X-year-old still a virgin

libboost · 2018-10-14T09:43:45+00:00

For the sake of god and all that is holy, please stop obsessing about this virginity thing and just focus on improving yourself and your life. You'll...

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[–]innergamedude1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

This is shown in the fact that men have basically an equal capacity to sexually discriminate.

I mean, I'm not going to have this whole debate on /r/seduction but the fact that men are DRAMATICALLY less selective in casual than women in all contexts and than men selecting for long-term mates is extremely well documented. See: Robin Baker's Sperm Wars or David M. Buss's Evolution of Desire. If you are espousing a view on the basis of evolutionary psychology, it's a highly heterodox one, given that basically all evolutionary psychologists take male inclination toward promiscuity as a given. Now, given that men do often (and I'd venture so far as to say "the majority of the time") care for their children, this poses a bit of a conundrum since all this effort have been spent on explaining why men don't care.

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[–]innergamedude 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

There's a much stronger argument that monogamy came about to prevent destructive tribal in-fighting over mates and problems of paternity. Most (all?) human cultures have rituals where there is some kind of public declaration of sexual fidelity between partners and who is off limits from whom. Otherwise your tribe is constantly having fights over mates.

Regardless, the fact that we have any long-term emotions at all for mates is evidence that monogamy is a natural tendency within humans that is necessary to raise children, but the fact that partners continue to stray is evidence that straight monogamy is not the most successful mating strategy in an evolutionary sense. I just wish that evolution hadn't given us these damn contradicting drives that cause me to lose satisfaction with women I date.

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Yeah, I wonder how old OP is. OP is right that it is a really unhelpful thing to think about. But if you get well into your 20s and it hasn't happened then you probably should be at least a little bit worried about it. It isn't normal and I say that as someone who is basically a 27 year old virgin. I lost mine to an escort last year but I still pretty much feel like I'm still a virgin.

Sex seems to be everywhere, except for you. After a certain age it can consume you. I know I really struggle despite not technically being a virgin. It makes me think of that meme of the cartoon dog in the burning house, saying "it is fine". It isn't fine, not worrying about it, believing one day it would just happen is part of the reason I think I personally ended up (and still sort of am) an older virgin.

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[–]ImJustSo 103 points104 points105 points 7 years ago (37 children) | Copy Link

Men tend to chill the fuck out as they get older, especially after they have sex once and realize it's not impossible.

You're going along life as a happy little dipshit, then testosterone comes along and fucks everything up about your world. Girls are suddenly the most interesting thing, yet seemingly impossible to touch. The testosterone is telling you, "EVERYONE NEEDS TO LIKE ME RIGHT NOW SO I CAN FUCK!" and then you've got all these doubts, "But what if she doesn't want me touching her?"

Meanwhile, you have no idea how to handle any of these fucking emotions yet. You turn twenty and still haven't gotten laid. You wanna either fight or fuck everything. Your temper goes off at the drop of a hat. Everything anyone says is instantly taken personally. I mean, you haven't even gotten laid yet, obviously everything is connected to that! I'm a failure at everything since I can't even have sex with someone!

Then one day it happens. You get laid. You get a girlfriend. You lose the mystery of sex with that girl. Sex feels great, but so does masturbating. You start looking at other girls and wondering what sex with them is like. Is it different than this girl? Except now you no longer have the doubt that no one will ever fuck you. At least one has so far! You break up...

Now you go along, you try to find a girl like that one. She cared. Sex was great. Honestly, you had a perfect couple years. Now every girl you date after her seems to suck ass. What the fuck? Surely there's one better than that first one? No way I got that lucky my first time out.

You start forgetting you were ever unattractive to women. You start forgetting to even think this smiley girl could be anything but attracted. All you're thinking about is, "How crazy is this one after she's dropped the smiley act? Man, I hope she's normal." as you look for a girl you can relate to, fall in love with, and have great sex.

Then you realize you're 30, 35, 40, 45 years old and things you thought were a big deal when you were younger are a total fucking joke compared to "Jeez, my knee hurts today! I must've taken my morning shit funny."

