What does it feel like to be attractive? [recovered]

smokinlilvixen · 2022-06-21T01:42:18+00:00

It’s great. People treat you differently—male or female. It’s pretty insane. I noticed this when I lost weight and became more desirable. But, I agree with the other comments above, doesn’t change one’s insecurities. We all have them.

Edit: I want to emphasize the weight loss. I used to be fat and ugly so I know the difference. When I became attractive, it was night and day. All of a sudden people were falling all over themselves just to please me, open doors for me, and do things for me. Does it help with getting laid? Yes, of course.

NichRigga- · 2022-06-21T02:11:44+00:00

The halo effect is real and the world seems to treat you better, men and women. However, in terms of dating, inner game/ confidence trumps all.

I got shredded af one summer but still had self-image/low confidence issues and didnt take action. Because of that, i didnt get laid during that period. Being attractive means nothing if you arent confident and dont take action. Girls dont just fall into your lap

The_Wandering_Nomad_ · 2022-06-21T02:54:18+00:00

Guys treat you like shit. You'll get sized up and mugged by strangers. Women will check you out but you still have to do most of the work. It's more of an invitation than anything. If you don't have confidence, you will crash and burn. People are generally nicer unless they're in your age bracket, which leads back to point 1. It's not a magic pill. You still have to follow most of the tips you'll see on this sub. But your ceiling is higher.

dud230 · 2022-06-21T01:57:10+00:00

Good looks open doors for you, give u more opportunity. Of cuz women would react differently if you flirt with them

jazerac · 2022-06-21T02:47:32+00:00

It makes it so much easier.... I have genetics on my side, but I also bust my ass in the gym. It is relatively easy if you find the right women who are DTF and looking. You barely even have to try. They typically qualify themselves to you..

And I see why: I look around and most dudes look like slobs, have man tits, skinny arms, and wear cloths that fit too tight on them.

If you eat right, exercise, and build a decent amount of muscle and are at a healthy weight, it automatically puts you in the top 25%... moving up then depends on facial attractiveness (out of your control for the most part) and wealth/success, which you can work on.

So moral of the story: put the fucking work into it. Even if you don't have an attractive face, you can still work on your body and success.

SoulQuest11 · 2022-06-21T01:04:17+00:00

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WTFyow · 2022-06-21T01:42:54+00:00

Well I can’t say I’ve gotten more girls being attractive. It’s more how you carry yourself, communicate and self care. And after all that still can’t find a partner 👁💧👄💧👁

Everyone deals with ego, attractive or not.

Everyone deals with self perception and self esteem struggles

We’re all human, looks just give you an edge in how people perceive you, every situation is different of course so it can have perks and cons.

In my opinion personality and having values is what makes someone attractive. I’ve seen some good looking guys that repel me.

Tbeck_91 · 2022-06-21T05:17:38+00:00

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Extra-Boysenberry · 2022-06-21T01:26:33+00:00

Attractive men still face problems when it comes to dating. I’m truthfully an 8 when it comes to looks, and I encounter the same problems so called incels apparently have.

20+ body count, 1000 Tinder matches, and I’m still sad and discouraged with romance sometimes. I’m 23M, and have only been in two serious relationships. People do treat me nice in public, I’ve never been turned away from a job offer, and I get compliments from both men and women every now and then. If I’m lucky, I’ve had a few girls initiate their desire for me. I still have to have “good game” to pull quality women.

However, people who think attractive people have no insecurities or problems are wrong. Confidence fluctuates, I get lonely from time to time, and I’ll sometimes just feel down in the dumps with other external factors in life.

BullyBumble · 2022-06-21T05:39:05+00:00

I’m not a 10 but I’ve been called attractive by both sexes my whole life. My breakdown:

For guys it’s like getting a little more benefit of the doubt and some respectful assumptions. I don’t get free shit. My gf does constantly though.

For girls it’s like being a queen. Attempted assassins and all. They get free shit and “respect” everywhere but also are in actual danger from obsessed (or not even) dudes.

Mostly what I notice is that most men literally cant treat hot women as peers. They just can’t. They don’t even understand the concept. Women seem to have less of that disconnect. So some of the difference is just in how the sexes relate.

Ie if women hit on men the way men hit on women I’d get a lot more passes/free stuff.

Revolutionary_Wind_8 · 2022-06-21T05:55:05+00:00

The biggest plus is this kinda halo effect that does make things easy. Jobs, women, people listening to you, etc…

Honestly the biggest struggle is that other men constantly get insecure around you (if you’re a man). They’ll feel the need to one-up you or size you up.

Female attention is also higher.

