[deleted by user]

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-11-12T13:48:24+00:00

Closed mouths don’t get fed

irepMiami · 2021-11-12T14:40:24+00:00

I’ve had this problem my whole life, day in and day out. I’m not even ugly dude, I just don’t know how to break the ice. Also I’m a introvert, so it always feels strange walking up to random women and starting a convo. I use to do it a few times in college but now that I’m out, the only real time I see a lot of women is mainly at the gym.

Speedsloth123 · 2021-11-12T22:16:13+00:00

This is NOT the best way to go about learning cold approach. You’re training yourself to be disingenuous, which is unhealthy and ultimately not gonna get you laid as much as being genuine (lots of girls sniff that out immediately).

OP is right that you should train yourself to talk to people, but for the love of god don’t ask randos, male or female, for directions to somewhere you don’t need directions to. Eventually in a convo with a girl you like she’ll be thinking “wait a second, did he even want to go to Starbucks to begin with?” That’s fake af and you’re just wasting people’s time.

INSTEAD, Provide value to people. Compliments are great. Funny observations are great. Practice free association from the get go by making a cold read about them.

Don’t shoot yourself in the foot from the get go by being disingenuous, you’re just letting your subconscious know that you need to lie in order to make conversation

Jnoisy · 2021-11-12T14:47:21+00:00

In my class yesterday, we were going over social connections and its just not guys talking to strangers, its everybody. People are becoming more and more lonely as time goes on.

SuaveFuck · 2021-11-12T16:55:44+00:00

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

yes. COLD APPROACH doesnt mean "talk to girl and get laid / married" - it means TALK TO ANY GIRL. the more you talk to them, the more you will ease, the easier will come then the flirting, the more success you will experience. experience not as in "sex" right away, but numbers, dates....says the most insecure mess of a sociopathic recluse.

Cyberfaust11 · 2021-11-12T19:45:46+00:00

Whenever a stranger starts talking to me, it means they're up to no good and trying to get me to do something or to somehow use me.

ecologamer · 2021-11-12T17:47:25+00:00

Here is the thing, I can walk up to people and start a convo, but I don’t have game… haven’t the slightest clue or self confidence to talk seduction or be flirty.

hjras · 2021-11-12T16:14:26+00:00

"Excuse me is there a Starbucks on this block?"

"Don't you have a mini supercomputer in your pocket with a search engine to figure that out, like literally everyone else?"

Any_Athlete_8505 · 2021-11-12T17:53:54+00:00

I warm up by complimenting 10 people before I run sets. Just compliment them about something and move on. Helps developing a good vibe and improves observation. After that I run sets and they work out really well. My social proof game ahs improved a lot because of this. I can open any conversations anywhere.

alaxoskl4 · 2021-11-12T15:52:09+00:00

What's C19?

Reccognize · 2021-11-12T20:38:20+00:00

So true. These skills are getting lost.

SomeRespect · 2021-11-12T21:42:46+00:00

Parents have conditioned children to not talk to strangers out of safety fears and this carries over into adulthood. Not to mention the news keeps throwing negative things into your face day in and day out until everyone things everybody is a serial killer until proven innocent.

Once you start approaching you'll find most people are genuine human beings that aren't out to take advantage of you, that's when the approach anxiety stops.

Relative-Soft-21 · 2021-11-12T15:18:18+00:00

At this point I think it’s too late for me, was always the quiet one in school and I have next to no social skills, every attempt to break out of it seems to sink me further and I’m not sure how to get out of it, loneliness is just inevitable I think for some people. Woe is me etc, but are some people just a lost cause due to past experience? I love this sub but it is genuinely tough to try and absorb the advice when it feels like it just doesn’t work for you in a way.

CenaSmackDown · 2021-11-12T17:47:33+00:00

What's the point? They don't like it and it rarely turns into anything. You're better off getting a job then hiring an escort.

DAB999 · 2021-11-12T20:58:00+00:00

I'm getting into day game. Can you tell some techniques to keep the conversation going, and become familiar in few minutes with the person you're cold approaching?

c2kink · 2021-11-13T05:54:31+00:00

I was all on board with this right up to the point in which you advise to lie to the person you’re talking. Don’t say you’re a tourist unless you are… be the real authentic you.

mario610 · 2021-11-12T15:43:26+00:00

I would like trying to talk to more people, but I never know what to talk about, parents say to practice, but I can't practice if I still don't know what to talk about. Doesn't help I have Asperger's

decapitate_the_rich · 2021-11-12T16:34:49+00:00

I am like deathly afraid of other people, doesn't matter if it is male or female, attractive or not. I have PTSD from stuff that happened as a kid and not sure I will ever be able to get past it. I don't really go anywhere but the grocery store and work anymore, and I work completely alone, so I don't ever really talk to people ever, at all. My people all live thousands of miles away. The only place I can afford to live in my is a wealthy conservative military suburb and there is a major values mismatch. I'm not sure what I can do that doesn't start with "get rich and move."

conflictedlocations · 2021-11-12T18:02:41+00:00

cool

Sensitive-Permit-877 · 2021-11-13T01:05:24+00:00

Most men nowadays have been brainwashed by feminists on tv and social to think if you say hello its Rape

qurfy · 2021-11-12T17:09:03+00:00

I helped this by talking to everybody at my school sauna after working out. I feel good by the time I get there and the sauna just creates a nice social enviornment. It has helped tremendously with anxiety and talking to strangers outside of the sauna

KongDonkey_92 · 2021-11-12T19:05:45+00:00

Warm approached a lot of people in high school and college. Was class clown cracking jokes. I'm the listener type, usually, I gave an ear to the story they was telling me. This works even better when traveling! Being a total stranger in a foreign land brings the curiosity out of you. Challenges you. Changes your perception.

