Anyone been forced by their wife to choose between her and your mom? Wtf

AreaGuy · 2022-03-04T19:02:44+00:00

lol, my unstable wife or my uber sweet mom? Easy choice. You think my STBXW would accept our son choosing his wife over her? Nope. Then why should she expect me to choose her over my mom? (Who is not toxic at all, unlike my STBXW.)

PrettyCoolBear · 2022-03-04T20:11:32+00:00

I will never understand the rivalry between my mom and my ex. It got especially bad once we had kids; my ex fearing my mom questioning every parenting decision we made. It made vacations and holidays so stressful. And honestly, it didn't all end with the divorce since our youngest is still 50/50 with us, so my ex still has to be part of discussions regarding visits and trips and sometimes schooling.

I tried to stay out of it as much as possible when we were together, but that can be tough to do.

rottingflamingo · 2022-03-04T19:44:04+00:00

I think something other responders are missing is that you are saying they are both equally insane. I don't understand why you should feel forced to 'take a side' when neither party acts reasonably. My ex treated many people in my family, including my mother, with irrational spite. I didn't see it as 'taking my family's side' when I didn't join in that constant and vile disparagement. But - my ex certainly viewed it as such. I don't think being married means you have to assume your spouses battles when you don't believe they are warranted. If your wife or your mother demand that you be a soldier in their personal vendetta, then they are forcing you into a toxic and undeserved position.

Apprehensivehuman26 · 2022-03-04T22:25:00+00:00

Man, I have been there it is not a matter of standing up. Ultimatums do not work in a relationship. She just wants to control you.

However there are some questions.

Does you mom live with you?
Does she tries to give ultimatum in other things as well.
Does she agrees to her faults or shortcomings.

If you are able to answer these questions you would know about state of your marriage.

mrledia · 2022-03-05T01:34:08+00:00

She didn't like it when I supported my retired mom financially, but it was "ok" for her to spend on her family ( she wasn't working). My hard earned cash was ok to be given to her own family but not mine.

Once she asked me: if you were to choose between me and your mom, who's gonna be?

The answer was simple: she's now me ex.

pilotbrown16 · 2022-03-04T19:28:51+00:00

Yes, and so glad this shit is over. Granted my mother has her own issues but it got out of hand really early so should have seen the red flags then.

CaliDude75 · 2022-03-04T20:46:00+00:00

No kids, but my STBXW and mom have never gotten along well. My wife would constantly beat me over the head with the scriptural admonition to “leave and cleave” yet she was/is EXTREMELY close to her parents. Double-standard much?

Well, I guess you can say “mom won.” Yes, my mother isn’t perfect, and she has some annoying habits and idiosyncrasies, but at least she’s not constantly judging and criticizing, which I got in ample helpings from my STBXW.

Future-Platform8225 · 2022-03-05T01:11:40+00:00

You're getting both answers here for both situations, on one side is the mother not letting go of baby boy and retaining her priority in baby boys life. Women love this control you can hear it in the "always back your wife crowd". The other crowd has endured the crazy wife in search of control and your mother being reasonable does t take shit from the crazy wife. The wife in this scenario loves to see you cave to her demands and hurt your mother, it validates her position in your life. You know which is playing out to a greater degree. Here's the solve:

Eff that game, call out wrong and right and let walk whoever you need to. You'll like having your balls back, playing Switzerland here loses everytime. Be a man. You don't want conflict but if it shows swing the door open and roll. I'm happy I went that route.

Bipolar_investor · 2022-03-04T18:07:29+00:00

Ask her to choose between breathing and hydration.

rmorlock · 2022-03-04T18:51:12+00:00

You leave the apron strings when you get married. Choose your wife.

InWeGoNow · 2022-03-04T18:58:43+00:00

It kinda sounds like you checked out a while ago and are using this as an excuse to let your wife end things for you. If not, you have to be the adult in the room and fix things. Either way, you need to step up and not hide behind "I'm neutral." That's just setting things up to be more shitty later in the fallout.

There are kids involved, so I can't get behind the poor me, look how crazy everyone else is strategy. Your kids can't afford for you to be "neutral."

Sorry. Not the response you were looking for. Good luck!!

AirSailer · 2022-03-04T19:16:42+00:00

Someone else just posted on her recently about his wife and mother, and he was like you in that he didn't want to let go of his mother either.

Imagine if your wife had a very close relationship with her father, and her father treated you like shit. You couldn't stand being around him but you had to because of your wife. Eventually you couldn't take it anymore and gave your wife an ultimatum that it was either you or him, and she refused to take your side. Would you stay with her? If you were smart you would GTFO... So can you blame her for wanting to leave someone who would rather pick his mother instead of her?

BTW, if you don't keep a firm hand with your mother she will ruin all you future relationships. Are you in charge of your life or is your mother? It sounds like you need to grow up and act like a husband, not a son.

mysteriouslypuzzled · 2022-03-04T18:31:42+00:00

Yes. My wife won. She's the mother of my children. I love my kids, more than my toxic mother. You are partially to blame here. 1. For letting that shit happen . 2. For not setting boundaries. 3. Whether you like it or not. You are the center of this conflict. And always will be. So you have to deal with it accordingly. I've never had the ultimatum dropped on me. Because I knew what kind of games my mother plays. And I have zero patience for them. Don't get me wrong. She's my mother. But that doesn't mean she can't cause chaos in my life, by meddling in it. Plus. My wife gives sexy times. And I like those sexy times. And I don't want them to stop.

strutt3r · 2022-03-04T20:22:14+00:00

I was. Major red flag. Get out immediately.

syro23 · 2022-03-05T02:02:11+00:00

haha, all the time, they are both crazy. I'm divorced and still have to deal with it on occasion.

lostcanuck007 · 2022-03-05T12:30:29+00:00

yes....just about every controlling woman does this between female best friends, moms and sisters.

whatsinaname008 · 2022-03-05T16:25:19+00:00

I bet she told you that you her first priority!

Ask her to choose her priority between two kids. Which one?

Ask her what will she choose - your pre planned celebration vs her mom’s urgent care need?

You can only hope that she understands that the question is not about priority when it comes to loved ones!

It is about morals and ethics that one lives with. When you attend one kid over other because the kid needs you, doesn’t mean that you do not care about the other one. Same goes with any other relationship.

pegleg_legal · 2022-03-07T02:08:36+00:00

You never see how nasty your mother can be to your wife. My dad's mom was a witch but my sister and I loved her to death. But this is a tale as old as time - the only answer is to choose your wife if you want the relationship to continue, though.

OraleEse13 · 2022-03-07T19:27:54+00:00

It's completely unfair of her to make you choose. Keep them apart and keep the peace. You mom will ALWAYS be your mom. Your wife has a 50% chance of no longer being your wife at some point. Based on her behavior I'd actually put that at 70%.

Title	Anyone been forced by their wife to choose between her and your mom? Wtf
Author	helpamonkpls
Upvotes	24
Comments	42
Date	March 4, 2022 6:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/t6oy58/anyone_been_forced_by_their_wife_to_choose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-been-forced-by-their-wife-to-choose-between.1104164 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104164

Comments