However, they almost seem to make it harder for you. Idk how to explain it. Almost like you have to prove to them that you’re not just counting on your looks to do the job lol.

TestaverdeRules · 2022-06-21T02:04:21+00:00

Years ago I was a ridiculously attractive rocker guy. Now I'm average which is fine but it takes a lot more effort. When I was really attractive, I had girls, even models regularly coming up and talking to me. I barely had to do anything and I'd have a date and most likely ended up getting laid that night. I have a gf now but when I was single I still could get those same girls but it required a ton of effort. I actually had to be witty, and know how to pick up women. If I didn't know how to do this I can guarantee you I'd be dateless.

bruno_do · 2022-06-21T02:02:14+00:00

honestly, for me not much. I get told i lot that im attractive, and all that stuff, i meet a lot of people but its the same hard to connect, to get to know, to love a specific person

bloodyblob · 2022-06-21T03:47:47+00:00

It’s lonely.

Cheyemos · 2022-06-21T02:33:24+00:00

No offense, but I don’t think very attractive people can even answer this question objectively or honestly; they simply have no idea what it would be like to be somebody who’s average to poor looking… Ironically countless doors are open for them but since they’ve never been anything other than attractive, they’re unaware that these doors have been opened in the first place… i’m not referring to how they view their own self-esteem or what they think of themselves personally, I’m talking about the cold, hard objective reality of how the world reacts to them.

I know I haven’t answered your question OP, but I thought this was interesting to note. Also, I’m not just some incel-, I have a very lovely girlfriend (somehow, it’s baffling to me, but I found a unicorn) and I’m not some amazingly attractive person either… but this notion that very attractive people have the “same problems “as people who are average to poor looking, is simply laughable… specially when it comes to the dating world: man, if these very attractive people were thrust into the shoes of an average looking person for a week, they’d probably have a mental breakdown at just how much differently the world treats them… and this mostly and disproportionally applies attractive women, but by and large still applies to very attractive men as well.

yung_potion · 2022-06-21T01:51:51+00:00

1, get your new perspectives from this sub and go and use them IRL. One perspective to take away is attractiveness is way less physical than you think (in terms of men, sorry girls. And yeah I assumed your gender). Focus on the things outside of unchangeable biological features of yourself. Stop worrying about other peoples experiences unless you can gain something from them. You think they’re life is perfect but you can never feel what that person is feeling. You don’t know how hard it is to be the mid girl in a group of hot girls. You don’t know how the pressure of appearance affect some people. It can build you up until something happens and you lose all love for yourself because you aren’t what you look like. Read that again, you aren’t what you look like. Again, if you are a man, you can go far with your attractiveness before your actual physical appearance starts impeding your uh, life experiences or sexual experiences. I think that it is much different for women, because of how our natural attraction to them works, and I’m not saying the opposite is true for them but I haven’t sat and philosophized that because it doesn’t affect me nearly as much. If anyone has any useful input on that I’m all ears.

2, A lot of people who are told they are attractive aren’t told they are attractive like you think they might be told. This goes for men and women, as really attractive people are one, often not approached as much because of intimidation and or perceived ‘out-of-your-league’-ness (which I don’t believe in and neither should you) and two, aren’t complimented in the same way a moderately attractive person might be because people who see you as definitively better in some aspect have a tendency to want to decrease your value in some way, may resent you, or just don’t think you need compliments to what they might think is blatant (she/he knows she/he is attractive, why would I want to validate them even more).

Another aspect is vanity, and how some people have it and some don’t, I believe a high level of vanity can create a certain amount of attractiveness, think make-up, style, physique, even in less that average people. But this vanity comes with insecurity which again, makes people doubt their attractiveness.

There’s more aspects to all this but my point is that it’s not what you make it out to be, of course there are benefits of how people might treat you INITIALLY but remember that a lot of people don’t even utilize their benefits because of how they see themselves. I know because I was and still am to a degree like this. A person can have a couple zits and think they look like a monster, one small thing they have to look at every day that bothers them to no end, when they themselves overlook the same thing in their partner or friend.

cangero0 · 2022-06-21T04:36:06+00:00

Is it good being attractive? Yeah probably. But at the end of the day external things only get you so far. Imagine a disabled guy, he is going to be engrossed with where he is lacking, which is his disability. He looks at everyone without a disability, like you, and thinks "must be so good not being disabled, it would solve all my problems."

