California and life time alimony

Timely_Yak_9607 · 2026-03-15T17:57:35+00:00

My ex ruined and abused my human life. The spousal support it doesn’t go to nails or salon it goes to Ca rent I supported my ex in his schooling and raising our 2 daughters was in my mid 30s when divorced after 12 yrs gave him my best years for NOTHING they can’t be returned education can’t be recovered precious years can’t be retrieved so I think it’s a just punishment because seems that’s all men care about is their pocket book and not the human life they abused and took advantage of

kyle_cowan · 2025-11-18T02:49:02+00:00

Even if she gets a job that does not reduce your alimony unless you file and recalculate, and even then you are guaranteed nothing...up to the judge.

kyle_cowan · 2025-11-18T02:17:31+00:00

Same boat here. End lifetime alimony now!

Any_Tie_5474 · 2025-10-30T08:17:49+00:00

I was with my boyfriend for 14 years we separated after he changed the key on the house door. I had to leave and I've been going through it. I've been homeless living in hotel motels cars etc. for 2 years can I still file for spousal support?

Old_Razzmatazz1331 · 2025-05-29T19:55:08+00:00

You did not think that divorcing her ruins her life after 20 years you each gave each other your best years in life? She gave her life to you to get you where you are now and now you refused to support her when she is old and has less chances to get any job in this hard economic times? You cannot just divorce and go your merrily way to another chick half your age and then drop her on the street without anything to keep herself afloat.

Visual_Classic_7459 · 2025-05-16T18:04:17+00:00

Sorry to hear that man, your situation is the best argument against alimony and divorce settlements as it benefits the one who breaks the contract which is the woman most of the time.

Visual_Classic_7459 · 2025-05-16T18:02:34+00:00

JimRockford63 · 2025-05-14T19:11:57+00:00

Did you get a vocational evaluation?

That should spell out what jobs she is capable of getting, what additional training she would need (if any), how long it should take to obtain one and of course how much that job should pay.

Your attorney should use this as well as a Gavron order to have the court impute income to her if she is not progressing. Imputed income, will reduce your alimony, whether or not she is actually working, as the court will treat her like she is.

If your attorney is not doing this, it's time for a new one.

You mentioned 20 year marriage. What's also important in that is how long it has been since she has worked and what her age is.

For example if she is 55 and has never worked in her life ( even though she has a degree) don't expect much in the amount of income that the court will impute to her.

open_doors2023 · 2025-04-15T06:04:30+00:00

Why did it take you 20 years to get divorced? It seems to me if you were married for 20 years then you planned to pay for her for the rest of your life if she never worked I’m confused.

Particular_Tax_1872 · 2024-11-17T09:04:01+00:00

This is odd - our mediator said since my husband was laid off, he did not have to pay alimony. I actually got zero alimony and zero child support because he lost his job.

Fladap28 · 2024-09-28T20:00:33+00:00

Posts like this make me so incredibly happy my parents forced me to bring up a prenup with my now wife. We both signed it and I am not required to pay her half a penny no n matter what. My property is my property. If we purchase a property together she would receive 30% equity value and I would receive 70% (which is the amount we would put in).

Men and women, don’t be stupid. The law is set up to reward the spouse who makes less. They could become a horrible fucking utterly irrational person but they will still be awarded more from the courts. Do yourself a massive, humongous, favor and get a pre/postnup!

008muse · 2024-05-12T07:10:25+00:00

Any kids?

Might not be a bad move to go overseas…otherwise you’re cooked financially which is fine if you’re willing to accept your new life.

silmarp · 2024-04-20T02:24:48+00:00

Dude. She will never change her situation because she is set for life. You either change country and become a fugitive or you will have to accept that you are a slave.

