Do men actually want love?

ApprehensiveDot3115 · 2023-07-09T11:28:17+00:00

Yeah, I do.

My favourite part of a relationship starts after the honeymoon phase has ended. That sense of comfort, stability, and mutual respect just enhances every aspect of life, and there's a kind of romance there that isn't just superficially based on attraction.

I don't really like that exciting, thrilling, initial attraction stage. It's too emotionally chaotic for me to attach to properly, and I end up seeing it as a fun game of sorts, instead of a way of bonding.

binne21 · 2023-07-09T11:56:34+00:00

Yeah, I want love. I want to cuddle a girl, kiss her hair and drink hot chocolate with her while we watch Twin Peaks.

I think you've accidentally surrounded yourself with asshole men and are basing your view of men on that. Find better men that share your values.

avi150 · 2023-07-09T11:51:18+00:00

I want love more than I want sex. No girlfriend since middle school, never kissed a girl, whole nine. The idea of sex makes me incredibly nervous. I just want someone to love who loves me back.

PMmeareasontolive · 2023-07-09T14:49:23+00:00

ITT: huge, completely unnoticed and unaddressed "women are wonderful" bias. Women will dump you, leave, etc, as readily as a man will. Maybe slightly less if she's economically dependent or kids are involved. Women get bored with men just as men do with women. And that includes in the bedroom and out. And for both women and men, it's all about the tingles. And how the other person makes them feel. (I've never understood that critique of women that you sometime hear here, that "she only cares about how you make her feel" - do guys date women who make them feel awful? No, it goes both ways.) All that can evolve into something more later.

A relationship is built of shared experience that is valued and appreciated by both parties. It is an action. You don't love preemptively. The rubber has to meet the road. And both genders are capable of gratitude for those things.

Zabadoodude · 2023-07-09T08:24:45+00:00

Love and primal sex aren't mutually exclusive. I genuinely love my girlfriend. We like to fuck too. If she became sick and couldn't have sex I would stay with her, but if she was just no longer attracted to me and didn't want to be intimate I would leave, even though it would be painful for me. I think a lot of men feel the same way

Substantial_Video560 · 2023-07-09T08:55:06+00:00

I did once but not nowadays. Platonic or casual for me.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-07-09T12:56:03+00:00

Yes but simps have ruined that

Millennial and gen z women will gladly take attention and money from simps and get their temporary, casual intimacy from men out of their league while they wait patiently for their 1 percentile man to fall into their lap

SierraMistSoda · 2023-07-09T16:36:27+00:00

The best way for a man to get love is to take sex out of the picture right away. Look at the women for her true beauty not wanting to fuck it up. What is her personality as a person, what are her values, what are the challenges she has faced and overcome, and even look at some daily living practical things like how does she budget her money, how does she take care of herself and her space ect.

If you can find out these types of things that fit yours you are more likely to actually love and see her as a person, not see her as a fucktoy. But if you cannot do this as a man, and still see her as someone who's only true value is sex, then you are the broken one. Get help.

purplehathacker · 2023-07-09T12:15:29+00:00

It's the whole Madonna-whore complex thing. Men want a ready supply of sluts who are ready to serve their sexual needs at the drop of a hat. Simultaneously, they are looking for their one and only forever partner, a paragon of such virtue who would consider sex only with one man. These two views are irreconcilable.

I think a lot of men in red pill start out with romantic fantasies, also referred to as blue pill. As they get a better understanding of the world, their illusions are shattered and they overcorrect to the opposite view (All Women Are Like That, and similar ideas).

True wisdom, IMO, is in realizing that the real world falls somewhere in between these extreme views. It may take some people a while to get there, though.

MyUpSeemsDown · 2023-07-09T07:43:49+00:00

I'd argue that that's the biggest thing they're missing now days. Relationship, sex and love all kinda go together, I guess there's no real reason to separate them unless it's special cases like people who enjoy one night stands or casual sex. Which I don't have the stats but common sense says they're probably minority in numbers.

NocturnalCoder · 2023-07-09T14:16:18+00:00

A lot of guys do, but they are also scared shitless of it cause they have no idea what it feels like, and worse, if we enjoy it, I can be taken away from us.

