Playing hard to get

_anothergumnut_ · 2019-03-11T20:37:19+00:00

Allowing a man to pursue you is one thing, but playing hard to get selects for a specific kind of guy who is needy and whiny and obsessive. Normal, attractive dudes won't lower themselves to chasing a woman who indicates she's not interested.

kandyapplez · 2019-03-11T21:11:44+00:00

i would say i use all of those tactics in early dating stages to some degree and i think its pretty effective. except that thing about flirting with people in front of him, thats really dumb.

Sprach_McGrachan · 2019-03-11T21:33:28+00:00

Q4All: What is the difference between withholding sex and playing hard to get?

Attitude and intent.

Exile_In_Redditville · 2019-03-11T21:50:29+00:00

I don't care about teasing me and flirting with other people, but hot-then-cold and the pretend busy thing just seems like a giant neon lit "not that into you" cue card. I would take it as such and move on.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-03-12T02:58:04+00:00

Smoogs, every head over heels preteen fawns all over her very first boyfriend and they don‘t play hard to get in the slightest , yet most also withhold sex. Why? Because they aren’t ready. I don’t see how you can’t understand that grown women can at times, feel the exact same way. They aren’t ready because they might be more sexually conservative or because they are already have a bit of feels and want to avoid getting hurt by the pump and dump. Waiting doesn’t necessarily mean a woman isn’t into you or is trying to pretend she isn’t into you.

Withholding sex while playing hard to get is saying, “meh, I don’t really think I’m all that into you”, withholding sex because you want to wait is because “I’m into you but not ready for sex” or, “I’m getting interested in a relationship with you, but not sure you want a relationship back”. You can absolutely wait without showing disinterest or “playing” hard to get.

gunbusterxl · 2019-03-11T21:20:05+00:00

I understand making men wait for sex, and I approve (though I approve of making everyone wait for sex). But flirting with other people? Hard pass. No one should be tolerating that.

andipandey · 2019-03-11T23:23:23+00:00

There is a distinct difference between waiting to have sex and withholding sex.

Waiting is a personal choice for the woman — she may want to get to know the man better, be in a committed relationship because it’s emotional or moral for her etc. she is NOT trying to deprive the man of anything or manipulate him; she’s just following what makes her comfortable

Withholding is the intentional act of not having sex in order to obtain something. It is a part of playing hard to get, but as another poster mentioned you can play hard to get with or without withholding sex.

I don’t like games if I’m being honest, but I do think there is something to being a little harder to obtain in the beginning. But for me that means not ignoring texts and pretending I’m busy, but actually have a fulfilling life that keeps my schedule full. I choose not to sleep with a man until I’ve developed strong feelings, so I do date other men up until then.

I also think that as messed up as it is, hot cold tactics do work because they use the same addictive psychology as slot machines. (The rush of possibly getting a warm reply or “winning the jackpot” keeps people around).

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-03-11T23:37:38+00:00

Playing hard to get is being emotionally unavailable and emotionally non-commital or non-exclusive. She could have sex and then be unavailable for dates the next week and be seen with other men. Or not answer the phone. Or flirt with other men in front of him.

Withholding sex is withholding sex.

Playing hard to get works in moderation as part of a larger dance of back and forth. It is like adding pepper to a dish it shouldn’t overpower it but a little enhances everything.

passepar2t · 2019-03-11T21:32:11+00:00

I'm not sure but I know of a very similar technique called "playing hard to want."

whichbladeN · 2019-03-11T22:33:26+00:00

Acting confidently, limiting self-disclosure, and not expressing many emotions.

Talking to people other than the intended mate, ~~flirting with them, or even dating other people.~~

Giving accidental physical contact, but offering limited physical affection and withholding sex.

All of these make sense for a first time meeting though. It doesn't state at what stage of a relationship these people are at. There's also an element of being mysterious, not unavailable. If you don't give everything away about yourself, there's a curiosity that is piqued.

