Whenever I'm around guys that seem more "alpha" than me, I turn beta as shit.

altPUA · 2012-10-21T01:51:52+00:00

Start doing things that make you more "alpha".

Start lifting weights
Get off reddit
Go out 3-5 times a week and socialize
Meet women every day
Hang around with "alpha" guys aside from the bar
Proper hygiene
Dress well
Eat well
Take care of yourself

An "alpha" guy values his time. Value your time and over time you'll start to become valuable. Start acting "alpha" and you will become it.

sinking_sunk · 2012-10-21T01:59:58+00:00

Easy. Keep separate scales of value. Allow me to give an example.

I was in a group even split up in different tables. At my table, I was one of two alpha. We were playing a drinking game, having a lot of fun. The other alpha was loud and aggressive in making people drink and controlling the action. But I had the last word. I was calm and authoritative in reversing decisions and making new rules for the game. We weren't in alpha competition -- we were in coordination.

Then, a new guy came to our table and instantly engaged in the game and started to take the aggressive alpha role. The original aggressive alpha shut down -- became much more subdued. But I remained confident and authoritative at the table. However, the new aggressive guy wasn't having it and was just being aggressive. I just calm shook my head in disappointment at the table and the table pretty much turned against the new guy. He left and things got back to how they were.

What I want to convey is that value is multifaceted. Being alpha is not asking others to be beta. Being alpha is not telling others to be beta. Being alpha is not concerned if there are other alphas present. This is because we are not wolves or roosters that must have one alpha. Of course, there are always people who try to be "those type of alphas" that look to embarass other guys and try to push people around. But really social respect lasts longer and goes deeper. Don't feel like you have to have the alpha role in every facet of the social scene.

tl;dr - Don't be Cartman. Be Stan.

mishmoigon · 2012-10-20T23:18:20+00:00

i know that feel bro. i don't even do it on purpose either it kind of just automatically happens when i'm around more alpha people. i don't have any advice to give you but i just wanted to let you know you're not alone

thecajunone · 2012-10-21T01:05:49+00:00

Here is a tip. Relax! What does the alpha gorilla do differently when other gorillas enter his domain? Not a god damn thing. When the other monkeys are all jumping around getting the females attention the alpha male just sits back and smiles, because he knows he is on top. So just relax and keep using your game, NO ONE is higher value than you. Remember that its just a perception. If playa's be trying to mess with your game AMOG destroy them, though personally I've found the best thing to do is befriend them and seek out bitches together.

HERE_HAVE_SOME_AIDS · 2012-10-21T03:05:29+00:00

Be calm, like the lion, like Avon from "The Wire" or any other stone hard-ass, a busy man with important things to do whose be all end all is certainly not how he's perceived in a club.

You don't have to be noisy to be alpha. You definitely don't have to be aggressive. What you need is a strong sense of self. Don't even notice any other alpha's as they walk in; or if you do, acknowledge them with the respect you reserve for equals.

kobenhavn · 2012-10-21T07:09:15+00:00

Beta's are value seekers in certain situations. So the beta's seek value from the Alpha's so they can be perceived as being connected to the leader of the group.

Just start giving everyone value, by saying things like:

"you're cool man" "that's awesome bro" etc...

hopefully you get the idea. GIVE VALUE - say statements that makes other people feel good and you may start to feel like the alpha again.

mariodood · 2012-10-21T00:52:44+00:00

Try to learn from those guys. If you're trying to game girls when they're around, you're going to have trouble, and that's when it's time to adopt a learn or leave mindset. Sometimes you can't compete, they might be a little better than you right now. Not the end of the world.

crbiker · 2012-10-21T05:19:45+00:00

I was talking to two friends of my friend's girlfriend. I met both of the girls today. My buddy and his girlfriend got up to shoot pool, leaving me alone with them.

I was dressed to a T, and just got a nice 20's style haircut from a barber shop and had just shaved smoother than a baby's ass. {plug /r/malehairadvice, /r/malefashionadvice /r/wicked_edge } I was also sipping high-end bourbon, neat. Classy looking drink. I engaged both of the girls for a long time, which was difficult because I have an ear infection that hurts more than any pain I've felt in recent years.

I kept really good eye contact with Girl 1, to the point she was kind of putting her head down in a shy smile, and kept talking. Let her ask me about myself, and brought up points that were DHV. I didn't just bring it up, waited till she asked.

