I wish we didn’t live in a society that shamed male virgins

LowLeft9933 · 2022-02-12T10:28:27+00:00

Literally I’m almost 16 which is young and ppl have laughed at me for being a virgin

iwantmynickffs · 2022-02-12T09:49:50+00:00

We are and always have been the disposable sex, we're not valued for who we are but what we can provide for the group. A benefit of that success is the attention from women and sex/children. That evolutionary equation also runs backwards, no sex no success.

Imagine a hyper successful self made billionaire who for purely personal reasons was a virgin. Nobody would shame him for being a virgin because his value has been plenty established.

Life's not fair, if one put that much importance on getting rid of one's virginity, just find an escort. Otherwise just focus on yourself.

Sun-Kizzed · 2022-02-12T08:19:07+00:00

I was actually in a call with a friend and his friends. Two of the guys were fighting about “who gets more bitches” like if you didn’t have a high body count you weren’t shit…. All I said was “Imagine letting a woman define your self worth as a man.” and they all changed their mindsets and got defensive, lmao. I wish people realized you can be a pretty awesome dude without fucking a bunch of women.

bouchandre · 2022-02-12T17:58:36+00:00

In my experience, the shaming happens more around young people in high school, and less as you get older. Many women even prefer a guy that didn’t sleep around.

Feelingalien · 2022-02-12T08:46:35+00:00

Putting being a virgin aside. It's weird to me that if you have any other problem you can get help, but if your problem is finding a date you get shamed. We ought to help them if we can. And if they have a negative self-image or any mental issues, they should really be guided towards a mental health professional. That often helps.

nyarlathotep999 · 2022-02-12T14:04:33+00:00

Omg I can't agree with this enough! Why is a man's value so tied up in how many places he's stuck his cock. This is partially why I hate people who pick on "incels" and call them such as a slur. They are the very people who most contribute to this attitude that creates a concept like "incel" in the first place and then they fill the resulting affected with the rage that these same people claim to fear.

It's like:

"why this person I can't seem to stop punching getting so mad at me?"

"Have you tried not punching them?"

"No, they're bad people for getting mad at me."

Seriously?

boomboxspence · 2022-02-12T09:57:38+00:00

For some reason people think it is more manly to have sex which is why there are many songs by male singers/rappers about getting loads of girls and men who don't have sex are considered "less of a man". It gets worse if that man is shy, disabled, unattractive. People also use "you get no bitches" as an insult now whereas "chad", whose character is designed around attracting women, is a compliment.

THA_NEEGA · 2022-02-12T14:57:53+00:00

men's only value is to work their lives away, and fuck to reproduce and make more wage slaves, in the eyes of "society". these values are not perpetrated by "patriarchy" but instead perpetrated by the wealth class, both wealthy men and women, who uses poorer men and women of all species as useless objects to abuse, use up, extract all the wealth from them, and then throw them away, and physically consume them when appropriate to fulfill their insatiable, greedy desires. The horrors of the world are all perpetrated by the greed class, the filthy, evil, disgusting glutton class of the likes of musk and bezos, who has never had enough and always seeks more for themselves at the expense of others. The pathetic demonoids who escaped from hell long enough to torment humanity, but not long enough to escape the eventual consequences of their actions, or to even actually understand their horrible purpose. Just brainless pawns carrying out satan's guidance day by day, barely even conscious of the consequences of their daily actions. Working away to construct the technology that will enable the horrible atrocities, the technology that will bring hell to the world and enslave humanity.

mikesteane · 2022-02-12T07:01:05+00:00

Get out of the habit of worrying about what you think others think.

