How to tell a girl I've been friends with for years that I like them?

joeyggg · 2022-06-28T11:04:21+00:00

Unless she’s making it obvious that she likes you too, it’s a waste of time. Try dating or talking about other girls in front of her and if she gets jealous you can ask her if she likes you. If she’s happy for you then move on, maybe you need a break from your friend if you’re falling into a one sided secret romance aka the friend zone.

EthicalSeduction · 2022-06-28T11:18:43+00:00

Popular wisdom is that you don’t tell this person because (1) it’s too late for them to feel that early rush of attraction and (2) because it will ruin the friendship. But….

You are already good friends and should be able to speak and share with each other. So you (1) tell her how you feel, (2) ask if she feels similar and would consider trying something romantic (so she doesn’t have to commit, just trying it), and (3) you let her know that if she doesn’t feel the same way then you are fine leaving things as they are because you don’t want to mess up the string friendship that you have. And then if she says “no” to the romantic part at any time, then you go back to being just friends. You want to make it safe for her to consider the idea without any fear of losing you.

Peejmeister24 · 2022-06-28T10:32:52+00:00

Don’t. That’s how.

XanderS311 · 2022-06-28T13:27:53+00:00

She already knows that you like her, and doesn't care. If she felt the same way she would have made it blatantly obvious by now. Date someone else who is preferably more attractive than she is and her reaction will tell you everything, she'll either either try to steal you or be happy for you, either way you win.

PatientAssociation62 · 2022-06-28T10:37:03+00:00

If you've been friends for years then it's way the hell too late. What would you expect to happen? You profess your undying love to her, she "comes around", cue romantic music, you kiss, etc?

Sliverse · 2022-06-28T10:38:00+00:00

Depends. Is having her as a girlfriend worth the risk of potentially breaking your friendship? If you don't think it is, then the answer is simply don't. If it is, then go for broke and tell her straightforward. "Hey, I know we've been friends for a long time, but I needed to let you know that I feel that I like you more than that." Go from there with however she responds.

KingRemu · 2022-06-28T13:15:10+00:00

Just don't. If she had that kinda feelings for you it would've already happened. Also if you've only been her friend in the hopes that one day she'll put out then you're not a friend at all. If you caught feelings recently then ok, sometimes that can happen, but if she's really your good friend you wouldn't risk the friendship over this.

Definitely don't tell her you've been in love with her for years even if that is the case because then your whole friendship would be based on a lie (for the reasons mentioned above).

SmolAnus · 2022-06-28T12:25:27+00:00

First of all I never ruined a friendship by stating my interest in them.

But in your case it's probably not going to work out because it has been years as friends.

How does she respond when you flirt with her or try to push the barriers by touch etc.?

Finally are you REALLY a friend or someone who waits for opportunity? If you really also see her as a friend than friendship wont get ruined. But 99% of the time the guy is not really a friend and that ruins the "friendship" (that was never there).

RinkyInky · 2022-06-28T13:03:36+00:00

Step 1: Get really jacked and sexy. Step 2: flirt

Visualize_ · 2022-06-28T11:36:19+00:00

There's two ways to go about this, and either way you have to put the friendship on the line, there's no other way. The first way is the immediate and riskier way is just being honest with her. I wouldn't say you have been in love with her for like years, but I would just say you developed feelings and want to take her out on a date on Friday. She could either find it endearing which is great in your case, or she could be totally weirded out because she thought you guys were just friends and the friendship blows up.

The second way is you take things slower and go indirect. You start slowly testing the waters by flirting with her a tiny bit, and then overtime you increase the intensity of the flirting. This way she might naturally see you in a different light and start to think of you more than just a friend. Now this method does take time, which is the downside so actually the first method is sometimes recommended if this crush really bothers you and it's preventing you from exploring other options because you have a bad case of oneitis

Few_Nectarine2771 · 2022-06-28T12:53:33+00:00

Things can go either ways She might say and you guys will have the wonderful time of your life or you guys might break up vv soon (nobody knows) She might say no, and hoping she's mature enough to say 'we can still be friends if you're okay with it' this part might hurt you but you gotta take it in and move on. Don't be scared and do not ruin your life by but taking risk, even if there's 1% chance of something good happening go for it Just remember this - what ever happens, happens for good😄🙋🏼‍♂️

Canacoin · 2022-06-28T19:09:44+00:00

Don't tell here. Never. Change your behavior with her. Exemple : get more physical, Don't be afraid to get her angry without justification. Then get even more physical...it's a good way to start

Alternative_Title384 · 2022-06-28T20:26:23+00:00

Flirt non-stop and be touchy and gentle at the same time and the key for success in this case is to have no expectations

TAA180 · 2022-06-28T11:41:59+00:00

You’re just horny

MellowGuru · 2022-06-28T13:13:17+00:00

"hey, I'm noticing that i am starting to get feelings for you. Since i don't want this to influence our friendship I am going to take a break from seeing you for a couple of weeks and focus on myself in this period. I know this can be uncomfortable to hear, but I feel like it is the best way to continue being friends with you, since I appreciate the bond and friendship that we currently have a lot."