Body language- relaxed, spoke confidently, loudly, and slow, all while smiling and keeping eye contact.

Her friend got up and got a drink about the time my friend Josh sat down next to me. I'd been talking to this girl for ~2 hours at this point and she was very engaged.

While her friend was up, a guy she knew came and sat next to her (booth.) He was pretty stocky, big arms, small white t-shirt and began talking to her. Jim kind of gave me a sideways look like, "Missed your chance, bud." I thought so, too for a second.

The guy started talking about leaving his job at ShittyChainRestraunt1 and getting a new one at ShittyChainRestraunt2. I...have a very interesting career and had told a handful of good stories about it earlier in the evening. I'm going to be vague because I don't want to link my reddit life to my real life, at all. Too volatile an industry; too small.

Jim and I keep talking with one another after meeting other dude. I'm rolling over gameplan in my head. Dude's out of a drink. He might be more typically attractive than I, but again, I look loads better and have more shit on my plate. I'm also kind of seeing a girl, so it doesn't matter if shit backfires. So I'm realllly sick, playing it off well, but know that I have to go home, take medicine, and go to bed. Hence, one glass of rye over the course of 2 hours.

I time it perfectly- dude gets up to get a drink right as I kill mine. I tell her and Jim that I'm getting out of there. She goes, "It was really great meeting you!" and I go, "You too! Give me your number, I'm going to call you this weekend." (She'd mentioned she works late M-Th.)

She goes, "Okay!" and smiles, punches in her number. We banter for a few more minutes, I bounce just as dude comes back. She gets up to go to the bar.

I'm new to this, but the only trick is staying in state. Knowing I was sitting across from someone who would generally knock me out of my game, I instead looked inside, had a plan, assumed attraction and DHV, and made it happen.

2012-10-21T07:00:48+00:00

I appreciate the simplicity of the term "alpha" in explaining a certain set of confident behaviors, even though I tend to discourage its use because I think it takes men down a peg and brings all their interactions into the realm of lesser animals. However, there are certain truths that shouldn't be ignored about the term. As everyone else has said, alpha is about being cool with where you're seated. When I started getting more and more into the seduction community, I realized I had a few friends who are very stereotypically "alpha". One friend, in particular, requires at all times that he be the center of attention, whether it be via his more subtle modes of communication, or outright "alpha" behavior. He always used to make me uncomfortable. However, lately I've learned to just sit back and let him do his own thing. By not posing a challenge, I AM a challenge. When his behavior fails to have an impact on mine, he gets extremely agitated and tries harder and harder to convey social dominance. I can't say objectively that he fails, but I have definitely noticed that the calmer and more collected I remain around him (staying on track with whatever I, personally, have going on - emotionally or otherwise) the weirder he gets about trying to "unseat" me. It doesn't ever get weird or violent or antagonistic... he just ends up acting out, and I am cool with letting his actions speak for themselves. If some girl we're both in the company of finds herself more keen on his behavior, then kudos to him - it has nothing to do with who I am, so I cut my "loss" and continue enjoying myself. It's sort of an "amog" with out having to put any super hard work into what I say or do in order to make him look like a tool.

TL;DR - Smile and nod is your best friend.

stares_at_screens · 2012-10-21T02:42:38+00:00

First, why are you trying to hit on girls when other guys are around? That's gonna be messy. Definitely doable, but not generally something to be sought out.

As for parties, if you're hitting it off with a girl and another guy comes out of nowhere and tries to interrupt the conversation, just go ahead and give him your attention. Ask him all about himself. Tell him what you were talking about and ask him his opinion. He wants to talk to you, because he just joined your conversation, so engage him. Treat him like your best buddy.

If he blows you off, he looks like a complete jerk. If he isn't interested in talking to you, maybe he'll just move on. Or maybe he'll be your best friend, who knows? Either way, you can let the conversation end naturally, move on to another one, and then go back to talking to the girl later and see if she's still interested.

READMEdotTXT · 2012-10-21T02:51:24+00:00

I used to feel that too, and I am getting over it. I do have some concrete advice/techniques, but take them with a grain of salt. I am far from being a PUA, and I haven't been laid in a few months. Though I have a number of girls showing interest in me now, so I speak with some authority.