Tl;dr: You get older and shit just doesn't matter as much after the first time you get laid.

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I lost my virginity right around your age. All of the things I've said are things I've went through and have seen countless friends experience. You're not alone in your emotions. You're aging normally, you're maturing properly, and you're going through hormones and changes that really creep up on you. One day, anxiety seems to be everywhere. Another day, rage all over the place. Another day, you feel confident...like Mike Tyson talked shit and you just knocked him out.

You'll grow differently, at different times in your life, you'll learn different life lessons about things in different ways, and you'll place all your emotions in categories associated with those experiences. Your body and mind grow and learn everything all at the same time.

You are flying an airplane while building it.

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[–]forget4 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

The key part is having sex the first time. Everyone who has had it might not care because they have had it. Ive been treated like crap by the girls Ive dated and walked all over as well. Im a 23 year old always been single virgin. Hard to not care or feel confident after that. I even had to watch a guy who was better than me and someone i considered a friend get into a relationship with a girl I dated and cared about. All I will remember is how at 21 he got to be with and most likely have sex with her. A girl who treated me like shit but was so hot. But I was the one broken inside having to pass them on campus with her sitting on his lap and making out many times.

Then there are the 30, 40, and 50 year olds with the 20 year olds. Ill be 24 soon still single and a virgin. Doesnt matter if I could be with any woman a year from now, Im still a piece of shit to her, all those other girls, and below that guy.

[–]zoomfrog2000 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]forget4 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

She wasnt the only girl to treat me badly, others have as well.

I have not been able to find a single girl that has wanted me that I found as attractive since her. The girl I dated right before her was the girl next door type and she was the only girl to really make me feel like she was happy to talk and see me. She even asked me out for our second date, I could really feel something there like she wasnt hard to read. I had such a huge feeling to kiss her, never had that befote ever but in the end she ended it because I was a bad kisser and awkward. She kept texting me but avoided me for another week, her interest was gone and then she finally just ended it over texts suddenly ans went right back to her ex.

Everything Ive expeirenced makes me think Im supposed to settle for a girl im not attracted to. In the span of 4 years i went on dates with 6 girls, mostly 1st dates only and most of them i had to talk myself into going on dates with them and one also treated me like crap and played mind games so Id stick around as her back up.

I guess it comes off as me being hung up on sex, but I craved relationships way more. Everything they had I wanted, not really the whole pda thing but going through college with someone, graduation, winter breaks, freedom and time with someone, lazy days, all those things I can never get with someone. Not to mention how anyone i meet now will not be as inexperienced as me or as young as 20 year olds. Ive been made fun of and looked down on for being a virgin by friends who were girls. ive been told im the kind of guy women want in their 40s not now by two other close friends who are girls.

Relationships and sex now are vastly different than in college. I dont care what any woman could teach me, I dont want to wait around for "the one" or better myself for a woman who got to have whtaever she wanted while i lived my life alone. Im about to be 24 and have nothing to show for it, my degree and job mean nothing to me honestly. Im sure if I was at my best in life any woman who would want me, if there would be any, would have also treated me like crap just like that girl.

How do you not feel like crap when two people you trusted lied to your face and made you look stupid and emasculated you? Im not even looking for a model or some perfect woman, even my friends think some of the girls Ive been attracted to are below me but to me its impossible for me to think they would ever want me.

[–]atypicaltool 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]forget4 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Idk how to ask them now. I tried and they just didnt want to answer. What did you change? I know it takes work but Im done. Guys younger than me have already fulfilled that part of their lives. They have experiences I never got with college girls and I can never get them. All those experiences are in the past, it cant be changed, Im not in college anymore. Whenever guys talk about their past i cant say anything. And I mean relationship and sex wise. I want to get better but I dont want to get better just so some girl can decide Im good enough after she got to live her life. I was never good enough for anyone before, I can never get the girls I wanted no matter how much work I put in, and I can never do the things I wanted with them in college even if I get better. In my eyes its settling no matter who I end up with or when. Even some perfect model wouldnt be enough because I had to go through what I went through. That guy got to be with that girl when he was a year younger than me, his life is fulfilled in every way at this point. My life will never be as good as his no matter what I do now. I dont care who wants me or how great I am or whatever, the best my life could ever get ended when she treated me like crap. Anything I want and achieve will only make me 10% fulfilled, thats as fulfilled as ill ever be now.

