Why are you IN or NOT IN a relationship right now?

SalamanderNo3872 · 2022-07-17T16:50:31+00:00

I was engaged up until about a month ago. Her and I were riding in the car one night and we were talking about plans for our wedding. For the wedding and honeymoon we were looking at 20k and then we were going to need about 40k for roof replacement on her house and mine (insurance in Florida makes you replace your roof at 15-17 years regardless of condition). So we were going to need about 60k for everything. I was saving 50% of my salary but realized that we were going to come up short. So I asked her if she would mind opening a saving account and help save for the wedding. That turned into an argument and she didn't speak to me for 3 days.

When she finally decided to talk to me again, she sent me a text that said she was insulted and ashamed that I would ask her to help out. She said that shecwas a proud woman who is accustomed that a man should pay for everything. She said that helping pay was beneath her, she was not fat or ugly nor was she desperate and she didn't need to pay to get married. She said if I didn't have enough money we could just wait until I saved enough.

Well that obviously didn't go over to well with me. Here I am working my butt off, completely stressed out, having to plan and pay for a wedding plus all the extra home repairs. I come to her and ask for help and she basically spits in my face. She has money, her ex husband pays for her lifestyle, home, utilities, insurance, car, everything and gives her $1750. All she pays for is food and a cell phone bill. She has a nice collection of Louis Vuitton and Gucci purses.

So we had been together for 2 years, so this took me a few weeks to simmer on to figure out how I was going to handle this, but I knew it was over when she sent me that text. So I ask her how she thinks we're doing and she says fantastic I told her no. I needed someone who wanted to be on a team,that we should be equal partners and I think she wanted something different. I explained to her that I am willing to pay 95% of the bills but wanted her to work a part time job, 20 hrs a week, contribute something to the marriage. I told her she could use the money for whatever she wanted, we could save if for vacations but it was important to me that she contributes so we are each invested in the relationship. We had plans to live in Europe and travel the world together and with my job we could have done it. All she needed to do is agree to have a job. She broke up with me the next day.

So that is how I find myself single at 44, never married, no kids. I truly loved this woman and did everything I could to make her feel special and feel loved and appreciated but a narcissist really only loves themselves. One of the last things she wrote me was that she didn't know how to love me. 💔

DontTakePeopleSrsly · 2022-07-17T18:41:43+00:00

I’m in a relationship because I stopped wasting time on women that didn’t equally waste their time on me. I don’t care how “busy” a woman is, if she wants a relationship with you, she will make the time. Everything else is a bullshit excuse.

RabbitApprehensive40 · 2022-07-17T11:51:14+00:00

It’s too much effort. I was in 2 and just couldn’t find the time to balance work, study and personal life. I’m also someone who can have massive swings, from wanting to be in solitude for 3-4 months to becoming a socialite. Also, one night stands have led to some of my best stories.

oj47dG · 2022-07-17T09:09:05+00:00

Well me(22m) getting into a relationship with my girlfriend (20) was kind of an accident.?

She just pretty much suddenly lived with me and I was like whoa. 😂

Sgarden91 · 2022-07-17T18:20:34+00:00

I guess I’ve taken a step back to get my act together better. After many years of many rejections and the occasional fling alone I’ve just decided to make different changes. Over the last two and a half years I quit smoking after 11 years, quit drinking after 9, three days ago I decided to drop porn because I know that’s a deep problem for me that speaks to a lot of other issues and I know that one’s going to be an intense struggle like drinking sort of was since I was a borderline alcoholic (smoking wasn’t too hard). I started taking working out and being outside very seriously, getting better at drums again, making money learning and doing interesting work, eating well and having a healthy diet, being more disciplined about my dress, appearance and tidiness, waking up at the right time and being productive, etc. I’ve also moved to another state and back and between six places in the last three years so that’s put a hold on things too.

So the bottom line is I’ve made fairly little time for it and I’m building up to the right time to try again. I’m training for a new certification right now to add to the heap and getting ready to move again so when all that’s settled I think I’ll be ready to search for women again. But I wasn’t in a good position for it before I started changing and I’ve been fairly busy in the meantime. I’ll figure it out though and I’ll get there. I’m only 30.

AlbanischerBauer_ · 2022-07-18T00:02:13+00:00

Was in a nasty marriage 8 years ago, had a son (who’s obviously 8 at the moment). Because of the corrupt country I live in my ex-wife is able to bribe the law.

