So what is the true?

prettywords_ · 2026-06-10T13:41:50+00:00

I don't think demisexual is the default, but I think needing more than just looks to go by might be.

I don't consider myself demisexual because I don't need an emotional connection, I can find famous people attractive, but only once I know their "personality" a little bit.

A hot guy I know nothing about doesn't do anything for me.

I think that's common, and a reason a lot of women prefer smut to regular porn. We need to feel like we know the guy.

Thatshygurl · 2026-06-10T13:51:53+00:00

Personally, I think demisexuality is confused with personality being a component of attraction. Prime example was the time when I was working as a waitress and this super cute new guy started working. Didn’t really talk to him at all his first day, but definitely had a little crush going. Met him on the second day and that crush completely vanished because he had the personality of a wet noodle. In contrast, there was this bus boy who I didn’t notice right away, but as I got to know him, his personality, I started to develop a crush on him. He wasn’t ugly by any means, just not eye catching.

I’m sure demisexual people exist, but it’s definitely not as many people who claim they are are actually demisexual. Gotta remember too, a lot of people just wanna be “interesting” or “special” so they’ll claim to be demisexual or whatever new sexuality or gender thing is coming out. Not all, but a good chunk.

bondepart · 2026-06-10T13:58:33+00:00

As a trans woman, I have to say that changing my hormonal profile has changed how I experience attraction quite a lot. I’d say I’m much more demisexual now than I was when I still had testosterone.

brizia · 2026-06-10T14:07:46+00:00

There is no one correct answer that encompasses all women. You’ll have to believe what the woman says.

Kaleidoscopetide · 2026-06-10T13:42:10+00:00

Men have more testosterone. That makes their lust more immediate and visual. I don’t think it’s demisexuality, or whatever; it’s just being straight (or gay or bi) with less testosterone.

love_in_october · 2026-06-10T14:06:49+00:00

Different people are different. Some experience this and some don't. It does seem more common in women than men and pretty normal, I don't know if it's the majority though.

What complicates things is that regardless of whether you fit the label, attraction is generally felt more strongly the better you know someone, meaning you may initially feel attraction to a stranger but it's so weak you don't even notice or care.

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-10T13:46:02+00:00

What is “emotional connection”? Like love? Plenty of women do not need to love a man to sleep with him. They do need to feel safe tho. Not fucking a stranger or getting to know a man a little bit (e.g talking or texting for a while, going on a few dates) has largely to do with mitigating risk and feeling comfortable enough to have sex with them.

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-06-10T14:29:53+00:00

Sexuality is varied. There's no "woman sexuality."

Prob need to start clarifying whether we're discussing attraction (he looks good) and actionable attraction (I'm considering sex). Not the same thing. When the conversation centers on action - women don't jump on men - I think at least some portion of women respond in terms of actionable attraction. But if guys actually mean any level of attraction, with no action attached, the answers are likely to be different.

I find lots of guys hot, and am HL. But, from my behavior, I'd prob be clocked as having low attraction. Js.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-06-10T13:38:11+00:00

You should ask women you want to know about and believe in what they tell you about themselves and stop thinking awalt

Poppy_Luvv · 2026-06-10T16:04:31+00:00

Not wanting to have sex with a stranger is not demisexuality. Most women do not want to have sex with strangers, but that answer isn't always accepted.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-06-10T16:06:27+00:00

Saying “that stranger is objectively hot and I don’t want to have sex with someone I don’t know” is not demisexuality

anna_alabama · 2026-06-10T17:41:14+00:00

I don’t think every woman is demisexual, but I think it’s fair to say that women are often evaluating the entire package vs. playing who’s hot or not solely based on looks. Personally if I had to put a label on it I think I’d technically be considered demisexual, but that’s not something I actually identify with.

