Much Older Men

CigarettesandAsh · 2022-05-24T17:37:30+00:00

My husband is much older than me. I'm not sure if you're asking for experience for people who have dated/married older men, or if you're asking for experience on what the cut-off line should be.

For us, we each only have one surviving close family member and we're not very social people, so we largely escape a lot of the social issues that come along with a large age gap. A lot of it also comes down to how old the younger partner is. An 18 year old with a 33 year old looks a lot creepier/predatory than a 30 year old with a 45 year old. So long term, you can 'age out' the social aspects of having a large age gap, but it's something that may always raise a few eyebrows.

This isn't RPW advice, but I think that people with childhood trauma/absentee or abusive parents should date at least a few people and look at their relationships with a very critical eye. I think the idea that we subconsciously recreate the dysfunctional relationships we had with our parents through our romantic partners is often true. For instance, I had a tendency to fall crazy in 'love' with men who were coy/unavailable emotionally, because it was a comfortable relationship pattern that was established with my own parents. If we can see the patterns in who we choose to date and our own reactions in relationships, we can hopefully learn from them before committing to someone who is just going to repeat the same patterns that our parents did.

Anywho, that is my armchair psychologist analysis.

RedditBabe21 · 2022-05-24T16:34:31+00:00

I'm attracted to men much older too. I totally feel your pain, but one thing to keep in mind is how relationships with large age gaps go when you're older. When the older man is still a relatively young man, it's great. He has more life experience, stories, wisdom, etc. You can still have a great time together. Younger men are boring in comparison. But at a certain point with a much older man, you'll still be young and not have much of a sex life, and then the strong possibility of being a young widow. Women already live longer than men. So I would discourage very large age gaps if you can at all find men closer to your own age attractive. It really is the ideal way to go-growing old together.

throwitsofaraway007 · 2022-05-25T03:47:06+00:00

I am attracted to older men, but after having experience dating them I can thoroughly say with confidence that I will no longer be seeking them out. An older man is single for a reason, and more often than not it’s not a good one. They are (more than likely) stuck in their ways and they’re (usually) the only ones that benefit in an age gap relationship due to the social status of dating a younger woman (in male world). I also have an astronomically high libido and have found that they don’t care to satisfy me the way I want to be. For reference, I am 23 and I have dated men who are 10-27 years my senior (all while I was above the age of consent, of course).

I do like how they court me though, unlike many younger men nowadays - but you just have to find your diamond in the rough.

Nice_Book6009 · 2022-05-24T19:21:36+00:00

Proceed with caution, they might be with you out of convenience and value being with you for your youth and beauty only to dump you for someone the same age you were when they started dating you, especially if they think they're hot sh**t enough to do that because they can attract with their money and power.

sunglasses90 · 2022-05-24T17:24:41+00:00

I’ve always been into older guys. In my opinion once you go more than 10 years older than yourself it starts to get dicey.

Children and being a parent. I think once you get past 40 it gets a lot harder to chase children around.
Aging and health issues. Once someone is 10+ years older they most likely will die first and develop health issues first and you will be taking care of them. If you’re within 10 years your health will be around the same depending on genetics and lifestyle choices.
Values, upbringing, and culture. Cultures change over time and once you are a Decade+ difference it is harder to find someone who aligns with their values.

It also depends on stage of life. For example, a 20 year old and a 30 year old might not be a great fit because 20 is closer to a teen and they really haven’t started or just started their adult life. 25 and 35 really isn’t too bad. Both are into adult hood and probably ready for marriage/kids.

Yeah…. I’d try to stick to 10 years older or less than yourself. There’s also the 7 rule which is a man should date someone who is at least half his age + 7. Idk where it comes from, but it’s not a “bad” rule in my opinion.

nemma88 · 2022-05-24T23:34:07+00:00

My partner is 16 years my senior.

Dating older is fine, dating closer in age is ideal if you can find them attractive (I did not).

You have to be on vetting high alert, just another layer to go through as its a category over represented with men who are... not the best marriage material. You have to weed out the DiCaprios that'll drop a woman for aging because they're hyper focussed on an attribute rather than who you are, they're not loyal and you can pick this out in their dating history - like prior to me my partner was dating someone 7 years his senior so I could rest easy on that.

