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[–]galaxigoddess 5 years ago [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
I agree! We need more men with actual standards in this world! Stop picking walking pocket pussies to fill your voids! Get with women you actually respect, admire, value and actually love unconditionally.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
Right like I used to try to keep at least one or two girls around that I wasn’t really interested in just for the sake of having someone to have sex with. But at this point I’ve realized that I would rather just masturbate than waste time and energy leading on someone I’m not actually into. It’s dishonest and disingenuous to them because it ruins their opportunity to find someone who actually likes them like that. Like even if it’s just hooking up I can’t be regularly seeing someone who I don’t actually like as a person.
[–]minma_marin 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You don’t have to lead a girl on to have one just for sex. Just sayin
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes I realized that now finally. But I’m only 24 so better now than never.
[–]minma_marin 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m only 25 man much learning left to do
[–]galaxigoddess19 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Dishonest and disingenuous to them but most importantly to yourself. How can you actually know yourself if youre not completely honest about what you want. Good that you were able to come to that realization! Regularly fucking and seeing someone you dont actually like is how people end up in situationships or being coparents. Good for you for gaining more confidence and self awareness to know that you dont need that.
[–]dragonhuh 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Some girls do pretend to be okay as a friend with benefits when they really want to be a girlfriend. But I know some FWBs that were genuinely just that. A lot of guys dont know how to be a respectful FWB so theyll be a completely twat to the girl or dangle the possibility of a commitment.
Im a girl though and I had this FWB that was like 9 years younger and mid-fuck would always try these commitment lines like “we should see each other more” or try and get out of the condom with “I havent slept with anyone since you...” and I was like dude... you dont have to do that here. We are just having a fun time.
[–]TurboPhantom420 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What mindset do you need ti have going into a fwb relationship with an ex
[–]FrankOFan 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The mindset that I have for that situation is “don’t.”
[–]dragonhuh 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Me personally or do u want advice for yourself? Cause for you, I need details... ages, length of relationship. Ive never had one with an ex but I imagine it could get risky.
[–]TurboPhantom420 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
17/18 1 year and several months
[–]popaknot154 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you. Much appreciated.
[–]KGBraddock 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve been trying to work on this. I struggled so much when I was younger that when I finally got decent at interacting with women I would hook up with most that showed me any sort of interest. Now that I’m getting older I’m looking to settle down with someone and am trying to raise my standards simultaneously. However, like with most things, the pandemic has delayed the process it seems
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 80 points81 points82 points 5 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
On a related note, if you're not feeling it with a woman you're approaching, just leave. You're not being true to yourself by pushing forward despite being disappointed and it only leads to more potential awkwardness, I don't care if the internet tough guy babble from PUA materials tells you to keep insisting because otherwise you are an [insert buzzword of your choice]
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
TRUE ASF. I used to think I was doing something wrong if the vibe was off and it was my responsibility to fix it but then I realized maybe I just don’t like her personality and that’s why we’re not vibing.
[–]CH705-807 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
When your mindset shifts from 'i don't know if she likes me' to 'i hope I'll like her' you become in a position of power my friend.
[–]wheatwithheat7 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Right I wish I realized this years ago. Oh well I’ve been working on myself for over a year and recently think I hit a huge breakthrough that there’s no going back from.
[–]fzprof 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
But u still need to care about the first aspect. And being too cocky and carefree can make her despise/laugh at you. But u are right we shouldnt care too much about what they think esp if these girls are just good looking and nothing else for our personalities and interests.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Yeah it’s like you can only be confident if you have something to be confident about. That’s why you gotta build yourself up. I knew this one dude in high school who could get any girl even though he kinda ugly and just got into trouble and skipped school and got arrested all the time. Later I realized it was because he just had extreme self confidence. But he was so confident in himself when he had nothing to be confident about because he was kind of a dumbass. At it’s like when you get into the real world these kind of dudes with idiotic unearned confidence only attract girls with idiotic unearned confidence. You know, the people that are still living in their “glory days” of high school. Real high value women know what a real high value man looks like and if you come at them with a cocky confident attitude that’s unearned it just makes you look like a fool
[–]CH705-807 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah, no it's gotta be genuine confidence. Real women see right through the bullshit.
[–]wheatwithheat1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
But it’s a funny story because this dude is 24 now and still bragging about his ex from high school who is now an actual model. But the girls he messes with now are all like 18 and super ratchet.
[–]fzprof 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good point. What I mean by cockiness though is when a guy acts like the girl is super easy which can make the guy look sleazy or too gamey. This can be from having idiotic confidence yes. I remember guys like this in HS. All loud and putting others down by saying the dumbest shit.
Oh ok yeah I know exactly what you’re referring too. Yeah that shit will never get you anywhere cause it’s like making the girl feel like she’s a hoe is a sure fire way to get her to not wanna do anything with you.
Like if I realized this sooner I would have saved myself so many awkward dates and pointless text exchanges that led nowhere.
[–]rising_son 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah this why IRL interaction > all other interactions. It's pretty easy to figure out if you vibe with someone in person vs. their projection of themselves via text/tinder/etc.
[–]Aeon199 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't want to be a thorn in your side. But you're the same one who suggested some guys should "greatly lower standards" because you yourself had done so before.
It's just another way to put the whole "standards scale" thing... a pertinent example would be, "if you're autistic and not 'shiny' in conventional ways, you have to lower standards to those who may be interested in you"
The idea is sensible and sound, but do you know how this actually works out, in the real world? If we go by online dating well then... what can I say. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well, it's a multilayered thing. I'm talking more about being true to oneself enough to know when to fold. If I talk about lowering standards I'm talking about physical stuff but UNDER A CERTAIN RANGE - not so much you start forcing yourself to approach or keep talking to someone you outright dislike for whatever reason it might be, because what's the fun in that? It means giving some time to people you neither like or dislike at first glance because you might find something good in there.
But the vibe is much more important because it's what drives the interaction and it's what can make you start finding that hidden attractiveness in someone who is not as physically attractive, and viceversa.
