What can the girl, for whom RedPillWomen's advice is not working, do?

marceqan · 2023-03-11T13:35:30+00:00

I dont think it has ever been said on this sub that by just being cute and feminine men will approach you. Yes, it makes it easier to attract men, but they won’t appear in your living room to ask you out. You need to put yourself out there, it is indeed terrifying and you might get burned, but without trying it’s unlikely you will meet someone. Dating apps are a good start, the topic “where to meet eligible men” has been brought up many times on this sub, it can give you some ideas.

cekaosam · 2023-03-11T13:58:30+00:00

the feeling you're describing is envy since jealousy means a feeling of safeguarding something already yours because you're afraid someone is after it, opposite is envy, longing for thing that isn't yours.

get a dating app. those colleges weren't laughing about you and you don't care what others think of you. dating apps are great ego boost for women and youll see how many guys are actually interested and will be relieved.

men are really not complicated, you are now unfortunately but you can change that, you're emotionally intelligent and seem like a sweet girl so i wouldn't worry about your happiness in the future !

faerie87 · 2023-03-11T11:34:57+00:00

Something sounds off. Do you have social anxiety or you give out extreme insecurity or negative vibes. Men usually look at any girl wearing a shorter skirt or whatever. Maybe you are located in an ultra conservative country idk. But you may need to see a therapist for this. It's unlikely your looks/appearance

Do you smile often?

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2023-03-11T12:12:53+00:00

I agree with other posters that something sounds off.

I don’t know your personal circumstances but I can share personal observations of other women who struggle to find partners. I have a friend who on paper has all the right feminine qualities- slim, dresses well, cooks, cleans, caring, warm etc. She’s approaching 38 but looking at her, you’d think she’s in her late 20s. When we went to parties, it seemed that men found her attractive and would talk to her.

When I first met her, I did wonder why she struggled so much to find a partner but after spending more time with her I realised that she had an overwhelming negative outlook to life. Very much a glass half-empty person but her energy overall can be quite draining. My partner and I love her as a friend but have to limit 1-1 time or hang out as a group because of this. Sometimes she’d tell us some problems and we’d wonder why it became a problem in the first place (though wouldn’t say it outloud) but her reactions to them seemed completely disproportionate. Occasionally we’d try to get her around to see an alternative perspective of the situation but she’d be adamant that it’s ‘her way or the highway’.

But now I understand. Outwardly she seemed to have the right warm qualities to attract a partner but her RMV needed work.

Not saying this is you but saying things like you’re feeling jealous and hateful towards other women and wondering why life is unfair, comparing why they have everything and you have nothing- these are red flags 🚩🚩🚩. I would suggest some therapy to allow introspection on changing how you view yourself and others.

Jenneapolis · 2023-03-11T17:22:15+00:00

You just need to go out on some dates. You say you’ve been online dating but never been on a date in your life? Just ask someone and go! Literally look at it as practice. Don’t expect someone to be your soul mate or compliment you, just think instead “I’d like to have dinner / coffee and it’d be nice to chat with someone while I do it.” If you don’t like him, nothing wasted other than a couple of hours. Aim for a couple dates a month and just practice chatting, asking questions, being positive, and talking about yourself. Don’t take it too seriously. Also read surrendered single.

Get yourself out there. Men rarely approach people in public anymore and for good reason. You have to go after what you want more and dating apps are a way to do that.

SunshineSundress · 2023-03-11T20:52:13+00:00

Judging at your responses to everyone, I can see one BIG way you are not following RPW advice and that might be hindering you. Sure, becoming physically attractive and feminine looking will help you, but it all means nothing if you are so insecure that you do not let yourself be warm and receptive to people.

I do all the thing that are stated here as “just do it and you’ll have a boyfriend in no time!”