Severe-Substance-142 · 2024-04-19T19:39:12+00:00

Posts like this made me reject the idea of moving to California (from Europe) and earn stuff like 300k$ (which I could).

slow-motion-pearls · 2024-04-19T14:19:47+00:00

If you don’t have kids or they’re grown, I’d leave the country. Start with a passport and work visa and any $ saved. Work for the American company a bit (if it’s remote work) until you can find something local. Done. It sucks but it’s better than the current situation

2024-04-19T13:21:48+00:00

Why was she sahm for 20 years.

How many kids and what was the age spread

2024-04-19T13:17:35+00:00

Never be married in California. The risk is just too great.

DrFrankSaysAgain · 2024-04-19T11:11:32+00:00

I was a stay at home dad for 6 years. Worked 2 part time jobs and was responsible for 100% of all housework and food prep. First hearing she said I refused to work and cried. Judge ordered me to apply for 45 full time jobs per week and give her the list, not the court, her.

DarkEnergy67 · 2024-04-19T10:30:46+00:00

This is the system and you bought into it. It is too late for you but at least younger men will learn from your experience.

Now, I am sure there are many ways you can get out of those alimony payments, but they cannot be openly shared on Reddit for legal reasons. Do some homework and make a long term plan.

ajackofallthings · 2024-04-19T07:53:18+00:00

If you would be willing to answer.. what was your salary the last few years and what are you paying her every month now?

Correct me if I am wrong (and if you (or anyone) knows), but child support you get no leniency on.. e.g. if you have 3 kids and the judge says you pay 1500 a month for each.. you owe 4500 a month, job or no job. But with alimony it is based on a number of factors. Besides her quality of life, it is also based on.. at least I have read.. your ability to live too.

I am gearing up to file for divorce and this alimony thing has me freaking out. My STBX is an RN.. but has been out of work for over a year due to a surgery and then not taking a job due to going on a vacation which they wouldn't let her take.. so now over a year later she cant find a job yet. As an RN.. she could make 150K+ a year in our area. About the same as I make give or take a little. But if I file soon before she has a job, she could very well move to another location and move in with her brother, who will pay for her (he makes good money) and she can just keep on saying she is looking for work year after year while I am stuck paying high alimony.

Now.. what I am unsure of is (in California as well).. if they will impute her ability to work at part time (she mostly worked part time) or full time (she is capable of working full time though she claims she cant.. yet she can go on month long vacations and other shit no problem). We are both unemployed right now, living on savings for a few more months.. the cost to move out, plus hire a lawyer would break me though. Without a job.. I cant afford a month or so of rent.. and my credit score is awful so I am not even sure if I can move out. I am told if I put 4 or 5 months of rent down that I could get in with bad credit (and no job.. ).. but rents are insane now. $2500 to $3500 a month is just off the charts.

So that is what I am REALLY wondering about, food is about $500 or so a month for just me.. and that's not going out.. just buying groceries are nuts. Energy/utility/internet/phone will run another $500 or so a month (because again, when it rains it pours and inflation is a fucking hurricane right now). Car payment will be about 600 a month. Insurance about 150. Gas about 300. So I am looking at about 6500 a month JUST to get by. No savings for a rainy day or job loss. JUSt to get by. I can cut a little bit out.. but my ask is.. if it will roughly be about 6K a month for me to survive (With my 24 year old daughter who is unable to work but doing school part time online).. and they somehow say I have to pay her 4K a month.. I would be lucky to find a job right now paying 6K a month. How in the hell do I pay her 4K.. and then what.. live in my car.. and lose my job? Like it makes no fucking sense. So do they adjust it based on what it costs to live too? Again I think with child support they dont care (whcih again is completely fucking moronic that laws are passed where the guy who provided is now required to give 2/3 of their income JUST for the ex to feed the kids.. WAY more than is needed, but somehow is also exptected to pay her alimony and then what.. live in a fucking cardboard box. This is why I tell everyone not to get married now.

