Who came up with the idea that women like douchebags?

xvszero · 2022-10-07T03:55:06+00:00

Probably Hollywood. But it's not that there is no truth at all in it, some women are attracted to that. It's just dumb to assume that all women or even most are.

Kilagria · 2022-10-07T06:20:57+00:00

You aren't understanding correctly. They don't like douchebags, they like qualities often found in douchebags.

spiraldinosaur · 2022-10-07T09:34:54+00:00

I feel like this idea probably resonates the most with people in school because it's often those douchebags who are getting the most attention from the girls. And in some aspects this continues into adulthood too. Go to a bar and it's the cocky over confident guy who's chatting up all the girls and is probably the centre of attention at the table.

I think it happens for a few simple reasons:

They're confident, and that's attractive. A guy who's sure of himself will typically do better than a guy who doesn't think he deserves any attention
That confidence also just makes them generally more visible. The guy who's chatting and making jokes - even if they're at the expense of others - is still more visible than the polite guy who keeps quiet
They're usually a bit more narcissistic, which typically means they put more effort into their appearance, probably work out more, and that might make them more generically attractive
They're often just more fun (or seem to be more fun), because they're more carefree, don't struggle with anxiety and confidence issues, have a lot of energy, live for the jokes etc. and they just seem more fun to be around
In school especially, girls are young and naive and just get drawn in by those surface level qualities. The same happens with boys of course, we're drawn to the prettiest girls in school and not necessarily the best choices for us
And some of us never grow out of that and we just end up drawn to narcissists - men and women alike

But it's just important to remember two things:

Not everyone is drawn to those same flashy douchey types who are always the centre of the room
You don't need to be attractive to those who are attracted to those kind of guys
It's possible to be confident - a trait that massively increases attractiveness - and still not be a douche

I don't think any of the women I've dated would be into those douchey guys, but they were likely drawn to my social confidence, my energy, and my humour. And then probably the fact that I'm not one of those douchey guys and that I use my energy for kindness and empathy was what made them stick around. Those same traits that draw people to those douchey guys can exist in other people too.

There are lots of women out there who don't want to date douchebags. There are lots of women who can spot a douchebag from a mile away. So don't worry about it. Find your own way of being fun, interesting, and confident.

Academic_Type624 · 2022-10-07T09:39:33+00:00

For lots of people of all genders, they don't know what a healthy relationship looks like. Look at Twilight for example, there's nothing healthy about being jealous or stalking her but it's portrayed as romantic because he loves her so much. In reality it's a sign that he's trying to control her.

Also it feels like the RedPill forgets that girls are teenagers to (as you referred to American Pie). As a teenager your brain isn't fully developed and what you want is probably going to change as you get older. Yet the RP holds girls to a difficult standard from boys. A teenage boy can be an arse, grow out of it and nobody thinks anything of it. But a teenage girl can be judged for her actions years later.

WoodpeckerLogical187 · 2022-10-07T05:56:47+00:00

So there’s a couple reasons. But the reason so many women end up with men who are douche bags or will treat them like shit has to do with generational trauma. Men who don’t treat women well and have daughters don’t treat their daughters any better. Behaviors stemming from these types of traumas are anxious attachment styles, easily manipulated and searching for validation in older men. Add that and some conservative values and you have a red pilled women.

_DoIt4Johnny_ · 2022-10-07T14:27:06+00:00

People misconstrue being an asshole with charisma and confidence. Self proclaimed “nice guys” tend have neither charisma, confidence, nor charm. They see the guys that have these traits who tend to be more extroverted and loud get the girl. Women want nice guys, but they want nice guys with a backbone.

Pomeranian111 · 2022-10-07T04:30:31+00:00

Do douchebags struggle to date or find relationships?

AntiVictimhood · 2022-10-07T12:36:15+00:00

I don't think anyone came up with it, I think it was accurately observed in enough contexts, and then became a stereotype used in media to solidify the idea.

