First harsh rejection

Beginning-Space-8010 · 2021-07-11T04:33:08+00:00

Hey, that's okay. You had the balls to approach, which is not easy. There have been harsher rejections, trust me.

Dastan72 · 2021-07-11T07:19:56+00:00

At least you know how to face and to accept the rejection.

Kubrick_66 · 2021-07-11T12:06:42+00:00

Not the best approach in a group.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T10:10:05+00:00

I dont think “hey you’re pretty” is a good opener tbh. She’s probably heard it a thousand times and it comes off as creepy even though that is not your intent. Maybe try being more playful. Or what some people do is they compliment and follow up with a joke to diffuse the tension. Try watching charisma on command on youtube, it has good tips for social interactions.

Kenic_In_MD · 2021-07-11T06:33:02+00:00

disgust face

Oh that's nothing, wait until you have a group of girls laugh in your face. You'll be alright OP, onward and upward!

Mistermistery101 · 2021-07-11T08:00:14+00:00

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2021-07-11T10:06:24+00:00

I think her disgust is due to the line.

"you're very pretty"

- although this was honest on your part, she probably just heard it so many times, hence the conditioned reaction of "disgust look". If that had been the first time a guy came up to her and said that, she'd be all excited.

"are you single"

-this really isn't necessary at all. It's implied that she'll let you know she has a bf because you approached and told her she's very pretty. This shows a lack of social savvy on your part, which added to her reaction.

As a whole, your line is pretty lackluster and it also implies that you'd want to be her boyfriend just because she's pretty.

Like..

She's very pretty, therefore, you want to know if she's single, because if she is, then you'd like to be her boyfriend. Now obviously you could not be actually thinking any of this, but it can come across in this way.

Try something more like, "Hey this is really random. I was over there doing x and y and I saw you with your friends. I thought you looked cute in that outfit."

Regardless, some girls are just going to act like a bitch. It's not personal. They just do that because so many guys have hit on them that this is now their default response to get the guy to leave. Or they've been validated so much by socials/simps that they now feel entitled to treat guys harshly without any regard for their feelings, even a stranger who respectfully offered a compliment like yourself.

Keep in mind that she doesn't know a freaking single thing about you. She can't reject "you". She can only reject the experience you offered her. So if your shirt was the wrong color and she didn't like it, that could be the reason, along with a million other possibilities.

Nonetheless, always be thinking about what you can personally do better on you end. Seems like you've already adopted this mentality so you can only go upwards.

Lastly, soon as you get any positive reaction from a girl/group you'll see that it just depends on the girl, the circumstances, and your mental state. Nothing to do with your core as a person, just whatever you presented at that moment and how it interacted with her present state and the situational dynamics.

Sometimes the timing is just not right.

Ie. it is 100% not personal.

banana_taco_pan · 2021-07-11T07:30:46+00:00

…As a girl is weird/uncomfortable when a man approaches when you are are just hanging with friends. Don’t take it too personal OP there are so many creepers and weirdos we can get harsh at times

And the why you single is soooo annoying. I know it can be seen as a flattering thing to say but it’s not

Kemaneo · 2021-07-11T09:39:31+00:00

“Hey you’re very pretty” and then “are you single” is the worst way to approach someone. It’s creepy and weird. Like, how about making a serious attempt at conversation?

karamelkant · 2021-07-11T11:33:30+00:00

I'm sorry OP but your line is lame at best and creepy at worst. She's being defensive from the potential of you being a creep. Learn from that. The perception of you are ugly or attractive doesn't matter if you're being a creep. Be smoother and subtler in picking your lines. Asking "are you single?" sounds predatory af even if you meant to be direct. And don't approach a girl that go in groups unless you already know her, that'll be awkward as hell.

07110518 · 2021-07-11T09:54:26+00:00

Sorry, but I get why. As a woman I certainly wouldn’t want to be approached that way. First of all the setting isn’t quite optimal. Secondly, I would meet someone just because he thinks I’m pretty. Thirdly, why should a girl dive right into those kind of topics if she doesn’t know you at all?

