’t “one of those men“. And if you go over to her place, try to clean up after yourself a little bit… Don’t just leave your dishes lying around and if you pee on the toilet, wipe it up.

It’s simple things like that that women will very much notice over time. And most importantly, don’t try to draw attention to these things, just do it naturally, and a woman will notice.

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2026-03-08T08:02:12+00:00

You can’t have a cv where you show all your attributes. That’s why people date. They have to learn about that other person. Yea, redpillers, we can all get sucked in by someone and only find out something bad months or years in.

You guys all seem to want guarantees. “Yes you are suitable, now we shall commence with the dating.” It doesn’t work that way. We all want different things. We all find different things attractive. I’m not a tradwife but I love to cook and clean. Cleaning is relaxing to me. So it’s not something I’ll lose my mind over if someone doesn’t like cleaning. But then he better have a maid. And be hygienic in every way he can be. There is always a line women won’t cross. And we have to date to find that line. The number of posts I see on Reddit about partners not brushing their teeth or being constantly stinky? I wouldn’t get past date 1. My ex told me a story about when he and a friend were younger and they went home with two sisters. And the house was covered in dog hair. When she took her boots off, she has dirty feet. And that’s when he noped it out of there. You can have standards even when you want to have sex. But there is no “finding out everything and knowing his good attributes” until you start to see them regularly

Title	How should men try to present themselves as fulfilling basic requirements?
Author	aslfingerspell
Upvotes	10
Comments	99
Date	March 8, 2026 6:51 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1rnxvsg/how_should_men_try_to_present_themselves_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-should-men-try-to-present-themselves-as.1574975 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574975

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