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WolfKina · 2022-01-11T00:19:47+00:00

To not be seen as boring depends more on having energy while conversing. You don't to be energetic always, but it's good that you be when you first meet someone, so the person will have a good first impression of you.

MA_CA_NV_CA · 2022-01-11T00:28:06+00:00

There’s nothing wrong with your hobbies but women need to feel like you’re passionate about them and deeply enjoy them. If you’re not passionate about your hobbies and don’t deeply enjoy them then get better hobbies (or go deeper into your existing hobbies) for your own sake not for women.

FuckingNovember · 2022-01-11T00:12:59+00:00

You have said it yourself, most people have an average and boring lifestyle. If you convince yourself that you are an average person that's what people will think about you, you need to aim higher.

Be around people that you consider interesting and see how things are going to change, having a conversation won't be so hard anymore.

anoyingprophet · 2022-01-11T01:42:55+00:00

The reality is, you're only boring to a person when you don't have chemistry with them. That's honestly it. If a girl thinks you're boring, it just means there isn't much of a connection. The criterias of being a boring person are not universal and not objective. What really matters is, are YOU BORED in life? You could be doing something that is seen as boring by someone else's standards every single day, but if you're enjoying yourself that's all that matters. And when you find a girl who vibes with you, the chemistry will spark consciousness altering conversations and moments that aren't boring at all. One of my best friends for example, has been with his fiance for 8 yrs. All they do is go to restaurants. If you ask me, that seems boring, but the two of them are clearly happy and are definitely not bored. So who am I to judge. Another example, I got a cousin who lives in Miami who gets bored really easily. He moved from our city because he says he couldn't stand the people here and how boring his life was. All he does in miami is bar hop and go clubbing. But guess what, all I do is workout everyday, focus on eating right, go on hikes, read, make music, and be an absolute hermit. His life may seem way more exciting than my boring ass life, but he's still way more BORED than I am. My last relationship was extremely fun for me and the girl. You wanna know what her and I did everyday. I kid you not, all her and I did was workout everyday, come home, watch movies, eat and make love. We never went anywhere crazy or went sky diving, but ik for both of us it was our most memorable and least boring relationship. The gist here is this, just do the things you enjoy. The things that you like. Stop tryna appear "fun" to other people. It's BS. I'll tell you this, people who are bored easily and have trouble finding joy in simple things, have issues internally. The problem isn't their environment, but their perspective. Their energy is just off. It's that simple.

Zombie3185960 · 2022-01-11T01:12:47+00:00

If person A thinks person B is boring, it means that person A needs way more stimulation in life than person B. That's all it means to be boring. You just need to focus on potential mates who prefer a relaxed chill life as well.

zx91zx91 · 2022-01-11T01:27:00+00:00

I don’t think it’s about having boring hobbies or interests. It’s more about how passionate you are about them and how you portray that passion. Shoot, a book worm could be one of the most interesting—non boring—person you could ever meet. Not that is boring to be a book reader, but people seem to think that way, when actually they are wrong. Fun and interesting people that I have met were avid book readers that would elaborate their stories to me and they did so with a passion that just made them unique. Whether it be guitar, plants, or whatever. Be passionate and proud with what YOU find fun and convey that passion outwards and you’ll become an interesting figure.

Shanbaceball · 2022-01-11T01:19:55+00:00

Yes!!! Energy from someone really matters you want to feel good and drawn to the person weather its conversation or laughing jokes.

MeWuzBornIn1990 · 2022-01-11T01:32:08+00:00

One thing that’s helped me is reading a lot of different things across all different genres. It’s not so much that I’m talking about the stuff I read, but it helps provide me with different perspectives and worldviews which I can draw from when conversing with women and I feel it’s definitely made me better able to carry conversations really well, and has also helped in preventing me from running out of things to say or talk about.

SpecialistDesk9297 · 2022-01-11T03:33:02+00:00

The more you experience life the more you’ll have to talk about.

a-real87 · 2022-01-11T04:29:06+00:00

I have struggled with the same thing pretty much all my life. I’m introverted and do a lot introverted things, which don’t translate well to conversational prompts. But the crazy thing is, even when I do extroverted or “exciting” things, I still run into the same problem of coming across as “boring”.