Casually starting a conversation is fine, but not about those kind of topics...

Next time just try to connect with the group and have a random conversation first.

But kudos for the balls.

dirtycoach17 · 2021-07-11T06:20:37+00:00

Lol, you really can't blame women for rejecting guys harshly like this. If you go up to a woman and say something like that, the first thing she thinks is that you probably do that with every good-looking girl you see. It makes her feel devalued. Like she's just one more attempt in your number's game. Even if she says no to you you're just gonna go up and say the exact same thing to the next pretty woman around the corner. It makes sense that she would be peeved about it.

dreamy-delirium · 2021-07-11T13:43:12+00:00

Approaching a girl like that, especially when she's with friends takes a lot of courage so that in itself was pretty big on your part.

The compliment you gave her was great too but avoid asking if a girl is single like that cause it shows you lack tact.

Also remember that rejection is a part of dating as well so don't let it get you down or make you feel ugly, and use that to help you find what approach works best for you. It's all trial and error.

DrQvacker · 2021-07-11T14:20:04+00:00

Old 58F here. When I was young I got this type of cold approach all the time. I NEVER talked to any of them. Of course they had to get our carrier pigeon landline # etc but it does not feel good to have some rando walk up to you and tell you basically that he’d like to fuck you. What does feel good is when a cute guy flirts, makes up reasons to approach you that are not based on them telling you their endgoal on the first second, makes some attempt at humor etc. I think that the kind of girls who respond to “hey you’re pretty” or “do you have a boyfriend?” Are insecure and I’ve read a lot here about not sticking your dick in crazy. (This “do you have a bf was Very popular back in the day, one guy actually stopped his car to ask me this when I was about 23 and I thought he thought I was a hooker-I was wearing a short skirt and a sweater I had made myself so short skirt maybe but what kind of street walker wears a hand knit top ? but I couldn’t think of any reason why a guy would stop his car too gross) I digress but I want you to understand what goes through our minds. I have so many of these stories and they are all funny stories - no more. I think this approach is immature and stupid. You get them blushing? How is that a good thing when you don’t even know them? Tbh I still occasionally get some similar approaches and they are still a turn off after 45 years of it. You’re not getting rejected because you’re 18, you’re getting rejected because you have no idea how to pick up girls. But Live and learn I guess. Edit sorry for typos I can’t fix them all, on mobile and have not had any caffeine yet.

UrFavPlayerIsBack · 2021-07-11T04:20:44+00:00

Dude, learn how to tease and have playful convo

Turn to friend and say “is she always like this..?” They say wym, u say “like a..granma of the group bla bla the one that ruins fun in the midway and wants to go home..”. Then take it from there

Ps: dont open such a lame way next time

Great_man904813 · 2021-07-11T05:18:52+00:00

Fuck them. Don’t give up. It happens to the best of us.

Redtoobe · 2021-07-11T07:39:52+00:00

It's alright. If you didn't approach her then the regret is harder to process than the rejection

2021-07-11T08:22:37+00:00

Massive respect for going up and saying what you wanted to say. It’s all a lessons learned.

Boomslangalang · 2021-07-11T08:23:51+00:00

This was not smooth. Kudos for going for it but you need a better plan than this.

SuaveFuck · 2021-07-11T09:12:05+00:00

applause for having the guts to cold approach. i wouldnt have added the "are you single" bit, but yeah, given her absolutely mature reaction she was not worth it anyhow. so...bullet dodged, xp leveled up, better luck next time. keep at it.

PoPoChao · 2021-07-11T10:53:39+00:00

Don’t feel discouraged because of that. It happens. Think about if you just went up to someone randomly on the boardwalk asking for money. Or you go up to someone’s house trying to sell them aluminum siding. Some people will be nice. Some will shove the door in your face. Just laugh it off and believe in yourself

TTV-DontEvnTrip · 2021-07-11T08:33:12+00:00

Get a little more creative, it’s good you approach with confidence just try not to be so basic and straight forward. Banter more, ask a stupid question, or an opinion, do not just walk up and give affirmation that lowers your worth instantly

hectorgmo · 2021-07-11T13:36:52+00:00

Lol you seemed to have bumped into the worst scenario that can realistically happen when approaching girls.. Great news is that if the very worst (and equally unlikely scenario) wasn't really that bad (I mean, it didn't kill you, right? Will it really matter that much 3 months from now?), then it can actually make you more confident next time you approach another girl. It's like if you were always afraid of getting chicken pox and once you got to you got to see it wasn't such a big deal.