First of all, I don’t think anyone has said that. A lot of these things take time, work, and ACTIVE effort. Something tells me that you haven’t tried things like The Art of the Bad Excuse, which is one of the BEST pieces of advice for single women here. Attractive, masculine men do not fall out of the sky and land in your lap. Many of the women here met their boyfriends and husbands on dating apps, some sending the first message themselves. I spent a few YEARS striking up conversations with as many men (and people in general) as I could, because I knew I was like you and my social anxiety, insecurities, and cold demeanor was preventing men from being interested. It was a little awkward at first, sure, but it absolutely helped me get out of negative thought patterns like the ones you have mentioned, which was the key to cultivating a warm and receptive attitude that made men excited to engage with me.

You are jealous of your mom that a man struck up a conversation with her, but you are forgetting that she was willing to respond in a friendly way while you “practically ran out if the train wanting to leave him behind”. And this is a kind old man that you are not attracted to or intimidated by. It makes me wonder how cold you get when a man is attractive to you.

Then there’s the ghosting. Although that guy showed his true colors, instead of believing that a genuinely attractive man could be interested in you, you assumed it was some kind of sick joke and ghosted him. In an effort to protect yourself, you are behaving in an extremely callous way, which 1) is the opposite of being the goddess of fun and light that RPW encourages and 2) preventing any interested man from even trying. You are literally cock-blocking yourself, lol.

You need to fix your attitude. The whole “woe is me” schtick will leave you exactly where you are: frustrated, lonely, and insecure. You have to put yourself out there, and realize that no one cares enough to hate you, embarrass you, or judge you. It worked for this girl, and it could work for you too, as long as you get out of your own way.

CountTheBees · 2023-03-11T10:55:24+00:00

Can you please describe in detail the interaction with the old fat man and you and your mother, what he said, how he approached, what you were doing, etc.

willowaverie · 2023-03-11T11:33:51+00:00

Are you on any dating apps? Do you notice when men try to strike a conversation or do you send closed off vibes?

AnyFirefighter5358 · 2023-03-11T18:49:14+00:00

I am a psychologist, if you need to talk to someone you can DM.

Armchair678 · 2023-03-11T19:13:33+00:00

I have a friend from college that is a cute/pretty/petite girl and never had a bf or guys that were friends and till this day never had a bf. It’s not her looks. Plenty of women much less attractive than her have multiple bf’s. I think it’s her maturity and how she interacts with men. 1. She’s super shy 2. Comes across as immature and flighty even though she’s smart 3. Always surrounds herself with other women.

Basically she’s closed herself off to men. Men don’t take her seriously. They treat her like she’s 10. You sounds the same way.

As to what you do about it? Gotta work on it. Go out alone. Use dating apps to get dates and practice being alone/flirty with a man. Go to parties. Walk up to men and use the “bad excuse” to start a convo. Make eye contact. Mimic what other women are doing whether in real life or on tv.

No_Objective_1239 · 2023-03-11T21:15:59+00:00

You said you’re starting to get depressed because men aren’t noticing you. In my opinion, your self esteem is tied to men noticing you. That’s called needing validation and men easily pick up on that.

Picture the reciprocal - a man saying he’s got a house, a career, and a truck but he’s despressed that no woman is firting with him and he can’t get a date. A man fully in his masculine would not care about that. He might say he’s been feeling lonely lately, or has been thinking about how much more fulfilling his life would be with a partner. He wouldn’t need validation from women.

In my opinion, jealousy towards your mom is also another sign you haven’t developed inwardly enough to become a reciprocal for the developed masculine.

A psychologist commented here and kindly offered to dm with you, I would take her up on that offer. Not that there’s anything wrong with you, but that we have to work in the inside, too.