The key is being present and having a let live approach. Being out of college turned me into an introvert, it just takes more energy for me to get into that frame.

It does feel good not gonna lie!

damiancontrol · 2021-11-12T16:06:50+00:00

One technique I use to overcome this is I just ask strangers for directions in the middle of the city. Start with everyone, to warm yourself up. The old man. The business person. The grandma. The mom. The cyclist. The dude having a cigarette. The person waiting for a bus.

Damn, this is exactly what I did. Are you some kind of twin or something lol

hairykitty123 · 2021-11-12T22:09:10+00:00

bruh im pretty chatty with people i know, but i can't talk to this cutie at my gym for the life of me........its so frustrating

britishgent60 · 2021-11-13T02:33:26+00:00

Humans are weird. They complain that their alone but hate to be approached. They think it's creepy etc etc etc. Well it's their own fault

mingolaflare · 2021-11-13T03:01:41+00:00

I really need to do this.

I realized you’re right, I am always in my own bubble. My bubble is big, but it’s still a bubble.

I talk to people all day at work as I’m in sales. I have a really awesome group of coworkers (we’re all actually friends not just work friends, many of my coworkers being friends from high school/college). I have roommates, and I have friends. My roommates have friends. But outside of that I don’t really put myself out there much and talk to new people. And talking to new people means meeting new friends, and of course meeting women.

I’m not really afraid to chat random girls up, it’s just that I don’t try often. I make the excuse that I’m tired of talking to people since it’s what I do all day with work. And that’s true, I am normally pretty “talked” out. But that is still an excuse. I can absolutely try and put myself out there more.

Thank you for helping realize this. Great post.

avengeance · 2021-11-13T03:27:13+00:00

Problem is that all I do is work and gym.

Disturbed_Aidan · 2021-11-13T09:21:37+00:00

I don’t really care about talking with strangers, it doesn’t bother me. I’ll talk to anyone but generally prefer to keep myself to myself and not bother anyone.

What does bother me is seeing an attractive female and wanting to not bother her.

I know women generally would find it flattering for a guy to politely ask her out and give her attention, as opposed to just stand around looking at her and not saying anything. However I just seem incapable of expressing myself.

Part of me is terrified of what will happen if she says yes.

I have a lot going for me. I’m not a bad looking guy and often get smiled at by women. But I’m too polite that it holds me back.

Fragmented79 · 2021-11-13T10:22:09+00:00

We are conditioned to be afraid of each other.

No_Initiative_976 · 2021-11-13T18:18:24+00:00

I understand your need to help and most of your advice is actually very good, but, as a girl… Don’t do this.

I mean the starbucks conversation part. It’s too formal and unrealistic. No one speaks like this and if you do she’s going to realize you don’t actually need directions to Starbucks and you just want to get her number somehow (even if you don’t end up asking for it) and this can turn girls off because we feel that you are not treating us like normal human beings and just some sort of fake game you have to get through to get with us. We notice it right away, believe me. We aren’t dumb, we know you have a phone where you can literally enter “nearest starbucks” and it’ll give you directions.

I suggest you instead be more chill, less formal, just speak as if you were speaking to a guy! Start the conversation by coming up to her , wave at her to to get her attention and instantly a friendly smile when she puts your eyes on yours. Try asking more less traditional questions and change it up a bit by saying “you know at what time Starbucks closes?” Or “do you know if name business opens today?” IMO these kind of questions don’t sound as fake as asking for directions. Once she responds, Don’t say “I understand and appreciate your help. I wish you a good day” and instead say “ok then, thank you so much, u have a good day” And offer a smile. Honestly at this point you can even take it further and be like “can I actually get your number? You’re like, hella cute” With eye contact and a friendly, even nervous cute smile. I know it’s harder said than done, but it’ll save your time (and the girl’s time) if you just be more real and be yourself.

Again, not trying to shit on your post at all! Just giving my perspective as a woman and what I’ve seen works with me and my homegirls. Wish you boys the most of luck :)

Mr_Mortyposter · 2021-11-14T23:50:44+00:00

I'm not afraid. I'll boldly approach any hottie that I want to with peak confidence.

xymemez · 2021-11-12T16:20:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

willgo-waggins · 2021-11-12T18:55:51+00:00

This is an excellent description of how to work on building your approach confidence and conversational skills. Bravo!

wolfbee16 · 2021-11-15T02:26:16+00:00

I get what your saying about not flirting with girls which is fine, but you can still have fun banter. I do this with almost every girl I encounter just because it’s more cheerful and charismatic then what they are used to. Don’t have to flirt at all, but getting really good at fun lighthearted banter with guys or girls will go a long way. Banter leads to witty remarks that you weren’t even aware you could do. And if anything ever happened with your girlfriend, you will be fine since improving fun banter with everyone will get you quick on your replies

redditsoap · 2021-12-11T22:40:36+00:00

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	558
Comments	138
Date	November 12, 2021 1:12 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qsavs3/too_many_guys_are_too_afraid_to_speak_to_strangers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1272445 https://theredarchive.com/post/1272445

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