But in reality, do you have no problems? Of course not. In the same vein, attractive people are not going to have no problems.

wendiaster · 2022-06-21T04:49:14+00:00

Honestly, this will be controversial, but most of my problems did get solved when I lost weight and hence became more attractive. Of course, I still had childhood tramau and ADHD and stuff like that, but. My chronic back pain disappeared, my sex life improved, I got compliments, I got my confidence back, I could stand for long periods without becoming nauseous and exhausted, I had so much energy, and It felt good to wear clothes like nothing felt tight or uncomfortable. So yeah, it's not like I was a fitness nut, but just toning up a bit, made so much difference. Also, I required a lot less sleep. It was like I just had so much energy.

cronasminate · 2022-06-21T04:53:42+00:00

I get why some people just seem to lose all hope when it comes to dating and life, especially if it feels like you have no way out. I gained like 60+ pounds and became really unhealthy. My fat pretty much hid my facial features and made me look like I'm some slob lol. It was a nightmare when I experienced it. I felt invisible and women treated me like shit. People treated me like shit.

When I got back to my usually looks and weight, it felt like night and day. Absolutely astounding, the difference.

False-Clerk-5073 · 2022-06-21T05:38:48+00:00

speaking from a male pov, certainly you'll be chased by women a lot. life will get a little bit easier, there's no denying that. but as mentioned here already, confidence is the key. having a strong self esteem and a good communication skill added with a great banter ability will push you further than any kind of ryan gosling face.

weird thing is even if you are just a pretty face without any other attr. you'll get girls in the first place but eventually they'll abandon you. it's funny but that's the truth or at least I've experienced so far. Remember, there's nothing sexier than a good sense of humor, a pinch of communication ability and a lot of self esteem.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-06-21T05:11:55+00:00

It's the same as being unattractive. Except people look at you more often and women are more willing to talk to you. Men too to a lesser degree. Maybe every now and then a woman will approach you, but she'll rarely be attractive. It doesn't make up for social anxiety or a boring personality.

This is from someone who was a 4, who then became an 8.

Sensitive-Kiwi-1150 · 2022-06-21T05:31:13+00:00

As a male, women who are strangers do things to attract attention. I can give a lot of examples. It is usually eye contact though. Most recent examples are:

In one of my math classes there was a group of 3 women who were attracted to me. Firstly to give some context one of them wore similar clothing a lot. These clothes were very I don't want to stand out, plain and covered a lot of skin. For her she kept giving me the I am looking out the window but never making eye contact. I made direct eye contact and it was always like in my head "bro ain't no way you are lookin at the free way outside the window" also no men in that direction since small class and first 2 rows of class. One time the professor made a joke and she smiled at me while looking my way I caught her eye contact and smiled because when people smile at me I smile back. In one instance she changed up very flashy clothes and such and kept trying to make eye contact but I didn't want to be in a relationship at this time she was good looking though.

The girl next to her on her right kept glancing at me and that is all she ever did. I sat to the right of all of them. Also she kept doing her hair and sometimes she would leave to the bathroom after glancing my way.

The girl to her left wasn't very proactive in getting my attention but we made eye contact a couple of times. She also in section made obvious glances like she was looking at people behind her but would have like 0.25 seconds of just looking at me before turning to look behind her. She would stretch a lot to try to attract attention, this was in section and I was the only dude since this was an advanced math class around 20 people. She would flutter her eyes when we made eye contact.

In economics I remember a woman kept glancing my way, at the end of class when I stood up she literally just turned her head to view me for like 5 seconds straight while I was looking at the screen.

Another time I walked into econ section and looked straight into a woman's eye and she started to flutter her eyes like crazy.

Not a lot but few women sit next to me even if it is just me. It happened multiple times outside, on the bus, in class, I assume everyone gives people space like how men pee in the stalls.

Women if they are in the service industry like restaurants will hand me things but touch my hand in the process.

Got free icecream from a woman once.

In the dining commons one time a woman straight stared into my soul and I was like fuck it I am going to stare back and we had eye contact for at least 10 seconds. She lost and she looked away very slowly. Heh.

Sometimes I walk into a room and see many heads turn mostly women.

Women try to be near you like walk around you when they could just walk straight away.

On the bus you will get a lot of women trying to make eye contact and if you do and they look away will attempt a second look or third.

Random strangers both men and women will talk to you. Some men stare and glance back if you make eye contact they look away might just be normal behavior though.

Some women smile most don't. I don't hang around the bar/club/party scene so I can't speak for that.

You really just get a lot more opportunities and attention. I am asian male if that helps, most of these women are asians, some latinos, some white, few black.

SadBox4529 · 2022-06-21T05:52:09+00:00

Being attractive doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have an attractive personality, if you do it’s a huge bonus

However, as a baby faced dude in good shape I get away with way more stuff than a dude who isn’t,especially when it comes to initiating contact with chicks.