Being the nerdy introvert that I am, I have spent a long time observing how my extroverted friends interact and watching Charisma on Command (highly recommend). What I have found is that it’s not so much what you say, more so how you say it. You have to project the energy you want to receive.

Doesn’t mean be overly enthusiastic, more so be genuine and mentally excited to talk people . This is super important when walking into a room for the first time or meeting new people. This will naturally change your tone and body language (which plays a bigger role than you think) and the other person will feel it and be more likely to open up to you which will make the conversation easier.

Other things I have been implementing that would help:

Try to get them to talk as much as possible by asking questions about things that they seem excited to talk about. Use the FORD model (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) when you need to kickstart the conversation. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so if you can get them to talk the majority of the time, they will like you and you barely had to talk (an introverts dream).
Practice “priming”. This has been absolute game changer for me. Similar to when you go to the gym and listen to hardcore music to “pump yourself up” before a lift, you can prime yourself to be more “fun” in social interactions. Before social events I’ll listen or watch comedy shows to help get my mind in a loose and light hearted state which has helped me become wittier and funnier in conversation (humor is great way to disarm people and make you more charismatic).
Have conviction in what you are saying. Confidence is the critical catalyst for great conversation and attraction. If you think your boring, then chances are you will come across as that. Don’t think “Does this person like me or think I’m boring”, think “Do I like this person? are they boring?”. This sounds arrogant but it’s not. Your simply pivoting your thoughts away from seeking other people’s validation, and validating yourself, which in turn will project confidence and attractiveness.

MK2718 · 2022-01-11T11:31:16+00:00

How to be Interesting

Let's first start with the things that you should not do if you want a person to remain interested in talking to you.

Don’t be negative.

Don’t try to impress.

Don’t judge or criticize other people.

Don’t be desperate for attention.

Don’t initially just jump into interview mode, and start asking the same standard questions a person always asks. A lot of people do not like their jobs. And when they are out in a public place trying to have fun and forget their work lives, having to explain the often boring and unfulfilling things that they do to you is not enjoyable to them. Furthermore, pretending to be interested on your part just leads to incongruent, unauthentic, try hard, placating, forced attention-seeking behavior.

Now for the things that you should be doing:

Speak with no filters and offer your honest opinions. Normally when you chat with friends, you probably don’t feel like you ever run out of things to talk about. This is because you are not constantly filtering your thoughts, being worried that they are good enough to say. Being stuck in your head is what leads to awkward pauses in a conversation. Some disagreement and debate in a conversation is engaging. Ask a person’s opinion and be willing to disagree with it. This shows that you are not just saying things to get them to like you. Thus they will feel that the can trust what you say as being honest and that they can use it to accurately get to know you.

Let other people talk about what interests them and be an active listener.

Talk about things of value to the other person. What information do you know that may of use to them? What’s interesting to them? What useful advice can you give? How can you help solve a problem that they have?

Talk about what interests you. The passionate energy that you will communicate will be felt by the other person.

Avoid situations such as talking about programming languages in a group of people where the majority know nothing about programming. Technical people often speak way too in-depth about specific things that other people have little knowledge about.

For a truly engaging conversation, you need to be communicating emotions not just information.

You don’t actually have to be an interesting person for people to be interested in talking to you. On average, things such as: positivity, fun, and being emotionally stimulating, all rank higher than being conversationally interesting when it comes to building a connection. Often people don’t even really remember the details of a conversation, but instead just the emotions that they felt. When it comes to things like generating attraction, the subject matter of a conversation is often trivial. It’s all what’s being sub-communicated that is of actual importance.

If you want people to find you to be a more interesting person, then you should actually work on becoming a more interesting person. Say yes to new experiences. You can create a more interesting life by exposing yourself to new things. You don’t necessarily need to travel the world going on adventures. You can expose yourself to new ideas through books and podcasts to create a personal knowledge base that allows you to provide a unique perspective.

damiancontrol · 2022-01-11T04:17:34+00:00

Live your life with a philosophy or an ideology and people will see you as interesting. The problem with most people these days is that they consume media like a zombie. FUCKING THINK AND HAVE AN OPINION ON SHIT.