Basically, she is trying to take my son away from me after leaving him at 1 years old.

For 7 years of his life, he was raised by his grandmother and me. Now it seems as if my ex wife is going to win 80% custody over my son.

I am absolutely devestated by this.

DifficultyLost43 · 2022-07-17T11:38:08+00:00

I'm 23 and not in a relationship rn. Deep down I feel that it'd be nice to have but the goals I want to do and achieve in life are simpler if I am not in a relationship.

SalamanderNo3872 · 2022-07-17T19:15:21+00:00

Hey as a side note I have an almost 2ct diamond ring for sale

liveultimate · 2022-07-17T19:37:26+00:00

I decided not to get into a relationship unless I can see myself marrying the girl. Just dating around currently

Hexanophos · 2022-07-17T09:16:54+00:00

Cause I just simply can't get one.

avarageusername · 2022-07-17T17:39:55+00:00

I was in a relationship for over 6 years with a girl I tought was the most trustworthy, genuine and loving person I will ever meet. Well turns out she wasn't. I'm single for the timebeeing, expiriencing that part of life. But I'm torn between serious trust issues and cynicism towards females and missing the intimacy that comes with a long term relationship. Sex is also so much better for me, when you get really comfortable with eachother and learn what you like, start exploring. Don't think a ons with a stranger can compare. On the other hand I do have a lot more free time for work, gym, college, hobbies etc. and I feel more at peace not worrying about all the shit that comes with a relationship.

Vegetable-Mobile-430 · 2022-07-17T22:11:06+00:00

I'm in a relationship because my girlfriend is my best friend plus having sex with randos is wack yo

No-Rub-7252 · 2022-07-17T18:10:18+00:00

The emotionally unavailable, unattractive, just got out of a relationship is what I attract. Single mom’s flock and I’m just like hard no. I get compliments on my looks and how I dress but that’s as far as it goes. Whatever, I’ll remain single. I don’t need baggage in my life

littlesub85 · 2022-07-17T17:22:06+00:00

Not in a relationship (3yrs now). Every guy I’ve met has either just come out of a relationship and isn’t over their ex, doesn’t want a relationship and only wants casual sex on their terms, or straight up just isn’t into me. So I’ve given up now, I’m not dating or looking to date, I’m just doing my own thing. One thing that I have noticed is that initially I appear to attract guys that actually enjoy drama & toxicity (even though they say they hate it) but because I’m ‘too nice’ I’m considered boring. I don’t understand it myself, like who doesn’t want a woman that’ll love, support and nurture their other half? I’m 37 too, so I think that doesn’t help me, I think I’m out of the attractive age bracket now.

dheidjdedidbe · 2022-07-17T21:14:54+00:00

I’m 24 and single because no girl is interested in anything beyond a platonic friendship with me

cheddar_cr · 2022-07-17T17:37:56+00:00

Most people I vibe with don't want to settle down. Not up for Hookups. Hence Single.

Markyy47 · 2022-07-17T18:38:55+00:00

Im not in a relationship because I guess I’m just me and me isn’t good enough but I’m proud of myself and I know how far and how much I’ve done to get here and I won’t make a little something like being in a relationship or being single mess me up completely!

finderoftreasure · 2022-07-17T20:44:15+00:00

I am 25f in a loving relationship. I’m in a relationship because I learned to value myself first, and really taking standards and boundaries seriously. I broke up with someone who was unfaithful strictly because he didn’t meet my standard to be loved and respected in a monogamous relationship. I say that because while I loved him, cared for him and he was perfect in EVERY other aspect of our relationship, being unfaithful was the sole reason I broke up with him.

This might not work for everyone but I started treating my standards and values like a business. I did not budge, and reminded myself that I wasn’t asking for much and if a man (I’m heterosexual) does not possess those qualities I wouldn’t date them seriously. I kept an open mind, took notes (practical ones) which helped me build confidence being vulnerable and emotional.

Prioritizing myself outside of the relationship, aka my personal goals allowed me to be myself and vulnerable. I prioritized health and fitness, and other hobbies. I no longer felt like I lost myself when dating. This allowed me to open up, and be vulnerable while feeling very strong and confident. I found myself shortly after that relationship falling in love with someone who truly loves, respects, supports and challenges me to be a better person. All of which are my non negotiable traits in a partner. I truly believe once you start to take yourself seriously and prioritize yourself, you will exude traits that attract the type of person that will do the same. I am also lucky we are very compatible despite being very similar.