Arrr2 · 2022-06-21T05:58:40+00:00

I used to be ugly , I think I’m somewhat attractive now (have hooked up with lots of attractive girls …type that I could’ve never imagined when I was ugly…off dating apps, get first messages on apps and girls approach me in bars)

And man let me tell you it’s a day and night difference.. I don’t think I’m top 10% (maybe top 20% for a young white guy) bcz I’ve seen how super hot guys get treated , they live in a different world

going from ugly to good looking actually made me bitter, made me realize how superficial women are

Christi-rabbit · 2022-06-21T01:43:45+00:00

When you love yourself and find a person who loves you and compliments you it builds your self esteem and helps you..my ex would tell me how beautiful I wa and when I wore makeup and dress up more would say wow you are so hot and look so good…although I’m definitely overweight he loves me and I’m glad I had this relationship as he built me up again and loved my booty too which now I know is such an asset 😎😎😎

lana_del_reymysterio · 2022-06-21T06:02:39+00:00

M25 here, went from underweight/unattractive to very in shape, lean muscular, chiseled face, and all round conventionally attractive.

Here's been my experience:

Every demographic except women around my age became dramatically nicer/friendlier to me. Especially men around my age, they kiss my ass endlessly.
However women around my age IRL suddenly became a lot colder, standoffish, withdrawn, a lot less receptive than they were previously. They would hold negative stereotypes about me right from the jump. These things have made it very hard to make any sort of connection with women.
That said, Tinder has been amazing in terms of lots of matches/messages leading to quite a bit of dates/sex, and they're usually at least quite attractive or higher. However, no matter how keen they are at the beginning, they can often disappear at random for no reason so it can be a lot more annoying/time consuming in terms of filtering out the crap/flakes/time wasters

ImAGhostOooooooo · 2022-06-21T02:39:07+00:00

You get used a lot because people only see you as an item to bang and not a person with feelings

A lot of people don't take me seriously at work because they think I'm dumb

Sexual harrassment complaints get pushed off all the time because I was "too friendly" or "you're mad that someone complimented you on your good looks?"

I got harrassed ALL THE TIME

Guys would have bets on who could bed me first 😔 people that I thought were my friends.....

Guys get jealous and mad at me when I don't sleep with them but I sleep with someone if my choosing

Girls are bitches towards me because they see me as competition, so it's hard to make girl friends

Off2damoon · 2022-06-21T02:41:36+00:00

Well I've been told I'm attractive by a large enough pool of women to consider that substantial evidence that I am attractive.

So from that perspective here is the harsh truth: It's pretty fukn sweet!

If you're "unattractive" ask yourself why? Is it your symmetry? Your facial features? Or is it something within your control such as your style, your hair cut, you body type? Move the needle as far as you can to be the most attractive version of yourself, work on your confidence, your game, your finances/ career and life experiences. I can assure you that you will be getting laid if you put the effort in.

godzmack · 2022-06-21T03:03:51+00:00

Personality trumps all, rest is just icing

herfavoriteskater · 2022-06-21T08:03:54+00:00

these replies make me so sad being ugly lmao it mbn

ActionEve · 2022-06-21T03:40:15+00:00

Attractiveness is not caring about what others think about you and having a purpose driven life

grindforthegold · 2022-06-21T01:16:39+00:00

It helps a lot. I’m good looking, and girls react well to me when they’re into it. I do very well with warm approaches. Asians and Black girls react very positively to me because I am white ngl. However I am short, so when it comes to the cold approach I am not as quickly accepted. Lifts help a lot. Still cold approach is easiest at 5’9+ (with or without lifts) I only reach 5’7 with lifts

Good game is important. If I was awkward I would get no poon. Looks and Game come hand in hand

MistyMaisel · 2022-06-21T02:16:03+00:00

Honestly, pretty good. It definitely comes with certain perks. I can't really imagine being any other way. Lots of tokens, kindness, and easy treatment. People trust and help you more.

But, it certainly has downsides. A lot more attention. People, especially men being fake with you to get things from you. People assuming things about you that aren't true. People feel more entitled to you in a lot of ways. The constant siren call to take advantage of others with it. A lot of upkeep. And honestly, a lot of people hating you for no good reason, especially women.

ContWord2346 · 2022-06-21T07:02:13+00:00

No it wouldn’t solve your issues.

Read psycho cybernetics by maxwell maltz. He was a plastic surgeons and would make people very attractive, but he found out they still felt ugly inside.

