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DaydreamingMister · 2021-09-29T23:46:59+00:00

If in your mind it is creepy behavior, you will be radiating that you don’t feel everything is all good about what’s happening. And with how intuitive and “sensing” women are, your vibe will be contagious in making her, too, feel that something isn’t right.

Conversely, men who come from a place of thinking it’s normal to chat up fellow humans in public - old humans, ugly humans, pretty humans, whatever - those men have a posture that can make it feel fine and dandy. (And there are successful men like that who do tend to chat up strangers in public in general - not just chat up hot women they see.)

This conversation prolly belongs in the “state” category of things… the part of life where a man works on mastering “gaming himself” versus gaming women.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-09-29T21:28:49+00:00

A man sees a women on the street he likes, and goes and talks to her and has a human to human conversation, something humans have been doing for millions of years.

I've done many thousands of cold approaches in public..

Women like confident men who go after what they want.

That's the opposite of creepy.

NiNj4_C0W5L4Pr · 2021-09-30T01:02:13+00:00

Who cares?! Get out if your head and make the approach. Do you want to meet women or stand there paralyzed wondering how they feel about you finding them attractive? Don't make this unnecessarily difficult. Speak to women even if you don't find them attractive. How is that creepy? See the difference? One you find attractive, the other you don't. The only difference exists in your mind. You're making excuses for your desires instead of owning them. Never apologize for your sexual desire. You are a man and you deserve to have a good woman in your life. Give yourself permission to find a woman attractive and be comfortable with your sexual desires. Creepy behavior comes from those who can't acknowledge social queues. If you ignore her body language or words that's when you become creepy. Brightening someone's day isn't creepy behavior. Being overtly sexual before getting to know her is creepy behavior.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-30T02:22:00+00:00

It’s only creepy if you’re ugly

gmahogany · 2021-09-30T03:02:12+00:00

If an attractive girl came up to you and said hi would you think she’s creepy? No, you’d be stoked. Even if she was ugly you’d be flattered. I know it’s different but still - girls like to be approached the right way. It’s not creepy to go after a girl you find attractive as long as you can read social cues and will walk away if she’s not receptive.

Stole this from Californication:

If I walk up and say hi and she says “hi”, I’ll ask her name and go from there. If she looks confused and says “uhh hiii?”, I’ll go “just sayin hi” and go about my business.

eieuxezyk · 2021-09-30T00:14:49+00:00

I feel the same way. But why live your life shackled to how you'll make others feel for a brief moment? Your intent is presumably not nefarious, you just want to get to know a girl you like. If they don't like you, they'll likely leave, or not be receptive if you get a number. After doing this 10+ times, you won't be lingering on the losses. Do you think a baseball player muses on his strikeouts?

GuaranteeOwn5108 · 2021-09-30T01:00:29+00:00

Just looking and not taking is creepy…

2udaylatif · 2021-09-30T02:23:48+00:00

You have issues.

FlanneryODostoevsky · 2021-09-30T06:51:20+00:00

Because its not creepy to search for a connection with another human being.

Hayden_Beroc · 2021-09-30T02:30:21+00:00

Well life is weird get over it, imagine how did you came to this world from start to finish.

Terrifying huh??

I would say at first just say hello to random people you came across to men or women with a smile on your face. Then when you see that hot girl smile at you after you said hi, go talk to her. This kind 'a make the approach feel less agonizing and more natural for you when you get used to it then you can try to do the front stop.

People in general try to match others vibe think of how some of your friend make you feel and women usually buy into guys vibe. Most of the time...

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-30T03:13:52+00:00

Only if you have a legit reason for it, it's not, and I don't personally consider "she's cute, I want to ask her out" to be a legit reason.

Either she lost something or left something behind or maybe a compliment while passing by, but that's it. People who cold-approach basically have to ignore this by approaching so much that they get rid of the feeling that seemingly comes naturally to approaching someone without a good reason. However, if some guys didn't do this, they'd stay single forever, so they have to pick one.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-09-30T06:26:04+00:00

Women fantasize about an alpha confident guy who comes in and sweeps them off their feet/takes them. In no women's fantasy is a guy ever saying stuff like "hey let me ask you for a female opinion, who do you think is more gay, me or Ricky Martin".

Funtimes773 · 2021-09-30T06:35:52+00:00

It's true. Women wear tight ass jeans and reveal cleavage and wear outstanding makeup so we can sit back like choir boys, afraid of budging an inch revealing our true desires, for that is untamed human unchristianlike nature.

