I realize the fear of unjustly being labeled as a rapist is a routine topic here. This example just really bothers me for some reason.

First, the article:

Dear Amy: My best friend came to my house last weekend after her breakup with her boyfriend. She brought a bottle of scotch. My husband joined us and we kept drinking and things started to get cozy among the three of us. My husband had sex with my friend and me in succession. I encouraged this at the time.

The next morning, she left our house without saying a word. She texted me that she'll never see me again as long as I'm married to my husband. I feel totally terrible. I tried to talk about it and my husband said it was the best sex experience of his life. He shows no remorse. He even said he would like to do it again!

As I was also involved, there was no case of cheating, right? I honestly don't remember much.

Did he cheat on me? Can I hold him responsible? It was my friend who bought the alcohol and I persuaded my husband to join the party. — Upset

Dear Upset: The way I read this is that your friend now refuses to be around your husband — or you as long as you are with him. It seems possible (likely, really) that she didn't find this sexual experience consensual. People who are drunk cannot give legal consent. She had just been through a breakup and was emotionally vulnerable — and inebriated.

This was a horrible idea all around. I don't know how you can accuse your husband of "cheating" when you were present, encouraged this, and (according to you) invited him to participate. Do not blame your friend for bringing the bottle.

Your husband might feel this was an awesome experience, but if he coerced (or forced) your friend (and/or you) to have sex with him while you were blackout drunk, then he is worse than a cheater — he is a rapist. Things to worry about are: Possible pregnancies, and the police knocking on the door. Your friendship with this other woman is damaged — perhaps beyond repair.

http://www.denverpost.com/askamy/ci_27094682/ask-amy-bottle-scotch-brings-regrets-threesome-12

This guy has sex with his wife and her friend after drinking scotch. Despite encouraging the behavior, the wife immediately jumps to "he cheated on me" regardless of it being counter to all rational thought.

The things the man is guilty of, according to the wife and the advice column is: -Cheating with another women despite the wife encouraging it -Showing no remorse for what he completely thought was consensual sex. -Taking advantage of a "vulnerable" and "inebriated" woman. Because women can not think for themselves! -Most likely raping the wife's friend. -Possibly impregnating the wife's friend. -Bringing the police to their front door. -Ruining the friendship between the wife and her friend.

Instead, what I see are two women that don't want the personal responsibility that comes deciding to get drunk, and dealing with their own actions when they do get drunk. I also see that the women have slut-shamed themselves after the act. Why was the friend upset, exactly? If it were not consensual on her part, would the wife not put a stop to it if the friend said No? If the friend said no, and the wife encouraged it anyway, isn't she a rapist as much as her husband is?

Usually Amy advocates for stating you have a drinking problem if you are unable to remember what you did when you were drunk. She skipped over this in favor of the rapist label.

For the record, I am 100% for equality and eliminating sexual, physical, and emotional/verbal abuse. However, I so thoroughly despise how feminists have managed to convince our society that every man is a potential rapist and should be treated like one by default.