Always open to talk through this with anyone who has questions! I spent a lot of time in relationships with people that didn’t truly respect me. Despite being only 25 I’ve learned a lot about myself in that time. And I’m excited to continue learning new things about myself. The journey never really ends. You just get more confident and attentive when you realize things you aren’t comfortable with.

4goodluck · 2022-07-17T20:56:28+00:00

cuz i’m having the best time of m life rn

fictitious-name · 2022-07-17T22:01:50+00:00

I honestly have no idea. I was married for most of my 20s but got divorced right at 30. Put on some weight through the pandemic am now slimmer in my 30s than I was in my 20s. Still have my hair (knock on wood) and I've gotten my confidence back up. I remember being 18,19, 20 and picking girls up doing (court ordered) volunteer hours at a food bank. One time a girl I bummed a smoke off in my parents apt complex. Nowadays I go out tonight the bars to play pool and will get approached rarely, when I approach it's generally a good reception but I can never seem to seal the deal.

I've also tried OLD, even paid for month of tinder premium or whatever and I noticed that I got a substantial amount of matches compared to before but I had yet lost as much weight as I have now so my pictures probably prevented me from getting the best results.

So long story short physically I don't feel there's any deal breakers but there must be something non tangible that I'm projecting. Maybe not quite desperation but I think I need to learn how to have the attitude of "I'm here doing MY thing of playing pool. If I see a cute girl, I may or may not interrupt MY time and decide to talk to her." As opposed to going to play pool while I try to pickup girls. Hope that made sense.

SalamanderNo3872 · 2022-07-17T22:55:52+00:00

Love is blind brother. Those are facts that I didn't learn on day one it took time to develop and you tell yourself it's going to be OK until the vail is lifted and see this person for who they really are.

Hey_Its_Q · 2022-07-17T23:41:11+00:00

I was in a relationship for about a year that was so bad and toxic, and then became very unsafe for me. I found myself locking myself in a room to get away from her yelling and screaming. When she broke down a door, that’s when I bailed. She was an alcoholic and lying to me the whole time. Drinking and just mentally abusive. I have ptsd from it.

I waited like a year and a half before letting anyone else in. I did, and it was amazing in the beginning. Then she self sabotaged and just stopped talking to me. A pattern started forming: she would stop talking to me, then say “I miss you” we would start talking again then she would stop. This happened a lot. I essentially became a door mat. It broke me. I really loved the girl.

So after the first relationship, I swore off them and was fine being single forever. Then I let the second girl in and got burned. I’m once again fine with being alone, but if the right person comes along I’ll let them in again. But it might be very hard for me to open up. I’m a very social person, but I never put myself out there or initiate anything with girls. Every girl I have ever been with has initiated everything, which is probably why I end up with these types of women. But I’m optimistic, and working on myself and more importantly my confidence. 35/M

jjboy91 · 2022-07-17T16:16:06+00:00

100% rate rejection lmao

H8eater · 2022-07-17T15:00:28+00:00

No one wants me

IamEins · 2022-07-17T12:37:17+00:00

I am not in a relationship and not going to be, because women nowadays are straight up disrespectful and are not capable of giving me what I want, except for sex.

TooMuchJibberish · 2022-07-17T19:22:23+00:00

No girl wants me

Iamnotthatguypall · 2022-07-17T19:29:57+00:00

Ima be honest and say it that i just want sex and don’t care about relationships i used to like or have lots of crushes when i was in school which never workout and now it’s so hard for me to like anyone I can’t seem to catch feelings

BitchLetEmKnow · 2022-07-18T00:23:41+00:00

I don't like concerning my life around someone else.

The most i want is an fwb. Or NSA. while we're together we can do whatever but the minute we separate I'll do my own thing and they theirs.

agirlwholikeswine · 2022-07-17T21:20:59+00:00

23F here. I think I am in a place where I want to find someone, preferably something long term and nice but I can’t seem to find the right person. I’ve been single for over 2 years now, moved to a new country and started my life from scratch (sort of), and have learnt some lessons from previous relationships. I believe I know what I am looking for (serious relationship, no hookups, someone who is a decent person and understands my sensitive side and I think these aren’t unrealistic expectations), but oh man it’s so hard to find the right person. I am not in a hurry but definitely looking for the right person.

