Main event coming up? LONG AF post warning.

johneyapocalypse · 2018-05-16T18:21:38+00:00

Christ you talk too much about your beard. For fuck sake you'd think you're Jesus.

You are challenging the status quo and she's getting salty.

You're too sensitive, too invested, paying too much attention. You should chill out, do something fun, and get your adrenaline flowing.

Then go to the gym and blast your skinny-ass body. Gilligan was not the cool one on the island, faggot.

justpickanyusername · 2018-05-16T19:31:50+00:00

Overall, the same rules apply with Mormon women because AWALT. However, Mormon girls are indoctrinated with the belief that they are on a pedestal ever since YW's, so there are some things that need to be handled a little bit differently here. Mormon women are of the belief that you will be worthy and 100% faithful for time and all eternity. So to her, this is just a phase and you will eventually get back into your box once she clamps down tightly on the sex you are being drip fed. She flat out told you that she 100% believes that she is your only option for sex. Read that again. She 100% believes that she is your only option. She's calling your bluff and you have instilled zero dread that you first have options and second that you have the balls to exercise that option. Even though she has been indoctrinated that you won't cheat and you will be faithful, Mormon women are also not stupid and if you improve sufficiently and can pull in someone better she will know she needs to step up her game as well. She sees all the numbers that the divorce rate in the Mormon church mirrors the national average.

Here is where I see your issues being. I'm not sure this is so much a shit test, but a straight up power struggle. She is just using sex as leverage here and not to see if you are "alpha" or not so she can fuck you later that night. Holding frame long-term will be akin to driving your spear into the ground and can be viewed as alpha. You pass this test by being strong. She likely views you as a plow horse and a sperm donor for her eternal family. Right now to her, you are acting like a stubborn ass that is complaining about the load on its back and she is putting you back in your place. Because that is what you do with stupid animals that refuse to comply.

Your problem is you are attacking the castle at the front gate where defenses are the strongest. You are engaging with her and battling with everything that you've got. I will give you an A+ for valor, but there is a better way to handle a lot of this. You need to disengage from the frontal attack and stop battling her head on. Fogging comes to mind and many of the other tools in WISNIFG. There is a time and place for confrontation believe me, but I think you are just angry and butt hurt here.

Remember...

Neo: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge bullets? Morpheus: No, Neo. I’m trying to tell you that when you’re ready, you won’t have to.

IMO dread is far more effective when it is unspoken. You telling her that you will no longer put up with this, that, and whatever is great. Better is you shutting your fucking mouth and just doing it. Acta non verba my brother.

Slow your roll. At 5 months in you should be nowhere near a main event. It's not an exact science, but if you follow BPP's general guidelines you are at least 13 months out from something like this going down.

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2018-05-16T21:23:43+00:00

You know, if she's refusing sex to you on a constant basis, SHE is failing to keep her covenants. Point that out. From Paul to Packer, you can find a lot of backup for that point of view. I have explained to my wife that I can sub-contract feeding, cleaning, and child care to other people, but sex only to my wife. And if she doesn't want to be that wife, I can find one that does. Lots of singles out there looking for a decent man.

ellifino · 2018-05-16T18:52:53+00:00

The problem, as you know, is not the beard. She'd fuck a bearded Chad. She's not fucking you because you won't fall into line. You could shave your beard and she'd fuck you until she decided she didn't like your friends, your gym, your clothes etc. You're on the right path. I liked your "I don't negotiate with terrorists" from the other day.

I could be wrong, but based on the text, I don't think she's checked out yet. Watch what she does, and not what she says though, obviously. You have, for the moment, a rebelling First Officer. As Captain, you could crush this mutiny with harsh words and an iron fist. I think your FO will fall in line though. Stay the course, and give encouragement when you see positive activity from her.

She's looking for your frame to crack. Don't let it, but be patient with her while the 1000 foot rope tightens.

youscum · 2018-05-16T19:19:10+00:00

"I understand you have a problem with the beard. I really like it and believe my happiness is just as important as yours. But, of course, I love you and I am willing to make some sacrifices for the greater good of this marriage. From now on, l'll bang you from behind or blind fold you so you don't have to look at it." (kiss forehead and walk away).

wadearave · 2018-05-16T19:35:13+00:00

You’re looking for validation from her and she knows it.

“I know you need more from me.”

You’re still pissed. I wonder if that’s from you lack of leading. If you are going to lead the ship then you really need to lead it. And that means everything. You didn’t communicate about the movie. There was no expectation set there. The fact that she got back at you by staying late at a church functions means that she doesn’t trust you or your ability to take care of things.

I get that you need to take care of yourself but you also have take care of your wife and your family. When you strike a balance that works your wife will recognize it as leadership and will start to bend to your will.