I believe we fear what we do not understand. You see these dudes, you start making all sorts of assumptions about their superiority and compare them to your own imagined faults. You are in an unknown and potentially hostile situation, you start creating ideas and emotions, and you shut down into your enclosed world of ruminative thinking doubt and habitual reactions.

So, you gotta break out of that! Stop giving into low-level primal reactions of submission and negative emotions. Act upon the "alphas"! They are entering your space. Yeah, it is your space! Not in some sort of legal territorial way, but they are now in your awareness and their presence is part of your conscious experience. You gotta figure them out! Talk with them, engage them, perhaps befriend them. Make them laugh, figure them out, maybe they are really good interesting guys you could grow from interacting with! Maybe they are douchebags who do not respect women or you, maybe they deserve some attitude and you can provide that or get embarrassed and shown up (and grow from and learn from) trying!

So, yeah. Do not fear these "alphas". Welcome them! It all goes back to the fundamental idea of all this stuff, you are in control of the situation around you, you are looking to have a good time, you are an interesting unique individual above the squabbles and insecurities of the common man!!

Hypnotical · 2012-10-21T04:01:18+00:00

Maintain alpha posture. Stand your ground. You don't have to keep up with their energy level. If they are bubbly, cocky just stay calm and talk relaxed and slow. An odd trick that helps make people less intimidating. Imagine their cuming face while speaking to them. That will keep your smile going too.

2012-10-21T12:58:01+00:00

A lot of times, it's a good idea to pee around the room to establish dominance.

the_brick_attack · 2012-10-21T05:49:48+00:00

The biggest thing I would say to change is to find real men. Find men who are value givers as opposed to value takers. Find men that challenge you and invite you to the challenge with them. Find men that enjoy your company and want everyone to become better. Those are the alpha males you want to be around. You will feel more masculine just being in the presence of great men who expect and share greatness with you. Don't hang out with alphas who drag you down. If you leave after being around other guys feeling less like a man and more insecure than before you were around them, you know they are not the right people to be around. It's a lesson I've slowly learned over the years and I'm getting much better.

newboots · 2012-10-21T06:56:34+00:00

Here's a relevant comic I just saw yesterday. Cheers.

Zachisasloth · 2012-10-21T08:12:42+00:00

I never understood what I was doing until I read this. Exactly.

Nikokiowa · 2012-10-21T08:34:43+00:00

I know what your going through I do the same but not because they are more alpha than me but because I don't want a midnight fling anymore and what not, but in your case if the other guys are more alpha go with the flow keep in mind it's always a mind game with everyone in seduction it's always a mind game the girls that go out with other girls, guys that go to a club with friends, they go for one thing sex or the feeling that they can still get it. so if you find your self in the same situation with guys who are more alpha remember they invited you because of your attitude and they know compared to you they can stand out, so really they aren't more alpha than you they just think they are, so they invite you and not you inviting them. The best thing for your cure isn't lifting weights socializing or meeting because I bet you do that already your cure is just to remember it's a game to go with the flow remain quiet but most of all stay calm and to remember they invited you because of the mind game they themselves want a boost of confidence the true person to look out for and be scared of is the lone wolf because they have the confidence already and know how to intimidate and seduce alone.

Freevoulous · 2012-10-21T10:06:20+00:00

Be genuinely friendly and interested in other people. Remember , that most of the so called "Alpha Males" are really just insecure guys looking for social validation through their behavior. GIVE IT to them. Don't smirk, don't try to out-alpha them, do not supplicate, just act like you are their equal showing them respect. You either end up as insta-friends, or the worse case scenario, your attention will deflate them, as they run out of things to say:D

This works especially well for guys who like to brag, or boss people around. Bragants will run out of things to brag about if you politely press them for details, and bossy little tyrants expect you to either suplicate OR fight with them, so they can show off. If you try to politely cooperate with them, and show genuine respect (or at least act as if you do:P) they will dig themselves deeper and look like assholes with a temper tantrum compared to you.

Always ask yourself: What would Gandalf do, If he was in this situation?

leodoestheopposite · 2012-10-21T13:53:42+00:00

Are these guys more Alpha or are they just arrogant pricks?

There's a difference.

How about working to increase your confidence level, so that instead of shooting to be more Alpha (a lot of people are confused about what that means) you are a Confident Modern Male?

