I wasn't good enough

Boomhower113 · 2024-09-14T04:43:37+00:00

I’ll agree that you MIGHT have been 50% of the problem. But, remember, it takes two to tango.

It’s not all you, bud.

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-09-13T19:40:20+00:00

Us men tend to lose ourselves in relationships and look to our wives to occupy every role (friend, activity partner, lover, therapist, emotional support) and are usually left devastated when they leave as we lose all those people/functions.

At the same time I’ve learned that women do not have the willingness (and maybe the ability) to self reflect and take ownership in the same way that men do.

She has flaws too. You need to (and will in time) reframe your thinking that you were “not good enough” and see that you both contributed to the demise of the marriage.

But for now, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Lean into the community and it’ll help you through this. 👊

Artistic-Trifle-555 · 2024-09-12T18:25:52+00:00

It seems this reddit group has shifted to majority of men blaming only themselves and "woe is me" the perfect woman left me because I wasnt good enough. Wake the F up. Mist divorces are initiated by women after theyve been cheating and can now take the guy to the cleaners. I'm suspecting posts like this one are written by a woman...

No-Asparagus6937 · 2024-09-12T11:00:44+00:00

Gym, gym, gym!!

probebeta · 2024-09-11T20:20:42+00:00

While some of this stuff might be true, because I don't think it's fair to always blame women, don't think that if you were doing all those things she wouldn't leave. If you were out there slaying dragons for the family she'd still complain that you're not doing chores and helping out. All it takes is for her to be bored one day and tell you I'm not happy, then plan an adventure with some new guy because life is short. I guess what I'm saying is that's women's nature, I still like their company but it's good to understand what you're dealing with.

WentToGetCigarettes · 2024-09-10T21:18:56+00:00

Same. My ex baught a 22k car with like crazy interest. So really it was like 33k. But it lost value the moment it left the lot. She did this while living with me for free. I said no. She did it anyway. Basically telling me to go f myself. No respect. Zero. Then she went to school in Vancouver for make up. I said no. She still went. More debt. Student loans. 13k. Slap thst on top of the 33k debt. After she graduated covied happened like the day after graduation. Lock down for 3 years. Make up expired. More wasted money. Then she gas lights me into getting a bird. I simp and cave in. Bird shit all over my condo My cats are erritated. My place was disgusting with crumbs and crap all over the floor. Like please get the fuck out of my condo now. We broke up finally. 💔 found out she wanted kids but I always told her I don't want kids. And that kids would wreck me. I paid off my mortgage and I want to travel. Basically I just put her in the fuck zone since the day she baught that car. She had an amazing body so I put up with it. I'll never simp again. Not once did she ever take my logic or boundaries seriously. I'm not a walking wallet. Going into new relationships, If she doesn't wanna build with me she can kick rocks. Don't care how hot she is. My assets and surviving are more important then pathetic emotional baggage and mass amounts of pointless debt. I wish i never met her. I'd of been miles ahead in life by now. So I'm doing everything I can to get to where I should be.

Got my class one. Got my career in trucking. Paid of my mortgage this month. And I will continue to invest agrassivily to get back on track. Live and learn gents.

Dismal-Attorney701 · 2024-09-10T16:18:49+00:00

None of us were! It’s funny though after the fact one has a hard time accepting it, her and I moved on and very happy 8 years later. Trust me it’s time and seeing your value through your own perspective. No one is perfect but when you do everything you can and it still doesn’t matter it’s really not you!

Embarrassed_Ship1519 · 2024-09-10T15:54:10+00:00

I do laundry, dishes, investments, bills, taxes, car maintenance, driving kids to their activities, Christmas cards, cooking and grocery shopping.

She tells me and all her friends I’m “not a good provider” and that she “does everything”

To clarify, I do all of the laundry, including bedsheets for a family of four people

downtempodojo · 2024-09-10T15:16:31+00:00

Similar to the other comments here. I did as much as I could and it wasn't enough. What I came to realize is I was never going to be enough. Chasing the moving goal post is a fools errand.

