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[–]nicolai_1998 85 points86 points87 points 4 years ago (119 children) | Copy Link
That’s great, keep going
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 7 points8 points9 points 4 years ago (118 children) | Copy Link
How would you keep going
[–]nicolai_1998 41 points42 points43 points 4 years ago (117 children) | Copy Link
Try to convert the number into a date. Approach more girls
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (114 children) | Copy Link
And I'm sure eventually it'll "just happen"?
[–]nicolai_1998 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (107 children) | Copy Link
It will happen if you are doing things right. «Models» by Mark Manson explains it well
[+]KinxTheTimeStripper -15 points-14 points-13 points 4 years ago (106 children) | Copy Link
If there's a right way to do things, why can't you explain it in much detail?
There's still luck, she can say no for any reason
[–]ItIsICoachCal 14 points15 points16 points 4 years ago (103 children) | Copy Link
Dude probably doesn't feel like summarizing the book on reddit lol
Bottom line is, yeah there is no way to guarantee success with any particular girl. If that's what you're waiting for, keep waiting.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (102 children) | Copy Link
I'm putting in the work and nothing is coming from it
[–]ItIsICoachCal 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (101 children) | Copy Link
What specifically have you done? For how long? How often do you meet new people?
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (100 children) | Copy Link
I meet 2 or 3 new people a day when I'm out and about running errands, and I talk to dozens of people when I'm out at clubs and bars. This has been happening for years.
[–]ItIsICoachCal3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
That's a good start, but it sounds like your current approach with these dozens of people isn't working. How have you improved yourself or refined your approach?
In your other comments, you say "I don't come across this needy when I'm out at the clubs." but the issue is you are very needy, and that's going to come across, especially if your social calibration is low.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It's not like I can find details of "social calibration" anywhere, you're just going to tell me to practice more
Lately I've been working the room a little more, and approaching fewer people, and somehow people are gravitating towards me at clubs but it's not leading anywhere
If you already know what I'm going to say, why ask? You already know everything after all /s
You can find tons of details on "social calibration" by actually looking. Seriously. Google it. Try for like 2 minutes to understand a new term. It won't hurt, I promise.
A) if people are "gravitating towards" you at clubs, you're like 90% of the way there. But idk if I 100% take as gospel your read on the situation. What exactly are you doing and how are people responding?
B) This is the third time I'm asking about what "work" you've done, and all you're saying is going to clubs. I only know what you tell me, and you're not telling me the whole story.
C) If club girls aren't your demo, have you tried other venues?
Dr Nerdlove's article goes into a stupidly shallow amount of detail.
"Make sure her eyes aren't wandering around the room."
"Embrace congruence by making sure your body language matches your words."
"Use trial and error, and don't think about getting laid."
[–]ItIsICoachCal7 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Way to ignore 90% of both what I'm saying, and the thrust of that article you're talking about.
What do you want from me or anyone else here? Do X pattern with Y pickup line and out pops your 10/10 bikini model girlfriend? Unfortunately dude, this is real life, not a video game, so there are no guarantees no matter how hard you mash the controls. And it's ultimately hurting you: dismissing every piece of advice as "stupidly shallow" and insinuating people are full of shit because they can't explain the entirety of dating in a two paragraph reddit comment to you isn't going to help you in the slightest.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Well, I'm trying and failing. I go to r/virgin and outsiders shit on me for not trying hard enough. I come here and ask what worked out for people in the past, and never get a straight answer that's actually helpful.
In the case of the OP, "keep going" is meaningless and just toxic pep talking that might let this guy down. It's not like he wasn't already going to
I just don't see the point of pushing a toxic "it will happen" narrative on everyone if I've tried talking to women and nothing has worked out.
Also you just told me that if I told you how I've tried improving my approach, you wouldn't have very much good advice on how to improve it further.
[–]ItIsICoachCal5 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Well, I'm trying and failing
Aside from saying "I go to the club" I still don't know what you've actually tried. In what areas have you applied effort to improve your life, work on your hangups, improve your approach, how you present yourself ect. I've asked four times now and gotten zero from you.
They're encouraging him to continue his progress. "Keep going" because he's on the right track. How you can read that as "meaningless and just toxic" says 100x more about you than anyone else.
I come here and ask what worked out for people in the past, and never get a straight answer that's actually helpful.. . .pushing a toxic "it will happen" narrative
You are the only one to bring that up in this thread. Everyone you've asked has reciprocated your level of effort in response, or gone further. The book that's been recommended will go into as much detail as you need if you want to sit and read a long guide. But you've brushed past that idk how many times.
Where did I say that??
[–]mishaelinsight4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I applaud you for trying to help OP so much despite the attitude. @OP I obviously don’t know you or how you approach women, but via text you come across as self-defeating and having a negative energy. I can imagine the lack of progress being frustrating, but try reflecting if it’s this negative energy your projecting. Maybe a change of mindset will help.