8Byte__ · 2022-02-12T07:51:06+00:00

Yeah I think honestly your view about what society thinks about sex is a little off kilter. Guys who sleep around aren't worshiped or praised they're just fuck boys. I think it's more so about being attractive/interesting enough to be in a relationship is looked up at. Its totally cool to be yourself my guy and if you're looking for a partner I'm sure you can find one that doesn't only value you for sex if you work hard enough to make yourself a more rounded person.

needalife94 · 2022-02-12T12:23:43+00:00

I'm going to be honest here and open up for a second. I'm in my late 20's and still a virgin. I have some mental health issues that I started to work through in feb 2020. I'm a very shy guy so all throughout highschool and after wards I didn't really talk to girls much. So I never really had the chance to lose it. Now being the age that I am, because of things i've seen and heard, I feel like i'm pretty much fucked. Like what women is going to want an inexperienced guy in their late 20's like me? What I feel like will happen is that if I do manage to get a women that she will end up just cheating on me because of how inexperienced I am in bed. Or maybe it's just an insecurity brought on by society about male virgins. IDK. :/

cdcollector23 · 2022-02-12T11:04:29+00:00

Don't let it get to you. Have sex when you are good and ready to. My own experience is that sex is 1000% better when it's with somebody you care about versus just doing it casually. Why does a man need to be a player to reach his true potential? Who says that and why is that considered the rule? I also believe it is respectable to reserve this for a partner who means something to you. I think the religious standpoint is not that sex is a sin, it is that constant 'desire for sex' that you should try to shed. Once you learn to see how desires can’t give you true happiness, they start to lose control over you. Then you begin to see the path to real fulfillment. Don't let desires define you or your self worth.

Azmordean · 2022-02-12T20:20:41+00:00

The whole thing is silly. I guess my attitude is, male or female, I just don't care. I mean, sexual history should be of interest to one's partner(s) and not really anyone else. I get the "high school" attitude, but for people who are adults why do they even know or care, unless they are potential romantic / sexual partners? I can't imagine attaching any importance whatsoever to how many partners a male friend of mine has or had not had.

Society places a weird importance on sex. One, it's no one's business but your own and your partner's. And two... every mammal from rats on up has sex. It's a pretty damn common biological function. Sure it's fun, but this weird attachment of status to it is just beyond bizarre.

Eedoryeong · 2022-02-13T06:58:20+00:00

Sometimes it's better if you don't really fit the pop culture of society. I waited until I was 20. It helped that I was somewhat not really accepted by the community I grew up in (many of those kids are now serving life sentences. I'd have ended up in a bad way if I had rolled with them). I'm so grateful now looking back because of all the horribly brief, manipulative, or clumsy first experiences that I hear about having happened to other people, scarring them sexually for life.

In my teens I had had a couple of girlfriends, and we grew serious but in each case we never went the final step. I felt (or was made to feel?) more than once that this choice was hurting them in some way. But I was committed to waiting. My first, I could not have asked for it to be better than it was. And we loved each other. It's better if you wait and make sure you're with someone who is uninhibited, is fit, and who loves you. I have loved since then but that memory brings me joy and warmth to this day. Wonderful scenario if you can get it. It helps if you go to the gym too.

idiotbusyfor40sec · 2022-02-12T15:14:06+00:00

I heard someone say “a man who’s a virgin is like a company that’s never made a sale, a woman who’s a virgin is like a bank that’s never been robbed”

Well who does he want guys to lose their virginity to? Each other?

FatGimp · 2022-02-12T10:46:22+00:00

If a man is going around gloating how many women he has slept with only really shows you why he is single. They're the type of person who is like the end slices of a loaf of bread. Everybody touches it no one really wants it.

LeeCarlson · 2022-02-12T11:28:56+00:00

I really do not understand this push to have sex.

You can be physically intimate and make someone (ideally) happy for minutes.

You can be mentally / emotionally intimate and make someone happy for the rest of their lives.

makosh22 · 2022-02-12T11:46:17+00:00

There was a talk that humans don't have instincts any more (a person was VERY pushing on it). But when we turn to sex, especially regarding men's perspective - it's like all men are only about sex instinct.

