Should men wait until their 30's ?

Red_Trapezoid · 2022-09-09T19:00:32+00:00

It's a terrible idea. There is no reason to wait to try and find a partner and delay social experience. You might have failed relationships but that's normal. Relationships fail. Happens all the time. Hopefully a person will be able to learn from and reflect on their failed relationships and become better people while aquiring better social skills.

The only time I would encourage someone to abstain from finding a partner even if they really wanted one is if they were abusers or totally underprivileged to the point of just not being able to make any relationship work. In those cases I would encourage self-betterment and no relationships until those issues are sorted out.

JonF1 · 2022-09-09T20:28:52+00:00

It's probably some of the worse advice that the red pill gives out.

Firstly, life is not an RPG. There are no game guides, no set route to do a character build to get some guaranteed result such as beating a dungeon or a boss fight. Just like actual RPGs such as runescape or WoW, if you become so obsessed with just "leveling up" or "grinding" that to everyone else you start coming off as a weirdo.

Money is not a guarantee of romantic success, seeking it out so much actually is hustling backwards. High earning jobs are more demanding, look at lawyers, doctors, upper management, finance, etc and those people more often than that have from no love life, time to date, or strained and stressful relationships. There are a lot of relatively wealthy guys whoa re lonely, just go to any tech firm.

With the gym, guys let's stop bulking unless you're actually doing it for needed performance, and certainly not to impress random women you don't even know yet. Forcing yourself to stay bulked up outside of the natural consequence of your lifestyle is very hard to maintain, plus women just don't really care about it as guys think. Being comfortable in your own skin while wearing clothes that fit you well goes far farther. If you're going for sex appeal which is understanding, just get tone.

Also, doing a sport is more interesting than just lifting. Play rugby, do rock climbing/boldering, competitive weightlifting, or become a triathlete even. Those activities help you make friends that can match make you and/or give you more interesting stories to tell about yourself when you do meet someone.

You also want experience with dating as you get older as most people's patience and timescale for it are getting a lot shorter. It's also suspicious if you're a woman, man, or whatever if you have no dating experience. You don't even have to be successful, just know whats going on when by time you are 28 or so.

spiraldinosaur · 2022-09-09T19:32:40+00:00

Utter, utter nonsense. There is zero value in waiting at all unless you genuinely don't want a relationship.

The idea that women want to date older men is nonsense. Sure, some do, but not all of them, and when they're in their late teens/early twenties they're definitely not looking to date men in their 30s. When I was 18-19 I dated a woman who was 25-26. She wasn't turned off by the fact that I was so young and barely had myself figured out. We were together for a year and things did eventually come to an end (as things sometimes do) but she didn't leave me for my age; in fact I was the one who called it quits (for various other reasons).

I learned a lot from that relationship and subsequent ones, and that's one of the key points here: by waiting until you're 30, the only thing you're going to do is miss out on years of dating, socialising and relationship experience. Being a good date or partner is not something that comes naturally to most of us, and it can take a lot of trial and error to learn that balance of empathy, self respect, as well as a whole list of other things.

And so the idea that men in their 30s have "a wider pool of women who will date them" is definitely not true. Typically people would prefer to date someone closer to their age. Typically women in their 30s are more likely to be in a relationship already, so if anything your pool just gets progressively smaller as you get older. Any guy whos saying your pool gets bigger in your 30s is a guy who's probably 35 and still chatting up 21 year olds. Believe me, they're not interested.

This idea that you should wait and focus on "developing yourself" is some hyper-capitalist nonsense in which your entire worth is defined by your income and your physical appearance. It is the very heart of Red Pill ideology (as well as the grinder mindset and many others). You will be valued - especially by women - on how much money you make, and how physically fit you are, and so you must spend all your waking hours at the gym and working hard and trading stocks and whatever bullshit they suggest, otherwise nobody will ever like you. The reality is that to most of the world, these people are insufferable narcissists who virtually nobody would want to date or be friends with, unless they're also narcissists looking for their own personal gains.

As a man in my 30s I can tell you, if I could do my 20s again I'd be out having as much fun as possible, dating whoever the hell I feel like and making all the memories and mistakes that i don't have time to do any more. I am a better person for all those dates and relationships I had in my 20s, and I have so many fun memories because of them too.