[–]ItIsICoachCal4 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Thanks man. I probably shouldn't have continued as long as I did with him, but c'est la vie. I know how it feels to be in that headspace, but no one can pull him out of it unless he wants to actually exit that mentality.
Right track? So there is a right track? I thought this whole thing was open ended, and there were no guarantees. That's the only reason there'd be no specific advice in here.
What you said was "no one can summarize dating in two paragraphs". Which means no one can summarize a good approach. You'd give me vague advice if I posted what my approaches look like. Want to put it to the test?
I am going to pirate the book tonight and read it
I thought this whole thing was open ended, and there were no guarantees.
If we're at a free throw shot clinic, no coach no matter how good can guarantee you'll make any shot in particular. But if you're shooting off handed with your eyes closed, they can definitely improve those mechanics. And coming in with your overwhelming needy woe-is-me everyone-is-stupid attitude is like shooting free throws by trying to eat the ball and then spitting it at the hoop.
What you said was "no one can summarize dating in two paragraphs". Which means no one can summarize a good approach.
Let's google. It's this thing called a "search engine" so if someone recommends a book, you can google that name and "summary". Then you can look at the results!
Here's a summary!
here's another!
There's tons of em. If they're too vague, guess what, you can read the whole thing if you want. Jesus dude. You make it as hard as possible to help you.
You'd give me vague advice if I posted what my approaches look like. Want to put it to the test?
If you want me to go through that level of effort, will you be nice about it? Or shitty and complain before I even start? If you come at it with a positive attitude and a mindset towards being humble about what you don't know and listening, then yeah I'll be happy to help. Just before we start, with what I know or can surmise about you, the club is probably an uphill battle for you. I can explain why, but again, I'd like to see some sign you'll listen to at least some of what I say.
Let's do this. No, I won't be nice about it, I'm waiting with bated breath for you to simply say "your body language was off" or something.
Friday night. I went to the first bar, and got a drink to warm up for later. I noticed there was a girl sitting alone on a couch nearby. I went to go talk to her, asked her what she was doing in town. She'd just moved, and her roommate had coaxed her to go out. She seemed drunk and sort of tired, but she was receptive to the questions. Her roommate, who was talking to a different dude, was eyeing us, probably glad that her friend found someone to talk to. Then that dude spilled a beer all over her, and she came over to talk to us after cleaning up. She called me "cute", and we just talked about my state and some of the beautiful nature in it. Then the dude and some of his friends came over, and I sat back as they started talking about random shit, trying to make her laugh. Then they had to leave, she got his number and said "it doesn't have to be flirty," and he left. Then the three of us kept talking, and she said she had to get back home. I asked for her number, said I wanted to keep things flirty, and she said sure, and gave me her number. We texted back and forth a couple times on Saturday, but she didn't get back to me after Saturday, even when I asked if she was up for going out the next weekend.
Then, I went to a club. I was dancing, having a good time and meeting people. A girl kept eyeing me from across the dancefloor. Eventually, while I was just dancing by myself, she just walked through the crowd, right in front of me, like she wanted to grind... then, when I started putting my hands on her hips, she was like "whoa" and told me she came with a friend. I don't know how you'd explain that one...
One of the people I was talking to and making friends with was an exchange student. She was being very flirty and getting in my face. When I tried going in for a kiss, she deflected it, and I found out the dude she was with was her boyfriend.
Yet another girl I was talking to, who seemed to like me and hung around me, straight-up disappeared when I went to get a drink.
Then, during closing, I started talking to a couple girls waiting for an Uber. I just asked if they were from around here, and which clubs they went to, that kind of shit. One of them seemed to think I was cute, and her friend kinda egged me on, so I got her snap. The next day she didn't get back to my snap.
[–]ItIsICoachCal6 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
No, I won't be nice about it, I'm waiting with bated breath for you to simply say "your body language was off" or something.
So you're not going to actually listen to what I say, and when asking for help are going to be an asshole about it? Why should I help you if you're going out of your way to be a dick?
I'll bite:
scenario one: you did fine. Probably talked too much, but not every number leads somewhere. Maybe you were wetting the seat with excitement in front of her that she would dain to give you the time of day, so that put her off, but you probably wouldn't tell me if that's the case.
second scenario, you grabbed a random girl who was turned away from you. Big 'no no' in the club. Be glad you didn't get kicked out. Don't do that again.
third: you hit on a girl with a boyfriend. No shit it didn't work out.
Fourth: there's no detail. How the fuck could I tell off one sentence? she probably was 100% less interested in you than you thought.
fifth: they were drunk and you pressured them into giving you contact info and when they sobered up they didn't want to talk to you. You were obviously trying to get your dick wet at closing and didn't care who it was pointed at and everyone can see that a mile away.
overall you spam attention at any women who doesn't immediately reject you, get extremely salty when they do, even complaining that they give you mixed signals when they're there with their boyfriend, grab people with the vain hope that they'll like it, have zero awareness of other people's reactions to you, and overall spray neediness and desperation all over the club I'm surprised the bouncer didn't get involved.
