The First Time He Uses Your Trauma/Insecurity Against You Should Be Last Time

CantoErgoSum · 2021-12-10T18:52:39+00:00

Truth! If he is such a sociopath that your private and painful things are simply ammunition to him, run. Run far away. He will torture you with them.

tuberosetears · 2021-12-10T21:43:53+00:00

Big, huge, massive this. The first thing an LVM will do is strike below the belt because he knows you have him cornered after him doing something shitty.

pitapocket93 · 2021-12-11T00:27:07+00:00

When I was young, my home life was very messy and abusive, so the day I turned 18 I packed a bag and ran away.

10 years later. I'm in the process of getting a divorce, or as my soon-to-be ex-husband calls it - "running away like you always do"

Fucking ouch.

RBGs-ghost · 2021-12-10T20:14:12+00:00

I am fine with disclosing my history and trauma to those I'm close with because I'm not ashamed of it and being reminded of it does not harm me. So I do tell partners about my history....but I don't tell them that I'm immune to it being used as blackmail. Two of them eventually tried. These idiots thought by throwing my past in my face I'd be embarrassed into silence. I simply informed them that my past is not something that pains me and all they did was show me they are untrustworthy. Then I dumped them. Dummies 🤣

ThrowRA_lantern · 2021-12-10T22:54:28+00:00

In deep intimate relationships, your partner will learn your weaknesses, even if you never expressly disclose them. That man will always come across opportunities to use that weakness against you, especially in the heat of an argument, but the right man will NEVER choose to weaponise your weaknesses even if that option is staring right at his face.

Miss-America · 2021-12-10T21:17:57+00:00

Can confirm. First time should be the last time. I filed for divorce from my husband yesterday and he did this once or twice in the dating stage. I knew it was a red flag and chose to ignore it. Do not ignore this, it’s all down hill in flames from there.

Edit: never stop vetting, I am getting divorced after 8 weeks of marriage.

crapeescape · 2021-12-10T19:27:23+00:00

Also a reason I never disclose anything. I’m not giving away my power so some loser can use it against me

daisy_0720 · 2021-12-10T20:13:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

happywhenit-rains · 2021-12-10T23:28:16+00:00

not only in a fight, BUT ALSO, if he uses your insecurities against you “as a joke”. This is a test to see how you would react. If you react hurt, then he knows that it will hurt even worse in a fight. reject bully tactics.

Sewud · 2021-12-11T02:35:41+00:00

When you tell them that a man treated you badly, this becomes the bar by which men believe they have to measure to get to be with you. "Well I'm not worse than your rapist-pupppy murderer-drug addict ex so surely my lack of effort should already be a pass with flying colors?" They also only measure themselves against the worst trait of your ex, not the ways in which he was better.

hotdiggitywater · 2021-12-10T22:44:42+00:00

"now I know why your ex told you he was going to kill you"

Umm sorry what?

Or me saying him yelling is triggering me because of how my ex was. "Oh so I'm just like your ex now? Should I hit you then? "

Uhhh?

atreegrowsinbrixton · 2021-12-10T19:34:47+00:00

Hehe what about when ‘he’ is my mother

ChickenRiceSoup · 2021-12-10T19:49:01+00:00

Also why you should keep it to yourself. The blood in the water test for this would be a good way to not get your time wasted.

Serious_Papaya8615 · 2021-12-11T01:03:33+00:00

100%! Also, to add to this, ANYONE who is a part of your life and you have trusted with your trauma and personal issues who has the audacity to use it against you should be cut off IMMEDIATELY

Sunshine_Daisies2525 · 2021-12-10T19:07:41+00:00

💯💯

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-12-10T19:21:22+00:00

Absolute truth.

toothfairyyx · 2021-12-10T20:27:20+00:00

PREACH. This is exactly what LVM will do with sensitive information: weaponize it. They use your vulnerabilities to suggest “no one will want you” as a tactic to coerce you into staying in the relationship.

This is precisely why we vet.

DumpsterWitchy · 2021-12-11T08:02:29+00:00

That is why I wouldn't really talk about my past relationships to other guys. None of their business and I don't need to give them any kind of weapon they could use against me. If I get asked, I would give very basic info like "Yeah, I had a bf before, but we didn't match long term". Not much to gather from this.

mermaid1120 · 2021-12-11T18:30:51+00:00

Had this happen to me recently. When I confronted him on it, he told me I’m too hung up on the past, and too sensitive to hearing the truth.

Title	The First Time He Uses Your Trauma/Insecurity Against You Should Be Last Time
Author	letsberealforamoment
Upvotes	867
Comments	38
Date	December 10, 2021 6:45 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rdfhgi/the_first_time_he_uses_your_traumainsecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-first-time-he-uses-your-traumainsecurity.1087576 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087576

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