It's all a grey area. There's 50 or more freakin shades of it. A little push, too much push, ease off, don't text too much. Don't make a scene or don't catcall. Deep down the woman wants to be appreciated for being beautiful, yet not in an obscene way. It's a delicate stupid emotional dance, don't be swept away. Half the fun is smelling the roses, don't get caught up in picking them,

5_7pickup · 2021-09-30T03:00:46+00:00

Refer to my field reports

AelfredRex · 2021-09-29T23:59:53+00:00

It is, especially the way the PUA tell you to do it. It's so insincere and phony, totally narcissistic. They only think it's working because women are smart enough to brush the creep off with a smile to avoid a scene breaking out.

jsbach123 · 2021-09-30T01:12:56+00:00

I wouldn't say it's "creepy" but it's unusual and unnatural. The vast majority of relationships didn't start with a guy cold approaching on the streets. If you ask most girls, yes, the vast majority of them deems it sleeazy.

I think cold approaching is overrated and it's usually PUA coaches trying to make money who thinks it's a great idea. The truth is, 99% of men find it terrifying and chicken out on the approach. Those who can open, the approach is almost always an abject failure. The girl often already has a boyfriend or talks to you because she doesn't want to seem rude. And in today's age, you gotta worry about sexual harassment.

So if it's terrifying and painful and unproductive, there needs to be a better strategy, one that guys enjoy and can actually do. And that strategy is to do more day game through meeting people at work, through volunteer events, through taking specialty classes, etc. At these venues, it's more low pressure where talking to strangers is more natural.

RProgrammerMan · 2021-09-30T02:35:44+00:00

I think creepy is a product of social awkwardness. If it’s done in a socially astute way it’s a nice compliment to the girl. Usually the best approach doesn’t seem like flirting, it’s just starting a casual conversation.

devilkingx2 · 2021-09-30T03:03:49+00:00

Somebody wrote in a book that if 9 out of 10 women won't like you, but 1 out of 10 will like you and just haven't met you yet; then by not approaching you are punishing the women who will like you in favor of women who won't.

Logically that's a bit backwards, you shouldn't care what people who won't like you think and you should focus on the ones who will. (But obviously you should be calibrated and normal enough to not get any of those 9 out of 10 to report you to any authorities.)

bytheninedivines · 2021-09-30T03:04:52+00:00

You're thinking of it like a guy. Girls want to be desired, they want guys to come and talk to them.

egarcia296 · 2021-09-30T03:23:32+00:00

It comes down to whether you believe you deserve it or not.

Basic_Asparagus_6197 · 2021-09-30T07:39:17+00:00

You know what - since being married I have found it incredibly easy to chat to women!! Not that it would go anywhere but I used to be super shy so I find it quite interesting. There must be something to the psychology of knowing that it’s nothing other than speaking to a fellow human that takes the pressure off. Plus if a women ever says “sorry I’m not interested” you can reply with “oh, no, sorry I’m taken, I was just making conversation” so you have the perfect get out clause too 😂 so in essence what I’m saying is, pretend in your own mind you’re married! Lol

spicy_simba · 2021-09-30T07:42:38+00:00

This question is on point,

It's quite awkward and uncomfortable to approach or be approached by people in the street or in public.

A lot of the YouTube videos actually hire actors when displaying it, and they only select the good shots.

Now there are a few factors, first is genuine opportunity: where the encounter happens by itself, spontaneous ly, like bumping into each other on a dance floor or at campus, or waiting in line side by side for drinks, or you genuinely having a question at a fair.

Some locations have more of a social context to them, like bars and discos, fairs, campuses, events, etc and there people are a bit more prepared to the idea of meeting someone new !

If you genuinely feel attracted to a person this can also be valid reason to approach them if they are not seeming busy.

When you are genuine with your intent and going without an agenda, then it feels less awkward to you, because you just saying hi, asking a question or complimenting without ulterior motive, you are going there just to meet the person and curious what that interaction will bring. No pressure to win them over or to score, or to get numbers.

I developed my genuine curiosity in people by going to events and introducing myself then wondering if this new person may have common points with me and could potentially become my friend or someone who can help me or vice versa.

This helped shifting from talking to girls as if am in a dating sim girl to talking to them as if they are just people like me and not necessarily needing to flirt or impress them. That was such a freeing realization.

So short answer yes it's weird and awkward and can be creepy,

When the context and how you feel about it feels right, then it's oke to do.

Lastly, look at how people react, if they are creeped out, apologize and move along, that can always happen, everyone can get creeped out.

BoJackHorseMan53 · 2021-09-30T09:49:47+00:00

Guy, stop mental masturbation. Go out there and approach women. you'll find out if it's creepy or not

DylanFiglewicz · 2021-09-30T11:34:11+00:00

I just ask mature latin women if they wanna have my babies at walmart. Am I doing it right?

mike2060 · 2021-09-30T12:33:31+00:00

Get it into your mind that nothing we do in life ultimately matters. We are all going to die one day and in the whole scheme of the universe just going up to girls you think are pretty and chatting them up isn't going to matter. Having women in your life is more enjoyable than not having women in your life so shooting your shot makes way more sense than not. You aren't going to get arrested for saying hi to that pretty girl and there's nothing immoral about it, so just go for it. You ultimately have nothing to lose and so much to potentially gain.