Maybe that's overly harsh, but you want a raw opinion, that's my raw opinion. The fix is to check your intentions, grow as a person, and realize that the club is probably not for you at this time.
You won't do that. You want an easy answer for a complex problem. You want a way to blame this line or this "system" or women or whatever for your inability here, but the common denominator in all these stories is you and your inability to interact honestly and empathetically with people.
[–]cache_bag7 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You're an awesome guy. The dude you're trying to help doesn't deserve your effort. I can feel his negativity all the way here.
Happy cake day!
[–]ItIsICoachCal1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
thanks I appreciate it. And yeah I checked back and he ignored it completely and is off ranting and raving in random subs. Can lead a horse to water and all that.
[–]Zerschmetterding1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Better take it behind the barn. This is a lost cause and doesn't deserve any more help.
I've been thinking about doing it myself because everyone has been succeeding and only tell me "it'll happen".
I know you'll refuse to listen or have any empathy or anything like that. This sub couldn't give less of a shit about people who actually need help getting laid. All you do is post feel-good bullshit.
The truth is harsh. Do whatever you want.
"Work on yourself and it will happen" is not the truth. There's no way to know for sure if it'll happen. That's just stupid
I could do everything in my power everyone still might reject me.
[–]Zerschmetterding2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Never said that. "Don't sweat toxic desperation and don't be a robot and maybe you are less repulsive" is what I would have said.
Less repulsive =/= people will want to teleport into bed with you
Repulsive = people won't bother to even consider it
But someone has to initiate the actual sex.
It won't come out of nowhere.
What the fuck has that to do with what I said?
But while we are on the topic: when you are repulsive people won't initiate sex with you and certainly won't accept your offer. Deal with it.
While we are on the topic: when you're not repulsive, how does it get initiated? Lol
Oh we are in braindead robot mode again, looking for cheat codes.
You make a honest tinder profile, have a conversation that makes both of you laugh, plan a date to hang out, watch a trashy movie and drink a few beers together, have another fun conversation, start the movie and at some point look if body contact is well received or is initiated. She leans onto you, you take her into your arm, then at some point there will be eye contact that will lead to each of you leaning into a kiss, that will repeat some more and at some point hands are all over each other and the question if you two want to take things further gets asked by one party.
Or in your case: match, talk, (maybe meet), be repulsive, get rejected
But hey, maybe you are that ugly that you could be the best person ever and never get a chance. But from reading your comments, it's likely because your personality is ugly to the bone.
Either way, most people will find someone that wants them but some will never get lucky. That's life. Unfair. but whining will not get you anything other than being more undesirable.
Because you only told me what not to do, and didn't tell me what kinds of things would have worked instead in any of those cases. Which is pretty typical.
What would have "worked" is being less desperate, more honest, less angry, all the stuff that I and a dozen others have a said a dozen times, and you've ignored each time. Even then, there's no cheat code to get a specific girl, and anyone that tells you to say X to 100% get girl Y is selling you something.
So... what does being more honest look like?
What does being less desperate look like?
And how does having normal conversations make you attractive?
I never said to have "normal conversations". I don't even know what that would look like.
As for the rest, it looks something like this:
https://markmanson.net/vulnerability-in-relationships
Now, I know you won't read that. You won't read anything linked to you because then you can't complain about not enough detail, so I'll copy paste:
Vulnerability is a cornerstone concept in pretty much all of my writing, from dating and relationships, to finding a career you enjoy, to connecting with the world around you—all of it. . . .Vulnerability is consciously choosing to NOT hide your emotions or desires from others. . .Practicing vulnerability really is as simple as just doing these things. But while being more vulnerable is simple, it’s not always easy.. . .
Ways to Be More Vulnerable: Take Responsibility Instead of Blaming Others
We all know someone who always seems to blame someone else (or everyone else) for their problems [hint hint]. . .The reason taking responsibility for your problems is so powerful is because it puts you in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to everyone and everything around you and—SPOILER ALERT—you can’t control everyone and everything around you. . . So, again, a lot of people will read this and still not have a good grasp on what vulnerability truly is. Typically, the confusion manifests itself in one of two forms: 1) using vulnerability as another “tactic” to get people to like you/find you attractive/sleep with you/give you money/etc., or 2) using emotional vomit as a way to be vulnerable.. . .Vulnerability Is Not a “Tactic”
Opening oneself up to vulnerability, training oneself to become comfortable with your emotions, with your faults, and with expressing oneself without inhibitions doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process. A grueling one at times.