Arod-Reddit · 2023-03-11T17:53:32+00:00

You gotta:

-Fish where the fish are -reel in the jealousy -don’t compare yourself to your mom or others -what is your height and weight

funblossom · 2023-03-12T17:07:51+00:00

This sounds like a confidence piece is missing <3 Looks is one part of the equation but your confidence and Goddess energy is what creates that "open invitation" for Men to approach. What im curious about is -- if a Man were to approach you right now would you feel scared, nervous, not sure what to say? That energy can be sensed <3 I had a similar situation in my early 20s and found out I was petrified of guys approaching me <3 I did a lot of inner work and self-esteem building and my energy opened up more which gave a green light for Men to approach and I'm now engaged <3 I'm betting if you do inner work on this piece and feel safe in Men approaching you'll have more than you can handle! You got this and you're so supported! Also put yourself out there and get on dating apps, talk with guys in line at grocery stores, let's take the idea of a Man talking to you off the pedestal and normalize it as a daily occurrence in your life <3

TheBunk_TB · 2023-03-11T15:12:38+00:00

Do you have RBF?

sageparadise · 2023-03-11T17:30:08+00:00

What’s the “female beauty is highly controllable list,” could you share please?

Lando_620 · 2023-03-12T03:23:08+00:00

If you have truly never been on a date my guess is one thing keeps happening.

You are subtly discouraging men from interacting with you or directly asking you out. This may not be intentional. Keep in mind over half of men don't know how to approach or will avoid asking directly...at least until they have some positive feedback from you. If you are failing to realize this when a guy does approach, like your mom said, then you will never get asked.

I only have this post to go off of, but your tone doesn't match your words. If that is how men perceive you in the real world, you looking the part but conveying otherwise is a bigger red flag than if you didn't look the part.

You need an activity to do that is social and where you can interact with some of the same people over and over again. Partner dances are my preferred method. (Things like swing dancing, country or ballroom.) All these dances already have a very traditional framework to them, and it will show you in a fun light. Most importantly it will allow you to interact with someone multiple times over one or more nights. This increases the likelihood of being asked out as people will be able to get a clearer idea of who you are.

Booberlycrazybitch · 2023-03-12T03:32:06+00:00

Baby you need to stop focusing on getting a man. They can smell the desperation. Focus on yourself and what makes you truly happy. Happiness and confidence will attract the right type of man.

You don't want to date the first person who shows interest.

Go out of your comfort zone a little bit and flirt. If they reject you SO WHAT they missed out on a nice feminine WOMAN.

That's what you are. A woman so start acting like it. Even if you have to fake it till you make it. Your world doesn't revolve around finding a man. Make your world revolve around living life. He will come when you build your confidence.

PM me if you need someone :) I'm harsh, but I will not lie to you.

Ecstaafe · 2023-03-13T14:38:57+00:00

Men of quality are not everywhere. They can be found in good places. Do you go to church? You could meet a good man there. To find good men I was told to go to good traditionalist communities and it works for all single ladies I have seen. If you are not religious you can go to marriage agencies. Quality men go there too.

NoJournalist7171 · 2023-03-13T15:25:12+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this and it’s understandable why you’re feeling the way you are. This being said, I think a small issue (which you can try to analyze on your own) is whether we’re true to ourself or not. Not being true to ourselves hinders a lot of rest of our efforts. This is by no means to say you’re not true to yourself, but would you say you look pretty and try to embody all these feminine traits because you truly relate to it and want it for your own mental and emotional stability or push yourself do doing it in hopes that this is what will be likeable by others/men?

Another thing is polarity. Every gender has both masculine and feminine traits though women have MORE feminine characteristics and men have MORE masculine traits, and a balanced polarity creates attractiveness. E.g a masculine man WITHOUT the traits of kindness, care and love(usually considered as feminine traits) is not a good man. Similarly a woman should have somewhat masculine traits (not over powering but subtle) such as, 1- being emotionally stable without having too much need of support from other people or at least knowing how to regulate emotions eventually. 2- being able to keep yourself busy in your own life, hobbies, passions, goals. 3- Chooses people of high quality to be around such as people who are mentally strong, take care of their health by eating healthy and give importance to exercise/ are physically fit. 4- is absolutely kind to family and friends and is able to uplift them. Etc

Being desirable comes from being full of values and traits that are really strong and highly valuable. Think of a diamond, it’s previous, carefully carved and shaped but is it easily available to anyone? It’s value is high and availability is not easy but is accessible to those that bring it’s value, meaning the buyer has to have wealth to afford it. Similarly a woman is full ob beautiful character straits as well as strength in her to not be jealous, to not get affected by people not approaching yet she’s friendly and does not shy away from networking and talking to people when approached. Knows extremely well what she wants in life or is able to figure out if hasn’t already, is physically fit, healthy and takes utmost care of her well being. She is the type of woman she can value and respect or works towards becoming that woman. Last point for now, a woman of this type also does not accept men that don’t have what it takes to be with her.