No that I am divorced what I noticed is it isn't just me. She is like that with pretty much everyone.

Don't beat yourself up about it. You aren't perfect but none of us are.

Exactly65536 · 2024-09-10T13:48:26+00:00

While I don't know your situation, the caveat in similar statements is as follows: by taking too much of a responsibility, you allow yourself the comfort of control.

If you were better, the marriage might have held. But another possibility is that even if you were better, it would still go downhill, because not everything in your life depends on your good behavior.

I believe you in that your shortcoming have contributed to the failure you are facing. But the choice she made is still hers, right?

Any-Dare-7261 · 2024-09-10T09:35:17+00:00

Tom Brady wasn’t good enough. Brad Pitt wasn’t good enough, etc. I have some divorce guilt man but about 75% of the blame belongs with my ex and all the other women in this world that thinks “nothing is ever good enough for her.”

savage_cabbages · 2024-09-10T08:49:59+00:00

Don't beat yourself up OP. I did everything and it still wasn't good enough.

BanjoKfan64 · 2024-09-10T03:22:21+00:00

Let me ask you this...And be 1000% honest.

Was she that great? I am NOT taking your side or saying you don't need to work on yourself. But you're beating yourself up when I am sure your ex had flaws...Def get therapy, get your health in order (Go to Gym, Doctors, Dentist, etc,), Start taking better care of your new home, start trying to do things with less help. Just keep setting goals and trying to do better.

My Ex Left me, she of course put the blame on me....And Yes she was more clean and cleaned the house, She def did other stuff alone at times too. I def let my anger get the better of me and emotions too at times and was Wrong and did not act well....

But after Reflecting and while I def have more work to do (Been two months and I am a way better person than I was and making huge improvements)

My Ex was not good. Again she cleaned and did projects...But do you know what she didn't do? Go see my family or friends when I wanted, even though we always saw hers, never offered to do stuff I liked, never cared for my Needs and Wants, Trips I wanted to go on???? She told me go with my friends and then would talk about all the trips she wanted to go on...She had Student Loans, so I paid the bills so she could pay them off..Guess what Groceries, Dates, etc she expected me to pay for those too. EVEN THOUGH SHE MADE 25K MORE THAN ME!

I did all the cooking, dishes, garbage, Grocery store runs...She wanted to go get drunk with friends.. Guess who DD- ME, if I ever wanted to get drunk with friends I was told to buy an Uber.

So again, was your Ex really that great?

masterof-xe · 2024-09-10T02:46:26+00:00

I've been there. Think of it this way my brother. If she truly wants to leave after you have done everything you can do. Let her go. You are a good father and a good son to your parents. These times will be hard and these will temper your resolve. You've been beaten down so much but you are not broken. There is still so much you have to do. So be there for your children and family. She is just a chapter in your life and that is okay. It's time to turn the page and start writing. The first thing you must do is acknowledge that this will be painful and not easy. You have the strength to raise from this and be a better person. So don't ever give up when the dark voices say "you failed, so you don't deserve to live". Fuck that! So here's what you do now! Go find a mirror and look at yourself and smile. It will feel odd and strange at first. Just smile for 60 seconds. No distractions, just smile and notice that you are changing bit by bit. You are reaching out for help and we are there for you. Just ask for help and you'll receive it. You got this. Never give up on yourself ever.

Independent-Bat-5511 · 2024-09-10T02:46:04+00:00

Then be better. If not for yourself, then for your kids. Get healthy; physically, mentally, etc. I've been to the edge and I chose to live for my kids. They keep me going on my worst days.

MortarGoBoom · 2024-09-10T02:39:22+00:00

Good riddance.

Learn from this. Go to the gym. Get therapy. Read. Get better. Improve all aspects of your life. Close this chapter and move on better than before!

Title	I wasn't good enough
Author	Crazy-Resolution5489
Upvotes	19
Comments	30
Date	September 10, 2024 2:31 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fd7gqf/i_wasnt_good_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-wasnt-good-enough.1530153 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530153

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