But I can assure you, if you put in the work—if you have the difficult conversations, if you express yourself honestly even when it’s risky to do so, if you tell the world “this is who I am and I refuse to be anything else”—you’ll find new depth in your relationships. All of your relationships.
"Training oneself to become comfortable with your emotions"
"Put in the work"
What is that work?
Also, what are you supposed to do when you make yourself vulnerable and people screw you over? That's happened plenty of times. That's why I go on Reddit and try to get past this bullshit to no avail.
Read the article. Do you need me to copy paste the whole thing?
Also, what are you supposed to do when you make yourself vulnerable and people screw you over?
Move on rather than complaining on the internet. Realize that it says more about them than you, and have a strong enough self identify to move forward even when that happens.
One of the points in the article is to point out when someone is being insensitive.
You are backing me into a wall and refusing to believe there's any external factors at play in why I can't get laid. His article is 100% correct. I didn't grow up learning any of the emotional vulnerability he's describing. To a greater extent than probably 99% of the world. I was very sheltered as a kid.
You're just telling me to get over it and figure it all out overnight, like I'm not allowed to have emotions... ironically.
But there are actual useful tips in the article, so thank you.
How do you "move on"?
[–]ItIsICoachCal2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Just telling me to get over it and figure it all out overnight
Never said overnight. You obviously have a multitude of things to work through. Please don't assume I'm saying things I'm not.
Same author as the book and book summaries you've been linked to.
Without knowing what makes it difficult for you to do so that's not answerable. Juding by your posts, you need to discard the victim "me vs the world" mentality and differentiate between harsh truths and personal attacks.
Harsh truths?
You know what the harsh truth is? Knowing whether or not any of this is going to work is impossible. The amount of feel-good crap in this sub...
It is me vs the world. What you've been telling me hasn't worked out in the past. What everyone says is pure bullshit, but they treat it like gospel truth because the amount of people they've managed to sleep with gives them enormous confidence. The book is the only resource that's going to get me anywhere, if I'm lucky.
What everyone says is pure bullshit, but they treat it like gospel truth because the amount of people they've managed to sleep with gives them enormous confidence
OK. I'm done here. We've arrived at the point where not only are you perpetually rude as usual, not only dismissing out of hand anything I say, but now dismissing the possibility I could have anything worthwhile to say based on flawed and easily correctable assumptions about my sexual history.
You're going to continue living this sad life until you stop and listen, until you open up to the truth that you're going about this all wrong, until you address the myriad of issues holding you back. I don't know if that day will come, but I know I've done all I can and then some. I won't be the first person to earnestly try to help you who you belittle and yell at until I give up, nor will I be the last. You will continue this pattern until you've satisfied yourself that no one knows what they're talking about except you.
Good luck out there: with your attitude, you'll very much need it. Turning off inbox replies.
[–]Zerschmetterding3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Good summary of his whole post history.
Okay. What is the right way to go about it? You've been asking for things I've been doing wrong, and everything you've said about what to do has been hopelessly vague and beside the point.
Robot is malfunctioning again.
Oh sorry. Did I overload the program with a useful question?
Beep boop, robot wants to bonk. Otherwise robot saaaad. Please insert cheat code for how to wooh femdroids.
The method talkToWomen doesn't trigger the seduce flag bro, no matter how much you want it to
That's because the operating system is fucked and needs to get fixed by a therapist.
Because someone put a virus on it, a never ending toxic loop of "talk to girls and it'll happen" when that's never happened before. Infinite loop with no escape
I was very sheltered as a kid.
There we have it, your parents fucked up big time and now the internet has to deal with a crybaby that thinks reality is unfair instead of putting in the work of getting therapy.
It's pretty unfair that I have to listen to a bunch of fuckheads on every part of the internet (and in real life) tell me how easy it is, and how I just have to talk to women normally, when that's not how it's ever worked in my life at all.
I've had plenty of female friends and they've never wanted me. It's that simple. People have been telling me to figure out why, then outright attacking me and being spiteful.
You know who else is crybabies? r/antiwork. But that one has a bunch of popular support since everyone has trouble finding a job. It's just that people don't give two shits about virgins, not even in here.
[–]Jaykee8082 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Ok here's the thing then, if your female friends don't want you, do they give a reason? Ask them honestly how you present yourself. Maybe you're not as physically attractive as you think you are, or that you give off those needy vibes even though you say you don't. If you're not getting a straight answer from them then go post a picture of yourself online and ask for the public opinion. That shits anonymous and it's not like you're posting a nsfw picture.
I've asked a few times, and the majority of times is just "I don't want to sleep with friends, sorry."
One of them didn't like my shoes.
I'll have to try harder for honest answer.
Should I post in r/askseddit or r/amiugly?
And how do I know I'll get anything more specific than the stuff in here?