Perhaps smthing like this? It puts no pressure on her and allows you to try to move on from her and continue being friends. Also, on the off chance she likes you, or likes you in the future, she knows there is a possibility you share the same feelingsm

Neo-Rio · 2022-06-28T12:24:34+00:00

I'm sorry, but you're going to have to risk ruining the friendship. Once you start turning sexual, there is a possibility that this will make her feel unsafe around you.

You can tell her that the reason you are friends is because you like her for who she is and you wouldn't change that for the world, and that's primarily the reason why sex with her would make that even better... BUT you aren't in a rush and she can think about it in her own time while you leave it with her. You should only say this if you truly want to stay friends with her.

That said - The possibility of failure here is high, and she may do nothing and just ignore your emotional needs while she gets all her emotional needs met with your constant attention. Besides - you will no longer be friends with her when one of you finds a sexual partner anyway. You will spend your time with someone who actually wants to have sex with you instead of one that doesn't.

A better use of your time would be to spend it meeting new women who might sleep with you than one who isn't.

Mr-PdP · 2022-06-28T13:20:38+00:00

That moment has long gone my friend!

2022-06-28T12:24:44+00:00

The friendship ruining would be your fault more likely.

You just be honest with them.

I know we’ve been friends but I developed feelings for you I figured I shoot my shot so I can either be honest with you or get rid of them so they wouldn’t affect our friendship later.

Can I take you out out sometime.

Ok-Restaurant-9356 · 2022-06-29T01:16:19+00:00

Don't tell, show her and let her feel.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-06-29T03:58:36+00:00

1

How to tell a girl I've been friends with for years that I like them?

So let's back to train up here and really think about this.

You have known this girl for years. When you met her, she was either up for it or she wasn't. What happened from there is that you haven't made a move for years. And that does a couple of things.

It demonstrates lack of confidence.
Which is a turn-off.
Which in turn leads to any feelings or passion that was there, to dissipate.
If this girl often shares her dating life with you, then she definitely doesn't see you that way.

This is why, generally speaking, people say that you need to make a move within the first few weeks of meeting someone in order for things to happen.

2

One caveat here would be if you have known her since childhood and then didn't see her for a couple of years and are reconnecting with her again after you've both changed a lot.

In this case it's almost like you're meeting her for the first time again. Which gives you another window of opportunity of about a few weeks before the chance goes away.

3

I don't want to ruin the friendship.

There's a risk here. If you've been hanging out with her consistently this whole time when you actually wanted to date her, and then you spring some sort of confession on her or otherwise make moves out of nowhere, then that's going to be awkward AF.

Not going to lie, that can do some damage.

But if there's a friendship under it, then after some time away, you might be able to resume. The problem is that trying to change things after years could make the friendship seem like a lie.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-06-28T12:45:09+00:00

You don’t. That’s not even how you start a relationship. You don’t start a relationship by confessing your feelings to a girl that you haven’t even make out with first or hookup for fun first in a casual way.

Focus on hooking up with her without feelings in a casual way for a while first and then she will catch feelings too and will ask you what are we, that’s when you can tell her your feelings and start a relationship.

Sex and kisses first, confessing feelings later. That’s the correct order

SnarkPrince · 2022-06-28T21:30:47+00:00

It’s too late buddy. The friend zone is a life sentence

CryptographerOk7707 · 2022-06-28T13:11:26+00:00

Well, this is a tricky one, I had the same problem. Got too good with a girl, we became closest friends on each side, i fell in love, we continued to hang out, even though i told her the first day when i felt that way, she said no but we continued to be "friends". I just had bigger and bigger emotions, in the end we went out, but it was romantic evening, kissed at the end. Then she told me that she cant be with anyone, i told her that i want her and we cant remain friends bcs i knew that my feelings would just be stronger, and now we didnt speak a single word for last 3 weeks. Sad story, but thats how it is. My advice, tell her, you have nothing to lose. In the end, that friendship will never be the same, so basically it will either grow into sth more, or eill just collapse. The only thing is that sooner you tell her, if its a no from her side, youll be in less pain, and even more important, you will not drag it and lose precious time.

Nottodaymate · 2022-06-28T12:43:09+00:00

I m kinda in the same zone as you are. I am considering a few things before moving in to ask her.