[–]atypicaltool 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Dude, you're putting way to much on a some words and another person and the time period you're in. Let me explain what happens when you don't put the work in. I'm 29, and I met a wonderful girl. First time in my life I have ever dated a girl that I trusted and respected. She was my best friend, and she tried really fucking hard in the relationship. Well I have some back seated issues from childhood or from my previous college relationship that screwed with me in the head. I knew I had these issues but I ignored them. So what happened, I broke up with her 5 months ago because I knew my problems were going to lead to mental abuse and it was already eating me up inside. I spent 3 months delaying my issues after the breakup while she spent those 3 months working through it. I finally feel I have found a path in working and solving through my issues. I asked her back a couple months ago, and she said she had moved on and just started seeing someone else. This is what happens when you don't work on your shit, you end up losing someone very special. If you don't want to go through this shit, pick yourself up, start working on yourself today. If not, then stop fucking complaining.

[–]forget4 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ImJustSo 9 points10 points11 points 7 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

The key part is having sex the first time. Everyone who has had it might not care

Look, this is going to come across as aggressive or harsh, but it's the truth. Get over yourself.

You're entirely self centered, but you can't see it yet. All those negative thoughts you're having? They're about yourself.

"Oh, this girl won't like me because other girls haven't."

You are so centered around yourself that you can't allow every new woman that freedom to choose themselves what it is they like. You go into your next interaction with a woman based on previous women and automatically treat them as the same person in your mind. You treat them that way because you can't stop thinking about yourself. You put each woman you're attracted to on a pedestal, you create an island around them that you're not allowed to invade, because you've decided you're unattractive to each and every woman that you find attractive.

It's insane if you stop for just one second, get over yourself, and put yourself in another person's shoes.

One day, you're going to run into a woman who thinks you're so god damn fine that she can't possibly imagine having a chance with you. You might make a pass at her and she'll think you're mocking her. She's going to reject you, because she's so insecure that she can't imagine someone so hot would hit on her. She's going to think a shitty thing that's untrue about you, make a shitty face because of you, and be extremely attracted to you regardless of what she's displaying.

Guess what? That girl is you right now.

Try letting women be attracted to you some day. You'll be blown away by the results. Get over yourself.

[–]forget4 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

After what ive been through how do I get over being emasculated like that by a friend? Being walked over by many girls? Im fine with rejection but its the ones that trated me like shit and made me their back up guy that make it difficult. One girl does it then maybe shes just weird but many means Im percieved a certain way.

What woman would be good enough now anyways? I never got to be in college wuth her or go through lifes biggest moments with her, that will never change I cant go back and do any of that. Any relationship or sex i have now will be vastly different than when I had freedom and time. I never got to be with anyone before and got made fun of and looked down on by friends who are girls for that. Im not interested in some girl who still clings to her ex's and compares me to them, either openly or not. Or someone who got to sleep with whoever they wanted. I dont care how others see it, if being inexperienced is ok to make fun of or look at me with disgust with then i dont want some older woman who has plenty of experience that wont see me as special or care about me at all.

Its not like any girl has before. To top it all off where would i meet anyone? Dating apps suck Ive used them on and off over the years and get me nowhere even with girls im not interested in, I dont like to drink or the night life, people tell me not to approach women in public, Im told dating coworkers is a bad idea, so where is this woman going to show up at? Is she going to come to my door and ask me out? Whoever that woman is would just be desperate and would want anyone after she got to live her life fully. She would only want me after I moved up completely in life while everyone treated me like shit and never gave me a second look when I was this age. I have a career going, I work out, dress the way i want, have friends, but Im still nothing. Im not interested in being some womans last pick when Im 40 and lived my life all alone while people like that girl and guy got to do whatever they wanted since they were young.