The fun doesn't stop in your 30s by any any means, but you don't have to wait until then to start the fun either.

thetruthishere_ · 2022-09-09T19:23:51+00:00

Most people today are marring late 20's to early 30's. These people met in their 20's.

'Older guy' for the average 20 year old is more than likely 25. Older is within 5 years usually.

Baloney dont bother till 30's.

Naus1987 · 2022-09-09T21:28:35+00:00

Half the reason people in their 30s are good at dating is because they have more experience dating. If they skipped the experience then they wouldn’t be so good at it.

I don’t think anyone should hold off on dating. But I think people should be better at reading red flags.

A man can be successful in his 20s and chase his dreams and still date. The problem are the guys who sacrifice their dreams for a woman and end up starting over again. Just don’t date people who force you to sacrifice who you are. Only date good people who support and empower you.

RXCC00N · 2022-09-09T22:25:32+00:00

what's going on here is redpill dickheads trying to punch down on women by insisting they're motivated purely by a man's wealth, reassure their fanbase of their ideology as a pathway to success and security, and to further isolate them from peers who demonstrate happy, healthy relationships as they marry while under 30. you gotta realise their primary source of revenue is lonely dudes in their late teens and early 20s, so if they can stretch that shit out to their mid to even late 20s, their meal ticket stays golden for longer. they know this weird redpill manosphere dick professor lift guru bubble is going to pop and it's within their interest to provide advice to their audience that further isolates them, while using delivery that sounds like a motivational drill sergeant.

lemoncurdmacaron · 2022-09-09T20:30:38+00:00

This is dumb! Young women consistently prefer men two years older than they are. A young woman wants a young man.

vcreativ · 2022-09-09T23:13:53+00:00

I think it's ok to be neither in a relationship nor "having fun" at any age. It does provide a lot of time for genuine personal development that I fear someone who sleeps around in their 20s will have difficulty implementing in quite the same way.

That being said, if you meet someone you genuinely like and it flows well I wouldn't artificially keep them at a distance either.

It's a balancing act. Because most of us want to have a meaningful relationship at some point, but in order to have one you need to be sufficiently emotionally developed. That takes time, time that's best spent alone in my eyes.

I don't think much of the resources argument. I think anyone that finds you attractive in your 30s because you now have money or whatever isn't that into you to begin with.

It pays to distinguish between being alone and lonliness.

WWhiMM · 2022-09-09T22:23:16+00:00

Ironically, what helps with "accrue more resources, develop maturity, more social connections, more social experience etc." is being in a relationship.

Maybe your 20s aren't the best years of your life, but hopefully you figure some stuff out... and the only way that happens is by making an attempt at what you want.

Kappador66 · 2022-09-09T22:08:52+00:00

This is advice given to men who can't date in their 20s anyway. For any normal person it's a terrible idea.

Unusual_Singer8798 · 2022-09-09T23:32:49+00:00

Men age too and usually improvr some what,but only to a certain point...like a 20 year old man usually has no stable job yet vs a 28 year old man. ...but they dont get better with age. And their options drop after 40 drastically bc women in their 20s prefer men just a few years older usually. Also what does waiting means? Waiting to marry or just kids? To date? Id say waiting is OK, just dont wait too long. A 33 year old man is more desirable than a 43 year old man despite zhat older man earning somewhat more. Most men dont get rich. And young women prefer vibrant men over 45+ year old men. Sincd the Red pill only wants women not older than 35 (or 25...)

DanMarinosDolphins · 2022-09-10T02:34:13+00:00

The only reason anyone improves with age is if/when they gain maturity and experience along the way. Simply being older physically is not a benefit in any way.

EmbarrassedEmu27 · 2022-09-10T02:54:22+00:00

This concept roots from insecurity than confidence which is what TRP does regularly.

When people are very insecure they tend to keep very high unachievable goals or aim for perfectionism. But there is no perfect relationship. Confidence in this context means no matter what happens you will learn and grow from the experience. Confidence is putting trust in you and your ability to learn.

So hoping to achieve perfectionism by getting money, confidence, hot body and be in a powerful position at 30 and torturing to be single all along sounds depressing. God forbid if they fail it will hit them very hard. They will also have high expectations out of partners and it is not going go well. Look around people who have had successful marriages for 30+ years and choices they made. Most of these gurus themself are single and they make money selling courses for incel.