[–]Jaykee8081 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Honestly you should post on both subs but you'll get more responses from amiugly since the community is bigger. Post a face pic and a full body shot of something you'd wear out when trying to pick up girls. You can usually get tips like if your beard just looks bad or if you got the wrong kind of glasses or maybe you got bad fitting clothes or something. It's a lot easier for people to critique you when its anonymous since there's no pressure.
Will people have suggestions for a better haircut or better clothes? You know how little detail is given in most of these places
I mean what's the harm in making a post? You're trying to talk yourself out of any help that people suggest.
"Trying everything to improve themselves" my ass. They just want their pitty party for one.
Because if I put in that amount of effort and no one has any suggestions that aren't "change your hairdo", that's a lot of wasted effort, discouragement, and I'll have no idea where to turn. Happens here all the time.
Imagine putting in some effort...... It takes 2 mins to take a face pic and 5 mins top to take a full body pic. It probably took you more effort to write all these reddit replies. You honestly probably just need a therapist since you're basically self defeating yourself in these replies. All of your replies have to do with "If I do the work, I want a 100% guaranteed girl in my bed at the end". I've told you before, the only way you get that guarantee is if you pay cash.
And people will put in 1 minute of effort to answer what they individually think is wrong.
For all the "just talk to girls and it'll happen naturally" in this sub, I'm proud of you for going against that grain
how I just have to talk to women normally
Something you are clearly incapable of. No wonder it never worked out for you, you think like a robot.
I've had plenty of female friends and they've never wanted me. It's that simple.
It's pretty clear. You are iffy, repulsive and needy.
You know who else is crybabies? /r/antiwork
woho, compare yourself to other weirdos. You are not owed sex, and if you continue to be like yourself you will never get it. Tough luck. Try not being you.
And since you conveniently ignored the one thing you need: why the fuck don't you get therapy? If you continue to ignore that point I will take that as confirmation that you are mentally disabled.
You are not owed sex
Then why try telling me there's a way to do it? Maybe it'll never happen.
When I'm less repulsive, surely there are patterns that would work out for me that have worked out for you?
[–]Zerschmetterding0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
So you didn't engage the one topic that's clearly your problem again. Guess you are really mentally challenged.
I've also never said it's guaranteed, I'm just telling you the things that will make you a forever incel. Those "patterns" you want to make out are different for every combination of people. Functioning humans don't need cheat codes for that, it just happens naturally. You are not functioning, get therapy to fix that autistic robot shit.
How does it "happen naturally"? I swear dude... there was a time in my life, in college, where I was happy and had friends. And it didn't happen naturally, like you want to believe it does.
You have absolutely no way of knowing that it will happen naturally because initiation still has to happen
Therapist. You are broken. I clearly stated that only applies to functioning humans.
How does it happen naturally for functioning hoomans? Someone still has to initiate. It doesn't come out of nowhere, you goose. Stop being silly
Therapy
For someone going above and beyond to get some fucks you are ignoring that point pretty consistently. Maybe because you are actually lazy and just want to be pampered like your shitty parents did?
"Therapy" won't make a girl teleport into bed with me, and you just oversimplified everything yet again.
Excuses again. I thought you want solutions? Therapy is the opposite of simple. It's a trained professional spending countless hours with you to figure out what will help you and what steps you can take to improve your personal life. You know, like what you demand of the internet all the time.
A one-word "solution" basically tells me to figure it the fuck out myself. Which means everyone in here who says it'll happen, and it's so easy, are just spouting bullshit.
And "it'll happen naturally" is just something that sounds good in your head which you have no idea is true or not
Nope, many people have told you the multitude of reasons why you have to fix the baseline problem of fixing your personality via the help of a trained professional. You simply ignored all that because that's work and you don't like work. You rather want to be to told the "panty unlock" cheat code. So instead of repeating myself and others over and over you get the summary of all that: you need therapy.
What do you do after you fix the baseline problem? It won't just "happen naturally" after that.
Therapy is the first step. After that I'm just screwed again.
Read my other comment. Therapy is a huuuge first step. It will change your outlook, your attitude and, by making you more content and at peace, the way you appear to people.
Therapy is a first step, and you are wrong for telling me that my past isn't holding me back, and you are still completely wrong that my attitude will make people teleport into bed with me magically.
my attitude will make people teleport into bed with me magically
stop inventing stuff
No one in here has good "effort" to give. Did you even see anything constructive to work on? All I saw was "grow as a person"
[–]cache_bag2 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I've read all the discussions on this thread. People, especially one notably patient one was giving you tips and resources.
Look, you're asking for help at the level of which people have written books on, but refuse to even try to read the references given to you. All you do is reject and deny their help then repeat your own questions and negativity. You make it sound like you've done everything perfectly, but still cannot succeed, and nothing anybody else says can convince you otherwise.
This sub can be very shitty at times, but I swear this is one of the times its produced gold. You can pick it up... Or not, and continue as you are.
You want to get women interested in you? Well, ask yourself... Would you date you? Would you date someone as negatively toxic as you are?