In my youth, I was never attracted to "douchebags", but I kinda was. But it was because the men who were douchy were usually extremely confident, funny and outgoing, easy to talk to and made me feel comfortable, decisive, comfortable in their own skin, and were not riddled with insecurities that in turn amplified my own.

My first crush really fit this. He was hilarious, gregarious, confident, decisive, shameless, and exhilarating to be around. I just loved his energy and his ability to take up space, speak his mind, be confident in his decisions, and talk to anyone. As a previously super-shy nerdy girl, meeting him at the age of 18 was like meeting a celebrity. He was so cool and made me feel so comfortable just by being in his presence.

He was, unfortunately, quite an asshole in other regards though.

I was never attracted to that, but all the other appealing qualities that initially overshadowed his douchiness.

Additionally, some women are definitely attracted to power and status, and in my experience people who do have power and status also become entitled, develop a superiority complex, and kinda turn into assholes around those they perceive to be lower-status than them. So I think for people who are attracted to those with power and wealth, they tolerate the douchiness that often comes along with being in a position of power.

UnableBug8111 · 2022-10-07T05:31:02+00:00

I think theres men who see douchebag guys who look or act"cool" and see how much success these have with women in comparison to their non douche self. Of course this isnt always true though. It often shallow and fake and fleeting. I think a lot of it is because the douchebag is willing to simply more willing to ask women out or be over confident and think they have a chance- making them more likely to get a chance with a woman. The non douchebag may be less likely to approach. I dont agree with it but nice guys finish last is often the case with women i see over and over. Especially younger ones who are big on social status or appearances partying or money. It may often times be the "hot" woman. The higher quality woman will be less likely to fall for these things. However, i think women usually grow out of this and then the non douche comes in the spotlight.

Honestly if i was a guy i would probably think the same thing as you. If i was unsuccessful with women it might be very tempting for me to fall into that trap. It depends though. Like an athlete guy whos 6'5 probably gets tons of attention and doesnt need to act douchey. I am saying this from a 25 year old womans perspective. Ive seen it over and over again with a variety of friends and friends of friends. High quality women never fall for this- some really hot and some not. So many hot girls i know fall victim to chasing and being satisied by the wrong things.

classicslayer · 2022-10-07T17:09:01+00:00

"Like" isnt a good term to use its more so they are attracted to qualities douchebags might have. Liking someone has nothing to do with love romance or respect.

WaffleConeDX · 2022-10-07T09:44:33+00:00

Because it was a way to deflect that men can be shitty. So instead of blaming shit men. They say it’s because women like shit men. The whole “well you chose him narrative”

DanMarinosDolphins · 2022-10-07T11:26:02+00:00

I think it's the fact that there are many men who can not get access to sex or girlfriends while women simultaneously constantly complain about men romantically. So to that segment of men, women are both picky, and dating horrible men. So they conclude that women are picky about shallow things. In reality, most men are infused with patriarchal ideas, including men who internalized sexist concepts without realizing it, or ideas that are basically benevolent sexism. So most women who date period will encounter patriarchy and then complain about it. It has nothing to do with who they're selecting.

TryptamineTester · 2022-10-07T05:31:57+00:00

Nice guys

rafaman777 · 2022-10-07T06:43:28+00:00

Probably from way back in the late 90s from MysteryMethod or Ross Jefferies. Its an extension of Alpha males mating strategy taken from evolutionary psychology. The alpha in the animal Kingdom is favoured by the females and has aggressive, dominate and assertive traits. I guess if we transfer this to humans this would be a Chad, a movie star, a politician, a famous athlete etc. The douchebag doesn't always get girls he's just more likely to because he speaks up for his wants and would actually approach. The beta watches from the side line and never enters the game.