Read the book. Many supermodels feel Ugly. It’s a thing. It’s a perception.

nikitodoggy · 2022-06-21T01:53:50+00:00

I've seen is way much easier for them to get jobs, friends, in and out of relationships. Im sure it even helps a lot in developing personality and self esteem (Im sure that if I say the exact same joke or comment I won't caught the same attention or acceptance in the audience as they)
Maybe they say they still have self-esteem issues. Who cares about what you think of yourself when the world opens almost all doors for you to live a life full of remarkable experiences and good things

PersimmonAccurate100 · 2022-06-21T03:28:03+00:00

im attractive so i can match with them at first but i have autism so i cant get anyone to stay with me :(

ksm6149 · 2022-06-21T06:42:26+00:00

You need only ask yourself the very important follow-up question: Attractive to whom?

As others have said you still need to work on everything else. If attractiveness of the body is the invitation to the part; attractiveness of the personality makes you the life of the party

Wildmtnchild · 2022-06-21T07:17:46+00:00

Men will lie to me to get in my pants. I’ve had to learn to not believe the motives of most men. Now that I’m getting older this is getting a bit better. I generally get treated nicely and occasionally get free shit. Again, less so now than when I was younger.

The other side of being attractive is that it starts to fade with age. And you learn what it’s like to be invisible to men. Which, is nice! I don’t miss the cat calls, the creeps, the dudes with the rapey vibes. I’m still an attractive woman and find myself attracted to good looking men. Although I’m not the stickler for 6 pack abs I once was. Getting older is actually kinda nice.

I may be good looking but life is still hard. Life is hard for everyone. It’s just fucking difficult to relate to others in a world where you spend half your life navigating the land mines of your own childhood trauma, much less someone else’s. Getting your needs met without being an ass to others is an acquired skill.

luckycharm4uonly · 2022-06-21T07:43:45+00:00

It gives you certain benefits but I don’t notice it much because I’m used to, but my friends tell me it’s obvious how people are nicer to me just because. But do not think, not even for one second, it takes all of your problems away, it just comes with a different set of problema like maybe thinking you’re only worth it for your outside and you begin to be scared of growing older for example. Also, I am extremely insecure

alikazi · 2022-06-21T08:21:29+00:00

My experience is a bit counter intuitive. I became more attractive as I reached my 30s in all terms - my face changed, I worked out more than before, I made more money etc. But before that as I was not very attractive in all terms so I had developed a lot of self confidence to pick up and when I would pick up it was important for me to show the girls that I'm confident. But now if I show the same amount of confidence girls actually get intimidated. Now I have to tone it down quite a lot in the beginning. Girls seem to assume that I'm a player or have a very easy time picking up so I actually end up facing more resistance to my approach than before.

However it feels much easier than before to approach girls now. Specially because now I get looked at/stared at more so its easy for me to know who's interested.

thinderwhipper · 2022-06-21T08:27:28+00:00

I don’t like it sometimes. I wouldn’t say I’m the most attractive. I want to be left alone. Staring or people glancing at me give me anxiety because it makes me feel as if I need small talk.

Jhinn11 · 2022-06-21T08:37:42+00:00

The average guy can do 9 things right and one thing wrong and lose the girl. An attractive guy could probably do 6 things right & four things wrong

Throwawayadistance · 2022-06-21T08:46:19+00:00

Its different for everyone. Ever since my late teens I have always heard I'm very good looking, besides being pretty jacked and tall so the last couple of years I have always received a lot of attention from girls.

But it itsn't always what it seems like, for me personally it didn't help as much as you'd think. I was a virgin for most of those years and my bodycount is now 1 at almost 22 years old.

ButterscotchParty217 · 2022-06-21T08:46:21+00:00

I’m a women and yes I’m very pretty. Did it help…nah..men treat pretty women as sluts and it’s hard work to make men believe that you are a person who is willing to compromise and stay loyal. Actually that’s the biggest hurdle a beautiful women has in committed relationship. Initially everyone treats me well, but soon I see women feeling insecure and men just looking for a hookup. It sucks. Life is tough for everyone. You always have to work hard to get what you really want.

Dakidmen · 2022-06-21T08:56:51+00:00

Every time I cut my hair I feel like girls are so into me. Hot girls actually talk to me first. But my low confidence still persists and I end up screwing it up

Real-Edge-9288 · 2022-06-21T11:55:33+00:00

it sucks most of the times but sometimes you are treated nicely

Title	What does it feel like to be attractive? [recovered]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	123
Comments	108
Date	June 21, 2022 1:01 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/vh0tru/what_does_it_feel_like_to_be_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-does-it-feel-like-to-be-attractive.1256500 https://theredarchive.com/post/1256500

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