Your beard is seen as teenage rebellion (especially within the Mormon culture). If you lack the frame and leadership to support it your beard is likely coming off as juvenile.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-05-16T19:36:55+00:00

Started reading... started reading... OMG HE DIDN'T STFU IN THE MIDDLE.

Dude. Really. Don't victim puke to her, and don't respond to her victim pukes over text. You can't 'talk' her into being attracted to you.

You can say that if a girl is going to divorce you over your beard... then really there wasn't that much firm ground to stand on in the first place. However, as you know and as I posted last time, it's not about the beard. It's about control and power dynamics.

I have to ask you this. Are you having fun in your life? Are you having fun in your life WITH your wife, aka gaming her? You can schedule all your gym and boys night out times, but you do realize that you have to do some fun things with your wife. Granted, if she's playing her 'mean' card, slowly withdraw attention. She knows if she's not playing by the rules of accepted behavior.

Remember, this is ALL power dynamics. And once you get to a certain point, this post will help you - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3fc5xq/theory_how_to_build_your_road_to_safety/

red-sfpplus · 2018-05-16T20:26:09+00:00

We need a picture of this beard.

It took me 3 weeks to get my beard grown in. Then another two months of playing around with it, and with the help of a barber to get it all lined up.

It was a 90 day commitment and learning on oils, etc.

How far are you in the process? Is it filling it, or is it a Joe Dirt type of beard that belongs in a mobile home park.

She seems very heels in the concrete on this.

JoATMoN9 · 2018-05-16T20:22:36+00:00

I think the problem is YOU don't see that she IS feeling dread.

First she takes away sex thinking you'll fall in line. Then she acts like she's DTF only to pull it away last minute. (It's great that you could joke that she has to ask for cuddles...but if you gave them to her anyway...be careful...you are enabling.)

Then she is OVERT in her communication that you only get sex from her. Then going main event when you ace that test and share a vision. Then becoming submissive after you leave.

Do you need it spelled out for you? This us SUPPOSED to happen when you get through to her that you're changing and she no longer has your balls in her purse. Her text is basically saying "I understand you have your balls back and are going to take what you believe you want out of this relationship....I really want to be a part of it (and pay attenation to that last sentence) but still get the most I can from it."

To emphasize...this:

not feel constant contention and anxiety over us fighting or whatever it is

Is trying to manipulate you back into her power after being all submissive. She's not come around yet, but is certainly feeling the tug. Expect more resistance. Don't take your foot off the gas.

simbarlion · 2018-05-16T22:15:08+00:00

I have not seen anyone comment on the STFU hamster dread rant where you lay it out what and why you are changing.

You basically told her it was for her / more sex. That was a bad move. But I think you know that so I'll spare the insults.

I have taught myself to pull the rip cord on conversations like that, EJECT GOOSE EJECT.! even if you just literally just stop talking in an awkward way....just sigh, change topic or walk away.

There is a great post about play the game, not the player, with NBA references that would be good for you to read.

InChargeMan · 2018-05-17T01:06:39+00:00

She tried to sabotage it by staying out late at her church function past the time when I had to go. No problem. I anticipated this one had the kids ready for bed and had arranged for a sitter. Once wife found out (after she texted and said she couldn’t be back and sorry about your movie night) she was home immediately, canceled and venmoed the sitter $20 for her trouble as I drove down the road. No sex last night when I got back late. She was obviously butthurt.

Handled spectacularly, you've been studying, good job.

Told her that despite that when I decide to go elsewhere she will be the first to know.

Again, handled well to that point, just don't talk to much. It isn't an argument, you DNGAF about her opinion on the matter, it is simply you stating a fact. The discussion ends with you saying "Life is too short to spend it not having high quality and frequent sex." Then ass slap, wink, and leave the room to go do something interesting as if you don't expect to hear or care what her opinion on the matter is.

Pissed that I am changing everything and being a jerk all the time and don’t respect her anymore.

Perfect, this is expected. Eventually what is new becomes old. This is her trying to maintain status quo, trying to keep you in the box she made for you. Eventually she will see that box is broken and will build a new one based on the new you. Two steps forward, one step back, rinse and repeat. You will look back and cringe at the shit you've said/done and be amazed how far you've come.

Told her that I wasn’t making these changes to save our marriage but to save myself....

This is where you fucked up big time. Don't talk about changes, don't talk about motivations, just STFU. Act as if you have always been this way, she is just noticing it now. Fog, etc. Women want the "natural" and will take any organized efforts as you "cheating" or "faking it". I know it's fucked up, but that's the way it is.

....The rest of your post....