Seeking companionship is normal need and many people step out with faith and hope. Perfectionism kills joy.

Graineon · 2022-09-10T08:39:39+00:00

Don't organise your life so much. You'll drive yourself mad. Let things happen spontaneously.

xvszero · 2022-09-10T13:56:16+00:00

LOL no, that's silly. Date whenever you feel like it.

rusty344 · 2022-09-09T22:45:40+00:00

This is just a massive cope for men who struggle to meet women in their 20s.

incredulitor · 2022-09-09T19:33:16+00:00

Sure. It sounds like you did the hard work to introspect. You came up with your own conclusions that felt both healthier than where you started and healthier, more nuanced and more applicable to your own situation and desires than the general advice that's floating around out there. I would support that kind of process even if in some hypothetical process in my own life I happened to come to different conclusions. You're following the path here to be your own person, in a good way.

2020mademejoinreddit · 2022-09-10T12:14:17+00:00

Not good. Just like no one should be peer pressured into getting into a relationship, no one should be kept from having one either. Something like this only exacerbates the problems of young men, including the one you mentioned, loneliness.

If someone genuinely wants to wait because they want to get their life in order first, financially, health wise, etc. Or wants to avoid it for some reason, then fine, but not due to this reason, it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense on a primitive level either. "Primitively" speaking, it would be the opposite, (which is not advisable of course and illegal today), because back then even children used get into it, due to shorter life spans way back in history.

spiraldinosaur · 2022-09-09T19:03:15+00:00

This actually gives me good thought food. I would say that is one of my more 'strict' views for my men is that I prefer them to be at least 30 or no more than 10 years younger than me, but the at least 30 rule to be priority.

I deeply regret letting one of my exes go that isn't 30 because of it. He was just not ready for a woman like me and I felt like he was missing out on valuable experience. I feel stupid because I actually got mad at him like a dumdum for actually leaving. lol

But yeah, I think it should be assessed on a case by case basis because some men do achieve greatness earlier and would genuinely love to settle down earlier and should be given the chance if they want. Hmm...thanks for bringing this up. 🤔

Arietta05 · 2022-09-10T09:40:06+00:00

Becoming a good partner takes a lot of practice, so avoiding dating and relationships until your 30s is a terrible idea. It is very much possible for a man in his 20s to be desirable to women, and it is very possible for a man over 30 with money and resources to be undesirable to women.

There is a general misconception of the reason why women typically prefer older men who have money and resources. Some people believe it’s because of the prestige that age, money, and resources provide, and in my opinion, that’s an emotionally immature take from women who haven’t figured out what they want (this used to be me) and men who speculate what women want rather than hearing from women who know what they want.

Ultimately, what women want their men to provide more than anything is a sense of security. There are multiple aspects to that feeling of security. The obvious ones are financial security and physical security. The one that people usually miss is emotional security. Providing emotional security does NOT mean “being emotional” in a way that men typically try to avoid (which is called being emotionally reactive). Providing emotional security means understanding your own emotions so you have the ability to understand and empathize with the emotions of others, taking responsibility for your own emotions so you know how to remain calm and approachable when things get tough, communicating how you feel so you and your partner can connect and support one another, being reliable, and being trustworthy.

A fantastic book on this subject is “The Man’s Guide to Women” by John and Julie Gottman. Here’s a video summarizing the book, but I highly recommend reading the book as well.

https://youtu.be/2lCEtEq_IUA

Ilovetupacc · 2022-09-13T02:17:48+00:00

I think u should have lots of dating experience in ur 20’s so u dont marry the wrong person, and also so u know what u like and dont like in partners

Ilovetupacc · 2022-09-13T02:18:09+00:00

I think if u wait too long u miss the boat and can become socially weird lol

Specialist_Product51 · 2022-09-25T20:09:39+00:00

Women never find me attractive anyway, so I don't have to wait til I'm 30.

Title	Should men wait until their 30's ?
Author	National_Damage
Upvotes	23
Comments	59
Date	September 9, 2022 6:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xa3f1j/should_men_wait_until_their_30s/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/should-men-wait-until-their-30s.1131622 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131622

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