Need help with coping

dpch · 2022-09-07T04:13:15+00:00

I scrolled down and saw that you don't have kids with her. Dude, this is a gift. Cut her completely out of your life. No social media, no mutual friends that her photo could pop up in. Just go forward and ignore her very existence. Of course you'll be hurting for a while, just take it day-by-day. And please, please, please don't do anything illegal.

James1933-75 · 2022-09-07T02:52:05+00:00

Are you legally separated? I think your gut is right, she was committing adultery.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-09-07T04:57:01+00:00

OP, it's very important that you file first. This lets you control the divorce. And since she's still in the affair fog you stand a better chance of getting everything you want out of the divorce.

As for the other guy, start telling yourself you are thankful he is taking the lying, cheating, hoe off your hands. He's not at fault here. Your soon-to-be Ex-Wife is the person who betrayed your loyalty.

There is a reason Dante's ninth Circle of Hell is Treachery. Betraying your trust is the lowest of the low.

MonthIndividual8699 · 2022-09-07T04:03:21+00:00

Stay off the drugs. It's only going to piss you off and make you more miserable than you are. Cheating is a deal breaker in my book. You can't forget it. Think of the consequences before you do anything dumb. Stay strong and keep your mind straight. 24 years married. 2 weeks into my divorce. I know it sucks.

sicrm · 2022-09-07T05:30:49+00:00

it sucks now but there are positives here:

1) no kids

2) short marriage

3) she monkey branched so you have a shot at her not dragging the divorce out.

just remember what to say to her after the divorce is finalized and things with the co-worker doesn’t work out.

BlackHoleSlurpy · 2022-09-07T02:54:10+00:00

Getting arrested and going to jail, along with the criminal record, will definitely not improve your situation. Yes, she was cheating and that is what led to her doing this.

Do you have any kids together? How long have you been married? If you have kids I'd petition for full custody under these circumstances.

defectivechive · 2022-09-07T03:34:02+00:00

Yeah it sucks, and it will suck for a while longer. Concentrate on you and start building the life you want.

integral218 · 2022-09-07T06:31:05+00:00

I know you're in pain right now, I do. But as everyone has said here you have to try your hardest to protect yourself and emotional state right now. Stay sober. Please. It's the baseline for getting better. I promise you this. And sailor as blunt as he is, is looking out for you. It's hard to hear I know but having that perspective shoved into your face is very important. I'm 2 months in to a divorce and I understand the pain but from a different angle. No kids also. Stay sober, and take it one day at a time. I wish you well.

Gattsama · 2022-09-07T17:38:39+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. Here's what you need to focus on short term:

becoming physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit and financially fit
file first

You want to file not because it really makes that much difference to the courts or how things are split. You want to file because it's the first step in taking back control of your life. Do not allow her to be in the driver's seat of your life any more.

Do not drink, smoke or do drugs. Do not seek emotional, physical or sexual intimacy from another women (some people can sport fuck, I'm not built for it, if you are and it helps have at it).

Instead start working out. Exercise helps with the depression and gives you something to focus on. It doesn't matter what: walking, hiking, running, calisthenics, etc are free. Join a local gym and lift if that works better for you. If I could make a suggestion, find a male focused sport: boxing, bjj, muay thai, etc. This will give you goals to work towards, men to interact with, and down the road possible new friends. I promise you, tell the group after a few weeks you are getting divorced and lots of guys will step up with support and advice.

3 years and no kids. That's lost time, but not wasted time. Use this experience to learn more about yourself and become a stronger man.

As for the karma stuff, we'll I don't believe in karma. But statistics favor stupid and weak people continuing to crash and burn. The AP pretty much always dumps them. The goal is to be the best you for you, you want to move towards indifference with her. Remember, hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is. Hate is a powerful and linked emotional state. If you want to hurt her, be indifferent, Grey rock and make your new life the best it can.

Don't kill them with kindness, torture them with success.

Good luck out there...

samk002001 · 2022-09-07T12:27:22+00:00

It’s always because of woman hypergamy, monkey branching! We need to standup and abolish this retarded family court systems! Sorry bud, you gonna have to pay a big price for her shit. Half of your everything gonna go bye bye!

Sum1StoleMyGamertag · 2022-09-07T12:29:05+00:00

One of the best things a wise man told me when mine started 8 months ago, take a long look at yourself and the things you gave up for this relationship and do those things. Put your feet on the table, stay up a little late playing video games with the boys or watching a show she hated. Its difficult to see right now but you're a man, reclaim it. Hell DL a dating app or two after you file (and ask a lawyer about the legality of it, state laws differ).