1: Does she like me as well? Does she show she likes you? Are your other friends teasing you both about each other? (might be a good indicator)

2: is she in your group of friends? Might risk ruining your other friendships too.

3: is it worth it or are you just lonely? Is she even your type?

2022-06-28T13:15:57+00:00

Just don’t, trust me.

VNF420 · 2022-06-28T13:28:55+00:00

That you like who?

Mcfusion31 · 2022-06-28T14:03:12+00:00

A friend you be a friend she shall see

GordonGecko69 · 2022-06-28T14:23:36+00:00

Don’t

18Mandrake_R00T5 · 2022-06-28T14:23:59+00:00

Don't.

GreenFaithlessness15 · 2022-06-28T14:27:02+00:00

You only want to get into her panties.

Majestic_Meal_5655 · 2022-06-28T14:31:07+00:00

They have always known you like them, but since you put yourself in the friend zone that's where you will always be. A good friend.

Lopsided_Jackfruit37 · 2022-06-28T14:55:50+00:00

You don't.

She doesn't like you. Trust me.

nickmenage · 2022-06-28T15:24:59+00:00

Don’t waste your time telling her , girls like what they cant have , if anything she already is well aware of your attraction.

Instead what you to do is start flirting with her , and other girls , be more touchy and build up physical attraction .

inawlaah · 2022-06-28T16:07:38+00:00

Been there and asked one of my friends for advice and he said “The services you are getting right now from her are for free and hence you are enjoying it”

And the moment she is your Gf or romantic shit comes in. GIRLS CHANGE. GIRLS CHANGE AF. Not the very next day but in a month or so. So make sure you know what you do.

Again every individual is not the same, but girls are.

TheFreakish · 2022-06-28T16:19:14+00:00

I think flirting with her is your best bet. You need to build some tension. You gotta get her to giggle.

If she doesn't feel the same way she might get upset with you, but dude .. your feelings are completely valid. You're completely within your right to pursue something more. People catch feelings. If she's a real friend she'll understand that.

great_account · 2022-06-28T16:24:12+00:00

Most girls will probably try to stay friends even if they're not into you. You got nothing to lose by letting her know. (Ps I wouldn't expect it to work the way you want)

ikeepon · 2022-06-28T16:34:57+00:00

I wouldn’t ‘tell’ her. I would flirt with her like with any other chic and escalate. Try to build attraction if it ain’t already there. Confessing your feelings won’t work.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2022-06-28T17:26:41+00:00

You don't. That's creepy af! How would you feel if your best friend of 5 years turned to you one day and said, "Sorry, Mate... I've only been your friend so i could bang your mom!" or equally cringe "I've been trying to get into your pants". It's a betrayal from someone two-faced and conniving.

troublemakerf · 2022-06-28T17:53:23+00:00

You don't, that's the neat part

AngeloMacon · 2022-06-28T17:54:19+00:00

Don't ever. If you could read minds and you know at a 100% certainty that a woman is madly in love with you, you still don't tell her. You show her. Make a move.

That being said, since you're asking random people on the internet, I think it's safe to assume that this girl doesn't like you back. For guys who end up dating a former friend, it always happens in 2 scenarios.

Guy has always had crush on girl. She strings him along for attention and safety fall back option while she aims higher. One day, she finally decides she's settling. But she also knows you've always had a crush on her and don't have the ball to make a move. So, she will make a really bold move on you. Gets drunk and very flirty one night, asks to sleep over because she's "upset" about something, etc

Girl has always had crush on guy. This guy is a catch with a certain amount of social IQ, otherwise girl would've gotten frustrated and moved on years ago. Ergo, he's always known that she has a crush on him. He one day decides that she'd make a good girlfriend, she went on a diet, etc and he makes the move.

.

theKnightWatchman44 · 2022-06-28T18:25:16+00:00

If you need to tell her then the feeling likely isn't mutual, just game on her and keep upping the ante to see what kinda flirting you can get away with - don't apologise for flirting with her, almost every girl will be receptive to a little..

TH3BUDDHA · 2022-06-28T18:28:12+00:00

I don't want to ruin the friendship.

Good luck.

Zorioux · 2022-06-28T20:21:32+00:00

You don't, you fricking don't

beepboop1916 · 2022-06-28T20:55:44+00:00

Just say you HAD a crush on her in the past. If she reacts well and wishes you still did, then that's your chance. If not, then abort and move on.

bruno_do · 2022-06-28T22:09:06+00:00

From experience, dont tell her. If she likes you back, you would know it already. If you tell her your feelings and they are not matching with hers ( wich is 95% of certain), you will ruin your friendship unless you are both super duper very mature, and talk about it, to move on as friends. She is probably your friend for that long because she doesn't see signs of sexual/romantic interests from you

LittleCa3sars · 2022-06-28T22:16:34+00:00

If a girl likes you…You will know.

