How do you stop feeling insecure about interracial dating?

FactCheckYou · 2024-04-09T12:19:57+00:00

dude you're a built 6'4

people can be jealous and disapproving, but none of them will say shit

and you shouldn't pay any mind to what other people think, let alone people who are prejudiced against you

DaygameCode · 2024-04-09T11:43:35+00:00

It’s simple really. The older i am the less i give a fuck about what people think, which is funny because i’m a bit younger than you.

Once I realised that my world does not get better just because random people don’t think shit about me and that most randoms won’t even remember me in a couple of hours because I’m not the center of the universe, I realised that i was the only one caring about my external image, that no one gave a crap about me and that even if they silently judged me, it still did not have any effect on my life.

I was just serving the needs of my ego and once, i stop giving a shit about my ego, wow, it’s liberating. And you realised you were fighting for an abstract idea of validation that has no utility at all in your life, if anything it just limits you.

And why would i want to prioritise the approval of a nobody who isn’t even my friend and i will never see again over my own needs and desires? That’s when i finally grew up and man up.

I simply don’t give a fuck about reputation with strangers because those strangers don’t give a fuck neither. And if they judge it’s only because that’s their way to cope with their own jealousy, insecurities and mediocrity trying to make themselves feel better and i just pity them for that.

appmanga · 2024-04-09T12:24:08+00:00

As you said, it's in your head. That's where you fix it.

ElTuffo · 2024-04-09T22:49:47+00:00

I'm not black, I'm a brown skinned hispanic person though. It honestly just never really crossed my mind that "interracial dating" was weird. I don't know, maybe because I'm in Texas and the racial diversity is extreme, just within my family we have white people, black people, one asian, and obviously most of us are hispanic.

But simply put, I never even thought of it as interracial dating, it's just dating. Most of girlfriends have been white, but I've dated the rainbow of people, white, black, Asian, Middle Eastern, Indian.

NatashOverWorld · 2024-04-09T11:55:31+00:00

They do to some extent. All my white partners have said they're treated differently when people know they're part of an interracial couple. Mind you this was Alberta though.

But end of the day, most people will Other your rlship, but if they're not racist they won't make it a bad thing.

They just don't have the cues of how respond. Just like pickup, create the frame of the interaction.

And learn to work it till you can walkway with positive reactions.

Epiphanic_Eros · 2024-04-09T15:29:54+00:00

You'll draw more attention, because it's less common and still a bit taboo. People judge things as attractive or aversive, good or bad, whatever, CONSTANTLY. So you'll have some people judging you harshly. So what?

Take the judgements and your doubts and self-consciousness and integrate them. Play with your discomfort with the racial dynamic by making it explicit and exploring the taboo and your own discomfort. Have some fun with it. Next time you get a nasty look while you're holding hands with your girlfriend, grab her forcefully and kiss her passionately (assuming she's down at the moment, of course!). Then you two can laugh about it all the way back to the bedroom

OkResponsibility2470 · 2024-04-09T11:48:05+00:00

You basically just have to own it. I guess best way to look at it is, there’s no reason to let the perceptions of who are basically NPCs in your life to affect your mental state. Stop focusing on other ppl and what they are doing and put that energy elsewhere because you can’t be certain if it’s malicious or not, and even jf it is there’s nothing you can do about it so there’s no point agonizing it

Anecdotal example, I think out of all the girls outside my race there was only one time someone came up and deliberately antagonized me and that was handled within short order. most onlookers will be on ur side if it gets that bad.The only other weird instance was when I first dated a viet girl and the older ppl DEFINITELY were staring and they weren’t discrete about it at all 💀 but what do I care? It’s not like they’re gonna stop me from smashing her guts in later that night 💀Ppl can be looking for all kinds of reasons that aren’t necessarily bad, it’s best to disregard unless they are a clear threat

CoffeeandMJ · 2024-04-09T13:18:08+00:00

Why do you care what racists think? Date who is attractive to you regardless of the skin color.