To the Redpill this is proved true because the first humans behaved like this and its ingrained into us as a default into our genes. This has been proved false over and over yet its spouted like Bible in the redpill. To the Redpill so many explanations come down to how our supposed Caveman ancestors acted. So despite our developments in morality, technology, science, culture we are all slaves to our simple cavemen brains.

chisana_nyu · 2022-10-07T17:44:10+00:00

Some douchebags are hot. Am woman, have been attracted to hot douchebags. It's not always complicated.

NationalistGoy · 2022-10-07T18:37:41+00:00

It's a stereotype, the thing with stereotypes is that they are usually based on reality.

oneofamike · 2022-10-07T18:22:45+00:00

I’ve come to the conclusion women are attracted to either one of 3 guys: Funny Guys, Hot guys or Rich guys. Some women want all 3. I find as long as you fit in one of those 3 types you don’t need to be an asshole.

SilverTango · 2022-10-07T08:06:36+00:00

It's a perception of strength. It makes sense if a woman cannot distinguish.

Nightchanger · 2022-10-07T11:20:09+00:00

You mean the dark mysterious type

ComebackDaddy · 2022-10-07T16:03:27+00:00

Because at least 50% do though if they could chose to not live d bags they would.

Just many feel either they can’t or aren’t fully liveable and or no one can live them to the extent that they want so they go for men whom display at least the toxic masculine traits as opposed to the divine masculine or toxic feminine as opposed to divine feminine.

Yet men and others also do the same.

My sources for this is attachment theory statistics that suggest 50% of people have some form of broken attachment style that effects their ability to bond have empathy and become essentially one unit which is the three pillars to creating maximizing desire love and attachment.

See Neurobiologist Professor Andrew Huberman’s on YouTube’s video of the hard science of desire love and attachment dated 3022-02-14 for more on this.

capricorndyke · 2022-10-07T16:18:08+00:00

Well I don't think someone came up with the idea as much as people observe their environments and they make impressions off of them. I think that women don't necessarily 'like' douchebags as much as they enjoy sleeping with him if he is good looking. I think you will see the goodlooking douchebag type having more short-term/casual flings or hook ups. They aren't really relationship material according to most women. Some might even be a bit domineering and I don't think that creates a healthy long-lasting relationship.

But yeah I don't think being a douchebag as you say will get you too far. It sounds lonely actually. And I think people can still find success in love, dating, and sex without being mean.

rhymeswithgarlic · 2022-10-07T16:29:49+00:00

Answer to the question in your post's title:

Douchebags.

rhymeswithgarlic · 2022-10-07T16:42:04+00:00

Women who have unresolved and un-integrated issues stemming from having had an emotionally neglectful or unavailable father, will seek to re-enact and resolve that drama - and all of its heartbreak - in their adult romantic relationships. Don't be the guy that an unhealthy, un-healed woman uses for her next experiment or test case.

Particular_City8252 · 2022-10-07T21:06:50+00:00

Why can’t people be individuals instead of what “women” want and what “guys” should be like? I think this is very “redpill” thinking.

goodboy92 · 2022-10-07T22:05:44+00:00

Not douchey but with the same confidence of Steven Stifler, she has to feel the life that you emanate.

hoopladoopla66 · 2022-10-08T08:11:59+00:00

Pretty much douchebags came up with the idea haha. It’s also pretty inaccurate, i know some women like and are attracted to “douchebags” but that doesn’t necessarily represent the female gaze.

My personal definition of the female gaze is that it views attraction as 40% looks, 60% personality, it gives more leeway for people’s soul and spirit to overcompensate and shine. I personally never have been attracted to the “douchebag” type but I also think we need to stop viewing people as categories or aesthetics, we’re human.

Title	Who came up with the idea that women like douchebags?
Author	spankyourkopita
Upvotes	38
Comments	40
Date	October 7, 2022 3:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/xxos82/who_came_up_with_the_idea_that_women_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/who-came-up-with-the-idea-that-women-like.1134773 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134773

Comments