There are also an over representation of men who try to force control rather than inspire submission, and a lot of higher quality men have no interest dating significantly younger women period, and there's few even on the market at that age as most monogamy minded have paired off long ago (probably part of why the aforementioned men are overrepresented in the pool...). You may find some on the second hand market.

So a lot of character vetting. Do not get swept up in the moment and approach it pragmatically. It takes some of the magic away but age-gaps have a strong relationship to divorce which is higher the larger the gap. If you want to go the distance give yourself every chance.

Taters0290 · 2022-05-24T19:52:23+00:00

We started dating when I was 21 and he was 31. I turned 22 a couple weeks later, not that it matters. At that age my peers were still boys, children. My (now) husband owned a home, had a career, stability, didn’t party, etc. We are best friends and have been compatible from day one, for 31 years now. I think similar values and compatibility are far more important than age. We are both introverts who’ve always been on the same page religiously, politically, morally, etc.

TranslatedSky · 2022-05-24T22:31:08+00:00

I’ve been in a LTR with more than a decade age gap, with 5+ years gap and someone closer to my age.

If you’re specifically asking from a RP perspective I would say the life stage you’re in is more important than age. Not being in similar life stages (eg you’re a student and he’s a career man) could mean a big power gap. And I’m talking about a power gap that is toxic, makes it difficult to leave or be manipulated.

At the end of the day, you vet a man for Captain qualities and mindset, not age. But be wary of large age gaps, this could also attract a certain type of men especially if he has a tendency to date girls much younger than him. For my age gap previous relationship, it was his first time dating someone with a huge age gap, hence it wasn’t exactly a red flag to me, though I was still cautious.

emmalai85 · 2022-05-24T17:54:55+00:00

I'm married to a man almost 14 years older.

It was weird to people when I was 20 to 28..... but I'm 37 this year, we have kids, we fit together.

People don't comment except online when they find out. If I didn't tell people, no one would know.

itsbigoleme · 2022-05-24T18:26:22+00:00

I personally don’t relate but, I would 10 year should be your max. You may be attracted to much older men physically, but the age gap can make it difficult to relate to each other. And also think about your children- I would be a bit sad if my dad was 20 years older than my mom bc he would probably pass while I’m still relatively young. Just some things to consider.

lavachequirie · 2022-05-24T18:33:10+00:00

My husband is 12 years older than I am. There are a lot of pros and cons to dating someone older. Communication can be difficult, because even just a decade of difference can change the way you use language. We worked through that with relative ease.

I didn't face any stigma or criticism for dating someone that much older because I've always struggled to connect with people my age. My dad had a conversation with me in the beginning to make sure DH wasn't controlling or anything, but other than that no one has raised any concerns. We started dating when I was 20, for reference. I think it just made sense to those who knew me that I'd be with someone a lot older.

My husband is my best friend and I wouldn't change anything about our relationship. We encourage each other to grow and achieve our goals, we support one another, we laugh together, etc. The biggest downside for me is that I might lose him when I'm still quite young, as he'll be 80 when I'm only 68. Controversial take, but I'm happy that I'll be young enough to be his caretaker should he need that. I don't want him to have to live in a home, and he's given me so much in life- all I want is to give to him in that same sacrificial way. The idea of losing him and only getting to spend 50 years with him is really hard, though. if he passes when I'm 70, I might still live for another 30 years without him.