Just how men are portraited in movies? Cool alfa man with tons of women after him and he sees this female character and... wants her in his bad and will do whatever for her. Like men are supposed to drop everything and chase women. If you are into your own hobby\work\whatever - you are problemed person with no "normal' instinct. Broken one.

At the same time history shows us that men became really great when they put their interest on the first place. Women can be there, or won't be there - but they are just addition, nice but secondary importance (well, if a man in question is not Casanova :))

AbysmalDescent · 2022-02-12T16:38:26+00:00

It's even worse when you consider that, because men are judged for how sexually successful, or how sexually confident they are(which stems from experience and prior success), this creates a self reinforcing problem in which men who cannot find sexual partners are devalued and then cannot generate value to be sexually successful. Combine this with the fact that the barrier to entry when it comes to sex is significantly higher, if not simply because the entire dating culture revolves around all expectations being placed on men to pursue, build, secure and maintain affection.

And then, when you consider just how much effect this has on every other aspect of a person's life, whether social or professional, it really astounds me how people so easily turn a blind eye to all of it. Feminists, for all their false flagging over gender equality and equal opportunity are especially quiet on this one. Or, when they do pipe up, it's usually to defend the women who choose to perpetuate those gender roles and prejudices towards male inexperience, or to attack, vilify and criminalize men who look to prostitution to overcome their inexperience.

There is no positivity or acceptance movement for male sexual inexperience, nor do you really women demonstrate any appreciation for the male inexperience(something which men do for women consistently). And a lot of that seems to play into how male sexuality is predominantly viewed with either fear or disdain. It's like society just wants to see men as eunuchs with no sexuality at all, as lonely men who deserve to suffer because they are men, or as accomplished women-slayers which are just objectified as success object.

MoozesModiMoozi · 2022-02-12T16:27:42+00:00

i also find it funny that if a woman has an unpopular opinion nobody calls her a virgin. But if you’re a male with an unpopular opinion you’re an incel

justaguy891 · 2022-02-13T01:56:07+00:00

i was constantly called a fag in highschool cause i was open that i didn't get laid yet instead of lying or not talking about it like everyone else. shoulda lied. that shit was traumatic.

marckimdr · 2022-02-13T06:06:41+00:00

In my country it’s not a big deal when you are still a virgin, it is more of a big deal when you are not a virgin anymore before you get married. But being a virgin or not is the least of the problems we have here

Choe_Ryong_Hae · 2022-02-13T08:28:45+00:00

Why anyone’s worth as a person is linked to their desire to have sex is beyond me. I really couldn’t care less.

delocalelectron · 2022-02-13T09:05:58+00:00

It's unfortunate that, in adolescence, peer pressures to conform can become intolerable. Individuality isn't recognised and respected in our society, despite the fact that it's often the outliers who end up making a difference. A young man with educational or other self-improvement targets can often find himself the butt of jokes in teenage years if he isn't chasing what's available. However, if he continues to raise his status, he will find a much wider envelope of women is eventually attainable. While pursuing his own dreams, he should definitely interact with the ladies within his sphere, get an idea of their motivations and character, take his time, be careful. There's plenty of pressure to resist. Hormones are screaming at him, and society needs him to fulfil his role as a support unit to a baby-making machine. That's why male virgins are shamed.

By contrast, female virgins are virtuous and pure... unattainable until marriage. Another situation which suited society, keeping the price of sex high for men. In the 70s, when the contraceptive pill really hit, it was chaos. The rule book had been torn up. Women didn't know what they wanted, they were free to chose. They chose that men should continue to provide for them, and children, but now without women giving anything in return.

Maschalismos · 2022-02-16T05:09:07+00:00

I’m almost certain Society will change their attitudes about sexless men; they’ll have to - something like 60% of men admit that they have sex less than once a year. As womens’ expectations for men climb and climb, more and more men will fall into the ‘invisible drone’ category. Eventually sex with women will be seen as a luxury only for the wealthy and powerful. Celebrities, actors and politicians will have many wives, but most men will die unloved and unslaked.