Here's an example:

This girl I dated on tinder was telling me how she didn't connect with her previous date. She told me she texted him and she said she was sorry.

I said she shouldn't apologize because no one should apologize for something they don't regret. Saying sorry for the sake of it is pretentious and insincere.

Now obviously I wasn't a dick about it, I said it in the most respectful way possible. But that one thing made me stand out and she invited me back to her place after just one date.

Finzi · 2022-01-11T13:52:44+00:00

Nice thread here. Lots of useful comments.

2022-01-11T07:11:46+00:00

Maybe get the tumor removed from your brain that makes you think hiking and volunteering is exciting?

universityhound · 2022-01-11T00:27:26+00:00

Write down some experiences that you think are notable when hiking or background stories about the people playing the music you listen to. Memorize these and retell it during a lul in the conversation. Make sure you put enthusiasm into it and check in with them once in a while to make sure the story isn't boring them.

Work on asking questions that get the other person to talk. If they don't give you much of an answer then answer your own questions until they get more comfortable.

Assuming you are a man, you are likely going to have to lead the conversation.

I don't know what age range you are in or if you are working/studying, but If you are under 20, there are definitely other very introvert and boring people you can find and talk to. They may not be very attractive, but you can at least practice talking to them and develop your conversational skills more.

If you are 20+ I hope you would have enough experiences already to talk about.

mabden · 2022-01-11T03:05:14+00:00

Just a few thoughts

Have stories to tell about your adventures. Even the little things as long as you have a passion in your voice, are descriptive, and convey your feelings.

If you don't have any adventures, make some. Keep a journal of your observations.

Read poetry, read classic literature. Listen to classic comedy; Bill Cosby, George Carlin, Sam Kinison, Richard Pryor, Rodney Dangerfield, etc. Listen to Firesign Theater. Those guys were fantastic story tellers that took ordinary life and created special moments and perceptions.

2022-01-11T04:09:12+00:00

Have a creative outlet, it's gotta be something that you really enjoy. Lots of people will say....I don't have an imagination or whatever. This is just not true. They just need to get out of their own head.

Also having alot of interests is good, being able to talk about many different things. There is a YouTube channel I highly recommend. Charisma on command I believe is the name. Check it out

OnlyOnceThreetimes · 2022-01-11T04:09:55+00:00

Read read read read and write write write write. If you are an introvert you can be a wealth of knowledge. People travel the world, partake in many activities, meeting all sorts of people but they aren't saying anything original.

Wisdom is what is interesting. Retaining and articulating on interesting topics makes you deaireable. Many girls love an intelligent man. Find sapiophiles.

OrzhovPalatine · 2022-01-11T04:34:48+00:00

Be passionate about something. Even introverts get excited when they're sharing something they're super passionate about. Then suddenly they have alot to say.

I once had a 2 hour conversation with a girl about DMing and she had no idea what I was talking about but loved my passion for it and the good vibe I was putting out.

If a girl likes you enough nothing that comes out of your mouth will be boring.

expect me to carry the conversation the entire time.

It wont feel like such a chore when you're talking about stuff you actually want to talk about.

You have to get over this. Ultimately you're auditioning for the girl in the beginning and need to carry the conversation. Theres no avoiding this unless you intend to lead with your wallet.

1ecommillionReasons · 2022-01-11T06:11:08+00:00

There’s a glove for every hand. So what if most of the gloves have somehow convinced you that you’re “boring”. The definition of what boring is is 100% for You to decide. Screw collective, sheeple, society, mass definitions, meanings. Screw them!!

The More you are into something that You love, the more interesting you will be to anyone who’s also passionate about that thing or something similar.

Just be passionate about what You are passionate about. Pick 1 thing if you have more than one and can’t decide at times.

A real girl will be far more drawn to your Authentic, and Years-deep passion for something than they would be to 100 other guys who haven’t spent 5 years being passionate about 1-2 things. Especially if she’s also passionate about the same thing or something similar.

Self-awareness. Gary Vee has helped me so much by just saying those 2 words with passion … Become self-aware of My strengths, then Triple Down on That. Follow where Those lead me.