But I also read that in California.. they cant dock your pay or arrest you for not paying alimony. It will keep adding up.. and you'll owe it, but you can literally not pay it. And if you cant.. like if you lose your job, or suffer an injury, or take a new job that is a lot less pay (and not on purpose.. I am tech worker and tech jobs have largely dropped 30% or more in salary this past year.. so what I was making I cant find anything close to it right now if I can even get a job.. with 1000+ applications for everything I Try for I am not even getting a call.. been this way for months).

It is just so fucking infuriating that the Govt says "Hey.. so we're not going to check in on her living for free with her family while you are struggling to get by yourself.. you STILL have to pay her money so that you cant even live.. so that she can have a good life." Like fuck that. I wouldn't pay. I couldn't pay.

I have to imagine sometime in the coming 10 to 20 years shit is going to change. With all the equal rights and feminism shit.. there is no reason we should have to pay for life alimony.. or even half the fucking marriage. It should be a hard stop at 2 years tops.. and 1 year for 10 or so years or less marriage. There is NO REASON a man or woman has to rely on others to pay for their life long vacation.. they should have to get a job and work.. and at that full time should be used. Worse case scneario.. you take that $20 an hour minimum wage so 41600 gross.. and count that towards alimony reduction. Meanwhile.. if I can only get $20 an hour.. they dont care.. I used to make 200K so they will use that against me.

atharakhan · 2024-04-19T04:49:20+00:00

“Lifetime” and “permanent” support are often misunderstood. Look into the following: 1. Gavron Warning 2. Seek work order 3. Marriage of Alter 4. Vocational assessment 5. Income imputation 6. Cohabitation 7. 4320 Factors 8. Change of circumstances for either/both of you.

That’s a very short list. I’m just trying to give you some pointers. Hope this helps.

pk2at · 2024-04-19T01:46:53+00:00

I believe you should be upset with yourself for disclosing everything during divorce and agreeing to pay her long term alimony and CS without a fight. Lets not blame the 'laws', every state has laws that give wide latitude for voluntary disclosure and good protection against getting looted, however most men listen to what their lawyer says and agree to get looted.

Think its too late, but you can try taking a sabbatical from work, asking for reduction in Alimony + CS as you have no income, stop paying her CS + alimony, drag case in court, wait till she runs out of money, then negotiate for a permanently lower amount. Complex trick but it may work

pk2at · 2024-04-19T01:45:02+00:00

How tf is this legal?

mickey_sd · 2024-04-19T00:31:29+00:00

CA Dude here too, I was married and in a similar situation. In my case, my ex took me to court every year for 5 years to increase child support, as my career continued to grow. All the while she volunteered, rather than holding a paying job. She was capable of working but tried to ride my gravy train. It made it very difficult for me, psychologically to want to work hard and achieve things:. 3 times the judge issued a seek work order (there is a Latin term for it), but she did not do it

I used this research to eventually end the alimony. I took it to a divorce attorney and they agreed I had a good change to termination the alimony. Note this research indicates it can be terminated after 7 years.:
http://www.endspousalsupport.com/spousal-support-faq

As recognized by our Supreme Court the public policy of this state has progressed from one which “entitled some women to lifelong alimony as a condition of the marital contract of support to one that entitles either spouse to post-dissolution support for only so long as is necessary to become self-supporting.”
In re Marriage of Schmir (2005) 134 CA4 432. Also note that while the court can not terminate spousal support by a certain date, they are still allowed to provide that spousal support will terminate by a certain date unless the supported spouse makes an application to extend the support on or before that date. In marriages that are just over the 10 years, or where the spouse has excellent career prospects, this is often a fruitful strategy to pursue. In marriages of less than ten years spousal support is presumed to no longer than for half the length of the marriage.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/california/cafaq07