Ive been emasculated, I can never have any of the experiences I wanted, Ive been treated like shit so many times i cant even trust anything a girl says anymore because Ive been lied to so many times. That perfect girl will realize how desperate she is and go for a real man, I know my worth at this point.

[–]ImJustSo 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Here's the thing, your attitude just sucks. I've been through the things you've described with a woman. You've felt that with one woman. I have felt that with many women. I get it. It fucking hurts. You can either get over it and choose to be better, or you can choose to wallow.

You listed some good self accomplishments. Those are things you should always be focusing on. You are hurt by that one girl because you believe she should've seen your worth. Her reality didn't match yours. You've allowed her reality to shatter your reality and that's unattractive. You've become unattractive to yourself, which makes you unattractive to women. It's even unattractive to me. I don't enjoy seeing people talk like this about themselves, simply because someone hurt them. I try to let people know that it's a choice. It's a frame of mind.

You let someone affect your frame and you let go of it. You need to have a solid frame and never let go. You build a mindset that every failure is necessary to gain success. You build a mentality around success as your goal and you acknowledge ever failure as your future success being one step closer. Your frame of mind is solid, unfuckupable, shielded from other people's judgements. You no longer have an emotional response to every tiny micro aggression throughout your day. Your interactions with women aren't affecting your ego anymore because you're not thinking that every "failure" is a reflection of your success, because your success is assured in the future.

Where does the woman come from? In the future, it'll be every attractive woman you see. Depends on your goals, I suppose.

[–]forget4 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I dont think she was supposed to like me, its all the going back and forth with me and treating me like shit that messed me up. There was so much more to it than she didnt like me. These accomplishments dont make me happy or make life worth living. Id rather live under a bridge in a box if it meant one girl would have wanted me. I would have given that degree, job, everything if it meant that could have happened. Im not going to be 70 looking back at 23 and saying "Yes this career made me feel so much better than having a girlfriend. I might have never been worth anything to women but at least I had a job and worked out." Im also fit, Im not fat or too skinny anymore, I weigh the right amount for my height now that Ive esten more and worked out.

That doesnt give me an answer, how would anyone meet anyone with all those restrictions?

[–]ImJustSo 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not fit. I'm chubby/dad bod, maybe a little bit of muscle visible, mostly fat though. I'm confident as shit though. I have a positive attitude about life, myself, and others. I enjoy everything. I enjoy women. I enjoy attention that I never seek. I'm not bogged down by negative thoughts about everything that goes on everyday.

I used to be. It was a drag. I remember feeling things you're describing and it sucked. I hated it. I never want it again. I'm making that decision everyday, though I don't have to, no one's forcing me but myself. I could be just like you, if I wanted.

You could be just like me, if you want. You could be positive, confident, liked by most people you meet, have attractive women smiling at you, wanting your attention. No one's stopping you, except you. I know you can be attractive, because I remember what it was like to be unattractive and the things I did that were unattractive.

Your goal should be to make people feel like being around you and talking to you is a sunny day with a cool breeze.

You should avoid being an incoming storm with frigid, stinging sleet.

No matter who comes along that's a shitty storm, you can't let them change your sunny day, either. It's your life, you can choose to ignore my advice. You can maintain your current frame of mind, but you don't have to.

[–]zoomfrog2000 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]forget4 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

She was the last girl to do that and that was like 2 years ago. I got three dates a few months ago. Two were only first dates, and the third was 5 dates but she said we had not chemistry but didnt want to end it and saud she wanted to see me again and then ghosted me. Havent heard from her in over a month. Youre right its my fsult, its all my fault. If this is who I am then why try again? Some other woman would do it again and im back to square one. I went through almost 24 years and Ive been single. Met so many girls and went on dates and still single. the next one wont change anything, i dont even know where Id meet someone at this point. College is over so the girls i wanted Im not able to meet. Dating apps suck, I dont like to drink, or the night life, told not to approach women, and dating coworkers is a bad idea.