The opposite is that a lack of a good vibe can even bring down someone who is a 10 in physical terms, so if I'm trying to get close to some bombshell and I'm not getting a desirable feedback that makes me feel good and willing to continue engaging that person, be it because I'm messing up or because I'm not liking her personality, it's totally okay to just drop it and admit to myself it's just not worth it. Many of us would start getting paranoid, thinking "I'm screwing up and if I try harder I might turn it around and make her act less boring" because since it's an attractive chick we're self-pressured to persevere lest the PUA overlords pelt us with attacks on our masculinity. This is most likely a lost cause and a ticket to more awkwardness. I vow to never make that mistake ever again.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, it's a multilayered thing. I'm talking more about being true to oneself enough to know when to fold.
Understood, you are talking about a slightly different concept this time around.
I suppose you might say, I still felt I had some beef with what you said last time around... and jumped back in to the fray, here, to mention it. Maybe that was a bit "underhanded" of me... in that case, all I can do is apologize.
That's kinda the point you were making last time and it's kind-of where I am hung up. Because I felt some of your language was aiming at "lower your standards a lot" but other things you said sounded more open-minded.
I don't know enough about real-life organic interaction with women, especially not in recent years, to have any framework for "what type of woman" could be interested, you see.
What I have seen online however... I can tell you the only types interested... well, since it's so hard to talk about this, maybe I shouldn't talk about it. This stuff starts to step over the lines very quickly, and I prefer being polite instead.
The one thing I want to say, though... is that IF the trend of "who may be interested in me" online also translates to real-life (and I have reason to suspect it may, given my age and lack of ability to live normally) then it starts to get kinda depressing.
There's no "proper" way to say it without sounding like a hypocrite or a jerk. Because folks notice I describe myself as an autistic, past a certain age, with no security... I'm utterly denied the privilege to say "I like this or that" or "I don't like this or that"... y'know?
The opposite is that a lack of a good vibe can even bring down someone
The vibe is certainly an important thing. I would certainly say woman with "modest looks" is brought up a lot with a good vibe.
But in any case, I myself need to learn how to have the good vibe. I'm aware my body language is stiff and awkward and I don't know how to fix that. And my facial expression "by default" is cold and perhaps even sad, except on the rare good day where I seem to come across better.
[–]HeavenPiercingMan 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Eh, I'm not bothered! As I've said, I have no issue with ya, just find me inspired and I'll hit you up, like now.
I might sound cliche here but you need some good zen-like disconnection from your troubles, to even begin by fixing your cold facial expression. It's all coming down to the same problem we all have: we give a shit too much.
I guess only that way, learning to live for a bit with a "fuck it, fuck everyone" outlook, just for yourself, you could start cultivating a good social vibe. You're tied down by subconscious mental blocks that make you stiff, and persistent negative buzzkills that make you a perpetual gloomer. I think this could be a start, just for yourself, this is self-improvement after all; if you manage to start overcoming them, and that includes voicing your suppressed thoughts, you will feel free, and yes, I know you'll feel like a clown at first but what the hell, there's no law against being a clown. And if someone doesn't like you being a clown, pull the autistic card and demand tolerance. Weaponize it!
We live in a clown world already, take advantage of it! 🤡🌎
EDIT: I dunno if it was you who I told I used to be totally ignored when I was a perpetual frowner, and how the tables turned during a crazy week where I went from "ignored awkward creepy black hole" on Monday to "HOLY ALPHA DOG LEADER OF THE ARMY" on Friday with the same people and the only difference was my vibe, facial expression and pessimism/optimism. That little "inner game" change can open many doors.
[–]KnightSwan 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I went on a tinder date, after talking to her for 30 seconds I realized I felt nothing. But I thought I’d be the asshole if I’d say I didn’t want to go through with date.
I ended up on a four hour date with someone I did not like because I was afraid of having standards, and thought I should try to make it work. That was a low point for me, I don’t use tinder anymore because profiles can be deceiving. Now I know it’s better to not waste time and let them know your not compatible.
I’ve done something similar so many times lol it’s ok man we all do it we’re still figuring this all out
[–]yoyoallafragola 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well, it would have been a bit rude to just dump their ass after 30 seconds, I would have tried to at least have a "decent time/small talk with a new acquaintance" situation... probably the big mistake is planning a 4 hr date as a first meeting rather than a small, easy thing like grab a coffee.
[–]dragonhuh 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women and men have types theyre attracted to. Nothing misogynistic about that. Misogyny is when you treat all women a certain way and classify them according to one standard, but not as human beings.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]fuckleberyfinn 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If you have to ask, you don’t need to put up with it
[–]wheatwithheat13 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
If that’s not what you’re friend wants or is willing to accept, tell him to make that clear to her. If she doesn’t wanna change, tell him to move on.
[–]herecomes_the_sun 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Everyone has sexual preferences and thats ok! All we have to do is express them nicely! If my by told me he likes it when I am clean shaven I would stay clean shaven because it’s no skin off my back and makes him happy
[–]slaynmantis 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You know I really dont get why girls let their armpits grow hair? in fact I don't understand why most men don't shave them either. Regardless of aesthetics, sweaty wet armpit hair is the most irritating feeling in the world. For the record my conservative, alpha-douchy-man, military officer father shaves his armpits because it makes applying deodorant more efficient. More guys should really start doing this.
[–]McPoyal 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They're mad that he doesn't like the hairy lady legs? What if he just decided to shave off his eyebrows...would they expect her to just like it?
[+]Bennifred -6 points-5 points-4 points 5 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link
If he refuses to shave his legs, then she reserves the right to refuse also. You can't just demand your partner to inconvenience themselves for things you wouldn't even do for them.
If it's a deal breaker, then they should split up
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ffeu01/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_she_needs_to/
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bennifred 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
There's no wonder you are on r/seduction when you refuse to empathize with women or listen to what they have to say without talking down to them.
Tell your friend, good luck with his girl
Edit: grammar
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Bennifred 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I edited the typo. Even though I'm sure you got the message before it was fixed, you should be able to understand it now.
The first step to getting women is to know what they want and understand how they feel. (On the other hand, ad hominem attacks and nit-picking grammar will make not only women, but pretty much anyone, dislike you.)