Or you can just say, come to…. And see if things happen.

Be aware though, attraction tends to happen fast.

If you let it fester and linger… it becomes moldy.

LadyDynamite332 · 2022-06-28T23:15:29+00:00

Has she ever hinted (flirty, touchy, etc) that she may like you? She more than likely knows you like her already. I had a couple guy friends who had crushes on me over the years and I always hoped they’d never tell me unless I was clearly reciprocating. One who told me we stopped being friends things became weird. Another never did and we have been friends for almost 20 years now, I deeply value his friendship, he’s incredible and I’m glad it was never pushed to another level because we have been able to support each other through our youth and adult life without any awkwardness.

No-Historian-6391 · 2022-06-28T23:33:59+00:00

Pull out your dick

chevozepam92 · 2022-06-29T00:12:21+00:00

Not to sound like a mayor Dick , but

1- She Slept with a lot of guys during all those years

2- she will say OK or haha cute , short answer defo

3- you need to get your heart broken to pieces to evolve from this type of attitude "ONEITYS"

4- you're dragging this thing way too much, during that time you should have hookup with other girls

5- WHY do I KNOW This ? Because I was exactly like u , but something was different I was always attracting other girls into my life , BUT No she's the only one She's the Special ONE She's different we did our presentations together sit together share secrets ETC.

6- How did I finally got out of this mindset Eventually I slept with another girl this thing opened my mind and eyes I was still in love of the ONE , but something changed I knew I could get girls and started dating other girls SO so why I'm so obsessed about this one chick...

7- I finally made the approach wasn't the cutest thing but whatever we where talking really close to each other lots of flirting DRUNK tried to kiss her she moved away I told her why u always flirting but never doing shit I slapped her butt in a sexy way and left the place , she was pissed texting me ugly shit and tbh this was such a release , 2 weeks laters I was hanging out with the new girl from class in front of her, we didn't stare at each other for the remaining of the 6 months at class shit was Awkward AF, she blocked me from every social media and we never talked since that day

Pookiethetwentieth · 2022-06-29T00:55:06+00:00

Weigh the risk vs the reward. I was friends with this girl for 3 years and literally would be around her talking about other guys. Problem was I was actually really crazy about her. She was amazing. I told her because we had a friendship built on being direct and honest. So I told her. We had a fallout two weeks later because she was actually extremely toxic and I was ignoring it B because of my attraction.

If you’ve been friends with her long enough, Weigh out her strengths and weaknesses. Really think about what life dating her would be like. The truth is, if you date your best friend you typically end up marrying them because it makes sense. If you want to just fuck her then by all means you could try that route. It’s not gonna go anywhere unless you flat out just say “hey I like you more than as just a friend. Have you ever thought of my that way”. It will hurt if she says no, and it will feel amazing if she says yes. But ultimately it’ll take away that suspense and you can move on.

Tell her. Trust me. I did that and it cost me my best friend. I still don’t regret telling her. It takes a serious set of nuts to do that and guys just don’t do it anymore

burncushlikewood · 2022-06-29T01:06:48+00:00

https://youtu.be/CC_7NfZ1-Js

ustor_propter · 2022-06-29T01:19:26+00:00

Just be direct and see what happens. But understand that if you do that and she says no, the friendship has to end. If you’re fine with those stakes, definitely go for it.

D3ckard_Rokubungi · 2022-06-29T02:15:34+00:00

Don’t. Waste of time.

punittt · 2022-06-29T02:51:36+00:00

To think of it, would you wanna stay friends in case she says no? And, would you forever wanna keep this secret so as not to risk the friendship? If your answers lean towards No, then yeah ask her out!

dud230 · 2022-06-29T03:08:38+00:00

Sir, the moment you have romantic feelings, the friendship is already ruined as you didn't just see her as friend but a romantic partner.

ashton_men · 2022-06-29T09:17:53+00:00

Oh boy. Bad and a good thing at the same time. I would run as far away as possible. But the wisdom of the great in comment thread are better.

Historical-Gift2887 · 2022-06-29T10:30:30+00:00

Don't talk about it, just slowly try to introduce the idea of you two being romantic, touch and eventually go in for a kiss.

If you must tell her, don't do it from a place of low self-esteem talking about how you feel and it's okay if she doesn't feel the same.

Do it from a place of boldness, "Look, ____, I want you as more than a friend, I don't give a fuck about the consequences anymore."

Title	How to tell a girl I've been friends with for years that I like them?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	31
Comments	73
Date	June 28, 2022 10:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vmjlfl/how_to_tell_a_girl_ive_been_friends_with_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-tell-a-girl-ive-been-friends-with-for-years.1255839 https://theredarchive.com/post/1255839

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