Fix what now? I had two years since she sje ended it and a year since that happened. I work out, i have a degree, job, what else am i supposed to do? "Im glad I had to experience that I hope i find another girl that does rhe same thing!" How can anyone be confident after that?

[–]lizards_on_the_wall 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Female perspective: You think you could handle a relationship, when this is how you think about conflict? Relationships aren't just having someone to spend winter breaks and lazy days with. Every day of a relationship is a series of small interactions, and some of them are not going to go well. It's inevitable that you're going to get hurt and hurt her, in small ways that will probably feel very big at the time, and you have to be prepared to deal with that.

You not being able to let go of a conflict you had with a girl two years ago shows me that you would take every perceived slight in a relationship and blame your girlfriend for hurting you, instead of working together to understand the problem that arose and fix it.

When people tell you that you need to work on yourself, this is why. It's not that you need to work out more or just find a way to focus your energy, although those things are healthy too. It's because, until you learn how to let things go and take responsibility for working through your own problems, you are not fit to be in a relationship. Once you're more at peace with yourself and ready to handle the myriad of situations a relationship will put you in, hopefully the girls who go on one or five dates with you will see that.

I recommend starting by reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, by Mark Manson.

[–]forget4 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Im sure in relationships your SO isnt yelling at you whenever a guy walks by you? Im sure he wouldnt try to hide the fact that you guys are dating? Or tells you randomly that the close friend of his is not someone he has feelings for? Or leaves you over texts randomly after he just saw you and then came back to you a few days later without wanting to explain why multiple times? Or flirts with you after he already ended things with you? Or gets pissed off at you when you stop giving him attention after he said he just wants to be friends? Or ends up with your best friend on his lap making out on campus and you have to watch them be together for the last year of college?

Yea sorry its hard for me to deal with all of that. I forgot to also mention how I last saw her at graduation but I will start working at a job in my field and she will be working in the same building, different company and different floor, as me. I cant escape her, I also have a 2 year contract as well so id have to pay to leave that company. Youre right im not ready for a relationship but dont tell me Im not understanding enough or not caring enough. Unless you think its perfectly fine for girls to do this to me and Im supposed to just be ok with it? Either way I dont think a relationship or anything more than a platonic friendship with a girl is worth it.

I can handle issues, not the ones where Im being lied to, told everything is ok when in reality they are treating me like crap. Trying to figure out where to eat or whose family we visit is pretty manageable. Leaving me over texts and coming back to me without explaining why multiple times not so much. If a guy did one of these things to you or your friend Im sure your reaction would be to blame him, not the girl. Also this wasnt a one girl thing, many girls have done similar things to me like this. Not all girls, some have rejected me upfront and thats fine. I dont get how not being ok with this somehow means I was completely at fault and Im unstable. I mean one of the things she would always call herself was unstable and Id always tell her it wasnt true and she kept insisting she was, I never called her that and I was pretty understanding. Get stuck seeing your close friend with the guy you were dating for over a year and then have to keep seeing him after you graduate and tell me how he easy it is to get over it.

[–]lizards_on_the_wall1 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You're right, that's what happens in an unhealthy relationship. And you're so self-deprecating that I'm not sure you'd be able to recognize an unhealthy relationship while you were in it, at this point. Clearly, you didn't the last time, if you kept letting her treat you like that.

Of course it's not okay for her to have done that. It's not the end of the world, though, unless you let it be that in your life. I'm not saying that it's been two years and so you should automatically be over it. Time does not heal all wounds. But, it can provide enough distance for us to see things for what they were.

You will only move past this event in your life once you decide to move past it.

That part is important. This is not going to magically go away, even if you find someone to date. You are going to need to figure out how to get through it, and that is going to be hard. Right now from your post history, you've clearly been devoting a lot of time to thinking about it, but that's not enough. I don't remember where the quote is from, but one thing I heard that helped me is "Sometimes we have to expand things in order to shrink them." I did this by forcing myself to write out every detail of a relationship that had ended 5 years prior. It was one of the hardest things I've done, but making myself think about every detail let my mind finally put them to rest and it didn't constantly loop through my mind anymore. You're going to have to prepare to see her at work, and writing might not be your thing, but any way you can think of to work through this is only going to help you.