[–]siac4 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I spent 8 years with someone. At the beginning she was borderline my type, so beautiful, but she unhealthy, but at least she was active. She constantly fished for compliments about her body, but did not change her eating. I stayed because I had my faults too. During the pandemic she started exercising and wow! Then she dumped me. I should have left her 3 years earlier. I forgot the golden rule, she's not mine. It's just my turn. I won't forget it again.
[–]yoyoallafragola 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
There ARE people who will be faithful until the end. But honestly your relationship wasn't really healthy, you settled (because low self esteem?) and she gave red flags and probably settled too, since she didn't want to put in the effort to actually get better and get what she really wanted. Next time you can work on your faults and be confident, and don't trust lazy people fishing for compliments and not willing to better themselves, they'll probably get worse.
[–]siac4 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That was my problem. I believed her when she said she wanted to get fitter or at least back to where she was and she believed me when I said I wanted to quit nicotine and stop drinking. I'm 30 days sober, and am starting my 3 month nicotine detox starting sep 1.
[–]yoyoallafragola 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's great! You're doing this for yourself and it's the best decision you could do for your health. It's sure can also be the foundation for a new, healthy relationship; you'll have a clearer mind to see who you have in front of you, and higher standards for a new you.
[–]Janemba_Corvalis 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
Uhm it's kind of messed up to judge someone who still lives with their parents. I admit I'm biased because I'm 23 and still live with my parents, but let's not ignore the facts here. We're in a pandemic, unemployment is at an all time high, rent prices are also at an all time high, and most importantly you don't know the situations anyone else is dealing with! It's definitely a case by case basis. If you're just a straight up lazy loser, then that's why we're gonna move on, nothing to do with the living situation.
[–]dragonhuh 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Im always shocked at what people judge. I have a friend who lives off her parent’s money and is dating a guy who is doing well in a competitive career. She had the nerve to say, “Im not sure if I can date someone who didnt go to an Ivy league school” and also, she doesnt respect his career that much (the particular industry). BTW, she didnt go to an Ivy League school... I just laughed at her.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Lol so many people are like this. I ran into an old coworker of mine at my current job (a grocery store) and he told me he had been out of work for a while. I told him we’re always hiring here and he said “nah I wouldn’t do that to myself” like bro you have no job and you act like you’re too good to work at a grocery store? Like wow
[–]slaynmantis 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Hey theres no shame in working at a grocery store. Having the willingness to work anywhere but continuing the effort into gaining new skills is what's truly important. Anyone who criticizes anyone over 'career prestige' is an arrogant douche.
I'll be honest, I was working a 'college graduate' job which required an education and degree in. I worked in the field for 3 years before finally reaching max burnout right before the pandemic started. I got laid off back in March but the stress from the job left me so debilitated and traumatized I havent been able to bring myself back to work. At least you're continuing to stay productive and putting yourself out there. I can barely bring myself to get out of bed anymore. I admire your resiliency and ability to deal with the public realm. It takes alot of emotional and physical strength to work anywhere right now.
in regards to your girl situation, I feel your perception is harder for me to relate (I'm a woman). Not trying to be rude or anything. but I'm trying to understand your concept of "having standards". from what Im reading here: it's based on your ability to reject sex with a gross person you're not attracted to? lol like you can finally turn someone down instead of seeing her as an opportunity for your d*ck? Sorry it's just kinda funny reading things from a younger male point of view.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
So yeah from a young male perspective, there are a lot of guys who really don’t get laid at all or once in a blue moon. And for the longest time I was one of the guys who would sleep with whoever just for the sake of saying I was getting laid but I’ve more recently come to the realization that that’s not doing anything for me but wasting my time and energy would I could be focusing on bettering myself and finding someone I actually like. There are a lot of males with that I take what I can get mentality. For women it’s different because no matter who she is she could find a hookup very easily so it’s much easier for her to have standards. For some men it’s like it doesn’t matter if she’s a terrible person, is physically unattractive, is rude or mean spirited or has no goals or anything like that, they’ll just have sex because of the opportunity to do so.
[–]slaynmantis 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
thanks for taking the time to explain this to me. It makes sense what you're saying. I suppose women may have more options but their standards can be just as questionable. There is definitely a percentage of people from both genders who have low standards. I'm interested in trying to understand how social conditioning effects this and how it influences our decision to F someone - I do find it perplexing that this many men can be turned on so automatically by anything. I do feel like theres men out there who aren't necessarily desperate/ have many options but are still willing to stick their boner in whatever orifice presents itself. Though I suppose theres also a variation in sex drive among males- likewise for females.
Yeah I think that’s a biological thing too. It’s like the more you spread your seed the more likely your genes are to survive so it gives you an evolutionary advantage to wanna fuck anything. I think this is why men are more likely to cheat for purely physical reasons, while women will cheat for emotional reasons (not saying men don’t do this also and vice versa).
I think social conditioning affects what we see as desirable in a mate, obviously certain physical traits will always be attractive things like clothing and hairstyle change in appeal based on the time and culture. But like it also affects how we behave sexually too like it’ll make women more reluctant to have sex because they don’t want to be perceived as a slut, but at the same time it’ll influence men to either have sex at any opportunity or to inflate their numbers because it makes you seem “cooler” or more “alpha” to have had sex with many women.
[–]burnie_mac 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Bro we are literally on a post about how it’s ok to have standards and you’re shitting on someone for not wanting minimum wage when they have a career? shame on you
[–]wheatwithheat3 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
He didn’t have a career to begin with. The job we worked at together before was minimum wage. It was just a very easy job where you could just be on your phone all day and he didn’t want something where he’d actually have to work
[–]scarrax 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This! Most young adults, especially in expensive cost of living areas tend to live with their parents unless they have rich parents who can afford to help them out, have well paying jobs themselves, some combination of both, and either split the cost of living with roommates or with a partner. And even then most young adults who decided to move out are living paycheck to paycheck, working more than one job, working crazy overtime, etc. just to make ends meet.
I think this attitude comes from 1950s-80s America where you could find a job much easier, and minimum wage could put you through school, afford you a place to live, and even get you a car if you were diligent with your money. Nowadays even with a salaried job well above minimum it's near impossible unless you want a 2+ hour one way commute to work.
Yeah I was more referring to the lazy losers. I’m actually 24 and just moved back to my grandmas house a month ago. Maybe that one part was kinda short sited. But my grandma is cool because I work and am in school, she wouldn’t be cool with me staying here and not doing shit.