Finally (and most importantly) you did yourself a favor.. who in his right mind would want to date such a horrible and pretentious human being?. You won't have to spend your life wondering what would have happened if you had approached her, because you did and she was not worthy of yourself.

Hungry_Leave_2910 · 2021-07-11T13:52:25+00:00

Lick your wounds and Keep it pushing at least you know she’s not interested and don’t have to waste time figuring it out. You learn a lot more from failing. Keep up the good work

Atrain1850 · 2021-07-11T15:12:37+00:00

Just know this line since it's so up front and transparent will be polarizing with the results. Some girls will like it and others won't. Some prefer subtle flirting especially at first. As long as you go with that in the back of your mind you will be fine and will eventually come across a girl/girls that like that. What I say if I want to be transparent is "I wanted to come talk to you but you are making me anxious/nervous." And when she asks why that's when you tell her it was because her lips, eyes, hair, vibe, etc. Hope this helps

fingerzfuckz · 2021-07-11T17:44:27+00:00

Yeah it’s hard to approach a girl in a group solo. She might have been putting on a face for her friends. You handled it well though.

2021-07-12T00:11:53+00:00

Dude, you’re 18 and you had the balls to approach. Bravo!
I’m years older than you, and I so badly wish that I was approaching back when I was 18.

throwawayyy980 · 2021-07-11T10:30:07+00:00

Most women nowadays don’t like it when dudes just walk up to them when they’re outside in public. I don’t for one and none of my friends like it or respond to it. So don’t feel bad about yourself. You just took a bad approach lol.

L0n3W01f_ · 2021-07-11T12:36:01+00:00

You have done what majority of men’s don’t have the balls to do

lowereastside123 · 2021-07-11T11:38:39+00:00

You took it like a champ

Ilovethaiicedtea · 2021-07-11T10:18:40+00:00

Women only feel bold enough to pull this around their friends don't sweat it.

Opener is fine if you're smooth and well adjusted enough imo. Keep it rolling

Special-Hunter4648 · 2021-07-11T09:18:02+00:00

Dude. It's salesmanship. It's all about numbers. You're making a pitch to sell a product. You're selling yourself. It's finding someone who wants to buy what you're selling. So be yourself. Unless you're a creeper....lol. Don't be a creeper!

UnPoquitoSuerte · 2021-07-11T13:39:11+00:00

There is a harsh reality all women will one day face. As they age, men become more attractive (status, wealth, and we just look better when we get older) and women fade.

Wooderson (Dazed and confused-creeper but hilarious ): “I just love these high school girls. I get older, and they stay the same age.”

My point being-her time is coming and so is yours.

8BananaPancakes · 2021-07-11T07:51:15+00:00

Who just walks up to a girl and interrupts her outing with friends to be a creep? Does this ever work? Of course she made a disgusted face and ignored you. You were being really fucking weird.

ConsiderationDue111 · 2021-07-11T10:17:28+00:00

This woman did you the greatest favor any woman could do for a man. She told you point blank that you have more value then she’ll ever know or have. To hell with her. There are 7 billion people on this planet. The law of averages are with you. Keep trying. It’s all a numbers game. Eventually you will meet her.

StormSword77483 · 2021-07-11T10:10:53+00:00

Dude you are absolutely incredible for taking it so well, you were unlucky cos this girl was just the worst, dont let it go to your head man

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T11:49:39+00:00

This is why I would never approach a girl in a group. If you get rejected and it gets awkward, it will be exponentially compounded.

ClassicSixteeNotes · 2021-07-11T14:00:32+00:00

Dude, give a beer for the this man, what an enormus balls

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T19:00:54+00:00

The disgust face could be the approach and not you.