Also I’ll tell you from experience the “eyes” phenomenon is location based. Wherever you are might tend to be more racist/segregated but from experience more liberal places (like California in the U.S and probably New York by the same logic) don’t care and actually celebrate it if anything. Not sure where that would be in Canada.

sun4moon · 2024-04-09T16:12:09+00:00

Why would you start feeling insecure about it? People are people are people. If you’re attracted to a person, enjoy their company. Who gaf what passers by think?

ireallyloveoats · 2024-04-09T16:21:16+00:00

As humans were tend to wire to think, everyone is watching us. Everyone is judging us and the world is about us. But it's not. literally no one cares about you. And no one cares about me and no one cares about all of us. Except maybe some specific loved ones in our close circle. Do your thing brotha

Sea_Particular_9086 · 2024-04-09T16:48:54+00:00

Ultimately, prioritize what brings you happiness. Your life isn't defined by others' opinions, so there's no need to concern yourself with what they think of you. Everyone seems more interested in others' lives than their own.

Their opinions don't pay your bills. Relax, enjoy the moment with the women, and act nonchalant as if it doesn't bother you.

If someone has something to say, simply respond with "You mad? It's not your concern."

Funky_hobbo · 2024-04-09T17:48:39+00:00

Racism is always going to exist, and if we do something about it for real it's not going to be anytime soon.

It's in your head because of generational trauma and so on, you already know.

The older you grow, the more experience you have, the less you will care.

In the mean time just have your mind clear around this: you and that girl like each other, that's why you are in a date. It's what it counts.

blahbloopooo · 2024-04-09T20:21:06+00:00

Just be free dude. It's about taking that internal step.

I'm a white dude and when I had an Indian ex, we'd sometimes get looks. One time an old Indian bus driver even shook his head and tutted when we got on the bus. You got to laugh it off, these people are worth nothing. Also the hotter the girl is the more jealousy you'll get thrown your way, enjoy the fact that you're winning.

Miguell7 · 2024-04-09T14:11:57+00:00

Stop giving a fuck. What does it matter what others think of you

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2024-04-09T11:57:37+00:00

It's the same with age gap relationships the trick is not to care.

OinkOink97 · 2024-04-09T13:46:51+00:00

Bro you’re grown, it’s wabbit season and you want a bunny. INDULGE, YOUR ANCESTORS will be proud

dobbs1997 · 2024-04-09T14:40:38+00:00

Understand that your way of thinking comes from some kind of conditioning and programming that was instilled in you as you were growing up, either from family, friends, your environment or maybe videos you’ve watched on youtube, once you reflect on the fact that those thoughts aren’t actually YOU then you can start to see past the illusions of your own mind, so start asking yourself deep questions like “why exactly do I think people are staring at me?”, “why do I care if people judge me?” “what do I think it means about me if people judge me?” ….

neversleeps212 · 2024-04-09T13:11:47+00:00

The people who will have a problem with your interracial relationship aren’t the kinds of people whose opinions you should care about…

-Ze- · 2024-04-09T18:16:54+00:00

Bear with me because this is gonna become very silly very fast ok?

I think the first step would be to admit that there is a part of you that think that it's not ok.

Let me explain, because obviously, if you are currently going out on interracial dates you do think is ok.

You might know, rationally, that there is nothing wrong with going out with a white woman as a black man, but some part of you learned that it's a frowned upon thing.

Now, that is not the opinion of society. It might even be the opinion of some people, but that is not the issue you're having here. The issue here is the part of you that believes that to actually be a thing for you to look out for and worry about.

Now, that part of you is not trying to be racist or anything. It just wants to protect you. It doesn't want you to go out there and put a target on your back. Or something along those lines.

So, you might try to contact that part. Admit it exists. Try to talk to it. Does it have a face? there was ever someone in your life that would entertain such an opinion?

Try to talk to that part and tell it your actual thoughts on the matter. Tell that part that you're thankful to it for trying to keep you safe, but it's not needed in this case. You're gonna be more than ok. Even while holding hands with a woman of a different race.

MrAnonPoster · 2024-04-09T20:12:06+00:00

Depends. Do you like a hobo or a thug? Because if not, no one cares.

Sandvicheater · 2024-04-09T21:09:26+00:00

Unfortunately with current state of American/Canadian culture you hanging out with your white lady friend is gonna turn heads. Opinions will be varied ranging from you just stereotyping a meme about black actors/athlete always getting white wives all the way to seeing you as a traitor to your own race. Not to mention if you do marry a white wife and have a biracial kid that kid is going to feel like an outsider. Not black enough to belong to AA group and looks completely black to white people.