That being said, if you find the right person it will be worth it. If he helps you grow, he helps you achieve your goals, he makes you a better person, and you do the same for him, it is worth it.

maraney · 2022-05-25T04:10:08+00:00

I think that dating older men works out well for many women and it’s traditionally been beneficial. The issues are as follows (and you’ll have to decide whether they make or break your pursuit of an older man): - Generational/age differences can make it hard to relate on some fundamental levels. You may find that you have difficulty understanding each other’s needs and priorities in relationships, but this can be worked through. - Is he going to want to have children? The larger the age gap, or the older the male, the less likely they are to want to start a family. They may already have children. Or they may have a child to “appease” their wife and end up resentful. I have seen it very often that a man has children in his later 40s and then has to work past his expected retirement. Almost all of these men have been bitter, but some have not been. - You may encounter health issues and age-related changes at different rates. I’m a nurse, so I think I see it more often than most. For example, a young woman and her boyfriend (who was relatively fit and in his early 50s) were very much in love. He had a heart attack, she had to do CPR on him, and he still passed away in our ICU. We never want to think these things will happen, but they do. Men over 45 are at a greater risk for a lot of health issues. Time and age creeps up quickly, and you may find that 10 years down the road you’re both having to handle situations you weren’t prepared for.

Just my two cents!!

babygirl2602 · 2022-05-24T16:08:07+00:00

There is no “cut-off” - it’s whatever you feel comfortable with and want to do personally. I fell in love with a much older guy, and even though we get judgment from society, it’s worth it because we love each other so much. Just date whoever attracts you and don’t worry about a number.

socksonmonkeys4117 · 2022-05-24T18:11:51+00:00

I was always attracted to older men. Thought about dating someone my father’s age and often dated ten plus years older but ended up marrying my husband who is 8 years older. It’s a trade-off. The benefits are usually that older men are more mature and settled, they can provide more resources and take care of you financially in case you want to become a SAHM. But health issues can creep up real quick and cause a lot of tension and lifestyle changes. My SIL married a man twenty years older and after twenty plus years married just got divorced. A lot had to do with his health issues and refusal to take care of them. I think around ten years is ideal for that reason and others, but to each her own.

NevermindTheCrows · 2022-05-24T19:07:55+00:00

My husband is 13 years older than me. We've been happily married for 15 years and we have two kids. Most of the time, age isn't an issue. He is young for his age and has always had an absurd amount of energy. A few times over the years, though, I've suddenly noticed that he's aged - he looks grayer, or he can't do quite as much as he used to, and that gives me a pang.

We are both unconventional people and that's probably partly why we were drawn to each other in spite of our age difference. Neither of us quite fits in with our peers. We are both idealists and outsiders and we tend to feel most comfortable with other outsiders.

Exstntial-strawberry · 2022-05-24T19:55:50+00:00

my partner is many years older than me and has all of the qualities of a HVM + we are truly and deeply in love. Yes there are implications to him being so much older (my kids dad will be older than most dads, I may be left a widow in my 50s) but I feel that there’s always a risk with relationships and this man is worth those risks!

Cowgirlup365 · 2022-05-25T12:43:01+00:00

My boyfriend is 24 years older than me. He's 55 and I'm 32. Age is just a number. I've always been attracted to older men because immaturity is a huge turnoff for me. I also find older men more emotionally sensitive than men my age.

RoleplayPete · 2022-05-24T22:28:41+00:00

No caps. Its 18 to infinity. You go based on your comfort, not what a magazine tells you. Nor what any other societal pressure, other than actual laws tells you.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-05-24T20:24:06+00:00

But where is the cutoff?

There is no "cut-off". Do what's right for you.

So here's the thing: There are 3 types of young women.

A. Those that only want a man near their own age, and the thought of a guy more than four years older is “grody" or whatever the kids say.

B. Those that prefer a man near their own age, but are open to an older man.

C. Those girls that actively prefer an older lover. Usually that's 10-12 years older, but it can be more.

If you are in Group C then do what feels right for you, and if other people don't like it they can go pound sand.

Full Disclosure: I definitely have a point of view, insofar as I am an older man who routinely dates women 25-30 years younger than I am (I am 54 they are anywhere in their 20s).

I like younger women because they are young, fertile and hot (at least the ones I date). Among men, this makes me entirely normal. That's what we (men) all like. The difference is, I can make the sale, because unlike most middle-aged guys, I am tall, confident, Dominant, creative, make bank, and do not have a gut hanging over my belt.

I could go on, but the bottom line is: Do what is right FOR YOU. If that's +/- 5 years, or 10 years, or 20 years, fine. If other people don't like it, they can eff off to Jupiter. Simples.