To be honest, I don’t see what will keep men actually participating in society.

Sephore360 · 2022-03-05T05:01:43+00:00

Take yo time. However like my friend Stevo if your 33 yrs. old and only had a brief encounter with a female which you count as losing your virginity just go gay before 40. If you make it before then congrats.
Women have a pond of men just after them constantly wanting it tbh. It is tougher for men.

Johnathan_wickerino · 2022-02-12T08:37:08+00:00

Yea. Me too. Sex does not make one stronger, richer or kinder. It doesn't do anything yet people look for it like it'll make you superman

thr0wawayBDP · 2022-02-12T08:31:13+00:00

Tbh I can’t enjoy sex, if I don’t feel comfortable around the other person. I need to have a mental and emotional connection before I get intimate, because in my mind sex has a lot more risks, than most people admit. Idk how people just go out and have sex with a random stranger at a club. I am a virgin at 22 and I am looking forward to having lots of sex in the future, but only with the right person.

Snappy0 · 2022-02-12T08:24:53+00:00

It’s not even about being respectable. It shouldn’t make a difference to anyone else.

ManofGod1000 · 2022-02-12T11:51:22+00:00

In many ways, that is the way it has always been. The most important thing is not to focus on what society says but instead, ignore them and move on, ghosting society as a whole.

Lucretius · 2022-02-12T14:50:36+00:00

The Dating Market follows similar dynamics to the stock market. It's hard to know the mate-value or market-value of a particular person/stock. You can try looking at fundamentals (profits, debt, etc for stocks, physical attractiveness for women, economic success for men). Or you can look at market trends… value it by what other people are willing to pay (as in stocks) or by how visibly sought-after (as in women) or laid (as in men).

In the case of women, physical attractiveness is of course easily measured. But for young men, the economic prospects of a young man are hard to measure directly as there has not yet been time to accumulate wealth. That makes the fundamentals mate-value estimation strategy problematic, so it's easy to resort to the market trends strategy.

freemale101 · 2022-02-12T10:42:37+00:00

Its a terrible thing being a young male with a roaring sex addiction AND FPD (Female Perception Disability) which renders you slightly 'autistic' therefore vulnerable. EVERYTHING stacked against you. And then making fun of yr virginity.

Best thing...instead of fretting about it, getting into fights, taking drugs and/or crashing the car...save up a little cash and secretly visit a brothel. DON'T get married because yr simply desperate for sex.

PrimalPatriarch · 2022-02-12T12:21:23+00:00

I'm a firm believer that no one should have sex before marriage, no matter how unpopular that opinion is on reddit. That requires being a virgin and it shows discipline and a dedication to responsibility.

I had sex with several women before I realized that I was making a mistake and decided to be intentionally celibate. I married my wife 2 years later with no regrets. I could have accidentally got someone pregnant or picked up a STD and it was only by pure dumb luck that these things never happened. I used to think sexual conquests were a point of pride because finding an attractive woman to sleep with is a challenging and time consuming task that most men struggle with. It makes you feel like you're at the top of the pack, but these things are ultimately stupid and trivial. I wasn't happy and I never had any moral guidance to let me know that I was doing anything wrong for most of my adult life.

My wife was a virgin when we were married and it feels like I was given a blessing I hardly deserved. I wish all of my sexual exploration was done exclusively with her. Now that we have children of our own, I intend to raise them with the same values my wife was taught from her family. Waiting can be a serious challenge, but it is a worthwhile endeavor.

If anyone ever ridicules you for being a virgin, know that their opinion won't matter to you at all once you are married. You don't contribute to your value as a man or the betterment of society by creating single mothers or wasting time with empty sex that is devoid of love and respect for someone that doesn't honor and cherish you enough to be there for the long haul. Find the right person and make it a special experience that you can share on your own terms.