Nobody owes you anything. Not advice, date, relationship or sex.
[–]naijaplayer5 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Yo, you really went in on this response. Mad respect to you for breaking down and analyzing these scenarios
[–]Youshaltnotgo3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Think you hit it home with how he is not honest and empathetic as it really shows in his replies. No matter how you try, people can sense your disingenuity and especially apathy. Whether subconscious or not, they tend to gravitate away from said person. Good on you for still trying to help him though, but I don't expect him to absorb much of the information with his current attitude.
Wait... so you're supposed to be honest and empathetic, but no one wants to sleep with you if you're forward about that being what you want. So how is that supposed to work?
Also, what do you even mean by empathy? I'm a good listener.
[–]Youshaltnotgo0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
See, all you care about is getting laid and that is not the way to go about it. If that's all you want then of course you can't be honest about it. Perhaps I worded it wrong, it's a bit more nuanced, women don't see you as honest if you interact with them with only getting laid as your goal.
You make yourself way too desperate in the above examples you've given, and women can easily sense that. In your case it's obvious as day. You're practically screaming that you want to get in their pants and that's a turn off. Instead, see them as a person, treat them like one, not an object of sexual desire. I'm not saying you can't want to fuck them, but that needs to be secondary. You have it mixed up.
Empathy... Well, unfortunately I don't think that's something you can easily obtain nor have at this moment. But that is what helps you build rapport and connection with people. After all you have to understand things from different perspectives and be able to feel what they're feeling first to genuinely get along with someone right? (Or at least make it much easier to, and definitely would help you avoid this whole comment chain...)
So in other words... honesty is only good if it's the right kind of honesty? So saying that honesty is good is a moot point because if it's the wrong kind of honesty then it won't help.
Right, but there is a difference between your actions and intentions. What I meant to say is that you aren't being honest In the sense that your intentions and actions don't exactly align perfectly. And it's the incongruity that women can sense. Unless you straight up be honest and say you want to fuck them. Otherwise though, you aren't being honest. Sorry I didn't make it clear, but I hope this makes more sense. So when you say you want a girl's number, or get to know them, that's not aligning with your intentions of just wanting to bed them. You should genuinely want to get to know them, and have a good time, yet also want to get laid, not solely getting laid. And the emphasis shouldn't be on getting laid.
So telling them I want to bed them is the way to go?
See, you just told me the exact opposite again. Just genuinely want to know them and ignore sleeping with them, and they'll magically want to sleep with you. That makes zero sense with the rest of what you just said.
No, my intention is to get to know them and sleep with them.
No that's not what I'm saying. But ironically, yes, telling them you want to bed them is going to be more effective than being dishonest with them, although I wouldn't recommend that way.
I didn't say don't want to sleep with them, just stop making it the #1 priority. From your actions and what you've been telling us, that appears to be the only thing you care about.
When I do care about people, it fizzles out because they just want a friend.
[–]Youshaltnotgo1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Alright man, so I just read all the replies you've given to the others. Here is what I think the problem is, as you've mentioned, you've been sheltered as a kid, and it is quite apparent that it's messed with your ability to socialize. You don't seem to understand social cues quite well, or can read between the lines. So you'll have trouble with saying/doing things at the right time/in the right mood. Both which are important in interactions with women. Perhaps the same with reading body language too. For example, when you said one of the girls rejected you due to your shoes, that's just an outright lie. She did not reject you because of a pair of shoes, but she didn't have the guts to tell you the truth, whether it's because you weren't attractive to her, or too needy, or something else that she didn't want to say.
I don't mean to offend you, but the truth is that you are quite "robotic" - where you only think in logic, and take everything face-value, not understanding implications or subtleties, and not quite being able to empathize. Women really don't dig that, I myself have been dealing with this problem too, but not to your degree. Again I don't mean to attack you, but I think this is the bulk of the problem imo.
Where did I say I get extremely salty? I take these rejections all right in the moment, then come to Reddit to get talked down to like this, and to have all kinds of words put in my mouth. You just assumed a lot of things about me, and seem to think that if I talk to girls normally, they'll instantly teleport into bed with me.
I don't want an easy answer, I want the circlejerk of "you're the entire problem, just work on yourself and you'll magically get laid" to stop. You're right, there are no easy answers. This shit royally sucks.
"Grow as a person" is laughably vague even though you'll never get out of your echo chamber for a second to think about why that shouldn't pass as useful advice.
So how do you interact honestly and empathetically with people in a way that attracts them? Once again... you over explained what not to do, and gave zero detail on what to do 🤣
Where did I say I get extremely salty?
All over this thread and every other comment you've made lol. Your whole vibe is salty. Salty that women give you mixed signals, salty they don't respond to your texts, salty that's no easy step by step way to get laid, salty people don't tell you exactly what you want to hear, salty they don't give "enough detail", salty when they give too much, salty all the way down.