John_Oakman · 2023-07-09T11:15:40+00:00

The males who do aren't relevant, and the men who are relevant do not. Hence the perception and the problem.

lol_maneee · 2023-07-09T07:44:13+00:00

Of course men do. Until some men begin to realize all that is stacked against their pipe dream of having a lifelong relationship (love and marriage🎶). Until some men realize what love is from a biological perspective and the merciless nature of sexual selection. Until some men realize why they are loved. Until some men get burned or watch other men get burned. Men like this are just forced to adapt to the undesirable conditions of contemporary dating.

Thinking that men do not want love is almost as bad as thinking men don’t have feelings.

nonplussedminus · 2023-07-09T08:47:22+00:00

Women police men who show that kind of emotion, if you say you want love or romance as a man most women think you are closeted gay or an emotionally stunted manchild. That's why most men replace that need for love and emotional intimacy with an obsession with detached mechanistic fucking, just like men in the real world have been banished to calculated mechanistic work like finance, stem, construction and so on. Because showing any kind of softness lowers your attractiveness in the eyes of women.

Wattehfok · 2023-07-09T08:23:59+00:00

If you’re looking for the opinions of normal, basically healthy dudes, this sub is not the place for it.

(Edit - just read any of a number of comments on this post for a glimpse into the yawning void of insanity that is this sub Jesus fucking christ).

Of course men want love. What kind of fucking question is that?

We all want to be seen and heard, valued and desired. We’re not different species, no matter how much your average terp seems to think so.

VoltairesBarista · 2023-07-09T07:36:31+00:00

Of course they do

Da_Famous_Anus · 2023-07-09T09:45:19+00:00

100% real actual love please

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-07-09T15:08:42+00:00

Some do, actually. Others just want a revolving door of pussy.

NittyGrittyDiscutant · 2023-07-09T15:43:40+00:00

"romantic" sex>sex>no sex

romantic sex can also involve primal fucking

hey, we r also the people, u know

philseven12 · 2023-07-09T17:03:21+00:00

I think generally men do want to love, but generally women can't/won't love a man unless he's tall and handsome

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2023-07-09T18:36:36+00:00

In most relationships I've been in or seen, romantic love entails things men do for women. Such one sides arrangements are tiring.

Over time, the vast majority of long (15yr+) relationships I've seen evolve to a more mature, companionate love with romance sprinkled in. But romantic love is no longer the primary mode of expression.

There's a saying I like "love is an action, a choice, not a feeling"

JamesEdwrD · 2023-07-09T22:04:25+00:00

I definitely do!

I'm an old school romantic and I seek love AND respect in a monogamous relationship, which I am very fortunate to have with my girlfriend!

I have definitely made love to my girlfriend before and I've also purely fucked her. It just depends how we both are feeling.

carverstein · 2023-07-09T07:37:53+00:00

Women don’t pair bond. That’s trad cuck nonsense that doesn’t exist in humans and they try and push on kids to politically attack feminist man haters.

Do men want love? In the sense everyone does. Actual love is an action, not an emotional state. You can’t “feel” someone else’s emotional state.

A woman baking you cookies because of silly emotions, she’s trying to set you up to be gold dig, ir because she respects you all result in the same outcome.

Chase outcomes and not reasons. The reasons rarely are what you want and explaining them rarely works out.

If you ask someone “why do you love me” you’ll get strange answers. And mostly lies.

SecondEldenLord · 2023-07-09T09:23:21+00:00

Of course they want love. The problem is, if women choose to surround themselves with only toxic men then they will believe that men don't want love, only sex. If women keep ignoring to give the bottom 90% of men a chance and choose only the top tier 10%, then they will think those 10% of men are the 100% of men. I met and talked to hundreds of men online and real life and most of them are genuine kind men who want a woman to love, protect and provide for. When they are young, they wanna experiment, like any other youngster but once they are mature enough, they want love, they want a family. I wish more women would stop judging an entire gender because of the actions of the top 10%.

ThrowRAlostlove25 · 2023-07-09T07:17:10+00:00

They do if it’s unconditional, but that doesn’t exist unless you have living, healthy minded loving parents. There’s still a limit even then.

Gtedx · 2023-07-09T09:12:29+00:00

I only deal with women for sexual access, I don’t feel the need to pursue love.