For marriages over ten years, there’s no hard-and-fast rule for figuring out how long alimony should last. Judges will consider various factors in order to place the supported spouse in a position as close as possible to the marital standard of living, until that spouse can reasonably become self-supporting.
After the divorce is final, alimony will continue as stated in your “marital settlement agreement” (a written agreement between spouses that resolves divorce issues) and/or court order awarding alimony, unless one spouse requests a modification or termination of support.
Can I Modify or Terminate Alimony?
Yes. Either spouse may request that the duration and/or amount of alimony be modified (changed), as long as the original order (or marital settlement agreement) awarding alimony doesn’t contain any language that makes alimony “non-modifiable.”
There are two ways to modify alimony. First, you and your spouse can agree to change the amount and/or duration of alimony. If this happens, you should enter into a written contract that spells out the new agreement, and ask the judge to turn the agreement into an official court order.
If you can’t agree, you’ll have to head to court. The person who wants to modify alimony must file a motion with the court and show a “material change of circumstances” from the time the original support order was made. The involuntary loss of a job, for example, may constitute a material change of circumstances. If the payor spouse’s income has decreased through no fault of his or her own, a judge may find that it’s appropriate to reduce support.
Similarly, you may be able to completely terminate your obligation to make alimony payments, as long as you can show a change of circumstances that warrants termination. However, if your order – whether imposed by the court or arrived at by agreement between you and your spouse – was made “non-terminable,” then you won’t be able to terminate it prior to the date it’s set to end.
Finally, a support obligation will automatically terminate upon the death of the supported spouse. If the supported spouse dies before the alimony obligation ends, the payor spouse no longer has to pay, and the supported spouse’s estate can’t enforce the alimony order to its own benefit.

They worked to my benefit in California.

DSanchO83 · 2024-04-18T23:55:42+00:00

I’m in California and just separated after 8 years. I know divorce can take a long time. Should I put a rush on the divorce? 😬

wisstinks4 · 2024-04-18T23:06:03+00:00

I agree the family courts are broken and they punished the man more than anything. Is there any chance you can leave out and get off the grid and go find a small town in Alaska or South america.

AdventurousTrash1645 · 2024-04-18T23:04:29+00:00

Really sorry to hear about your plight. I absolutely agree. Alimony is evil.

I think lifetime alimony is really misunderstood. A lot of lawyers don't even seem to get it.

CA doesn't have lifetime alimony. It has lifetime court jurisdiction which grants the courts the ability to adjust alimony indefinitely. It's all in CA FC 4336. Lifetime jurisdiction is automatic if the marriage lasted 10 years or more. But the judge can retain lifetime jurisdiction even if it's less than 10 years too. And there's a third option. Anything can happen if both parties agree to it, including limits on years and limits on court jurisdiction.

I see a comment where you write that you settled out of court. Your lawyer shouldn't have let you do this without alimony caps.

I wouldn't give up hope tho. Lifetime jurisdiction means the court can change alimony in favor of either party at any time. Go try a few more lawyers and see if it can be challenged in upcoming years.

AdventurousTrash1645 · 2024-04-18T22:33:06+00:00

I would quit my job

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-04-18T22:31:34+00:00

I read alimony in California was intended to be "restorative" in nature, that is, giving the receiving spouse the time and resources necessary to get back on their feet (but not for a lifetime). While there are lifetime exceptions, such as if the spouse is too old or disabled to work, there should be an end to it. Unless the decree specifically states "lifetime," I believe it's more "open-ended" until you return to ask the court for it to be adjusted or elimiated.

If you can prove she's gone years without trying to better her situation, you might be able to find a sympathetic judge who will cut her off for her lack of effort.

BlackFire68 · 2024-04-18T22:16:39+00:00

Move to Texas. Live there six months. File.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-18T22:08:08+00:00

Get familiar with the Gavron Warning and Richmond Order.

You imputed her income at full-time minimum wage, or based on her education if she has a college degree - right?

Title	California and life time alimony
Author	AdventurousTrash1645
Upvotes	55
Comments	84
Date	April 18, 2024 9:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c7fxwh/california_and_life_time_alimony/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/california-and-life-time-alimony.1515617 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515617

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