If a girl isn’t into what I’m wanting to have conversations about, she’s boring to me. (that’s not a bad mindset)

I wouldn’t want a girl to act interested if she’s not at all. That’d never go anywhere.

Truth: We’re only really wanting to talk to a girl who’s also genuinely interested in what We are wanting to talk about! The more self aware we are, the sooner we’ll be able to find a girl who really is connecting with Our preferred conversation topics. Self awareness.

BigShuggy · 2022-01-11T06:27:56+00:00

You are the first and last time your particular mix of genes will ever muddle together in this way to form a being. You’re not boring. My real advice, only change yourself to be a better version of you. Don’t change you’re overall style just improve how you put it together. Don’t change your hobbies just be more open and enthusiastic about them. People love passion even if they have no idea about the subject matter. Embrace your uniqueness and be accepting of other people’s uniqueness and you’ll go far.

William_Seriously · 2022-01-11T06:36:24+00:00

Well it sounds like"you" want to/feel obligated to enhance the evening/conversation.... that being said.... every so often toss in a WOW you look so fn sexy right now it should be a crime..or you can go with the..wtf bro did you really just do that? Etc etc... creativity is good 👍🙏👍

Expensive_Law_1193 · 2022-01-11T06:39:53+00:00

You are boring to some persons, to others you are perfect.

Laeree · 2022-01-11T07:25:48+00:00

Just have a life

koolex · 2022-01-11T07:59:29+00:00

If you live an interesting life then you'll have a lot to talk about and people will naturally want to know more. The first step is don't say no to new experiences & being social. The second step is to take initiative and put yourself out there to try new things, like hobbies or experiences, and bring your friends.

People love talking about themselves and if you can get them genuinely feeling like they're the most interesting person in the room they'll associate those emotions with you and view you as interesting. So yeah carry the conversation, ask them for advice, ask them about that thing they are itching to chat about, and if you are living an interesting life you can sprinkle your experience in between and they will open you up if the interest is mutual.

Also stop settling for being mediocre, go be something somewhere, even if you don't succeed that passion of trying will carry you through life.

VDKay · 2022-01-11T08:01:24+00:00

tip: There is nothing in particular making other people stand out either. It is all about how you sell yourself. If you are bored of your own life, other people will consider you boring too.

Paltenburg · 2022-01-11T10:03:05+00:00

I’ve had multiple people I’ve seen expect me to carry the conversation the entire time.

Well this: You only have to not be more boring than the other person. And sometimes that bar is set really low :) So it need not be bad to be boring, if both don't have problems with it. Like: Watching tv on your couch together can be boring and enjoyable.

DanieTB99 · 2022-01-11T10:41:53+00:00

Get some hobbies and go out a lot, start listening to lots of podcasts that aren't about lame shit like video games or movies. I use to be pretty boring but then I have way more passions about things, things like motorcycles, mma, fitness, health, work, making money, adventure and travel, drugs. I've also got a lot of stories and stuff saved up just from being able to make more friends and go to lots of different parties and nightclubs

2022-01-11T13:06:31+00:00

Talk about things you want to accomplish in life. Skip the stuff you have already done or like to do. Make a list of goals that you would like to accomplish with a partner. Makes it exciting for both of you.

Mephistron · 2022-01-11T13:59:12+00:00

If you think that you are a boring, introverted person, a good way to make people think that you are fun to talk to is to make them talk.

How?

Ask them questions that make them examine their feelings. Eg: "How do you feel about..." or "Why do you think that..."

Why would this work?

Truth is, everyone loves talking about themselves. You are your favourite topic. And that is the same for everyone else. If you can get people to talk about themselves, people will just want to talk to you

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2022-01-11T15:38:38+00:00

The "don't be boring" people are simply looking for a temporary quickening of things to do because they are not doing anything else at that moment and are looking to you for content.

seovibe · 2022-01-11T16:46:21+00:00

Dude, your ancestors life was going out, kill a deer, go back home and eat the deer. And yet, they were fucking otherwise we wouldn't be here.

You can have a life boring as shit, that has nothing to do with your success with women as long as you communicate alpha male qualities.