Local-Flounder-9918 · 2022-07-17T20:45:39+00:00

I'm 17 and not in a relationship BC I'm refuse to play the ignoring game to get attention and I'm nice to girls no matter how much I get hurt lol And I refuse to be friends BC what I want is clear and I'm not interested in being friends with a girl

backindis · 2022-07-18T00:30:04+00:00

not in a relationship because i spent my late teens and early 20s chasing ass and titties

i was a horned up dog. i could have gotten a girlfriend in college but i wasn't too thrilled about the girls in my social group that were available. i wanted to PICK a girl that i was attracted to and that i was interested in. my standards weren't high or anything like that in college. but i did want a decent looking/pretty type of girl and i wasn't willing to fold on that. no way you would catch me beside some average looking girl just so i could have the title of "boyfriend". no way no deal

so i tried to get with the girls that i was attracted to and they all turned me down. they all had boyfriends or they weren't into me

in a frustrated rage i decided to learn game. went out and approached a ton while i was in college. this is when i first learned cold approach and was practicing heavily

got rejected everyday, pretty much got no results. only got flakey phone numbers. zero lays and no girlfriend

at that point i was getting starved out of sex. originally i wanted a GF for both the long term relationship and the sex. but i couldn't get either one and it's been years. i needed sex badly or i was gonna explode

so i resorted to paying. i didn't pay a lot at first but i paid to fuck some girls here and there. then i started using sugar daddy websites which has helped me significantly when it came to getting laid

i then spent most of my 20s just fucking girls

banging them out, paying them if i had to. 1 a week, sometimes 2 in a day. back to back. was going after every ass or pair of tits i could get my hands on. in the end i fucked out a lot of them, i think i'm close to 100 girls at this point

after banging out all those girls i think at this point i'm finally ready to get started when it comes to dating. i'm not sure why, but for me i needed to fuck those initial 100 girls to get my head straight in order for me to properly date. back in the day when i was approaching i couldn't focus. i wanted to fuck the girls as soon as possible and i couldn't think straight. now that i've fucked a bunch, i'm able to grasp the game better

i'm able to approach sets and focus on running them correctly. and i'm not hard pressed about getting laid because i know i have a stream of sex elsewhere

at this point, i could probably land a GF if i approach enough. who knows though, either way i'm not too bothered. as long as i'm out in the field, making moves, and not fucking up my sets, then i'm doing the best that i can and that's good enough for me to be honest

Khopesh13 · 2022-07-17T20:07:07+00:00

26M not in a relationship because I often lack the confidence/motivation to approach women in public. I also assume still living at home doesn't help.

tathe1992 · 2022-07-17T20:25:47+00:00

I'm 29 and I've never been in a relationship or got a date. I'm not in a relationship because it's hard for me, most of my dates never get over the second date.

sincere_blasphemy · 2022-07-17T20:57:14+00:00

I (22f) have been with my partner (25m) for many years, since high school. We are committed and going steady :) Eventually, we definitely want to get married once we can live together. He informally asked me if I wanted to get engaged a while ago, but I said that I want to wait until we can live together, because it makes me sad to think of living away from your fiancé, especially for many years as cost of living is so high nowadays. Instead we bought promise rings for each other and consider ourselves casually engaged and refer to each other as partners.

I am studying to be a psychotherapist and he is studying computer science, and probably going into cloud computing. We try to take classes together and spend 2 days a week with each other. More time physically together is difficult because we are both very busy and he lives 30min away from me. We talk and play video games together every day.

I love being in a relationship because of the companionship. We've been together 7 years; we've been through many good times, and a lot of bad times. We are best friends who share romantic and sexual feelings with each other. I look at him the way one would look at their spouse. Serious trust and unconditional love.

Being in a relationship does take a lot of time, but for me, it's so worth it to have a life companion. Things are definitely not perfect, but we've shown over and over that we can and will work through problems and come out stronger together on the other side.

Distinct_Face_5796 · 2022-07-17T21:16:03+00:00

Because I have zero game, and can't get a gf to save my life.

Qwertyuiop123zsy · 2022-07-17T21:32:20+00:00

For context I’m 22, Male and never been in a relationship and spent most of my free time when I was younger alone in my room.

I lived a very caged life for all my childhood as well as my teenage years. I never felt the need to hang out with people and video games often filled the void so friends were not something I really had and as such females weren’t really in my life either. Flash forward to late 2019 and me and my workmates were having a chat about relationships, women etc just general guy chat if you will. Long story short I end up downloading tinder with no relationship experience or ability to speak to women. We’re now in mid 2022 and I’m no better off really. Speaking to women has never been my strong suit in fact only up until maybe early 2022 could I actually speak to women at all I’d just crumble and fold like a shit hand in poker. If I had to single out to one specific reason it’s most likely due to my lonely and caged childhood that didn’t really allow me to go out and speak to people thus hindering my socials skills.

