Stop checking your phone

RussianAccent · 2013-03-11T23:01:41+00:00

I got opened, by a girl that way once, she teased me about using my phone as a safety blanket - she was right

Ramwen · 2013-03-11T21:50:37+00:00

I never thought it was such a big deal until I stopped doing it, especially when trying to participate in group conversations to meet people through my friends. Stop checking your phone. If you're checking for the time you'll look like you're bored, you don't want to talk to anybody, and you're just waiting to get the hell outta there. If you go on Reddit or something, you'll get sucked into it and spend at least 20minutes looking down at your phone and isolating yourself from everyone else. No one is gonna come ask you why you're alone, people will ignore you.

imortality · 2013-03-11T22:03:28+00:00

Heh...I opened a set with 4 girls that way. They were sitting around a table ALL staring at their phones. Looked ridiculous. Simply opened by going: "having fun there?" smiling and pointing at their phones.

seedit · 2013-03-11T23:31:42+00:00

This is a great post. Not using your phone is obvious, but you gave awesome practical advice too.

HARD MODE: Go out without your phone. I did this once by accident (forgot it), but it worked out great. Good conversation topic, and when you ask for the number you tell her that you forgot your phone, steal hers, put your number in, then text yourself "hey sexy, this is [HB] from [Bar]".

doctorlw · 2013-03-11T23:27:41+00:00

Overall good advice, but for things like texts you gotta check those things. Personally, when I go out I'm meeting people or they are meeting me, so being prompt on locations or plans is pretty important. Looking at your phone or not isn't really going to change anything.

Other than that, I totally agree we are all guilty of using our phones a lot now when we don't need to, or as a crutch. Sometimes I'll even check it in the middle of a date because that notification noise is hard to resist... even though I know better. I've gotten called out on that many times.

It's funny to imagine that just 5 or so years ago this was a completely non-existent issue for most of us... now it is hard to imagine life without your phone.

1vibe · 2013-03-12T00:45:38+00:00

I've opened by simply taking the phones from 4 girls sitting at the bar. They were all "hhheeeyyyy" and I went for the "Ain't nobody got time fo dat". Forgot to mention there was a concert going on. Dragged the 4 out, got my friends to join in while holding their phones. Gave the phones back with my # set up for a text message that said "You're sexy." All they had to do was send. Fun night.

edit: quotes

Kraken07 · 2013-03-11T23:53:04+00:00

When I first started building my confidence up and talking to girls was last year on my birthday. I was out with some friends celebrating and seen a table with four girls all texting and browsing the web. I figured what the hell and sat down looked at them all and confidently said "I can't help but notice that none of you wished me happy birthday yet" and smiled. It turned out to be one of the greatest nights of my life.

guy14 · 2013-03-11T21:28:49+00:00

Word. I have worked on this and now I feel bad even when I pull out my phone while in the bathroom. (even though I'm a little gun shy)

2013-03-11T23:56:11+00:00

I was thinking about this a while ago, was out with an AFC friend who has recently broken up, we were in a bar full of people and he spends the whole time texting his ex? So fucking pointless, he might as have been at home in his pyjamas. Phones offer us a safety blanket and divert us from the situation at hand, which as we all know is where the opportunities lie.

I'm guilty of phone dependency. I'm now wondering if I should just leave it at home when i go out? It's kind of a useful tool, but a pen and paper might be all i need?

RussianAccent · 2013-03-11T23:28:02+00:00

Great tip dude. What I also have been doing for the past two months is leaving my phone's notifications on silent. Phone calls, emails, texts. Everything. That bitch operates on MY time—surprisingly enough, the world is still spinning ;)

codeman00888 · 2013-03-12T15:16:58+00:00

This is when you come in and use the line "You don't have to text me, I'm right here"

mtg4l · 2013-03-11T23:00:20+00:00

I often leave my phone in the car when I go out these days, and get numbers on a notepad. Girls always comment about how old school I am which gives me a great chance to agree/amplify.

callmechad · 2013-03-11T22:54:03+00:00

i always get a weird feeling when i do. even if i really need too. i just feel bad.

DaggerStone · 2013-03-11T22:54:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Zawaii · 2013-03-11T21:56:27+00:00

This is solid advice, thanks :)

EklyM · 2013-03-12T03:33:46+00:00

I check my phone to check the time. It's called a pocket watch, because it's the size of my pocket and only gets used as a clock.

I generally don't approach phone jockeys. They tend to be more of the type of people that are either on facebook or talk about facebook when their not on facebook (or twitter, instagram, pinterest, etc). I'm fine talking about your friends and what your friends did and what not, but saying "oh my friend blah like this status of mine, blah blah", it's just seems boring I guess.

deathlux · 2013-03-12T03:41:54+00:00

Your concept of higher value from others using their phones in such situation is interesting. Gonna start carrying that for now on. Great tip!

STLZACH · 2013-03-12T08:58:45+00:00

These are the types of tips are the reason that I drop in on this subreddit occasionally. We need more posts like this. Small, subtle things that make a difference.

maestroni · 2013-03-12T11:21:23+00:00

Also, stop making any unnecessary movements: don't touch your face, don't play with your fingers, don't spin your drink, don't tap your fingers on the table. It makes you appear nervous or bored.