TLu_03 · 2021-07-11T08:21:08+00:00

I think she’s interested

dcmathproof · 2021-07-11T08:11:04+00:00

Sounds like u dodged a bullet there

Shadow__Account · 2021-07-11T09:41:51+00:00

Man don’t sweat it, it’s clearly insecurity on her part, so she did you a favor of disqualifying herself, you don’t need someone like that in your life.

NabbyNab14 · 2021-07-11T11:06:49+00:00

Hey man, chin up. Those girls were probably "mean girls" even if she was pretty, she was probably a jerk. And you at least approached her which is something to be proud of

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T13:03:29+00:00

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Thierr · 2021-07-11T15:05:21+00:00

99% sure this had nothing to do with your looks but with your general approach & vibe

Friend_Melodic · 2021-07-11T15:05:28+00:00

She was with friends, you intruded on her time with her friends.

You feel ugly because you intruded and expected a good response after being a bother during planned time with friends.

You’re not ugly, you’re selfish and entitled.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T10:12:32+00:00

Hey you don't take reaction of that scum btch seriously? This btch would never find guts to approach so her reaction means fucking nothing, she's just a worthless 140 pound bundle of bones and skin with some plastic on face to cover her ugly mouth

Ok_Influence_5342 · 2021-07-11T08:50:57+00:00

1/1 feels like a lot, 1/100 feels less severe.

Fearless-Physics · 2021-07-11T09:26:27+00:00

If you aquire the skill of approaching them like this with no shame, that will be a great help of you at some points. It shows confidence, even if you have none it seems like you do. If you do that often, you might get lucky.

Keep going!

If you become a tank against rejection then what could possibly go wrong from approaching and asking? If that doesn't hurt you then what could stop you from keeping doing it? Pretty much the worst that can happen at this stage/point is rejection, after all.

Juat maybe try to work on your technique and wording too, to make the impression better. Self-explanatory, hygiene etc. should be there at all times.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T11:24:17+00:00

keep going!

AylineSensualBBW · 2021-07-11T12:28:55+00:00

Thanks. Unfortunately.

iamberycteayivehihi · 2021-07-11T12:55:45+00:00

That’s a bit of a forward approach though asking her if she’s single on the first question

Hayden_Beroc · 2021-07-11T13:16:59+00:00

In my experience this was not that hash tbh, at first when it started approaching I once approached this slightly older black women asking for real direction for which bus to take to go another city. she stop while searching something in her purse about 5 sec in I ask her again fearing she was looking for her pepper spray, then she goes what do you want(in an irritation vibe). I repeat again and then she say oh I don't know pushing herself through me. I though to myself what a bitch, went to another girl who was coming to my direction approach her asking for the bus and the result was totally different she had a big smiling telling me which bus to take, ahh what a sweetie. Went to the bus saw this black whom I approached earlier sitting in the same bus I gave her the stinky eye look, she look at me and turn her head quickly which i interpret her saying fk you honey.

Whenever you approach and you get this kind of result think to yourself did she really hear you telling her she was pretty or did she only hear "meh mehem hemhe pretty, you single?". If the response was the second one what do you expect?

Moon_whisper · 2021-07-11T13:33:21+00:00

Congratulations on your cold approach. Definitely work on your opener. Her response will not be directed at you per se, but at your line of "you're pretty. Are you single?"

It will be an instinctive reaction of disgust. You have no idea if how many guys tell us gals lines that break down to "you're pretty...feel honoured I choose to fuck you." Even hot guys will get shot down by the look of disgust way more than it will work. That crap is for the movies.

If you are at a mall, a better approach would be something like "I like your style. I was wondering if you could help me....(find a gift for my sister, or find an outfit for a job interview, etc.)?" That is way more inviting of an opener. She might just direct you to a store or say no. More likely she will start thinking about your question and asking you questions, starting a conversation.

If she physically helps you with whatever it is, offer to treat her to food or coffee at the food court "as a thank you for saving your ass." (Even if the situation was made up on the spot.)