[–]whomeverIwishtobe 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
good on you for admitting your mistake, and living at home is, unfortunately, more common for our generation.
Yeah when we’re getting bled dry from all angles (rising rent, wage stagnation, price of education) we gotta make it work somehow. Oh well it’s just making us a stronger, more resilient, empathetic generation than the ones that came before us.
[–]isthisforeal 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some girls may not be okay with it, I think that's fine just move on the next one that's right for you.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Janemba_Corvalis 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that’s definitely one way to look at things. I get what you’re saying but I do think there are some pretty objective standards for a “loser” like bullies, domestic abusers, etc, I think you can see where I’m going with this. It’s bold of you to assume I would think your friend is a loser though. I’m sure you’re both fine people.
The main point I was trying to convey is that your behaviors are what makes you a “loser” and not where you live or who you live with. Anyways, have a good day!
[–]Bosscat727 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sometimes guys just take what’s easiest. Putting in work for someone that’s worth it will lead to more happiness.
[–]isthisforeal 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is super accurate. It goes for both sexes if someone isn't a fit don't try to force it for fear of being alone.
[–]fuckleberyfinn 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
In fact, stop giving attention to women who you know aren’t worthy. It inflates their ego and they become annoying as fuck. That’s why the most arrogant girls are mediocre looking at best
[–]monabonernami 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Same goes for men.
[–]fuckleberyfinn 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I believe it
[–]wheatwithheat8 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Dudes gassing up fat ugly girls is why you see so many of them on tinder with impossible standards in their bio lmao
[–]BroTheSheep 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link
Lmao it seemed for a while some guys avoided standards
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (25 children) | Copy Link
Lmao my brother is still like this. I used to think he was better with girls than I was and he would brag about all the girls he hooked up with on tinder. And then after a while I realized that all of them were fat and stupid like yo you’re really not doing anything. Getting high quality women to even flirt back or express interest in you is infinitely more fulfilling than hooking up with dozens of low quality women.
[–]thepontiff_ 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m ashamed of myself reading this reply 😔😔😔 I’ve entertained low quality women for years and I’m tired mentally and emotionally.
I honestly don’t know why I have an attraction to fat women and I’ve been trying to figure that out for years
[–]wheatwithheat6 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You like what you like if you really like fat girls then go for it there are plenty of fat women who have great personalities
[–]rhofire 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
Getting high quality women to even flirt back or express interest in you
What's your definition of high-quality vs low-quality woman?
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (19 children) | Copy Link
High quality - confident, goals, takes care of herself physically (hygiene, clothing, exercise), has her own opinions and sense of humor, intelligence, treats others with respect, not a bum
Low quality - puts other girls down to make herself feel better because she’s insecure. Has no direction in life. Doesn’t take care of herself (poor hygiene, out of shape and makes no effort to do anything about it but expects you to have sympathy for her). Just kinda parrots other people’s opinions rather than ever giving an original thought. No sense of humor, bad attitude. Being rude or degrading to others, especially those she sees as beneath her. Always high or drinking. Expects you to take care of her every need (has no job or just expects you to pay for everything she wants)
[–]QuesadillaDeCoog 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I just want to make sure: you do realize not all women fall exclusively in just one category right? Most women are a mix of both.
It’s definitely not black and white
[–]wheatwithheat5 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Of course it’s not. Everyone has a mix of those qualities. It’s all about what you see in the other person and how well their values match yours.
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
OK, so I see a mixture of things. From my experience, you've mixed up the qualities of what a quality woman is. Or, simply put, you've built a picture of a high-quality woman based on a politically correct societal standard.
In reality, this approach will not help you get the sexy girls you really want. Which is why you asked the question in the first place.
So, your first step is to understand that confidence is your job as a man. The same goes for sense of humor and opinions. Don't rely on a woman to have it. The same goes for having career goals ( which is what I'm assuming you're referring to). Treat women like they bring things in your life that you don't have.
If they do bring in the other qualities, that's a nice bonus. What matters most is that you treat her with respect and admiration. And, that she treats you with respect and admiration too - but for different things.
Now, this is not politically correct. It's against what the media wants you to believe. But, that's how you get to have a better sex life.
(I'm happy to expand on this if you have questions.)
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (15 children) | Copy Link
First, sexy isn’t everything. There are plenty of sexy girls who are terrible people and I don’t want any part of it.
We can both have both have confidence, sense of humor, opinions and goals. In fact I prefer we both do. If we don’t it’s rather one sided.
Women aren’t just prizes for you to win, but if you just want a trophy wife with no personality then by all means go for it.
[–]rhofire 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
but if you just want a trophy wife with no personality then by all means go for it.
How did you arrive at this conclusion from what I said?
“This approach will not get you the sexy girls you want” - who said all I wanted was a sexy girl?
“Confidence is your job as a man, same goes for sense of humor and opinions” - are you attracted to women with no confidence, sense of humor, or opinions?
[–]rhofire -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Most human beings have opinions and a sense of humour.
When it comes to confidence, I'm referring to taking risks such as getting rejected. That's a man's job.
If you don't want a sexy girl, what do you want?
Of course you make the first move, that’s day one shit.
“I wanna pretty girl, and an honest one” - Drake
[–]rhofire 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
, sexy isn’t everything
I'll tell you what. You sound like such a nice guy you'll make some lucky girl very happy. And, most girls wouldn't want to lose your friendship. So, keep doing what you doing.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
Yes, as it turns out being a nice guy actually gets you laid if you’re not ugly (sorry that it doesn’t work for you) it also gets you friends and respect and love and warmth.
I’ll tell you what, you sound like a pathetic simp who got his heart broken too many times and is now bitter about it. So you can keep treating people like objects and one day when you’re old and alone you can look back on it and realize what a miserable fuck you are.
[–]QuesadillaDeCoog 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Tbh you do come off as overly aggressive in your post and so far what I’ve observed in your responses. While I agree with you to some extent that as an individual, we deserve to have the best woman as our partner, I also believe we equally have the same responsibility to be as their partner to be the best they ever had.