Like others have said, get real familiar with the gym and a good therapist. This is a wound, but wounds heal with time, stay busy. Finally make a good support system, you have a bunch of like-minded gentlemen here of course, but rekindle an old friendship or two. Before you know it this chapter of your life will close, and you'll have a great outlook on the future!

Fuzzy_Development_37 · 2022-09-07T12:35:18+00:00

Get a lawyer and get some control back.

Google grounding techniques and adopt some in your life. Meditation was very helpful to me, regular exercise, getting outside in nature, good diet etc

Long-Review-1861 · 2022-09-07T12:44:59+00:00

As soon as there is distance and coldness seemingly out of nowhere or without valid cause, there is always another guy involved. Millions of men will attest to the same thing.

GoPokesGC · 2022-09-07T14:55:49+00:00

I was in a similar spot. Fucking sucks. Found out 2 weeks after the she had said she wanted a divorce that she had had an affair with a married man. He didn’t want to leave his wife for her but her feelings were already dead for me. Join r/survivinginfidelity , it’s a great sub for coping. I find it even better than talking with my friends, family, and therapist.

captainchippsixx · 2022-09-07T15:51:04+00:00

Just go full bore divorce. Yeah she was cheating. She is full of shit. Tell her family and your family you just didn’t see the evidence until after. There is no coincidences when it comes to this. Call her out as a liar. This is exactly what she doesn’t want. I would call boss as well. But that’s me. Don’t agree to shit. Don’t be nice and do favors. Draw the line.

By the way this douche will drop her. He will decide he doesn’t want to date a cheater because they can cheat on him. And now he has to pay for stuff instead of sneak around. 2 losers on a path of ruin.

Grousers · 2022-09-08T00:50:19+00:00

I have been here. One must go through the fire to harden steel. You can do this

Grousers · 2022-09-08T00:54:54+00:00

I thought it would kill me. I took almost 3 years to get over it. Now I KNOW 100% she wasn’t worth 3 days. Use this to make your time YOURS. Build confidence, be positive, and you will have to beat women off with a stick.

vvrider · 2022-09-07T16:16:18+00:00

You know, it is quite fair that she atleast told you

For me, she was saying that she wants to be with me but lived with another guy for half a year
So , I lived in delusion. As well she never acknowledged the cheating

But, it must be so tough

It gets better mate, after a year there is bit of relief.
It will make you much stronger and way..way..way better

THis will give you a chance to find "that" girl
And not to stick for life with person that doesnt' want you!

newdadof4 · 2022-09-07T18:14:10+00:00

The sooner you forgive her, the sooner you can move on with your life. Don't let the resentment get the best of you. Something better waits for you on the other side of this challenge. Keep focusing on working out and eating healthy, try out a new hobby or sport. Find a community of people whom you can build new friendships and dig deep withing yourself to create a new life.

innerpeice · 2022-09-07T18:20:41+00:00

Define Stupid? No one is worth your life and if shes hurting you you deserve better.

She wa emotionally cheating at best. Hang in there and take one day at a time. Go to gym, meet as many people as you can and work on creating a tribe of men.

You don't have kids, you have no idea how LUCKY you are. I know it sounds stupid and mean but you are . you have NO IDEA. Your life can start over. Treat this as an opportunity. and treat yourself like you worth taking care of.

How old are you? How long have you been together?

Getting back into the market is hard after some time ( I've not dated since 2006. )

Read the books I always recommend. " No more mr nice guy" The rational male" hold onto your nuts" When I say now I feel guilty"

I have more but cant think of them off the top of my head.

good luck

jyc23 · 2022-09-08T04:35:14+00:00

Think about what you want life to look like a couple years from now, and start making it a reality. A journey of a thousands miles begins with one step. Take that step, take another, then another.

And definitely file first. Tell your story to your lawyer. Make sure it’s all in the claim. Gather evidence you need to support your claim. Your wife is no longer not on your side, she is your enemy. Treat as such. That doesn’t mean be petty or what not. It means be smart, and look out for your own interests and yours alone — because you damn well know she’s looking out for her own and when things get hot, she’s not gonna give a crap about your side.

Stay strong brother.

qazinus · 2022-09-11T03:04:02+00:00

Seriously at this point I consider that the fact my ex has a boyfriend means she's missing the opportunity to grow up that I'm getting.

Title	Need help with coping
Author	Efficient_Buy_932
Upvotes	31
Comments	66
Date	September 7, 2022 2:49 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/x7tlb2/need_help_with_coping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-help-with-coping.1129804 https://theredarchive.com/post/1129804

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