Was it better?

lovemywife11 · 2024-08-17T01:56:03+00:00

I think my son is struggling with it several different ways. He understand there’s mommy’s house and daddy’s house but he’s struggling. He tells me everytime I see him how much he misses the family and wants us to be together and wish we could do stuff together etc etc. Me personally, I don’t think it’s worth it. I think my son is suffering and I think he needs his parents together but the stbxw isn’t going to give trying to work shit out a half split seconds worth of consideration. I can also tell you missing your kid all the time is just the worst thing ever.

rpm04004 · 2024-08-14T12:59:49+00:00

Only time will tell. Every day is different. I love being authentically me all the time. I hate not getting to bang her on the regular cause shes really hot. I love being a dad, i hate being a single dad without the financial means i used to have and i hate the life they have to live because of us. I love the feeling of peace, calm and happiness. I love not grinding my teeth, not having insomnia, or having someone else having the power to destroy me. I hate that I dont have a partner anymore to share all of lifes joy’s with and i hate the lingering doubt that everything she said to me and about me is true. I love my hobbies, passions and getting to obsessively clean my house and have it stay that way. I love that Im in this world on my absolute own and I can choose how to walk it- to do good or self destruct. I hate that I’m in this world on my absolute own.

deludedhairspray · 2024-08-14T08:22:12+00:00

I miss my old life, every day. I wish we didn't have to divorce, but we had to. She cheated, then cheated again, and lied about it, and lied and lied and lied. I couldn't stay with someone like that, even for my son, as much as it hurts me. In an ideal world she wouldn't be the lying cheater she turned out to be, and we'd live our happy life - but such wasn't our life, unfortunately. So, it's not better, but it was and is definitely necessary.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-08-14T05:46:00+00:00

Why would you “separate from kids”? You don’t plan to have less than 50% custody do you?

throwaway_coy4wttf79 · 2024-08-14T05:15:43+00:00

I'm getting financially wrecked and will probably live less years overall because I won't have as much retirement, but it's still 100% worth it.

I was always going to be an ATM to her. At least now I can ignore the self-centered manipulation.

OPs_Mom_and_Dad · 2024-08-14T04:05:59+00:00

I miss my kids terribly. I miss having money. I miss my career. I miss my house, my colleagues, a lot of friends, and honestly I miss being a husband and having a family. But to not have to wake up next to that evil piece of shit woman every day anymore, yes, it’s 100% worth it.

jyc23 · 2024-08-14T01:06:35+00:00

Absolutely worth it. No way I could let ex wife keep physically and emotionally abusing our daughter (and on top of that while trying to frame me as the abuser!!).

Thank God she is no longer in physical proximity to us.

JeckiLonsFeet · 2024-08-14T00:22:04+00:00

It sucked….im divorced twice. First wife cheated and was hell bent on divorce. She then badmouthed me to the kids and dehumanized me. Filed fake CPS cases of sexual abuse and starving them out, was investigated and both cases thrown out due to no evidence of the claims. My kids were deeply affected and as soon as they do something wrong and get punished it validates everything mom has been telling them and currently my kids refuse to talk to me or come here on my custody time. Second divorce, wife decided she didn’t want to be a mom and took off on me and our kid. Luckily she didn’t do what 1x did but I was left to raise my 3 year old alone as a single dad. My son is affected in that he doesn’t have a motherly bond with his mom instead he has it with me. He’s got trust issues and only feels safe with me. She parties, drinks, drugs, sex acts and contracted herpes. It’s all fucking bad. I tried to save both marriages but neither would go to counseling or see a therapist. You can only do what you can do as crappy as that is. I started therapy and became the best version of myself but the damage to the kids is devastating. I don’t know what the lesser of two evils is Personally and better off financially, I don’t have to deal with crappy in-laws, I’m dating a 24 year old girl (I’m 51) so the love life is in check BUT I MISS MY WIFE AND FAMILY EVERY FUCKING MINUTE.

techrmd3 · 2024-08-14T00:03:31+00:00

divorcing couples are signing up their children for worse outcomes across the spectrum of human experience

But that reality will not be heard by certain people who are convinced they are doing the best thing the right thing, and are being forced to do divorce to right some imagined wrong

the smart people across the board are shocked that 1 in 3 men below 18-30 have not had sex in the last 12 months, that in surveys of 18-30 adults 25% can't name a single friend, Single mothers now outnumber married mothers, on and on of serious societal consequences of No Fault Divorce

I have had no one offer up any solution. I have also had no one willing to say the impolite truth of the actual consequences of Modern Divorce.

The US leads the world in the divorce rate. The next highest country's divorce rate is HALF what the US rate is.

So no look around the western world today and divorce is definitely not worth it, but it is also inescapable if one spouse desires it.

Acericex2 · 2024-08-13T23:14:40+00:00

Kids were 3&4 when her first affair happened. Stuck it out for them. Got 14 more years that were good and bad. The lack of trust I had and anxiety were a bitch. Glad I did it but now going through divorce after her second affair. Kids are 17 and 18 and totally see what’s happening. Glad I gave it a second chance but it was rough at times.

CommercialConcern828 · 2024-08-13T22:55:27+00:00

I would advise not to go this route.

Once she knows that you have a soft spot for the kids she will go for the jugular.

You are most useful to your kids and to all other relationships actually when you are the best version of yourself. So put in the work.

Kids are resilient, they will be fine.

Don’t get guilt tripped by your inherent savior dynamic as a man. Teach yourself to mentally override it when necessary. It will be hard the first couple of times and then it will become second nature.

f-ranke · 2024-08-13T22:20:48+00:00

Don’t stay with her just for the kids! I tried it and got worse

Slowloris81 · 2024-08-13T22:04:40+00:00

I’d say it depends on how bad the situation is. I wouldn’t have done it if I could salvage the situation. But she wasn’t open to counseling and she physically assaulted me in front of the kids so I had no choice. If you’ve exhausted all avenues then you can proceed without regrets.

In all, I was in a toxic and abusive relationship and it was not healthy for the kids. I’ve created a happy and safe environment for them and myself and my ex knows I will protect them if she does anything inappropriate. It is not easy by any means but it is better, particularly for the kids, so yes, it was worth it.

SnooDucks2052 · 2024-08-13T21:53:17+00:00

No two situations are the same. I miss my wife & I miss being a family. Financially I “ won” is what they say but I never wanted to be in this situation. Things are “better” but I don’t have my family the way it was anymore. I have peace, I still have a great relationship with my two little ones, I have a great job. She pays me child support & had to pay me almost half the value of our home and half her hidden savings acct but the money isn’t all that important to me but I don’t have to ask permission to buy a goddamm chicken sandwich like I did before.”Better” is relative I guess. I admit I do love life a lot more.

Chris_Chilled · 2024-08-13T21:27:28+00:00

Financially it has taken a toll but I am much happier and healthier. The only reason I stayed as long as I did was because of the kids.

Title	Was it better?
Author	Spruceivory
Upvotes	11
Comments	58
Date	August 13, 2024 9:12 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1erj1rk/was_it_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/was-it-better.1527191 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527191

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