Normal_Flan_1269 · 2021-09-30T12:49:13+00:00

It’s even worse when you get stares from women and still can’t even have the balls and approach them.

st3636 · 2021-09-30T13:51:14+00:00

As DaydreamingMister said, it's a matter of how much laid back vs desperate you look while you're doing that.

Problem is, the majority of girls you'll be meeting that way is going to be already taken and, unless you have some real nerves of steel, you'll become desperate looking in no time (and even if you have some real nerves of steel, you may still eventually end up giving the vibe of an undercover police officer, rather than a genuine guy vibe). Sexual desperation=huge turnoff.

I prefer friendzoning barladies (i'm a deliveryman so i can get to know them really well, we're basically co-workers) then escalating it from there+Tinder for this very reason.

Don't know if laws where you live allow prostitution or not, but in my country it's legal, and the very thought of getting a GFE helps me hide desperation away pretty well whenever dealing with girls (28 yo kissless hugless virgin btw). As i've already mentioned, it's a serious availability issue where i live, and i simply don't have the time to fool around with random people on the street all day. Have to do way more important stuff, such as my evening shifts, taking care of an old car and an elderly relative (previously, university).

Radiant_Warthog · 2021-09-30T13:59:07+00:00

Well it sure can be creepy.

I think what gets rid of that is having an attitude of curiosity and friendliness, and being open to taking things further if there is a mutual spark. As opposed to approaching someone basically wanting sex from them, when you don’t know each other at all.

In practice, just get used to talking to everyone and being curious about everyone, with no expectations. It isn’t creepy to ask the cashier how their day is going, or to talk to the Uber driver, or to talk to the person in front of you waiting for coffee.

Once you’re not freaking out every time you talk to a stranger, spend more time talking to the ones who are easy to talk to - they respond, smile, laugh, ask back about you.

And if that person happens to be someone you like, and they seem to like you to, ask for their number so you can continue the conversation over a drink (or whatever activity fits - frisbee, mini-golf, live music, community garden visit).

So all of the above applies to friendship, recruitment, sales, dating, anything where you approach a stranger. Not creepy.

If there is mutual attraction (which you might just encourage a bit with eye contact, teasing, non-sexual touch, playful flirting) and things eventually get hot and steamy, that’s not creepy - it’s great! Because you both want that to happen.

The thing is, you don’t know if s/he’s busy, or married, or new in town and looking for friends, or into the same crazy interests you are, or open to a relationship, or horny enough to shag you in the disabled toilets at the mall. You don’t know! So don’t assume which way an encounter with this particular stranger will go. Even if the reason you approached this person is because you find them attractive, don’t make the interaction all about that - yes you can let them know you like the way they look or move or smile if you want, but then tell them you’re curious about them or you have to find out who they are.

Then you’ll find out if they’re busy, or offended, or open to a date - all without being creepy about it.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-09-30T14:26:55+00:00

It's okay if you're not comfortable with approaching women in public. There's other ways to meet women.

Online dating can get good results if you know what you're doing. Asking friends if they know anyone that's looking to date or hook up is another option.

Do what you're comfortable doing.

hopesy123 · 2021-09-30T19:08:16+00:00

Well I’m gonna assume what you mean in public, you mean in the daytime, maybe after working hours, in places see like grocery shops, parks, cafes and or on sidewalks and so on? honestly I have never heard a woman say she likes being approached like that, (but not saying they absolute hates it either) normally people are just going on about their day, getting all the things they need done, like grocery shopping getting from A to B, picking up things they need or maybe just going out for a walk or enjoying a book or podcast on their own. I would, personally, find it annoying to be approached out of nowhere, especially if I was doing something else (unless it’s someone who just asks for directions or something like that) but to suddenly being put on the spot and having to have a conversation with a random guy, while I was trying to enjoy my coffee or book in peace, yeah I would be annoyed and try to end the interaction as quickly as possible, but trying not to be rude about it ofc, but that’s just me and my point of view, some might be more enthusiastic, this is not something that happens a lot for me to begin with so I’m not coming from a place filled with first hand experiences (just to be clear)

Mouthpiece · 2021-09-30T20:26:16+00:00

"Creepy" is a story dudes tell themselves to get off the hook for having to make approaches. You say that YOU find it "weird"--so notice two things.

First, this is the illusion going on in YOUR head and has no relation to the outside world.

Second, what does "weird" or "creepy" even mean? You've got this expectation in your head about how people are supposed to behave in public places, and you probably don't even know where you got that expectation from.

What if that expectation is wrong? What if there are tons of people in the world with a different set of expectations about how people can interact with each other in public? What would happen if you challenge those assumptions you're making? What if you set about to actively CHANGE your expectations? What if there are people who think it's weird to be silent and isolated in public places and refusing to talk to people is creepy?

What's the worst that could happen? You might have to actually talk to someone.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	28
Comments	81
Date	September 29, 2021 9:23 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/py521z/deleted_by_user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/deleted-by-user.1275272 https://theredarchive.com/post/1275272

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