If she is interested, she will accept. And go from there.

But NEVER expect great results from "you're pretty" as an opener. It is way too overkill and too many guys think because they make a compliment, thd chick should feel obligated to suck his dick. Yeah...huge creepy. 🤢

CannaLily42 · 2021-07-11T15:20:07+00:00

I never did understand harsh rejections. You gave her a compliment. She should have thanked you. She's not a nice person.

tropicsGold · 2021-07-11T15:41:55+00:00

I think she was disgusted with that oafish approach. How awkward, unoriginal, and annoying. Women like intelligent subtle and witty. Not “wow yur preddy”. Simple but better: notice her cute bag, interesting piece of jewelry, hairstyle, or something. Something you can have a friendly and non-awkward conversation about. If she has a cute Disney bag, for example, there is likely a good story about how she got it, her favorite Disney characters, etc. Hope this helps

2021-07-11T15:45:14+00:00

Respect and admire your courage.

But,you can try it for thousand times and you may get similar result,as without attraction and rapport you can't say that because girls are programmed that way (as mystery says anti slut mechanism).

Once again I admire your courage.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-07-11T16:02:13+00:00

“hey, you’re very pretty, are you single”

I hate this line.. and I think it's definitely hurting you overall for many reasons.

Girls are told all the time "they're pretty" - for many reasons - I think this is something girls just roll their eyes at - "just another lame compliment".

"are you single" - that's a huge thing for a girl to take in from a guy she's just met - one second a go. Too much for only the 5-8 words you've spoken to her.

foreversauce · 2021-07-11T16:04:37+00:00

Not the best approach but a nice recovery lol..wp

Arthur_FleX123 · 2021-07-11T17:54:53+00:00

Nice job op i wish i had the balls like you to approach girls like you, I'm even down cause i don't know how to act smh im shy and idk how to explain i dont have ways to approach girls so yea thx for the tips and have a good day

OnARolll31 · 2021-07-11T19:08:24+00:00

Your first words to a woman should never be about her physical appearance. Talk about something happening (band thats playing, something happening in the close vicinity) strike up a conversation, lead with a joke or make fun of yourself even. Never make it about her looks because that puts SO much pressure on her and is an uncomfortable feeling that someone is looking at you in such a focused way. If you are only talking to her because shes so pretty, how do you think that makes her feel as a person? Who is she is under her looks? Just put some thought into your verbal approach.

minbooz · 2021-07-11T19:53:39+00:00

“Hey, you’re very pretty” that line never works, ever.

Atrain1850 · 2021-07-11T19:54:38+00:00

Yessir, also watch videos on YouTube from people like Todd V, TaySocial, and Coach Kyle, they have taught me most of what I know when it comes to talking to girls. Wish you the best!

2021-07-11T20:58:26+00:00

I’m not sure if your idea was to be cute, but I think you probably embarrassed that chick in front of her friends. She was probably in a little bit of shock from how bold you were being. I’m not sure destabilizing someone upon first meeting is a great approach, but maybe it’s some kind of a thrill for both of you and may pan out. It’s just kind of a little shocking to be so forward first two sentences out of your mouth..

Inner_Ad4595 · 2021-07-11T21:57:38+00:00

Your a fucking legend

2021-07-12T03:33:15+00:00

Don’t be too hard on yourself you did really well going up to her but I’d say something less discreet like she looks nice today.

merrickx · 2021-07-12T18:36:54+00:00

Age range?

She's with her friends, and she's pretty... If you're not S-tier gigachad she's not going to humble herself in front of her friends, and that notability of the response might serve as further evidence of this.

Maybe you are especially ugly and/or unkempt, and she was legitimately disgusted and expressive of it because she was surprised. Maybe she was disgusted by the approach because the compliment was just a pretense to make a pass. Hard to know from a loose description.

Title	First harsh rejection
Author	iamberycteayivehihi
Upvotes	446
Comments	216
Date	July 11, 2021 4:16 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ohxmrr/first_harsh_rejection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-harsh-rejection.1280671 https://theredarchive.com/post/1280671

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