It's a good strategy if you don't trust the person. And why would you if they are essentially a stranger?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-11T22:48:19+00:00

Are you just actively pretending I didn't explain the difference to you in that other thread and you didn't say that you understood what I was saying?

Making a man wait on sex does not necessarily have to entail playing hard to get, had playing hard to get does not have to entail making a man wait on sex.

You can make a man wait for sex while still being super eager, responding to his every text and call right away, being available for every date, never seeming busy, dropping all of your friends, being super earnest about your feelings about him.

You can have sex with a man and with hold your attention and act busy all the time, employ the 2/3 rule and only respond to every other text message or never initiate phone calls etc, give indications other guys want you.

For example, there were several times after I started sleeping with my husband that I pretended to be busy when he wanted to see me so that I wouldn't look to available. That is playing hard to get

They are very clearly not even necessarily related

I don't know why I bother to respond to this since I already know you are going to ignore my explanation and just repeat that you don't think there's any difference again but that is the explanation

Ubermensch-1 · 2019-03-11T21:58:46+00:00

Q4All: What is the difference between withholding sex and playing hard to get?

Anyone, of any gender, can withhold sex, at any stage of a relationship (although it's not a good strategy, but that's another topic). "Playing hard to get" comes from a place of complacency and, frankly, is playing with fire by risking losing the person you're interested in rather than compelling them to pursue you harder.

diffdedbed · 2019-03-11T21:35:59+00:00

Withholding sex is more honest, you know whats up, playing hard to get is a mind game.

Personally I'm not going to jump through hoops like a trained dog to get in some womans pants. She needs to impress me too, and this doesn't impress me. A woman who knows what she wants, and what she wants is me is the only thing I'd settle for. Mutual enthusiasm.

leftwingsoysquad · 2019-03-11T21:41:53+00:00

The difference between withholding/playing hard to get? Women who withhold have already "captured" their target, while women who play hard-to-get have not.

More solipsistic female bullshit whereas they try to project their ideals of a sexy man as their behavioural guide, not realizing that men and women are different.

blackedoutfast · 2019-03-11T23:05:54+00:00

Long time users here will recognize that the rest of the list above (excluding withholding sex) is not-so-coincidentally red pill tactics.

they also not-so-coincidentally describe a high value person with options, which is rwally what RP and playing hard to get are trying to emulate.

"playing hard to get" is a stupid description for these types of traits because it focuses on the least effective ones on the list. it leads women to think they should act uninterested and this will make men chase them, which is very counterproductive.

pro-tip for women: (some) men are going to pursue you (to varying extents) regardless of what you do, simply because you have a pussy.

playing hard to get does not make men more attracted to you, and it does not attract higher value men. truly high value men have options, and they're generally not going to waste a lot of effort chasing some woman who seems uninterested when there is an abundance of other women who do seem very interested in him.

playing hard to get simply filters men to select for the persistent ones who will continue pursuing even when a woman seems disinterested in them. maybe some of those men are persistent because they are so much more attracted to you than other girls, but it's far more likely that they're simply very thirsty and desperate and don't have any options, or they're horndogs who are persistent with every woman because they're trying to use a strategy of wearing down your defenses so you'll simply give up and fuck them.

for men also, acting too distinterested can backfire as well. women have the option of being passive in the sexual marketplace because men are so thirsty. unless a woman is exceptionally attracted to you, it's unlikely that she's going to risk rejection and continue chasing a man for too long if he seems disinterested sexually. relatively high value men can play the game for a little while, but as soon as you've successfully flipped the script and have her pursuing you, you need to escalate quickly and seal the deal. but in terms of relationships, if you're having sex with each other men can play hard to get with commitment a lot longer.

shonenhikada · 2019-03-12T06:19:43+00:00

There is no playing hard to get. Women find 80% of men unattractive physically. If she is making you wait, she is just that not physically attracted to you and is weighing to see if your value in other areas in life is enough for her to consider dating you. When women meet a man they are actually physically attracted to they often behave just like men.