Some people will tell you to get a more interesting life, and that you may want to do it for yourself, but if you don't give a shit and love your life as it is, that is enough and will be enough for her too if you can drag her into it.

I saw a video the other day of a guy saying he loves been a shepherd, it was his dream since childhood. I can think of few things more boring than that, and yet he loved it. He was authentic about it.

leopardlinn · 2022-01-11T20:17:57+00:00

Self irony. People think I’m hilarious cause I’m putting myself down. Which then pulls me up.

Weird how that works lol

teamfriendship · 2022-01-11T21:40:14+00:00

I’ve found that generally speaking if you’re not feeling natural social energy, you’re either feeling too anxious or avoidant. Anxious means you’re overthinking, avoidant means you’re overwhelmed and you’re dismissing every thought. I’ve noticed that you came here for advice, and people have given you really good advice, but you tend to get avoidant and reiterate your problem or add another. For instance, “I’m an introvert and other people want me to carry the convo,” “why don’t you try coming in with positive energy,” “but energy is limited,” “well if you start big you won’t have to carry the conversation for long,” “but other people never add to the conversation.” This is called “No,But.” The opposite of “Yes, And.”

Someone mentioned improv comedy as another great thing to try or research, and it’s built on the principle that there’s nothing funny or interesting about a person saying no to an idea. It stops energy of conversation and leaves it nowhere to go, requiring your conversation partner to do work and come up with another idea. Go through your comments here and see how often you say “yes, that’s a great idea I’ll have to try that, it actually reminds me of this time I did this…” and how often you say “no, that doesn’t work for me.” If you’re an open person, you’ll be open to the idea that people might have some experience for how to get out of your pickle, and you’ll try it or entertain it. Even an idea that hasn’t worked in the past can work next time with experience. Every time you want to say no, just say yes. It’s literally the only trick you have to keep in mind on an improv stage to make a fascinating scene out of anything. “This place is packed to the gills, I feel like a sardine,” “YEAH me too, AND I feel like one of those sardines in olive oil…” “oh hell yeah, triple virgin,” “how’d you know I was a triple virgin? Most people assume I’m just a single virgin.” “You’re right, the triple virgin is rare.” “I saw one in the alps but it might have been a hallucination.” “I love hallucinating,” “you got that right, nothing better than seeing your dead grandma when you least expect it.”

I didn’t have to do any work to write that little two part convo, because I just said yes to whatever preceded in an affirmative way and added something that would follow what they’re saying. This is how you write dialogue if you’re an author. “I love these little cookies,” “the peanut butter is so good, it’s like a Reese’s.” “Reese’s are the best, I wish they’d just sell that peanut butter separately.” “Maybe we should go into business with this!”

This becomes natural with experience and requires little energy, in fact it tends to build energy, and honestly it can be done with a deadpan as long as you follow the principle that no one wants to hear no. You don’t need false energy, just a yes and spirit. Now you can do a post mortem on a conversation that was work or went wrong. Maybe it sounds like: “hey do you have any friends here?” “I don’t have any friends.” “That sucks.” “It’s fine, what’s there to do about it?” “Well we could be friends.” “We’re not friends I just met you.” I don’t want you to take this personally, because we aren’t defined by our negative moods, but that’s what I’ve observed with your interactions here. Negative moods can be escaped, and a simple technique will improve the quality of small conversations, which will build naturally when you’re having bigger ones. It’s got to be a daily practice though, and improv or any planned event like a meet up or a gym class will help give you opportunities to test it. It’s easier than you think and breakthroughs happen fast. I’ve seen shy people who don’t speak English as a first language CRUSH an audience on stage after a few classes with this technique. The opposite of avoidance and anxiety is presence, which means you’re openly listening and affirming the things happening around you. This should start to change the very way you interpret the world, it’ll become a more positive place, and if you’re married to the negative interpretation that people suck at conversation, and you’re doomed to be an introvert, no one will fight you much, but does that really seem true? Don’t you see other people conversing effortlessly, and haven’t there been times when you’ve enjoyed conversation? The yes and will give you a new set of glasses to try seeing the world through.

Thanks for letting me write out my thoughts!

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	124
Comments	60
Date	January 11, 2022 12:05 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
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