This is a good start The Definitive Guide To Confidence.

7LayerMagikCookieBar · 2012-10-21T16:32:04+00:00

Realize that you have this desire to appear more alpha to other people and see that you don't want to appear weak to other people. Realize how you are putting them on a pedestal in your mind. See how conditioning has made that desire and thought process automated and mechanical. Let the pedestals drop and stop giving a fuck.

AverageFunkyChamp · 2012-10-21T16:43:24+00:00

1) If they're intimidating (i.e. Assholes), they're not alpha..at least not in the good sense. If they're simply high value, value giving individuals, relish their company. Take what value they will give freely (though value taking is widely considered beta), but use it as inspiration; Give value back! Being around this kind of alpha is a golden opportunity to learn by examples. Suggestion: If you're in a port city or a place where there might be military folks on leave, go where they hang out and try to interact with them. Having good times with big muscly tatoo'd guys with scars who are missing some teeth is great practice for not being intimidated. These can be some of the scariest looking dudes you'll ever meet, but are often gentle, fun-loving cats.

philosarapter · 2012-10-21T17:33:00+00:00

If these 'alpha' dudes are within your immediate circle, talk with them. Its possible they are cool dudes who are just trying to have a good time out. Enlist them to help in your cause, and help them in their cause.

Its easy to think of them as 'competition' but that comes from a scarcity mindset. If you think of them as potential allies, you might find yourself a new wingman

CineSuppa · 2012-10-21T19:13:43+00:00

I've been reading a lot of these posts, and while solid advice for good living, they don't really solve your issues of who you're hanging out with.

I had a similar situation a few years ago. I was hanging out with a guy I knew in college and his best friend, trying to form a solid group in a new town. Apart, they were both great guys... but together, there was a consistent "one-upsmanship" that was a never-ending cycle that started with simple verbal jabs and ended sometimes in drunken violence towards each other. Eventually, it became a thing I didn't even want to take part in, because their egos spiraled out of control and it wasn't worth my time trying to keep up with their bullshit. And I got frustrated because they were closing with their self-inflated senses of self worth; I wasn't.

Truth is, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. Sure, one of your friends might seem to have "X" over you, and the other "Y" and "Z", but in reality, none of that matters. What does matter is how comfortable you are in whatever environment you're in, and how you project yourself. For me, it was backing away and observing their antics, realizing how silly they were. And you know what? Grown ass women will pay attention to that.

When I was a bit younger, I crashed a big frat party in State College, PA. I got myself a beer from the keg and was harassed by a bunch of the brothers as my size and looks made me an obvious threat to their game. I lied and said I knew someone with a common name, and typically they backed away. That is, until I started talking to a HR10. Immediately one of the guys throwing the party came to intervene, and gradually took the conversation from me, physically cutting my line-of-sight to the girl off by stepping in front of me. I ended up leaning on the balcony's railing and smirked at her over his shoulder. She picked up really quickly. So when he grabbed her by the hand and offered to show her his room, I was surprised and a little uncomfortable when she grabbed me by the hand to follow. But I never showed it. And by the time we got downstairs and this guy opened the door to his room and went in before letting her in, she and I walked right out the front door together and left the party. We ended up parting ways after breakfast at 7 in the morning; she paid.

If you feel you need to stop entering a negative mindset, this is your first step to self discovery and actuation in this one aspect of your life. I learned the same thing a few years ago; my process culminated in finally realizing I needed to find better friends.

CyborgFrog · 2012-10-21T19:42:13+00:00

fishy

Squidward_On_Drugs · 2012-10-21T00:45:14+00:00

Do you have a lot of male friends?

I have the same problem as you OP, but I don't have a lot of male friends, so maybe that's my problem. But yeah, one of the reasons I don't have male friends is that I don't like to be around so called AMOGs...

eli613 · 2012-10-21T00:29:56+00:00

ditto.

2012-10-20T23:23:07+00:00

I'm so sick of this alpha shit.

You wanna be alpha? Get over it.

Title	Whenever I'm around guys that seem more "alpha" than me, I turn beta as shit.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	116
Comments	82
Date	October 20, 2012 10:48 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/11tgld/whenever_im_around_guys_that_seem_more_alpha_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whenever-im-around-guys-that-seem-more-alpha-than.1341416 https://theredarchive.com/post/1341416

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