12Yeet34 · 2022-02-12T12:13:53+00:00

As someone who is currently suffering from the horrors of puberty and would like nothing more to get laid, I'm thinking that some people just never left that phase.

danielm316 · 2022-02-12T12:40:18+00:00

We are validated for our service to society, even sexual service. We are appliances rather than people. I hope that society recognizes the humanity in men; that would be a positive change for all the human race.

Sensitive-Ad6609 · 2022-02-12T11:05:23+00:00

I know I may have teased a little, but I have let them know it is honorable and I truly respect that. I say good job. I am a guy, but truly I find no shame that some people wait. I am happy for them that they want to wait (if by choice). Carry on with what you want and are comfortable with when it comes to being a virgin or not. It is nobody's business. ^{_^}

Abstract_Knight · 2022-02-12T13:17:01+00:00

Oh shit. This is going to be taken out of context really fast.

ElegantDecline · 2022-02-12T13:55:21+00:00

I wish we didn't live in a society that shamed male-s.

You could have stopped right there.

randonumero · 2022-02-12T14:14:02+00:00

I'd say you have to pick better friends. Believe it or not young girls in many sub cultures face just as much pressure, ridicule...for not being sexually active as young boys do. Even thinking back to high school we joked about girls and there was the usual banter from us male virgins but even the couple of people in the friend group who'd had sex before didn't shame the rest of us. I'd even argue that in society as a whole where I live (the US) being shamed for being a virgin or not having slept with heaps of women is more of an issue with subcultures than society as a whole.

FWIW I'm in my late 30s and I think there are about as many women in my age dating range who would be impressed by knowing I've slept with over 100 women as there are men who would be impressed by hearing a woman they were dating had slept with over 100 men.

JosephsonAdam · 2022-02-12T15:01:10+00:00

That's terrible. Many men choose to wait for many different reasons. Women need to learn to respect men's sexual boundaries.

bennybeckler · 2022-02-12T17:05:00+00:00

Don’t contribute to people’s livelihoods if they hate you or don’t respect you

beniesixx98 · 2022-02-12T17:26:53+00:00

Find better friends who support it . I have a friend who waited till he was 22 years old to do anything. Never question his choice . His body his choice .

Justda · 2022-02-12T17:55:55+00:00

I don't respect anyone who openly talks about their sexual exploits, but I'd still rag on a close friend for being a virgin after 20 male or female...

Without religion or catching a disease, what reason could you have for denying yourself the pleasure of sex?

OCDbeaver · 2022-02-12T18:01:32+00:00

I think its more to do with you rarely hear about male virgins that did it by choice. The majority of the time it seems to be guys that just have had no opportunity for sex.

I think if a guy says he's a virgin by choice then people would not look down on them but since its so rare people are going to assume its not a choice.

McFeely_Smackup · 2022-02-12T18:15:53+00:00

society puts way WAY to much social stigma onto sex. too much sex = stigma. too little sex = stigma. the right amount of sex with wrong person = stigma.

it's a simple biological recreational function. very little different from playing a contact sport with another person, but somehow we've decided it's the most important thing.

ElvisDumbledore · 2022-02-12T18:36:41+00:00

You'll find more acceptance in LGBTQ communities. Especially asexuals.

funkchucker · 2022-02-12T21:56:31+00:00

You do you. Fuck what they think.

Interestedinany · 2022-02-12T23:20:08+00:00

Similarly women are either teases/cold/frigid or sluts on the other end. This is another example of mens and womens rights overlapping. It’s a societal problem that affects us all

Elliejq88 · 2022-02-12T14:32:47+00:00

I'm very happily married to one. Or at least he was one. I also lost my virginity older than average, 24, and many men prior used it as a reason to not be interested in me, so it ain't easy for women either.

_thakur_10 · 2022-02-12T11:49:16+00:00

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Shows everyone is fickle.