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No_Ask_2241 · 2023-07-09T10:38:44+00:00

Yep, I sure do.

Stunning_Thing4208 · 2023-07-09T11:39:59+00:00

Babies literally die without human contact.

We don't grow over that.

Warm_Gur8832 · 2023-07-09T13:00:07+00:00

Yes, otherwise, how is anyone supposed to really know you?

Sure, your partner could leave, die, or use it against you. But that’s the price of it and always has been.

I can’t imagine just being disconnected forever at a most basic level

Antisocialite99 · 2023-07-09T13:02:16+00:00

Yes.

magiksissclit · 2023-07-09T13:10:52+00:00

This doesn’t apply to all men….well the first part does: Yes, men ABSOLUTELY want love. Men are very romantic creatures. So romantic in fact that they romanticize the very notion of a woman, a girlfriend, a significant other, walking on the beach, sharing all his interests with a beloved person who looks up to him and respects him, creating magic moments, impressing his friends, spending the rest of his life with someone, etc.

You can see where this becomes problematic. There are many men out there who transcend this state. But the men who don’t, fall so in love with the idea of women that when confronted with the reality of women, it becomes enough for them to grow jaded. Some give up rather quickly others take longer to grow cold, they blame women for this development but in reality it’s just anger at confusion. Until they realize this and accept us for who we are, they end up feeling entitled to make us proverbial punching bags.

It’s very hard, for members of each gender to look in the mirror and think ‘hey maybe I’m the problem.’

Anti-Toxicity · 2023-07-09T13:11:27+00:00

Obligatory acknowledgment that the comments here are not a regular slice of society and tend to be a gathering of people high in trait neuroticism.

Platonic love seems to be largely ignored by contemporary society as a whole and I imagine that causes/exacerbates many modern problems. Building a strong platonic community around one's self is fucking invaluable in my personal experience, but it also is very rare for people my age(25).

Yes, the vast majority of men want romantic love. It's pretty rare to find men that aren't actively vetting people in their lives at all times to select for life partners. Anyone who's not seems to be either : 1. In a LTR 2. Emotionally damaged as of a terrible breakup/divorce 3. Extremely immature

MarkMew · 2023-07-09T13:47:40+00:00

I (a man) do. Can't speak for others tho.

Generally_Confused1 · 2023-07-09T14:04:57+00:00

Yup! We can want love and primal sex and for me personally the primal sex really comes with emotional connection. Like, if I adore someone so so much I want crazy sexual things with them but other times, yeah I can have sex with someone but it's missing something. I'm a sexual person and kinky and have "sowed my oats" I guess but it's not really as good as having someone you hold mutual love with. One of my partners right now is someone I say I adore to the moon and back and I'm working to pay for her medical treatments now but we have sex like that because it works for us and it comes from passion. I suppose maybe I'm different and I'm also nonmonogamous but it doesn't mean I just fuck anyone, I like to have connections with people

NeveruseTren · 2023-07-09T14:54:04+00:00

No I don’t really try to seek love from evil beings incapable of actual love.

justhere3look · 2023-07-09T15:09:01+00:00

Are you serious, or is this just trolling? Are you actually, genuinely uncertain whether men want love? Do you think that men are Lord of the Rings orcs or something? So many women trivialize the degree to which men are demonized for simply existing. And here I am, stumbling across one of them asking whether men want love, as if men are literal demons. Insane.

fordbear7 · 2023-07-09T16:49:56+00:00

Are women ever romantic 😂? That’s usually the responsibility of the dude.

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2023-07-09T17:02:09+00:00

Love doesn't exist, respect and deterrence is next best thing.

Workaholiconew · 2023-07-09T18:45:15+00:00

Do you know what romantic love is in latin? Éros... or in a literal translation... lust.

Men in fact want love and do give romantic love... it is just that in english women use this odd and awful definition of romantic love which is distinct from lust... while men use it properly as love is lust + other feelings such as gratitude, companionship, partnership etc.

Because from what I have understood so far it looks like men want Respect more than they want Love

I mean... it is another thing... women are pretty much just slave drivers and dont give anything outside of sex nowadays... so... a bit of respect is something very useful.

my question is, do men truly want to pair bond? or is bonding to the mate only a female thing?