Too much talking and too far in her frame. You don't get upset about things anymore, especially from her. She is funny, how cute, look, the little girl is throwing a tantrum. Women are all about the covert communication. Remember the "box" she has you in? Well, imagine she shoots you down for sex three times in a row, what does she expect from you? She expects you to be butthurt, moping around, irritable, arguing, DEERing, etc. What would it communicate if you instead are a happy fun-loving guy who doesn't appear to really care he was rejected, almost as if he wanted to be rejected, almost like he was just doing it to keep up appearances. When you come home from work/gym humming to yourself, joking with the family, being awesome, what do you suppose that communicates?

You are too early for main event, and you talk way too much. Don't build up this main-event in your head like some monster battle you have to prepare for, where you are going to finally use your man logic to explain to her why she is going to fuck you. Maybe main event should more be thought of as an inflection point. It MIGHT involve "fuck me or fuck you", but it also might not.

ReddJive · 2018-05-17T10:48:54+00:00

I think all of this was brilliantly handled. The aspect some may not get is the religious framework OP is working within. Since Red Pill is amoral there shouldn't be judgment on how he exactly implements dread...if it all.

here's the rub though, and OP pay attention. Despite your religious upbringing and leanings divorce and leaving are always an option. I will always disagree that Dread is a firm and solid step process. Example:

I am at DL4 but moved to 5 last night, but you know she was acting nice so I decided to pull back to 3.

This isn''t world of warcraft and you aren't some 20th Level Red Pill Paladin. This is life. Sometimes you are just going to flip a switch and unleash. When it happens organically like that is when you know red pill has taken effect, when you feel it in your gut and cut through all the rationalizing bullshit. Sometimes that means going Rambo, sometimes it means just STFU and giving her a hug. I don't think OP even went close to a main event, nor the FMOFY speech. His wife is clearly fighting for control again. She views the beard as that battleground. She chose it. OP is ignoring it.

Except when he DEER'd. he admits it and sees it. No reason to get into it. It will happen.

No. You aren't close to a main event yet but take a deep look at what she wrote. Right now we are suspended "actions not words" because your shrew is in line with her actions and words. Figure out right now that you are irrelevant to her. To her literally any man can fulfill your role and job to her. She is quite possibly the definition of someone who desires you but doesn't value you. It's her way or nothing.

Her statement is somewhat disjointed. It could be considered a comfort test but I don't think so. Read on.

Her text Doesn't make sense and isn't coherent, but the message is there. Her improvement, and hte marriage are the only things important to her. Not you.

You are the most important thing to me and I want nothing more than to be with all of you forever.

This is the only mention of you in the whole text, and it's made meaningless because the text goes on and one how she is trying to make everything else work EXCEPT to keep and be attractive to you. She would do these things even if you weren't there.

The harshest criticism for OP I have is that he needs to realize that this is a utterly ridiculous argument to have. He isn't treating it as childish antics. Over a beard? Really? She may be rationalizing it as something larger, her text makes that clear. A beard is A personal preference for both parties, yet imagine if she had cut her hair to pixie cut or done something else? You may not like it but you can get by it. The only exception I would make is if a beard actually irritates your woman's skin. I have dated a couple like that in my time. That and I have tried and hate beards myself. I digress, OP you are making progress you have done well so far, made some missteps but you see them. My only advice is starting laughing this shit off. It's stupid. Her attitude is ridiculous.

All this over a beard.

Or is it?

Its about control. Pure and simple. OP no longer towing the line. Ridiculous right? Start treating it as such. Start seeing through her overt language. She sucks at it but she excels at covert. I wager that if you really stepped up. Not just in OYS but telling her what's up? She would respond. Truly submissive women rarely act like that until an alpha takes over. They also only shit test Alphas. They disdain betas.

Think bout it.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2018-05-16T18:53:15+00:00

I don't have a problem stating your case and your expectations, once. That has been done, and it sounds like she heard you. Now you really need to STFU and work on yourself.

It’s important to me to have our house be a place the kids feel safe and loved (that might be the only place they feel that at some point in their lives)- not feel constant contention and anxiety over us fighting or whatever it is.”

Be careful of this, she's trying to guilt you with the children. Note that as one strategy of hers fails, others will take its place.

In my eyes appear to be headed for a main event in the next few days and I am busy cramming and rereading everything sidebar I can to get ready for it.

If you expect it to happen, it will. It's time for you to play your nice card once again and find your peace.

mindfulbutgutless · 2018-05-16T18:54:55+00:00

A&A the beard shit test, physically. Give yourself a 1900's handlebar mustache, or the Hulk Hogan.

mrpthrowa · 2018-05-16T18:36:04+00:00

Well, you got some more time to STFU and act like a man.

Ex_Swm_Lfw · 2018-05-16T20:48:03+00:00

Now in writing it sounds like a victim puke FUCK.

Yeah you could have done better. But it could be worse. Instead of whining and expecting something. You whined and told her you expect nothing. That you are changing things with you. And she'd better stand by.

Victim puke delivery which sucks. But not the worst one you could have said. Everything in it is stuff you want her to figure out anyway.