And you’re 24, most women your age are barely getting out in the world and starting to build themselves up. Not everyone is going to have the same opportunity to be at a high point in their lives, most are working on themselves to a point where they want to be at - and that is completely fine. It’s not an excuse though to label them as low quality.
I think you still have a lot to learn and I hope you don’t keep this ... way of thinking for too long because you’ll certainly end up alone. Don’t take it personal either
I’m very nice to people who are nice to me. I’m only mean to people that come at me in an argumentative tone. I really think you’re missing the point of this post. Of course they’re building themselves up, so am I, that’s the point and that’s the meaning of the word “goals”.
[–]QuesadillaDeCoog2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I think you bring up an excellent point. I speak from my own experience, I was once in a relationship where my then gf and I always tried to make ourselves better people so that we could offer the best of us. Granted things happened and the relationship ended but one of the best things I enjoyed about that relationship was how we managed to build each other up and it was so easy. But I’m glad you understand the concept. Good luck :)
See that’s what a relationship should be and that’s the kind of relationship I’m looking for. And it’s good that you don’t seem bitter about it ending and hopefully the two of you are still on good terms :)
[–]rhofire 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Nigga, you sound like a simp if anything. What makes you think I'm not getting laid? Because I view the women I want in a sexual way?
what a miserable fuck you are.
There's no need to insult me. You see, I'm not going to insult you back. I have no such need. I'm trying to help you, but hey, feel free to keep doing what you're doing.
Read your previous comment you were being condescending and throwing shade. If this is how you treat everyone than of course probably no one likes you, and the only time you ever get laid is for superficial reasons like money and social status, no woman will actually ever love you for you because you’re a miserable human being.
[–]rhofire3 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
no woman will actually ever love you for you because you’re a miserable human being
Well, at least now I know. Thanks, for being such a nice guy!
But I get laid for superficial reasons too, mainly because I’m very handsome. Sorry they’ll never love you like they love me.
But I get laid for superficial reasons too, mainly because I’m very handsome. Sorry they’ll never love you like they love me
I'm sorry too.
Hey man if you see this sorry. I was in an angry place yesterday and I really feel bad about how harsh I got with you on this post and the other. If you see this DM me I’d love to get to know you so I can understand your point of view
[–]rhofire 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure, send me a message, we'll do a voice call on Zoom.
[–]McPoyal 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I know a few that have no standards. Like, none. Wildabeasts, old, haggard....I've they're down, it's game.
[–]wheatwithheat4 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Right it’s so sad
[–]TheBookOfSeil 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Going higher than that, men should have better standards. It's not enough to just have any at all. Men these days put women on too high a pedestal and don't hold them to any standard because they don't want to limit their dating success.
Well, if you have a problem with women being boring or not living up to standards, you have to hold them to those standards. Otherwise, they won't change.
Of course. That’s why you have so many average women who think they’re the shit. Cause so many low quality men gas them up in a pathetic attempt to get laid because they can’t
[–]TheBookOfSeil 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also because they think that they're supposed to. There's so many expectations on men when it comes to dating and we never hear any expectations of women beyond the basic standards of looking nice, being polite, taking an interest in the other person, and things that are expected of both people. Too many dudes are willing to dance around and let the women judge their performance these days.
[–]coyavenue 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I agree with this- but I have a question for men! I was listening to “The Roomates” podcast and on many episodes they claim men mainly care only about looks when it comes to a relationship (face and body) - and then intelligence came in third place. No mention of education, ambition, career, goals, etc. So for the average guy ( as I am the average woman) , do men put those qualities on the back burner when selecting a girlfriend? Can someone explain this to me?
It’s because most guys put super attractive women on a pedestal because they see them as unattainable. It’s not until you have enough attractive women showing interest that you that you start to think about other qualities - most men never reach this level. They just see super hot girls as goddesses that they can never have
[–]Dating_throwaway9999 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
A man is going to care primarily about your personality, compatibility, and looks. Many guys won't care about your career, education, how much you make, etc (if fact, for some guys, it may actually have the opposite effect because many men prefer to provide for their women in that way). It'll move the needle a bit for some guys, but unlike for women, it doesn't rank up there very high.
I actually think there's a big disconnect here. I see a lot of successful yet frustrated women that rank themselves very high just because of how successful they are but men generally don't hold these in as high regard.
[–]becmckeown 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
While I wholeheartedly agree with this message, judging someone who is still living with their parents is not cool. If you're a shitty lazy person, fair enough. But I basically lost my job due to COVID, and my parents were awesome enough to let me move back in, because rent is at an all time high.
[–]throwaway_adgiyrwc14 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel like all of those things can be taken as either exceptions or norms. Obviously you should try to find out the reason why someone is the way they are - either overweight or living at their parents house or any other thing. Maybe they just recently started this medication that made them gain weight, or like you lost their job and had to go back.
Obviously it’s good to have standards, but it’s not good to unilaterally apply them without thought. I do think as a culture we tend to dismiss too easily though thinking that there will be other people who “match” better before we even allow ourselves (and them) to see who they really are.
This is so true
[–]Rooke33 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Word
[–]dhskalalwl 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its weird that you even have to say that. I remembered in my classroom a girl liked me. She was not my type in physical appearance, she invited me on a date. I kindly rejected her.The next time I was in the classroom, girls called me ugly and telling me I have too high standards for my look. All of them were boosting her confidence ; they were degrading my self steam.
[–]JustNatalieK 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I agree!! I have had too many small dicked guys interested in me. I mean I have standards too. No "Dad Bods", No gamers, no unemployed, no bald, etc.
[–]wheatwithheat2 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Good. You should have standards. When you’re really high quality not everyone can get a taste
[–]FinalPush 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
The fuck is this sarcasm? If you saw his dick then he fucked you...
Not necessarily
[–]JustNatalieK 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
No...not at all. And I don't have to fuck them to get to see what they are packing. Men send dick pics far in advance of even their name! Here's how it goes: He says "Hi. Ya I saw you were into the color blue". I say "Yes it's one of my favorite colors." He says "Nudes?" (AND BOOM I HAVE A SHLONG ON MY PHONE! Un-solicited, Un-wanted, Un-requested!!