You just assumed a lot of things about me,
I'm working with what you put down. You outlined 5 different interactions, 4 of them in just a couple sentences each. I'm not a mind reader and I wasn't there. More to the point you asked me to give my take on it, so that's what it is. If you can't take the heat, don't explicitly request to be in the kitchen. Did you want me to coddle you instead? Lie about what I think so you feel better?
You've been recommended Models a hundred times, which is literally all about exactly that. The subtitle is, verbatim, "Attract Women Through Honesty". I even linked summaries if you're too lazy to read the whole thing. It's all right in front of you regardless of much you shove your fingers in your ears and pretend it's not. You can either not read what's recommended, or blame others for not giving you enough information, but to do both at once is asinine.
[–]MattPruga1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Give me an example of what your approach looks like. Read a few of my posts. I was a virgin until october and blew up, got a shit ton of makeouts and increased my laycount from 0 to 4 in 6 months, pushing myself to approach, getting blown out a lot more than not. But still, every once in a while it works.
The conclusion of your post is "start socializing, approach women"
How do you generally tease girls?
[–]MattPruga3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
again, what does your approach look like?
I notice something off, even slightly weird or maybe completely normal and make a big deal out of it. For example, she might drive a Reno Clio and I'd call her the Clio Girl every time I see her. It can be something much more specific though.
[–]jumpinsnakes1 point 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Exactly how would you tease your family members with corny silly jokes do that with girls, have fun. Of course weave in normal conversation and segues but enjoy the conversation
[–]EGreg3 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Here you go … I wrote this a decade ago when I was doing this shit
http://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?t=132079
People claimed it was “the best post on the forum”. Anyway it gives actionable advice.
https://pick-up-artist-forum.com/viewtopic.php?t=191308
[–]BlueShooShoo0 points 4 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Continue doing that and search for wings who can point out your flaws when you're out, when you're texting and when on the dates.
[–]nicolai_1998 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just read the book, it will answer your questions plus some more
[–]TheZimboKing 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is a surefire way...you buy rope and gag material. Abduct the girl. Tie her up and keep her in your parents' basement. That is the only want she can't ever say no.
Otherwise go read Models and increase your chances of getting a girl noticing you, if ever since your attitude sucks.
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
not with that attitude. You've defeated yourself before you even started playing
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What happens when I have a good attitude?
[–]NastyMonkeyKing 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Only one way to find out
[+]KinxTheTimeStripper -7 points-6 points-5 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well, most of the time it's still rejection. Believe me I had a good attitude in college.
[–]average_hight_midget 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Key word being ‘most’ of the time.
[–]KinxTheTimeStripper 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For me it's every time
[–]fangclan 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
After you get a number would you immediately plan a date?
[–]Successful_Teach366 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would personally keep having conversation going with her and bring up something fun you like to do, and then ask if she wants to go with you. That way it’s more organic and less “will you go out on a date with me?” I think after that first harmless meet I then ask for the formal “will you like to go on a date with me to so and so place? That way you affirm that there’s a greater interest in her than just a friend
[–]dametime223 45 points46 points47 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Great man, now don't text her all day everyday for 2 months. Set up a date within 10-20 messages. Don't get to know her over text, do it in person
[–]Charming_Ad_8499 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This texts are just for setting plans up
[–]jumpinsnakes 4 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Eh use texts to also showcase your fun side with memes and things but don't use it for deep conversation
[–]Charming_Ad_8499 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ya I agree girls like meme talk
[–]Beginning-Ad-8041 26 points27 points28 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My first ever lay came from an approach on a college girl in target, well done
[–]fangclan 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
thanks
[–]sh1tsngigs 67 points68 points69 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Once I step foot on that college campus in august it’s over
[–]fangclan 21 points22 points23 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lmao
[–]lolmaxy 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What was the push pull line?
[–]fangclan 22 points23 points24 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"I'd love to meet you again as long as you're not a psychopath"
[–]ReverseFlashZoom 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good line! I'm stealing it
[–]fangclan 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hope it works like a charm!
[–]Spiritual-Job-8128 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice Bro Proud of you 🤙🏼
[–]Charming_Ad_8499 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome man!!! Get it
[–]Lonely_Man22 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome!
[–]Befaltu 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I am proud of you. Was it your first time doing cold approach? Did you stutter while saying your opener?
[–]fangclan 8 points9 points10 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
lost track of how many I've done I started in February probably around 20 - 30 and thankfully I didn't stutter
[–]Delicatestatesmen 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
good job
[–]meatpopsicle86edya 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I need to do that.
[–]Zhai 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's great to have that rush, isn't it. Soon it will become normal for you, so enjoy my man!
[–]KingLouhichi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What was your push pull line. Congrats on the approach and the number keep it up king!