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2022-05-24T15:59:39+00:00

What I mean is I did not have any role-model for what relationships men ages 18-55 have. I did not have any siblings either. I don’t understand a ‘brotherly bond’ so I usually only talk to men with intention to date.

‘Out on the wild’ all men non-grandpa aged look like dateable as long as they still look young/healthy but I realize I need to think ahead at what it would be like introducing someone to family

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-05-24T15:58:50+00:00

My parents are 16-17 years apart. My dad was 32 or something when he met my mom she was 16. They dated and years later married when she turned 19. They have been together ever since.

This relationship can definitely work. The problem is usually they are less likely to work and more likely to have abuse or something. However, it doesn’t mean that because something is more likely you shouldn’t do it. Just be more carful.

Ok-Supermarket-6747 · 2022-05-24T16:01:15+00:00

I am getting better at being ‘just friends’ with guys but I don’t like to collect orbiters/guys I know like me so I try to be friends with taken men because they are ‘safe’ …and honestly kinda feel like male friends are a waste of time unless the friendship is part of my vetting process :/

die_for_dior · 2022-05-24T21:40:48+00:00

I don't put too much stock in the "daddy issues" thing. My father passed when I was a teenager, but I had always had an interest in older men since before that. And while he was a good man, the men I find/found attractive were nothing like him.

I don't put a rule on it. Generally, I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was too old, anyway. But I've generally been attracted to men up to 10-12 years older than me. So they're older, but they're not old.

Also, I want children one day. I want a man who'll be able to keep up with a toddler, and won't need a wheelchair at his kid's graduation.

itsmemaggi · 2022-05-25T13:38:22+00:00

I personally don't think there's a set cut-off. If there's mutual attraction and compatibility, go for it.

I feel like we'd have a lot to talk about. I also grew up in a house without men and had "daddy issues." I've been married for almost 15 years, and sometimes I really don't know how I managed it, because I was a very difficult wife, when we were starting out. FTR, he is about 6 years older than me, and red pill aware (but it's not something we really discuss - "fight club" and all that).

Glad-Discount-4761 · 2022-05-25T03:16:51+00:00

In my opinion,it is better to date older guy.Man treat young woman better.

purplepansy88 · 2022-05-25T09:06:02+00:00

I'm not dating and never will again but from my experience it's generally a no.

I mean I have never had a set age limit but I have always naturally gravitated towards men of a similar age. I did date a much older man when I was in my 20s and I didn't really find him very attractive compared to men in their 20s and 30s so it didn't work.

oooKenshiooo · 2022-05-25T11:53:04+00:00

Dude here.

I am ten years older than my wife.

We don't get looks in public because I look 5-6 years younger than I am. (At least to people in my age, younger people can still sense me being old somehow 😄 )

The most important aspect to make it work is that you have to be in similar or compatible phases in life and that you have similar values/ethics/mindsets.

When I met my wife, I was a music-hobo-playboy trying to get his act straight and breaking into the business world - she was a business consultant fresh out of uni. We were both adventurous people trying carve out their little niche in the world.

We were both willing to be reinventing / restructuring our lives, so we grew together comfortably from that point on. All this would not have worked if she had still been in her student phase or if I was already settled into the demanding schedule I have now.

If one of you is already settled in his ways, chances are he/she is not going to make many concessions, leading to the other person getting bent out of shape during the growth process.

Humpinghand · 2022-05-25T15:23:00+00:00

For a serious relationship -I used to like men that were 30+ age difference, but after dating someone in that range I found 10 years difference is more reasonable.

If it’s just a casual relationship age matters much less, on the older side.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-05-24T21:29:56+00:00

I think you have identified you have “daddy issues” and that needs to be addressed rather than just blindly letting it affect your dating choices. Ideally a man of similar age or up to five years older is the healthiest imo. xo

Title	Much Older Men
Author	Ok-Supermarket-6747
Upvotes	26
Comments	146
Date	May 24, 2022 3:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/uwtxxh/much_older_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/much-older-men.1118714 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118714

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