[–]FinalPush 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Oh ok I get it, I misunderstood. I felt disturbed about the notion that a woman sees a man’s penis size which he cannot control and then despises his person just because of that. On the other hand, an unsolicited dick pic is just an ugly desperation that I can understand as being so off putting
[–]JustNatalieK 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Well I felt the same way when I read "too fat". Weight is sometimes unable to be controlled. And before you go there.... I'm 5'5 and 135lbs. But sometimes it's medical. Having standards should be more then skin deep. I would gladly date (and have) a 350-400lb guy if we had great conversation or a lot of things in common. We all age and bodies change, not always for the better. I want someone who would still love me if I lost both of my breasts or if my face was disfigured due to a horrible accident or still wants to have sex with me after a fire where 80% of my skin was burned.. I'm just saying.
[–]FinalPush 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Would you date (and have) a guy that is your height or even a tid bit shorter? Penis size is just like height or like the length of your arm. People shouldn’t feel bad about the length of their appendages or body parts. It’s as ridiculous as making fun of the length of my middle toe, but alas I know these people exist
[–]JustNatalieK 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ya height has never been important to me. Attitude, self confidence, world views, opinions... that's the good stuff.
[–]FinalPush 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Alright thanks for sharing
[–]greycel12345 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Isn't 5ft 5 and 135 lbs overweight? I'm not completely sure. I am 145 pounds and 6ft 2 guy. Maybe I'm just overly skinny lol. And saying that you expect a man to love you, even after you've been disfigured or whatever is an unreasonable request.
[–]RompeChocha 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I take what i can get
I’m sorry to hear that.
[–]AwesomeReptil 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I have no standards for I am very lonely and never had a girlfriend
DM me buddy
[–]Dea_G 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
I'm curious as to what you're saying to him... i have a pretty similar outlook, it's tough to have higher standards when you've had no options and have been alone for basically all your life.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
It’s ok it’s only up from here. DM me also
[–]FinalPush 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Just say it straight out, lots of us never had a girlfriend and wouldn’t mind losing our virginity
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
So basically i was telling him that looks matter and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. They aren’t everything, but they’re definitely what gets your foot in the door and should be step one. No matter what you’re working with genetically there are things you can do to be considered attractive. Get in shape, diet and exercise. Work on your fashion sense and develop your wardrobe. And make sure your hygiene is good. Not just a potential partner but you’ll start to notice how everyone you interact with just treats you better. When I was fat, dressed like a bum and didn’t have my hygiene like it is now, people just didn’t have the same respect or energy in interactions with me that they do now. But looks aren’t everything. My brother is kind of better looking than me but the only girls he messes with way below his league cause looks are the only thing he has going for him. If you’ve never had sex than you can go for a lower quality woman at this point, it’ll be fun getting laid but eventually you’ll wanna level up. That’s where all the other stuff like your conversation skills, your vibe, ambition, sense of humor, your confidence and all the other non physical stuff comes into play. But if you’re at the bottom and not feeling good about your physical appearance then work on that first because that is the first thing people judge you on whether they like to admit it for not
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Thin guys can still clean-up, though. Even if they don't have money and status.
So I don't see why you're saying all this, bruh. "Thin" is still healthy.
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Who said anything about thin ?
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Quite literally it seems to be everyone here includes "thin" as something a guy shouldn't be, if he wants to be seen as masculine and therefore attractive. So I felt you included that clause, between the lines there...
Plenty of women love thin dudes. Better to be too skinny than too fat. But I mean adding some muscle mass never hurts. You don’t gotta get jacked but getting some lean mass will help both your confidence and your general appeal towards women.
But I’d say the most important thing is confidence. If you see skinny as a negative than it becomes a negative. But it’s like improving your physical appearance is only going to take you so far if you’re not confident in yourself.
[–]barooka 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yo, it’s only going to get better from here. Make quality friends first (regardless of gender) and make sure you’re working on something worthwhile
If you have toxic friends, ditch them ASAP
[–]intelectualycurious 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
who said it was not ok?
You won’t believe how many times I’ve been called an asshole or had a girl try make me feel bad for curving her. Some girls have an attitude like “how dare you not want to fuck me”
[–]mick_jaggers_penis 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude this so much. You always hear about the “nice guy” dude who thinks he deserves or is owed sex just for being a pleasant, normal person or whatever but this is definitely not a gender specific thing..
I just enjoy talking to strangers and meeting new people in general, and I don’t necessarily go into every single interaction with a woman with the intention of getting into her pants, and I’ve had a handful of instances of just winding up in a conversation with someone who I’m not attracted to in the slightest, but end up having an enjoyable enough convo that ends up in a place where she’s clearly hitting on me pretty hard and I’m not into it, and I try to politely bow out and give several opportunities for her to save face and for us to sort of end things gracefully without me having to just straight up say outright that I’m not interested...
Only for her to ignore all of that, totally force the issue and make me come out and say it, and then flip out on me or try to shame me for not just totally going along with it hook line and sinker and just acting super entitled and making ME the asshole in the situation for saying no, which is even more ironic considering in most of those scenarios, I was the only non-shallow dude in the room who was a decent enough person to give her the time of day..
It’s just hilarious considering how when the roles are reversed, that dude gets totally crucified by everyone, but chicks do the same shit all the time and it’s totally normalized.
I’ve even gotten a ton of shit from guy friends who have been there for some of that stuff like “dude what the hell, she was totally into you, what’s your problem??”
Like I dunno... maybe I just wasn’t into it? Is that ok? Am I legally allowed to say no sometimes?
[–]intelectualycurious 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i’m glad you saw right through there bs
[–]Mr_82 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Most girls who get rejected really. They usually call guys gay for this, while still criticizing men who call women who snub them lesbians.
[–]scone70 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I cop it all the time from my female housemate, apparently I am a bad person for not being interested in fat women. Of course, she does not believe the inverse is true and sees nothing wrong with women who are only willing to date 6ft shredded guys.
[–]intelectualycurious 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
some people dish out what they can’t take.
[–]dragonhuh 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reminded me of Seinfeld when bald George Costanza says he needs a woman with full luscious hair...
[–]edragon20 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why I say Id rather have a woman that scares the shit out of me than a person with no drive.
And yeah fitness is a must.