Of course men wanna pair bond. But it is quite hard when your partner is a negative in a plentitude of traits... and as a positive they only have sex... sex alone make no good fuel for pair bonding (even if many guys do try a lot).

So are men not also broken if prior activity is what breaks you?

You can only be broken if thats not your primary state. Our primary state is polygynous, we will want to fuck as many women as possible. Thats just a fact. We may control it if the woman is worth it... but thats what our emotions say to us... however one thing is fucking. Another is bonding... and well... bonding is rather easy to form for men. Just share adversity together... women? Not so easy. No amount of adversity 2 friends pass together. Never that a woman will want to build a relationship with a male friend.

Is perhaps no one broken but trust only damaged? And do the men who look for women to pair bond to them, Are They Themselves Actually Pair Bonded To Her As Well? Or aren objectifying women and the whole ‘love her softly’ thing is just some motions they go through to hook women?

Both can happen.

Essentially, Do men actually like that stuff that makes women pair bond to them for themselves. Would they like a woman using those same methods?

If you mean providing goods and services of high value to your partner? Yes.

pferden · 2023-07-09T19:14:00+00:00

You live in a world of horrid stereotypes, dear op

SliceComfortable8997 · 2023-07-09T21:14:08+00:00

A mature man does not

Worldly_Piano9526 · 2023-07-10T01:43:37+00:00

Men want both love and respect, but, yes, respect is more important.

Things like honor and duty are masculine concepts. If a woman has lost her ability to pair bond she is just ruined... A man's honor and duty to his family will keep his relationship together even if he cannot pair bond.

just_a_place · 2023-07-10T07:20:41+00:00

Respect is a component of love. Without Respect there is no Love.

As men, we instinctively use perceived respect as the litmus test in order to shit test women to see if they genuinely love us. If we notice a woman has no actual respect for us, that means she has no genuine love for us, and we thus feel inclined to dump that phony ass biszotch.

Who the hell is Barry Manillow?

"Intrusive thoughts" is not a thing! You mean IMPULSIVE Thoughts. Lets drop this stupid shit of re-naming old ass conventions and pretending like we just discovered them.

" Essentially, Do men actually like that stuff that makes women pair bond to them for themselves. Would they like a woman using those same methods? "

What are you talking about? Elaborate.

" I struggle to understand the role of romance for a man in their bond, "

I hope you are aware that men and women have wildly different ideas about what Romance means. Men in these parts do not feel women are capable of genuine romance which is why they are angry and shit talk women all day long.

RedBullfrog · 2023-07-10T09:22:51+00:00

The short answer : Yes!

The long answer:

There unfortunately seems to be a massive msunderstanding when talking about gender dynamics. People tend to mix up the basics and the details.
People want romanitc bonding. People want to be in pairs, share their lives with other. Men too. Most men would love to share their life with that one women who makes them feel whole. To be crazy in love. That is very basic and out of the question.
Then there are the details on what a man should keep in mind when chosing a woman for this role. Should a man chose a woman for this role in his life if she does not respect him? Most non-simp men would agree it is a bad choice. Should a man chose a woman he has never had sex with? Again, terrible choice. Shoud he chose a woman who doesn't support him in the way he choses to live his life? The list can be pretty long.
So when men say they want a woman who respets him, who has sex with him or supports him, he is not saying he doesn't want love. He is saying what kind of woman he wants to love.

abaxeron · 2023-07-10T10:28:53+00:00

Gifts are cringe, most of them end up in trash when sufficient time passes. Expensive gifts are ultra-cringe. Self-made gifts are ultra-mega-giga-cringe. Wishlists are even cringier than self-made gifts. Living flowers die. Restaurant dinners are overpriced. Trips/travels are always nervous.

Does spending the whole day naked cuddling under a blanket with your partner, eating snacks, and listening to stupid comedians count? Or going to a new gym together?

I am thankful to WH40K community for several relevant "Girls want / Boys want" memes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJIe5YMYLIo

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Ysl_LpWIUbE

fuckeveryone120 · 2023-07-10T14:36:44+00:00

Men have always been obsessed with fucking,not only these days

reignoferror00 · 2023-07-10T15:53:15+00:00

Men saying things to make them look like they are obsessed with fucking often is because:

A) they don't want to appear soft or like a "simp" or "nice guy" by talking of things connected with love

B) sex is one thing that aren't getting. scarcity mentality.