Suite_up · 2013-03-12T00:09:49+00:00

Lets assume you're in a situation where the music is blaring too loud to talk over, making conversation awkward. No girls are on their phone, and even if there is one, shes sitting across from a potentially boyfriend guy who is taller and more muscular than you. What do you do?

craig_hoxton · 2013-03-11T23:06:19+00:00

Was out in the field Saturday and so many people were doing this...

2013-03-11T23:15:57+00:00

Oh I am definitely guilty in doing this. Thank you for the tip.

4kmhz · 2013-03-11T23:18:34+00:00

Oh, who'd have thought. That's an amazing discovery.

kingofspoonerisms · 2013-03-11T23:37:48+00:00

Yes! This is exactly how I feel! Yet sometimes I still fall back on this crutch.. it's just one of those habits you need to break. What helps for me is to just remember how annoying it is when you are talking to someone and they are glued to their phone. Turning it off helps too.

2013-03-12T01:00:04+00:00

I tried this one time with two girls who I had already met once prior. I walked up to them (they were both just staring googley eyed at their phones) and I said "well you two seem to be the life of the party right now"

I just got blank stares in return.

About a minute later I heard a squeal "omg I just got a snapchatttttt!"

Some people don't know how to be social even with an open invitation. This is great advice though, definitely helps make you more approachable and open socially.

Cr4zyd4wg68 · 2013-03-12T01:29:34+00:00

If she's on her phone, she's in serious need of someone to relieve her anxiety and will usually be very grateful for an approach.

Or maybe she's actually using her phone for real...

HelloHiHello · 2013-03-12T02:16:35+00:00

Instead, try looking around and count the number of people who are on their phones and smile to yourself, because you are already demonstrating higher value than they are. That should boost your confidence enough to re-engage in being social.

This will cause anxiety, GUARANTEED.

If you compare yourself to someone else, framing them in a negative light and you in a positive one (eg, judge them harshly), you WILL feel anxiety.

Instead, find the people who look like they're having a shit time, so they're on their phones. Go and talk to them. Who cares if it's a guy or a girl. Introduce yourself, see if you have anything in common... start a conversation.

If you're still going out to "get women"—speaking entirely from personal experience—you're fucked!

Graphitetshirt · 2013-03-12T03:30:41+00:00

I like this a lot. Well said.

Speedtarzanjujitsu · 2013-03-12T03:46:43+00:00

I try to go a step above this and leave my phone at home. I usually arrive with whomever I'm going out with and go from there. If not, I'll have that person meet me somewhere at some time and do the same. I like jotting down my number on a napkin when/if I give mine out.

Daechaun · 2013-03-12T03:50:31+00:00

Can you check out my last post. I would love some insight in my current situation

2013-03-12T05:15:23+00:00

This is a double edged sword, imo. If a girl pulls out her phone amidst an active conversation, she's simply not interested in you. If your phone rang, I'd make it a habit of silencing it without taking it out.

Even better, if you have a "smartphone" dependency, I'd bring along a cheap disposable one instead to quell your temptation.

Jrix · 2013-03-12T08:06:16+00:00

Nice trick, turn off your phone and just tell her to hold it, as you "tend to get distracted" and you need someone you trust to hold it.

2013-03-12T17:05:44+00:00

Hmm, maybe I am thinking about this wrong. I haven't observed a loss in value when I check my phone for a text or the time when I'm out clubbing. Though i can definitely understand that using your phone for more than 15-30 seconds could have a negative impact. Facebooking or Reddit would be silly flat out.

But for example, getting a text from a buddy who is on his or her way out to the club and taking a minute to respond wont have much of an impact. Especially if everyone knows said person. Checking the time while drinking heavily on a party night doesn't always mean your bored. It often means you are wondering if you should do another round before last call.

Maybe its not so much about the phone but why you are using the phone and the body language that goes with it?

BeatBoxing_Abe · 2013-03-12T17:53:18+00:00

I recently bought a watch so that I would not have to check my phone for the time. I think weaning yourself off of the phone is a great idea

Thecookiecutter · 2013-03-12T17:59:53+00:00

why can't I just take it out to switch songs between sets? I like good music to push heavier weight...

duhellmang · 2013-03-27T02:29:53+00:00

its the adult binky

2013-03-27T04:07:03+00:00

haha I told this to my ex on our first date..

I told her to put her phone away when were talking or else we'll just be sitting here looking at our phones/being quiet.

2013-03-12T06:46:42+00:00

"Is this the Glow Zone?" ... then riff on pod people basking in the glow and what-not

Thorlookslost · 2013-03-11T23:51:27+00:00

Good thing my phone is so crap that i cant do anything on it, to even pull it out.

Title	Stop checking your phone
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	768
Comments	125
Date	March 11, 2013 9:06 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1a3rbs/stop_checking_your_phone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/stop-checking-your-phone.1348728 https://theredarchive.com/post/1348728

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