But I say fuck what the world thinks, you do you. If you do end up marrying a white lady just adapt and move on. You can't control what overall society cultural norms and expectations but you can control your own response to it.

Kobe_curry24 · 2024-04-09T21:53:47+00:00

Bruv you can only control your self , don’t care about what others say , do what works for you at the end of the day they not paying your bills or Fcking you , you gotta see your self as man first race is secondary factor it’s only a factor for division we live in global society it’s all about green and what you can do

vtribal · 2024-04-10T01:11:24+00:00

You were not put on this planet to please other people. Focus on your own priorities first.

1DebbieJayne · 2024-04-10T03:13:03+00:00

I'm a brown skinned woman who has definitely gotten those "looks" in certain parts of TX while holding hands with my white partner... Honestly, it does bother me. But for them. I like what i like and looks won't change that.

I also recognize, from a psychological perspective, that whether I'm getting glares for whatever reason or whether I'm getting critisms for not "doing things their way"- whoever they might be, it's just ppl showing me their insecurities.

People often project their upset because they aren't "as free" with themselves as those their judging. They've been conditioned to believe something that even they have a hard time accepting. That's why they go above and beyond trying to prove those beliefs to others through words or glares. It's them attempting to prove it to themselves and often why they're so "loud" about it.

Whenever you begin to worry about it just occupy your thoughts with all the reasons that you like what you like.

We all have preferences. As long as they're not hurting anyone, we don't need to defend them.

Awkward_Spinach5296 · 2024-04-10T03:57:40+00:00

Honestly nowadays it pretty normal to see interracial couples. I guarantee no one will notice or care much. You just gotta fight through those anxiety and they will disappear

Transactionswiper4 · 2024-04-10T04:39:29+00:00

Pretty weird to be insecure about who you like lol seek therapy bro you trippin lol

jjboy91 · 2024-04-10T09:13:41+00:00

It's not just a feeling, it's a reality but you learn to live with it and stop caring about what people think

BubblyToro · 2024-04-10T12:01:59+00:00

I’m in an interracial relationship; my parents were trying to encourage me to be interested in my own race and questioning me why?, I just explain to them it is not about race for me and that I like who I like and I feel happy and comfortable with my partner, they were meh about it at first but eventually came around.. we’ve actually had people approach us in public harassing us about why am I with a white man, but I stand proud by my partner, we were both a bit nervous to come public and we know people talk but so far close friends and family have been polite.. there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me from being with my partner but there’s also not much I can do to change the closed minded narrative of the general public.. so I try to just be proud and put it out my mind, focus on my happiness, I’ve even had other white women try to seduce and question my partner about his decision on not choosing in his race as well.. these are just things we experience being an interracial couple but we are happy in our lives. I had terrible anxiety about this at first but choosing happiness, self expression and love is NOT embarrassing and shame on anyone who tries to project that nasty image, but this is YOUR life, no one exists in your inner world except YOU and you’re stuck with your conscious for the rest of your waking life so… may as well go by that and not hold your self back based on what MAY OR MAY NOT go on in other ppls minds. To strangers outside you are nothing more than a fleeting imagine of the life and community around them then on with their lives, your thoughts about the person you seen embarrassing themselves in public have since left your mind as you proceed through your life so realize this and don’t get hung up on this and let it hold you back. There are challenges you will have to overcome but just as any situation it comes with challenges. It’s not worth the regret to appease others, people who love you should support you being happy.

MrRogue64 · 2024-04-10T18:33:21+00:00

kjw cd nm jjnny no in n no

Remote_Repeat4814 · 2024-04-09T12:50:08+00:00

Just stop. You're thinking too hard.

Lmaonade-stand · 2024-04-09T14:30:12+00:00

No one gives a shit

Rollorich · 2024-04-09T20:06:39+00:00

Honestly it might be just the negative stereotypes. You're black so you have a high propensity for violence and like to sleep with a lot of women without protection. If anyone gets pregnant you'll bounce and she will be a broke single mother.

Title	How do you stop feeling insecure about interracial dating?
Author	No_Stress3476
Upvotes	38
Comments	38
Date	April 9, 2024 11:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bzptvd/how_do_you_stop_feeling_insecure_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-stop-feeling-insecure-about-interracial.1514524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1514524

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