Rejected a low effort date

purasangria · 2021-03-31T21:20:49+00:00

I would have said: "What a nice idea! I'm busy this weekend, but I'm available for lunch on x day or dinner on x evening."

Then don't say anything else unless he responds favorably. If he continues to offer the cheap coffee dates, just block and delete. He's shown you what you need to know. You can't teach a grown man how to act right.

burpleseaurchin · 2021-03-31T17:03:03+00:00

Having high standards for yourself and the men you allow into your life and sticking to your guns is hard but you stood your ground and didn't give in. That's something to be proud of.

Also, yes, at the moment I'm slowly integrating into casually dating again but taking my time with picking the men who are asking me out.

One man was my type and I was attracted to him but his idea of a date was to walk around a dog park with his German Shepherd while drinking coffee, and wearing masks when we talk. Okay? Told me it was because if things went bad, we could just walk away with no hard feelings. Then told me that he didn't want to spend that much on a date while we were getting to know each other. Very disappointing but not surprising. I could walk around the dog park with my own dogs any day of the week and would probably have a better time. I rejected his date offer and he hasn't followed up with anything. No loss there.

Jinxhourglass · 2021-03-31T16:24:00+00:00

Having a degree unfortunately doesn’t mean intellectually compatible. I’ve met men with master’s degrees that subscribe to the idea that a man paying for a first dinner date makes him a simp. That’s the lOgiCaL gender for you. I’ve also seen other comments/posts on here from women in PhD programs that have mentioned how men in their cohorts or in other PhD programs act like knobs.

shadowlillium · 2021-03-31T22:19:12+00:00

I’m really am surprised by how LVM keep offering coffee dates and walks. Though there is a perk of being in the country side, it’s such a long drive that it would literally be insulting to ask ppl to meet up for coffee. So even the LVM cannot get away with these pathetic excuses for dates, but unfortunately, too many surprise you with the going Dutch. Though that makes the dates a very easy filter on who you have only 1 date with.

witchingsauce · 2021-04-01T02:49:47+00:00

Congrats! You took the first step standing your ground this time by stating you don’t deserve less. 👏 Next step though is realizing that we’re not supposed to negotiate. If someone asks you for just coffee not an actual date they know what they’re doing. You don’t need to say anything. Just block and delete because their mindset and lack of effort are already incompatible.

MadsMkay · 2021-04-01T15:15:41+00:00

Had the exact same scenario. Guy asked me to coffee and said he'd take me to dinner if we hit it off. I said no initially but then accepted.

I picked up my copy of The Rules from under my bed and reread some chapters.

Right before bed, I sent him "Hey, hopefully you didn't pencil me in yet. I am not gonna be able to grab coffee with you, good luck!" Blocked

Went on a fabulous dinner date with a cute guy last night. Keep enforcing your boundaries love💞

electroloop · 2021-03-31T16:14:57+00:00

Congrats sis! I hope he follows through with a REAL date proposition. If he doesn't, that's his loss. At face value, he sounds like a "catch".

A lot of these men who are "catches" like to strategically set up multiple coffee "dates" on the same day. Having a low effort date for each woman he's trying to court means that he has more free time to go on other dates with other women on the same day. Think about it, how long is a coffee date? Maybe a 1 hour tops time commitment?

I would be wary of people who try and set up dates with you when you've only talked for 5 minutes. I feel like talking for 2-4 days MAX then having the man ask you out on a PROPER date is ideal. That way, you both know if there's similarities between you two without wasting each other's time. It sounds like a numbers game to this man, especially since HVM are unicorns on dating apps.

Edit: For anyone who doesn't realize that I'm using the term "catch" to make a point here, that's what I'm trying to do. Many people would think that just because a person possesses the traits she had mentioned, that would falsely make someone a catch. His actions indicate otherwise.

Kellianny · 2021-03-31T17:08:47+00:00

What if my idea of a great date is good coffee and cake? Isn't HV behavior tailored based on what a specific woman enjoys?

Title	Rejected a low effort date
Author	cmil7731
Upvotes	238
Comments	47
Date	March 31, 2021 9:45 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mh2l6g/rejected_a_low_effort_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/rejected-a-low-effort-date.766187 https://theredarchive.com/post/766187

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