[–]fangclan 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]KingLouhichi 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ayy that’s a good one man
[–]Daddyarvo 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yesssirrrr this just boosted me thx bro 🤝🏾
no problem!
[–]SamuRonin90 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Great! I don't know even if I do this something will change. I realized it's not only my social skills but how I look. Actually my social skills went bad because of that only. I am balding since I was 18, now it is very bad. Also due to ageing my face has become less smooth and attractive.
[–]Ivancz 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I started balding at 16. Now taking Minoxidil and Dutasteride. Hair is back. Science can do wonders. r/tressless got you.
[–]SamuRonin90 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh I tried that temporarily twice actually which I did not follow through properly and my hair started falling more rapidly. Now I have got no choice I guess, just embrace it and go completely naked head. Because I can't wait fucking months/years to have a head full of hair. Plus finasteride have side effects.
[–]Ivancz 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yep, when on Minoxidil you go through the well-known shedding phase which is temporary. Applying minox everyday can be a pain in the balls, that's why I'm taking oral minox, which is way more effective than topical btw. Also the dermatologist showed me how side effects of finasteride/dutasteride are indeed rare.
Bringing my hair back has done wonders for my self-esteem and game. But it's up to you buddy.
[–]SamuRonin90 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh at the time when I started there was no oral minoxidil at least in my country.
[–]marshall_strud 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sweet. Don’t be too disappointed when she flakes.
[–]DoctorForesight 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A lot of girls will give you their number just so you'll leave them alone. Not trying to discourage you, just saying you're only 30% there, but that's a big jump from 0%. I don't really do cold approach anymore outside of the clubs just because it never works for me.
[–]hahahuhu67 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You did that king
[–]mindofsound 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Now, go dig out her guts, young man! 🧔👍
[–]epimpstyle 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If this method of direct approach works for you continue to do so because there are girls who like this approach but I prefer to use an indirect approach because after five minutes of talking I can tell her that I like her attitude/personality and I'd like to see her again.
It is just my point of view trying to fight the avalanche of videos with direct approaches that are promoted on youtube by different guys (they don't count the number of rejections with a direct approach, they are showing only the good results)
[–]NinoZachetti 3 points4 points5 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That's a pretty sperg opener, which just goes to show that it's all about just approaching, not the content of your approach.
[–]Codi_Banks 16 points17 points18 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Its a great opener. The "i know this is random" shows social awareness. The "just thought you were cute" shows confidence and directness. No beating around the bush like when guys try to slither into a conversation by asking directions or for her opinion. Bold, authentic, and socially aware. That is attractive to women, believe it or not.
[–]fangclan 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
thanks! I thought it was soild
[–]Irrelavent1 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Certainly better than, ‘Hey, darlin’, can I buy ya a coupla drinks?’
[–]MindlessAd63 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Couldn’t agree more.
[–]ApprehensiveEnd259 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dwight282 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
don't wanna be that dude but the number is confirmed real right?
[–]MattPruga 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
doesn't really matter, he got the confidence boost he needed
[–]dwight282 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
it kinda does, if he dials it and it's fake that confidence boost is going to be back at zero.
but let's hope not
[–]MattPruga 6 points7 points8 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't know. My first approach was two girls, one of which gave me her number even though she wasn't interested. I felt so confident, I wanted to approach another set right away. Never approached women until that point and I was about to do 2 approaches in a row because of that boost
good news it is!!
[–]Squeeky211 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don’t stop there .. approach another one & get her number too .. this way if this one you just met ghosts you or loses interest in you, you’ll have a back up .. always have a woman at your reach because it beats the idea of being alone & having to start from scratch .. the main factor to having more than one is it increases your chances of getting laid in a major way ..
[–]AutistNerd 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Are you attractive?
[–]fangclan 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I'd give myself either a 7 maybe an 8 when I approached her
[+]no_not_this -6 points-5 points-4 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you are an actual 8 women will be throwing themselves at you. Go to r/truerateme and see where you stand.
[–]fangclan 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
not necessarily as handsome men still get rejected
[–]no_not_this -4 points-3 points-2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are missing the point. If you are an 8 you would not be making this post.
[–]fangclan -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
why lol?
[–]redditor4206903 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, like, over time. You gonna relize that these cold aproaches are annoying af. And than you start aproaching women at apropriet places.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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[–]Ivancz 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Ivancz 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SamuRonin90 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]marshall_strud 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DoctorForesight 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hahahuhu67 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mindofsound 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]epimpstyle 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]NinoZachetti 3 points4 points5 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Codi_Banks 16 points17 points18 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Irrelavent1 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MindlessAd63 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ApprehensiveEnd259 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dwight282 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]MattPruga 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]dwight282 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MattPruga 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Squeeky211 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutistNerd 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+]no_not_this -6 points-5 points-4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]no_not_this -4 points-3 points-2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]fangclan -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]redditor4206903 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link