edit: there is some good discussion in the comments about coffee dates that made me change my mind about accepting them. I’m going to leave the post as-is so y’all can see my original justification. I think this was good initial practice with mostly FDS strategies, but I’m no longer going to accept coffee date proposals! My original idea was that after we hit it off over FaceTime, he would ask me for dinner. But he should be asking me for dinner right out of the gate. This lukewarm, low-effort energy was shown to me in the phone screen. Learn from me, queens. 👑

I started using OLD again recently. I live in a large city, so there are many men to choose from. Many have nice profiles: attractive photos, filled out prompts, and answered questions.

My approach

I swiped right on men who were all of the following: - attractive to me (this is important. I’ve been that girl in the past to give men I’m not attracted to a chance. I’ve been very disciplined this time, though!) - filled out their profile with multiple paragraphs, with proper grammar and spelling. No mention of “vibes,” “chilling,” or sexual jokes. Mentioned something about wanting a relationship. - had multiple photos. Smiling, doing an activity, group photos, and no bathroom selfies / shirtless mirror photos. - answered at least 20 questions, none of which were personal dealbreakers. (OKCupid is great for this)

Matched with a guy. Now what?

Here was how I handled matching with a guy: - did not message him first. - did not message him after 8 PM and before 6 AM. - did not use many emojis. This just seems superficial and desperate, to me. - did not message him more than 1-2 times a day.

Not messaging him more than 1-2 times a day was important for me. It keeps the pace slow, and it shows me whether he is patient and respectful of my boundaries. It also shows me whether he has a day job.

Guy I matched with

Green flags all around, at least by the looks of his profile as well as his conduct while messaging me.

Green flags: - messaged me first. (Obviously. It’s a non-starter if not) - asked me a question about something on my profile. - asked me what I am looking for in a relationship. - asked me questions about myself. - took my opening (I said in response to something he said, “I would love to hear more about that”) and asked me for coffee (coffee for a first date, for me, is ok if I’m using OLD. I agree with Deborah Cooper on this). He asked me out for coffee within a few days of us talking. - asked for my number. - was polite and respectful of my boundaries. - eager about my suggestion to FaceTime. - called exactly on time.

The phone screen

I’m definitely doing a FaceTime call prior to a date from now on! I liked doing the phone screen for several reasons: - breaks the ice a bit prior to a date. - verifies the guy looks like his photos. - tests whether we converse naturally together or not. - verifies he’s not a weirdo / creepy, for the most part, and I’m sure an HVM would want to make sure I’m not a weirdo, too.

Ultimately, I found out we didn’t converse together all that well, and we didn’t have much in common. I could tell I would be carrying the weight of the conversation on a date. He also seemed to disqualify himself in our conversation (he referred to himself and his interests as “boring” at least 3 times in a 30 minute FaceTime call). But because of my vetting from the start, it was just a slightly awkward phone call with a respectful guy. He even said it was nice talking to me. I agreed, then blocked and deleted. I didn’t tell him there was a lack of connection because I think he could tell, which is why he disqualified himself.

Thought I’d share my first FDS phone screen. Please share any strategies for phone screens below. :)