SnooCats37 · 2026-06-10T13:47:04+00:00

I can’t speak for all women but I do think it’s common for women to have to get to know someone before they become interested in them. We can say when someone is objectively attractive but need something more to want to jump into bed with them

toasterchild · 2026-06-10T13:52:36+00:00

I only experience sexual attraction after interacting with the guy, it doesn't just happen just by looking at him. No emotional connection has to be made though, so that's not demi.

It's just what makes apps hard. I can only tell by a profile that sexual attraction would be possible, not that it will happen.

You're trying way too hard to put women into a box.

theminxisback · 2026-06-10T16:14:58+00:00

I'm demiromantic, sapiosexual and pansexual myself. I'm primarily sexually attracted to intellect. Both types of intellectual development are sexiest to me personally. A man with a high IQ and a high EQ is literally my end-all-be-all perfect man. 👌 I don't give a fuck about looks. I give a fuck about how well he can mentally and emotionally stimulate my brains (the mind brain and the heart brain both) 🧠 before we have sex.

Now, I can easily have disconnected, emotionless, physically oriented sex any day of the week. It's simple for me, I can shut it off and turn it on at any time. Thankfully. I much prefer sex that is deeply connected though. And that was extremely rare for me to find before I got into the companionship business. Now, I have more deeply connected sex with men than I've ever had before in my life. And 9/10 I am amazed and enamored by them.

I've also learned, although I have a "physical type", usually they are far too shallow for me to even hold a conversation with them. So I bow out on that. I like Short Kings with minor beach bodies and lighter skin tones. I've only met a handful of short kings that met my eyes fully though. They're a rarity and I love them so much 🥹

Anyway, the nerdier the better, I like my men to have both of their brains 🧠 with high intelligence so they can match me better. I have trouble being around people with average to below average intelligence. Whether intellectually or emotionally. It gets rather isolating at times.

Robot_Alchemist · 2026-06-10T15:16:09+00:00

Most people have some sense of this concept- it isn’t as serious as you’re making it sound - it can be something small or simple but just something that means you kinda like the person

SylvarGrl · 2026-06-10T15:53:16+00:00

The research doesn’t seem to support your hypothesis that women’s sexual desire is context-dependent, although separating the concept of attraction (to a potential relationship partner) from desire (for a potential sex partner or self-gratification) does show that women are more likely to factor in context when evaluating a potential relationship partner.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10125944/

LaFrescaTrumpeta · 2026-06-10T18:10:52+00:00

probably a hot take for me to say that i don’t even buy that that’s a legit category of sexuality honestly (and i do have to own that some of my annoyance is based on seeing “demisexuals” sometimes argue that they’re a sexual minority alongside LGBTQ folks, so im certainly biased on that to a degree) but demisexual feels more like a label people came up with for an expression of certain attachment styles. i would need to see a ton more research to buy that 1) it’s a thing, let alone 2) its the default sexuality type for women.

hell it’s hard for me not to wonder how many non-innate factors play a role in women being less interested in casual sex. i’m talkin awareness/education of differences in risks (risk of pregnancy/complications like death, higher risk of rape/stds with lower chance of orgasm, compared to men) and sexist socialization (internalizing sexist gender norms, slut shaming, or even misandrist views that the average man is unsafe).

open to having my mind changed on demisexuality as a concept but so far to me it feels as legitimate of a sexuality category as a person saying they’re like only attracted to God-fearing christians or something

Werevulvi · 2026-06-10T20:11:49+00:00

You should believe that sometimes labels are just redundant. If a label applies to vast majority of women, then it's not a quirky sexual orientation like "demisexual" and definitely not a minority, it's just basic female sexuality at play. And people too eager to label everything with some quirky sexual identity need to touch grass.

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Title	So what is the true?
Author	PhysicalAd9959
Upvotes	6
Comments	61
Date	June 10, 2026 9:45 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1u1xilz/so_what_is_the_true/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/so-what-is-the-true.1582482 https://theredarchive.com/post/1582482

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