[–]EstebanVenti 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m a guy, and I agree That’s a great idea, but in reality if you had real pussy you Can’t go back to a pocket pussy to be fully satisfied, plus pussy isn’t the easiest thing to get which is why men often don’t have such high standards...
[–]Flamingpotato100 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bear market for men. Bull market for women. Our time will come
[–]kronos55 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Doesn't matter if I have standards or not. I'll still be lonely
[–][deleted] 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WaitingForTheFire 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've considered significantly lowering my standards out of desperation. But I worry about this exact problem. I don't know if I could maintain an erection if she is less than 5/10.
[–]njugiste 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In a world that tells many, if not all, women from a young age, or whatever other time in life, that they are the prizes, know their worth or value and that men should work for it blah blah blah and among other statements.
This, of men to have standards, will trouble many people. They might expect men to have, yes which is not bad to have, but should not be high as what women's standards are or be beyond them, or so they believe.
[–]scarrax 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Scarcity mentality is the root cause of men who have the mindset of giving the time of day to every woman who expresses interest in them: men are so conditioned to act like any woman who gives them even the slightest chance will be the last, that they will settle and put up with so much shit in the name of securing a partner. I'd rather be lonely and masturbate for the rest of my life than settle for a woman who I wouldn't be happy with, even if the human race depended on it.
I used to have that scarcity mentality, but after I stopped giving the aforementioned women the time of day I stopped wasting my time and eventually started getting chances with women who were worth my time.
Being with a woman who makes me happy > Being lonely >>>>> Being unhappy with a woman.
[–]TowelSmacker 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This! Women without drive or motivation are unattractive no matter their looks. One girl I used to talk to wanted to be a housewife or dominatrix lol. Lame!
I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not lol
[–]TowelSmacker 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
100% serious
Well shit if you’re interested in a housewife or a domanatrix then go for if not than yo it’s really up to you what your ideal partner is like
It sounds like she has no idea what is really involved in being a dominatrix. Doing it correctly requires an intense commitment to a particular state of mind and set of skills. Maybe she thinks it is easy money. If she thinks she can can get a job where she can basically just show up and people will pay her to be there, thats a red flag.
[–]ithinkoutloudtoo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She wants to be a housewife, so when the divorce comes, she will take you to the cleaners in divorce court. That is also a hard pass for me too. Women have checkboxes for what they want. I have checkboxes too, well four non-negotiable checkboxes.
[–]TowelSmacker 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What are your four checkboxes?
[–]joetjen 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Lmao what if your ex left you for someone perfectly fine and you just can’t handle it
Well you really can’t change that. I’d just take it as learning experience and try to move on even if that takes time
[–]joetjen 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Just curious, what did you learn exactly?
From what? I’m not sure what you’re referring to
[–]joetjen 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The breakup when he left you. This whole thing was supposed to be a quick meme though lmaooooo
I think you’re in the wrong place lol
[–]InternationalBorder9 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Of course. Happens the other way around all the time.
No problem either way, your'e attracted to who your'e attracted to no matter how much people want to call you shallow or whatever else.
[–]mr_Tobbor 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If people had it easy wouldn't be here. Of course if I bang 6 why bang 4's
[–]miyagikai91 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed. A big one for me is age. I’m open to sex from legal age to whenever around the older spectrum I want to stop, but relationships, it’s 3 years younger to 3 years older. I want to be with someone I can grow with.
[–]blackleaf31 5 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Why "once you get to a certain point"? Why not have standards the whole time?
[–]haikusbot 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why "once you get to
A certain point"? Why not have
Standards the whole time?
- blackleaf31
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Well yeah you have a point. It’s just for a lot of men when you’re not getting laid you’re more inclined to take whatever you can get. It takes a lot of men, myself included, time and progress to get out of that mindset.
[–]JustNatalieK 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or the even more famous...."I was thinking about you today...(insert dick pic. Dick being held at the base full hard on style)
[–]olronk 5 years ago [recovered] (13 children) | Copy Link
The standards thing is odd for me. Of course I want a good person etc but I've also never had any woman consider me attractive before so I've never really had the chance to ever date
I'm not very good looking myself so I'm not looking for someone to be a model or anything but I wonder what the standard really is for a guy like me who never had any woman like me before?
[–]wheatwithheat 5 years ago [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link
That all depends on you. Before when I had a hard time with women I would have sex with women I really didn’t like just to do so. I mean if you’re just trying to have sex and you never have then go for it, it’ll be fun for a little while. But work on yourself, once you make progress and you start to get options in the dating world then you can really figure out the type of woman you’re really looking for long term.
[–]olronk 5 years ago [recovered] (11 children) | Copy Link
Well I've never met any woman who was attracted to me at all let alone one that would be willing to have sex.
If I could have sex to experience it or to get started with women finally I would do it in a heartbeat. If anything just to know what its like.
I think step one is to have an option to do so, ive never had an option to date before so ive never had the opportinuty to ever do so.
What’s your current situation? Even if you’re at square one there’s still hope you are capable of a lot more than you probably think.
[–]olronk 5 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
My situatiom I guess would be that I've never had any woman consider me attractive before. And because of that Ive never had the opportunity to ever experience anything with women.
Not anything romantic at least.
I mean your age, where you live, what you do for work, what your hobbies are, how you rate yourself physically?
[–]olronk 5 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
I'm 28, live in DFW (Dallas, TX), work as a legal assistant for my good friend but I'm currently only part time as I'm working directly with my mentor in starting a business that we've been planning. Fortunately we were getting everything ready and then covid hit so we just had to pause for a bit so it didn't hit us cause we never got fully launched, silver lining I guess.
Hobbies, I like cooking, bike trails/riding, I love playing old video games that I grew up with, boxing, I was training with my mentor for my first scheduled sanctioned match that would have been last weekend but covid fucked that up too lol.
There are many other things of course but those are my main hobbies. I'm sure I'm forgetting something big.
Physically do you mean my physical health or my looks?
Health wise, I'm in the best shape of my life. I've been obese my whole life until about 3 years ago. Now activity and better eating since I learned to cook is just normal life now.
In terms of looks, I'm kinda not good looking at all lol. I'm aware of it, it's one of those thing that you just know and considering I've never had any woman consider me good lookinhlg that kinda tells you.