C) sex is more than the physical act to them - one of the ways to feel closer to a woman, one of the ways they get any form of touch, hopefully a mutual act of physically pleasing each other, etc.

As far as the romance part, the top commenter in the link below (detsnam) says it better than I ever could:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/3z8o75/why_dont_men_get_as_much_of_a_thrill_over/

Royal-Tip4585 · 2023-07-09T15:08:44+00:00

Love isn’t worth its value anymore. It’s not death do us part. It’s “for however the vibes last”.

The reason why divorce wasn’t allowed (or highly discouraged) was marriage as supposed to be everything or nothing. Facing the world and coming through stronger.

Bring back fault divorce and anyone who cheats or is physically abusive loses everything.

You’ll find love come back. For love is a fragile flower. It can only exist when in a glass container

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2023-07-09T12:26:02+00:00

I've noticed a pattern here where men, again specifically here, don't know what love is. They want ownership. They want an ego boost. They want sex. They want status. But they don't talk about love, or things that happen in a loving relationship.

Do men want love? Yes absolutely. Do men here want love? Not a lot of them have any concept of what that is.

BLKSKNHED · 2023-07-09T11:03:40+00:00

It's just funny when women on here say they are intellectually handicapped due to men stopping women from entering scientific institutions and blocking them in education. If that's the case why do you brag about being capable of love and knowing the rules of what love actually is l when life doesn't actually run on fairy dust and magic.

bobby995557 · 2023-07-09T13:00:31+00:00

Men want respect. Women want love.

Maractop · 2023-07-09T13:17:09+00:00

Yes I do. I wanna get married and have kids and all that. I was that clown that really believed that I was gonna fall in love young and be with that girl forever. I only used to look for serious relationships until I realized that telling a girl you want that is seen as a red flag by many. If you care too much and it can be seen as love bombing or not genuine and if you care too little you dont value her enough. So I have to literally have to hold back feelings so I dont come across as desperate. My brother says that its just novelty and it will wear off as I interact with more women and that the desire will go away but idk.

I seen a post on here a while back about not taking dating too serious and just to look at it like a joke and thats what im gonna start doing now. Im in college now and I still have hope I will meet the right girl eventually but idk when.

lacuti3 · 2023-07-09T07:34:39+00:00

If men had no sex drives they would want nothing to do with women. They don’t care about women they only care about spreading their seed. They get attached but it’s not as intense, dire or long-lasting as when girls get attached. Like they could easily just forget about a girl after fucking her

LouisdeRouvroy · 2023-07-09T12:04:23+00:00

men complain a lot around here that ‘sluts can’t pair bond’ or are somehow broken but it is widely known that men also sow their wild oats and are hyper-sexual by nature in terms of fantasizing and intrusive thoughts etc.

The thing is, women can always find someone to fuck if she is willing to. It's much harder for men.

So women who lose their ability to pair bond actually retain their ability to fuck around, which they will likely do since women get bored and want drama.

Men's ability to pair bond is irrelevant as their ability to fuck around is way less than that of women. AND they are not addicted to drama. So men do not usually seek "thrills" in their stable relationship, quite the contrary.

To be a slut requires no effort, and thus she can continue for a looong time. To be a stud needs a lot of efforts, and men tire of that quickly, even if they have the ability to be one, which is not something most have.

MisterX9821 · 2023-07-11T00:39:03+00:00

Hilarious to ask seriously.

epicgamergamingtime · 2023-07-11T05:09:07+00:00

Men have historically always romanticized their partners. Countless works of art speak to that.

Nowadays women regularly teach men that they prefer detached players to romantic guys though. So more guys give up on romance.

Plazmatron44 · 2023-07-12T13:05:11+00:00

I used to want love but after a series of bad experiences and what I've learned I no longer have any expectations.

AverageLuckyGuy · 2023-07-09T11:04:58+00:00

Yes, we do.

Title	Do men actually want love?
Author	Ok-Supermarket-6747
Upvotes	26
Comments	252
Date	July 9, 2023 7:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/14urvtm/do_men_actually_want_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-men-actually-want-love.1224720 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224720

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