Luckily I have a pretty decent group of friends that I hang out with regularly and drink with and females engagement (for lack of a better phrase) are a lot more common in my life now. Most of my friends are in relationships and while I’m absolutely over the moon for them I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit jealous nonetheless I’ll keep trying I know someone is out there it’s just a matter of time :)

inline6throwaway · 2022-07-17T22:21:41+00:00

I'm not in a relationship cuz it's hard for me to attract women lol. That's why I'm in this subreddit

MooseTheLegend · 2022-07-17T23:43:47+00:00

The short version of it is ex and I had far too many differing opinions on current events and politics, turns out opposites don’t attract. She helped me realize my worth & that I shouldn’t settle. I’m getting too old to be hopping in a relationship where I’m looking past flaws and red flags. So the plan is for now is just stay single, work on myself, maybe get a dog.

illvzn14 · 2022-07-17T23:56:40+00:00

I just started college, and at least for now, I think it's better to prioritize finding and making new friends than finding a relationship

underthemoon36 · 2022-07-18T00:32:33+00:00

I have trouble connecting with people. Not just women. Also I don't really leave the house much other then to run errands, work or go to the gym.

Since high school, all of my interactions with women in a sexual way have been through online dating. I do get some success there in matches but it is definitely more difficult than meeting people IRL. So here I am. I have a fwb and a couple other sexual relationships but nothing romantic. I don't know if anything romantic is going to happen any time soon. And I'm not really bothered by it.

I'm not seeking out romance. I'm open to it if it comes along. I'm a little pessimistic though because it's been so long and I'm in my 20s and really never been in a relationship where I can honestly say I've loved the other person. But like I said I'm open to it if it comes.

WilhelmTrooper · 2022-07-18T00:36:40+00:00

I’m almost 20 and a community college student. Nobody on my campus wants to socialize much less make relationships, like I can’t even just make friends. Right now I’m working a summer job and I’m using working 10-12 hours a day, 5 days a week and I never have off on weekends. In fact those days are my 12 hour days

aidsjohnson · 2022-07-18T04:42:18+00:00

Not in one because I can't find the right person

Ectoplasmic1984 · 2022-07-18T04:57:59+00:00

i assume you had to hit on her, ask her out

Caitipoo421 · 2022-07-18T05:20:15+00:00

I gave my best years to my ex who is still my best friend. We’re great as friends, not so great at dating. We get lazy and weird towards each other every time we get sucked back into the romantic shit. I rebounded with someone i fell very hard for. It was the most toxic relationship i have ever had & tbh it fucked my head up so bad i was scared to even try again. I’ve been single for about a year and a half by choice. I needed a break from it all. I’m not in the best mental state rn and i don’t feel like it’s fair to put that on someone else. I’m also neurodivergent and am annoyingly direct with my words and need a lot of space. If it were to work with someone else they would either need to be ND as well or at least care enough to try to understand my brain and why i am the way that i am. Sex is easy for me. Love is hard. But, i also am not into fucking without feelings so it’s not looking very bright for me. LOL

runaround_fruitcop · 2022-07-18T17:29:14+00:00

Too much emotional crap. Once men like you they sometimes put weird expectations over me. Like texting, talking etc. Being a kind of therapist to them. Obviously the right man won't use me as a therapist he sleeps with, but it gets so tiring when these dudes who would swear I'm the over emotional one be super needy, insecure and emotional

To me, being in a relationship is like having a dog. It take responsibility and im just not there for it. I tend to be a very more reserved emotionally person and I just can't deal, sometimes, with other people's needs.

I don't want to get into something with a person and not provide what they want. Even if I get lonely sometimes, men can be hard to deal with when they get into their feels. And not in a bad way. Cuz they deserve to have someone who wants to listen and care for them, but it takes a level of emotional energy that I just can't muster

Title	Why are you IN or NOT IN a relationship right now?
Author	Yerebeets
Upvotes	34
Comments	170
Date	July 17, 2022 8:36 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w12rko/why_are_you_in_or_not_in_a_relationship_right_now/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-are-you-in-or-not-in-a-relationship-right-now.1254275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1254275

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