I definitely didn't mean to imply that you were at fault for the conflict between you and her, or unstable at all, and I'm sorry if that's what you got out of it. I just meant that now, currently, you are not in a stable frame of mind to have a healthy relationship. When I talked about struggles in a relationship, I did not mean deciding on a restaurant or whose family to visit. You will lie to each other. Little lies, hopefully, that you can deal with once you're comfortable enough to be honest. You will learn another person so intimately that you know exactly how to hurt them most in an argument, and you have to be mature enough to keep those words in your head.

And you have to be strong enough and confident enough in yourself to know when your SO isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Not in the big, obvious, relationship-ending ways, but maybe little unnecessary digs that they insert into the conversation when they're stressed.

You've stressed about not getting a second date with a girl, and I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if you take them out for coffee or bungee jumping, they're not going to date you until all of the little things that I'm sure you do subconsciously to be self-deprecating are gone. You are giving that one girl a lot of power over your life. You can point to her and say, "That's where my confidence went. She took it." Of course, you were hurt by how she treated you. But now you have to decide that you value yourself more than to keep being hurt over it. Expand it, maybe write down every detail of it, and then shrink it and hopefully you'll take back the power that she still has over you.

[–]forget41 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I put my foot down with the girl I went on 5 dates with, I told her I wasn't looking for a friend because it seemed that is what she wanted and now I could easily walk away from that girl or like the others I've met who have treated me similarly.

I can see it wasn't a good thing but everything she did makes it difficult to really see myself as a good person or the victim. At the end of it all when I left her games she texted me saying it was all my fault and sent this long message but never gave an actual reason as to what I did wrong. Just blamed me and said everything was on me. Even if I was 100% at fault I'd assume you would give a reason right? I wouldn't call someone out in a long text message and not once mention what they did wrong, it was weird. But its also hard to see it as wrong because she got everything she wanted in the end, everything she said I would do to her she did to me. All those girls she was jealous of I don't even talk to but she got with the second closest guy to her. So if karma is real or if people should be punished then why did everything work out for her and him and not me?

Idk I've written about all the things that happened and mentioned it all in therapy and mentioned it to friends and it hasn't helped. Even my friends and therapist have told me how crazy the situation was and I am in a better place, not those exact words from my therapist but you get the idea. Even my friends knew her and she has also treated them weirdly as well and they believe every word I've said about it but idk its just not enough for me. I don't know what else to do besides write. I also am stuck on her looks, she wasn't a Victoria Secret model by any means but she was my type. I'd reject a 100 models if I could be with a girl who was my type and my friends even tell me that some girls I find attractive aren't that attractive, they think I'm purposely choosing unattractive girls but to me they are out of my league. After all the bad experiences I've had I don't think I could ever be with someone I find attractive.

I understand that last part completely, I hold back a lot with friends and especially with girls I've dated. There were many times where I wanted to call out her hypocrisy and craziness but didn't because I liked her and wanted it to work.

Idk it all seems manageable and things I always expected to happen in a relationship. While I don't want to date, and you say I'm not in the right mindset which I agree with, I know relationships aren't smooth or anything like that. I know there are many bumps, flat tires, slippery and dangerous roads but there are also the calm, refreshing windows down moments where everything is fine and perfect with a lot of great things around. I was prepared for it all but only with someone who would put effort. The girl I dated before was the only girl I ever felt something like that with, it felt like she was genuinely interested and wanted to make it work as well. But after we kissed she texted me for like a week straight with a different tone, talking a long time to text back, making excuses to not meet up, and then telling me it wasn't going to work out. She got back with her ex right after and since she had added me on snapchat when we first started talking I saw her with him on her story a few days after she ended it.

Well at first it sucked because I was only getting to first and second dates only before everything would fall apart and they would treat me like shit and lie to me. It makes me feel like a joke to women, I just wanted to know what was going on and I was never sure. Even ghosting me would let me know you aren't interested if you are scared to reject me but they definitely weren't afraid of rejecting me considering how they would treat me like crap, keep reaching out to me, flirting with me, getting jealous of other girls, all that. I mean I don't think you would keep texting a guy you weren't interested in and were afraid to reject him, let alone go back to him all on your own when he didn't keep texting you.