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a_vanillae · 2019-03-11T22:56:56+00:00

What is the difference between withholding sex and playing hard to get?

I don't think playing hard to get is necessarily sexual. You can play hard to get with casual friends by dodging requests to hang out, for example.

Do you also agree that the rest of the list above is a good strategy?

The ones that show playfulness or confidence are fine. Others are OK if used in the beginning and limited, like emotional distance and playing it cool. If he continues to be distant after we've become physically intimate (for me, this would be signalling investment), I'm going to assume he's using me and either collapse in on myself or try to get out of the situation.

Darklillies · 2019-03-11T23:09:44+00:00

Being playful and teasing it’s certainly not bad, neither is flirting and then keeping busy, as long as it isn’t too drawn out or plain rude/manipulative

Darklillies · 2019-03-11T23:11:44+00:00

Also, I have been told that men don’t like desperate or thirsty women, women that seem too interested/willing might come in as easy, and annoying, while being more reserved/ ‘playing hard to get’ can maybe improve your image. It’s what I’ve been told aight

positivityatgunpoint · 2019-03-11T23:14:21+00:00

TBH, I'm heading towards permavirgin status in my 30s and if someone was playing hard to get, I'd just leave

carrawayjames · 2019-03-11T23:19:20+00:00

People are always complaining that playing hard to is fake and people who do it should be avoided. But if that was the case no one would fall for anyone they knew was leading them on and we know that always happens.

Workaholico · 2019-03-12T00:01:07+00:00

Q4RP: How often is it the case that RP tactics are just typical female dating tactics used against them?

Any time it works or it is based in simple economics.

I know that these laymen of TRP are certainly no scientific minds but I would be lying if I said they don't understand economic theory pretty well.

So basically each time something shows to work in theory or by trial and error it seems to be added to the overall idea.

Q4All: What is the difference between withholding sex and playing hard to get?

The article put it clearly.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201606/how-and-why-play-hard-get

The article also put it that playing too hard to get is detrimental to relationships. And man have little difference between relationship interest in women which play hard to get moderately or lowly.

If anything this is a TRP proof goldmine.

Hawanja · 2019-03-12T01:03:32+00:00

The best way to deal with this behavior is to just stop talking to them. She'll either get really jealous after you stop giving her attention and start giving you some, or she won't. Either way you'll be better off.

tallwheel · 2019-03-12T02:43:53+00:00

"Playing hard to get" is just a BP way of saying "plausible deniability" or "anti-slut defense".

AstuteBlackMan · 2019-03-12T08:43:03+00:00

Withholding sex is basically stating you want them but dont want sex that's a turn off for people that want sex and dont want the hassle of waiting.

Playing hard to get simply shows an attitude that's unique and constantly changing. Keeps people on their toes about wether or not they like you.

wobbleelbbow · 2019-03-12T13:21:51+00:00

Rp is about escalation in this regard. Not hard to get.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-03-20T10:44:17+00:00

Q4All: What is the difference between withholding sex and playing hard to get?

Being reserved and conservative about sex (I.E. not promiscuous) is attractive. Playing hard to get tells me she's not interested and probably promiscuous and why the hell would she be worth my time.

fuckdr11 · 2019-03-11T22:43:05+00:00

What is the difference between withholding sex and playing hard to get?

The actions are often the same, but the motivations can be different. Also, playing hard to get isn't just about withholding sex, it can just be about flirting.

In withholding sex, the connotation is often that she's trying to push him into a more committed situation than he may be looking for.

Title	Playing hard to get
Author	Mr_Smoogs
Upvotes	20
Comments	150
Date	March 11, 2019 8:30 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/azycnf/playing_hard_to_get/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/playing-hard-to-get.256802 https://theredarchive.com/post/256802

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