Never do it again. For better or for worse you've told her. Now that you've told her, you don't need to repeat yourself so never tell her again. Just do what you just said. Every second of every day.

Told her it was a two way street and that she didn’t get to dictate the commitment if she was going to play games when it came to sex.

I mean this is (according to religious tradition true) and it may (depending on the situation) be prudent to remind her, but you used way too many words and the wrong frame here. Your frame is not that of abundance rather of implying personal obligation. Her religion may in fact obligate her to have sex with you. If so it's probably a good idea she's aware, just so, as the dread game escalates she understands you won't respond to a religious argument while she's ignoring her responsibility.

'God says you can't cheat! Well God says you have to have sex with me so there!' yeah that's basically it and it does sound horrid. I think I would have gone with amused mastery on this one rather than simpering victim whine to communicate the facts of life.

In my eyes appear to be headed for a main event in the next few days and I am busy cramming and rereading everything sidebar I can to get ready for it.

Maybe you should ignore that, understand it's a life long process, it's not about her, or the marriage, or a big event, it's about you, and just keep on keepin on.

STFU you do better the less you say.
If you must talk don't break frame and devolve into an angry beta bitch.

DON'T BREAK FRAME

FF0000_captain · 2018-05-16T21:15:03+00:00

You could’ve easily pressure flipped this. Ask her how she’d feel if you stopped fulfilling your duties as a husband simply because she changed her hair.

Chump_No_More · 2018-05-16T22:27:18+00:00

The "Fuck me or fuck you" speech is reserved for Dread Level 10... you're not at Level 10 by any stretch of the imagination.

When we talk about 'Red Pill Rambo', this is exactly it. Acting from emotion, without knowledge, without understanding, without critical thinking, and (above all else) without having earned the privileged.

You have not yet earned the FMFY speech.

And no, you're not close to the Main Event. You have to be a high SMV man to get to the Main Event... and that's high SMV in her eyes, not yours.

Your immediate goal is to STFU. Less 'talk', more 'do'.

screechhater · 2018-05-16T23:53:44+00:00

Boy Mormon faggot talks too much

Boy reads, but does not properly apply Dread sending a depth charge of level 10 before even applying pressure under level 4 in the while in the same house. WTF ?

Quit talking. Start doing.

Being the big dick in the house is not the key. Being the leader in your home is the key.

You must and I mean must acknowledge this is your life and you must make the most of it at all times. No holes barred.

When you decide to stop giving ten fucks about her fucking you and you being fuckable on the open market, things will change.

Let me tell you, I fucking hate beards. But, they look great on an attractive fellow, and that attractive fellow does not defend his beard to the world

When your head is ready to come out of thy ass, you will clearly see, the man makes the beard and his life. Not the other way around.

TheIronHeel · 2018-05-17T03:11:07+00:00

I lurk all around this sub cause it's awesome and I don't know shit about shit yet enough to advise. I read your posts and to me it seems like this last one is progress. MAP talks about positive energy. I'd vote you keep the beard, keep the rudder steady and don't nuke the situation with a main event. Just keep sailing man.

dark_and_bearded · 2018-05-17T04:22:54+00:00

Wow. So ignore her beard comments. I would actually go on amazon and get specific beard grooming products and put it on your side of the bathroom counter. Commit to that shit and make sure your beard care game is spot on, don’t be having a ratchet ass beard...

The tone your wife has with you gives me an indication that she runs your household, neither here nor there — just what it looks like to me.

Honestly, I would hit the gym hard and what ever you do I would not shave ya beard bro! My girl use to give me shit on my beard for a good 6 months when I was first growing it out, telling me it looks ugly, I don’t look professional, blah blah blah blah... which was true because my junk came in all patchy and uneven as fuck and it grew SLOW. Now a a year in my chick digs my beard and all the BS she talked about earlier never comes up. My beard tickles her pussy now lol.

Don’t want to comment on the other stuff because never been in that situation.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2018-05-16T20:23:30+00:00

Faggot

friendandadvisor · 2018-05-29T12:33:39+00:00

I think that you're being a dick about the beard. You think that her not liking it is a shit test. I think that she doesn't like it, and may even find it repulsive. IMHO, you are trying to be too much of a RP cowboy. You are trying to be a Pharoah rather than Captain to your First Mate.

Just because some RP women love beards and contoured pant legs on men doesn't mean that all of them do.

Sex has gone down because of your beard; is there anything that you can think of that could increase the sex?? Other than giving more orders, that is.

Title	Main event coming up? LONG AF post warning.
Author	alphasixfour
Upvotes	7
Comments	99
Date	May 16, 2018 6:07 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8jx3t7/main_event_coming_up_long_af_post_warning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/main-event-coming-up-long-af-post-warning.204485 https://theredarchive.com/post/204485

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