DaTechNinja · 2022-02-12T07:12:54+00:00

A male virgin in 2022 would be hamstringing themselves when it comes to the sexual market. Chicks are leaving college with 50+ bodies and the last thing they want is a dude that can’t blow their back out or a guy that they have to teach.

nihongogakuseidesu · 2022-02-12T17:16:33+00:00

My virginity defined my life for many years and led me down I incorrect line of thinking after Incorrect line of thinking. It’s almost as if a woman has to sign off on a man in order to make him legitimate. I say men are legitimate and worth of respect from the moment they are conceived

TAPriceCTR · 2022-02-12T17:24:27+00:00

I don't care. They can shame away. I'm not vulnerable to shame and the only social imposition is it makes girls less interested...I wouldn't want to be with a girl who has an issue with me for such pathetic reason.

brai117 · 2022-02-12T17:34:14+00:00

don't know what society you are living in bud, I've been in 2 serious relationships ever.

I'm currently with my partner, who is the second and have been for 8 years. I have a Friend who is 25 and a virgin and a friend who has several women who currently are trying to get with him, but he simply refuses too because it would be too much drama.

The Stigma generally comes from the inability to find someone who you share common values with and develop a healthy relationship built on those values, not the purposeful avoidance of that, the inability or social ineptitude and then frustration of not having it handed to you, that's when it becomes an issue.

Dalebreh · 2022-02-12T18:54:48+00:00

It's a vicious cycle that perpetuates between boys and girls and then men and women, along with peer pressure and this modern hook-up culture. Also it's this delusional mindset that men and women are the same when we are anything but. Men's ability to attract partners vs women's ability to retain their partners really come into play

Kaylarmagic · 2022-02-12T20:02:03+00:00

I hate that too, and I hate hearing how under 20 get shamed for it.
I really don't care if the guy I'm with is a virgin or not... why does it matter so much what other people are or are doing. Society -_-

somebooty2223 · 2022-02-14T09:54:36+00:00

Same it creates problems for everyone, lads it all starts with you and your m8s

cereal_killer1900 · 2022-03-06T20:05:16+00:00

The flipside to this is that when a man sleeps with several women, he is admired, just like you said. When a woman does the exact same thing, she’s a slut and a whore. She’s damaged goods. It works both ways.

the_one_demiurge · 2022-02-12T19:40:02+00:00

It sounds to me like you're really trying to sell the case for a male virgin being placed on a pedestal here.

cakepale · 2022-02-12T18:37:54+00:00

Lmao this man can’t get laid

dafiyahman · 2022-02-12T20:44:32+00:00

If you’re a man in this world with all this pussy and your involuntarily a virgin you need to be ashamed of yourself lol

SnooStrawberries9414 · 2022-02-12T13:58:11+00:00

Dude, you are a male virgin? What a loser.

ASexualSloth · 2022-02-12T18:25:45+00:00

When done women device canoe from their sexuality, men that aren't affected by their sexuality are the biggest threat to their method of power.

Antisocial female behavior tends towards psychological methods, such as reputation destruction.

Draw your own conclusions.

PegCityPleb · 2022-02-12T20:44:07+00:00

I think it’s fine if you chose to wait but men who want to have sec and are unable to by the time they are twenty should be mocked

JustSomeGuy2008 · 2022-02-12T19:57:09+00:00

I wish we didn't live in a society that shamed male ~~virgin~~s

FoxCQC · 2022-02-12T18:44:55+00:00

You're either a loser virgin or a rapist. No in-between. We're damned.

ProfitHour4768 · 2022-02-12T20:46:21+00:00

As a female I would like to agree

Title	I wish we didn’t live in a society that shamed male virgins
Author	Rachel794
Upvotes	1055
Comments	204
Date	February 12, 2022 6:42 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/sql69t/i_wish_we_didnt_live_in_a_society_that_shamed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-wish-we-didnt-live-in-a-society-that-shamed-male.1101118 https://theredarchive.com/post/1101118

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