After going on that fifth date with that girl I knew it wasn't going to work out weeks before hand. She wasn't putting effort and then she said we didn't have chemistry but wanted to keep seeing me but then she ghosted me. Everything just makes me feel weird, that is why getting past the second date matters so much because I didn't know if it meant I'm horrible or boring or weird or what. That girl I went on 5 dates with kept repeating how I did nothing wrong at all but the lack of chemistry was throwing her off, she even said she wanted to keep seeing me so it was so confusing to her. I didn't ask her any of that, she willingly told me herself I did nothing wrong multiple times, it was just the chemistry and she was the last girl I went on a date with. So cool I got to 5 dates but even now I'm still not sure what any of this means. Most girls I've dated treated me like crap and walked all over me but easily chose other guys, this last girl and a few others have said great things about me willingly but in the end I've always been a single virgin and I'm about to be 24. The fact that I was never good enough for a relationship is what bothers me. People younger than me have already done both of those things, I have a degree, a job, but I am not good enough for those things.

Do you notice when other people have those self-deprecating personalities or how do you sense it? It sounds like women do so I'm wondering what things do people do that make you go "He isn't too confident and he is anxious." Or whatever you think? It seems like it played a role with all of those girls.

[–]zoomfrog2000 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

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[–]Jimothythegreen 5 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah I didn’t lose mine until relatively recently (a few years ago). It was a thing going through my head for ages and I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t think any woman could find me desirable and I basically just gave up on romance.

Funny thing is that giving up was probably the best thing I did to getting myself out of the ‘forever alone’ hole. I worked on myself and tried to develop more empathy for people as I’ve always struggled there and that’s probably why a lot of people find me odd and most of my friends are eccentric. Anyway I’m getting off track.

I ended up meeting my girlfriend and knowing her for a year as a friendly acquaintance before I asked her out one very fun/painful/strange night. Been with her ever since and the trick was I’d found someone who liked my eccentricities. Or rather I learnt how to make myself seem eccentric, as I am, but still likeable.

This just turned into a ramble. Hope that helps maybe.

[–]st0nervirginsunit3 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I basically just gave up on romance. Funny things is that giving up was probably the best thing I did to getting myself out of the ‘forever alone’ hole

This is exactly where I am. After the last relationship I had a few years ago (yikes) I was so bent on finding somebody and losing it and it was always at he front of my mind. That got me nowhere. I think I was tying too hard and that was a phase I went through. Now I don’t feeling like I’m trying too hard cuz I’m not trying at all I know, but I can see now that if I am gonna ever date again or ever lose it I’m going to have to approach it differently and with a different mindset. 3 years alone and with basically no contact with the opposite sex is a long time but I think I’ve needed that time alone to kind of grow up and let go of some (probably many) delusions I had about dating

[–]NotDeadJustBroken 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]N1N037 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]phfenix 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

People feel what they feel. Best they can do is cope or attempt to sate whatever it is they're feeling. I can say the same to you, for the love of god, please stop obsessing over pussy, stop with this seducation pua nonsense, get a life, get an education, do something with your life other than wasting it on some pointless bottomless pit that will never get sated anyway so your even attempting to do so is a foolish and stupid pursuit to begin with, and you should feel stupid for bothering. You see? A pointless attempt for me to say what I said, just as it was pointless to say what you said, except to sate your own desires, your own emotions.

At the end of the day, there is no difference between you and a virgin. You may very well be one for all I know. There is no dark side, there is only improvement of the self.

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[–]DarkArtsPUA111 point 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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Title	X-year-old still a virgin
Author	libboost
Upvotes	360
Comments	115
Date	October 14, 2018 9:43 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9o1kw1/xyearold_still_a_virgin/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/x-year-old-still-a-virgin.1454989 https://theredarchive.com/post/1454989

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