Well it seems like you have a lot of ambition and a lot going for you, so all that stuff is good. You also live in a major city so there are plenty of options around.
The one part that I will tell you though. Looks are important, and anyone who tells you differently is full of shit. Looks are what get you noticed and what get your foot in the door.
There are some things you can’t control genetically, but regardless for most guys you can still do plenty to make yourself more physically attractive.
First, get in great shape. Whatever you look like now, improve your physique.
Clothes, develop your own style and work on it, women love a man who can dress. This advice actually helped a lot because as I started working on my wardrobe I actually developed a love for fashion and now making my own clothes and outfits is one of my favorite hobbies.
Hygiene, if it’s not on point already, make sure it’s impeccable. Make sure you smell good. Brush, bathe, all that make sure you don’t smell or look disheveled or anything like that.
Those three things will do wonders and you’ll start to notice a change in how women and just everyone in general interacts with you. They will start to be nicer and more respectful towards you. Your interactions with women will become more positive and you’ll notice more signs of attraction. At this point you’ll be able to start trying to initiate things with a woman.
That part is a whole nother battle itself. Learning how to flirt and escalate and all of those things are step two. But first things first, make sure you get your looks up as high as you’re willing to go (like you don’t have to be a bodybuilder or fashion guru or anything like that, but as long as you have a nice body and good style you’ll get more attention from women and that’ll build your confidence up to start approaching them)
[–]olronk 5 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Ambition is something I've never lacked. Long story but I come from a bad place and I've made it a life goal to elevate myself as much as possible from where my family comes from.
Its literally what makes me get up out of bed in the morning.
First, get in great shape. Whatever you look like now, improve your physique
Yea, I've been working really hard on that. I've lost a lot of fat and in the best shape of my life. My cardio is insane if I do say so myself. I surprised myself.
Hygiene, if it’s not on point already, make sure it’s impeccable.
Of course i wholeheartedly agree.
My main workplace is a law office, I work as a personal assistant directly under my attorney friend.
Part of the image of this particular office is the way employees represent the firm on and off the clock. So that does come with rules of grooming and certain clothes you wear to work and around work etc.
But ever since I was a kid I never was one of the poor hygienic people.
But first things first, make sure you get your looks up as high as you’re willing to go
Yea thats what I've been trying to do for a while, trying to focus on what I have control over and see what is possible.
But I've never had any woman consider me attractive before or ever like me in that way before so I've never been in that position to determine whether or not I'm at that point yet.
If it ever happens I guess thats when I'll know, until just gotta improve and get on the level of all other men at least.
They might find you attractive already, most women aren’t direct. Do you know they nonverbal cues a woman is into you?
[–]olronk1 point 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I don't know, I've never had a woman find me attractive before. If it ever did happen I would remember it for sure.
The nonverbal cues I've read about them, I've never had any non verbal cues before. At least none ever done at me anyways lol.
Another thing might be your vibe. It’s impossible for me to gauge unless I saw you in person or like in a video or something. But there are very attractive men who still have a hard time with women because their vibe makes women uncomfortable. A lot of times it’s rooted in like social anxiety a poor social skills. How do you feel your social/ conversational skills are? This is something I had to work on. I worked on physical appearance more first and it’ll only get you so far if your social skills are poor. I really started making progress once I was able to combine being physically attractive with being able to have good conversations with anyone and being able to make people laugh / creating a fun humorous vibe in interactions with people.
How do you feel your social/ conversational skills are? This is something I had to work on.
Conversational skills are something I worked on as well, one thing I was always terrible at is growing up I never had any friends, when I worked in radio I learned from my boss at that time of how to be more personable with people in general.
In all honesty 3 years ago I would've been so nervous to speak to people I didn't already know. Someone had to introduce me, now I have no real issues introducing myself to people and while that is not a big deal to people its a huge deal to me.
My mindset went from "I dont know this person/these people so I need to make a great impression" changed to "I dont know this person/these people so let me just see if they're cool and if I want to stick around to get to know them or not".
*the
Deleted
[–]Mr_82 -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The main problem with this thread I see is that people are trying to project what they see as being "high value" onto others. That will vary from person to person. But anyway it's a good post, and I think OP has made a lot of good comments too.
[–]LeitHunt -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Men Women, once you get to a certain point you don’t have to give the time of day to any man who expresses interest in you, as long as you let them down politely. But it’s ok to not be interested in someone who’s fat, bad attitude, no sense of humor, no career goals, still lives with her his parents, etc. You’re not a misogynist Misandry or an asshole for having standards and anyone who tells you differently is a hypocrite.
I prefer the word choice and not standards.
I’m not sure if you thought changing the genders would be groundbreaking or eye opening in some way but it really isn’t
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
When you’re a quality man you set your own standards. Good luck with your desperation. I wouldn’t have sex with anything, because I have standards.
[–]ithinkoutloudtoo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Exactly!!
[–]STEM-Celibate 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well, studies in social science show most men would say yes to random women asking to have sex in the street. Otherwise just look at Tinder experiments, old women and women on wheelchairs can get thousands of guys pursuing them easily. Are most men low-quality? No, they aren't, they're just following their biology.
If not low quality they’re definitely dumb and desperate. If you’ve never gotten laid before or don’t often it’s great but once you’ve had some sex you realize it’s not everything
[–]ithinkoutloudtoo 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Men are far pickier and more selective than women are. If you put into account that a lot of women go through hoe phases and sleep with a lot of guys, you can’t imply or assume that all of them have perfect bodies and a million dollars sitting in the bank with a good stable career. A girl who is a hoe isn’t picky about a dude’s resume, money, etc. A chick with a high body count is someone I definitely don’t want to sleep with. Almost all of my guy friends don’t have high body counts whereas several of the women have high numbers in that department. And I’ve worked a few jobs with young girls. When they meet a guy before they start dating him to become a couple, almost all of the women slept around with several guys before making it official with a new guy they were dating.
In regard to the last sentence, I think that women suffer from fear of commitment almost as often as men. Sleeping around with other guys before officially becoming a couple might be a way for women to temporarily resist the urge to settle down. I'm not necessarily defending the behavior, but it may not be as cold hearted and calculated as it sounds.
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