All the best!

Most_Specialist1015 · 2023-03-11T17:37:37+00:00

I just want to cry 😭 reading your post , I feel you . Don't be depressed be grateful for the things that you have in your life . I hope that you meet your soulmate 💖.

ThrowRA_forfreedom · 2023-03-11T18:43:06+00:00

Girl I feel you. Unfortunately for me the answer was investing in my outer appearance more than that specific list implies. I don't know you well enough to give hyper-specific advice but I can tell you that I got proposed to by a high value and traditional man after getting plastic surgery where before I was a placeholder despite being a RPW. :(

Crazy-Vast-7948 · 2023-03-12T04:55:07+00:00

You do have to put yourself out there. There are many places where men will no longer go up to women.

Online dating can be great, besides that you can start posting on social media and see if anybody bites if you are on those, yes it sucks, but you often know people on those networks more at least. There are other activities people do to meet others.

That being said I was a late bloomer and that was because of issues that I was working through with my therapist, if you find yourself scared of putting yourself out there or "blocked" from doing so , consider therapy!

GIfuckingJane · 2023-03-13T19:34:43+00:00

You're probably unhappy because fulfilment comes from you, not in "snagging" a man.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2023-03-11T10:54:16+00:00

Do you generally not react if someone were to approach you? Do you send out flirty vibes at all? There's a great post around here by one of the endorsed contributors about how a great way to signal your interest is to drop your handkerchief like they did way back when.. obviously we don't walk around with handkerchiefs anymore but the point is the same...Try find that post. I think it was posted by the sundress EC (can't remember the exact name, so sorry if the EC reads this lol).

Also I've noticed you were quick to judge the man for being fat and creepy.... What if he was a lovely high value man that was going to make all your dreams come true if you hadn't just totally ignored him? I'm not saying that's what happened but the point remains the same. Are you rejecting regular guys in hopes that an absolute 10/10 approaches you?

AutoModerator · 2023-03-11T09:51:37+00:00

Title: What can the girl, for whom RedPillWomen's advice is not working, do?

Full text: I will be 30 this year. I found the RedPill and RedPillWomen a few years ago, but I have always been a fan of traditonal gender roles and believer in femininity. So a lot of things came to me naturally.

But there were never any results whatsover. I am slim, wear makeup, dress femininely. I do all the things from the "Female Beauty is Highly Controllable List" and I personally think I look kinda cute.

I am also sunny, sweet, kind and very optimistic person in real life. I'm a good cook and have many feminine interests.

I do all the thing that are stated here as "just do it and you'd have a boyfriend in not time!" I have never have a boyfriend. I has never been on a date. That makes me feel I am the freak and the ugliest girl in the world. Yes, the girl. I don't feel like a woman. A woman is someone sexual, who elicit man's desire.

I don't even have any male friend and male colleagues don't chat with me like they do with pretty coworkers.

I am starting to get depressed because of all these. Last year, my mum and I went on a trip to a different city. And my mum was approached by a guy there. My mum looks young and good for a woman in her sixties and the guy was old and fat, but it nearly brought me to tears. I think even my mum sensed it since she kept saying: "The guy approached you, but you hadn't reacted and I had, so he started talking to me". But it wasn't like that.

I spent the whole trip being jealous with my mum and disgusted with myself that I was jealous of attention of and old and probably creepy man.

I'd date any man who would invite me and was from my city (of 2 millions). I'd anything.

I'm petriefied to notice that I start to get extremelly jealous and hateful of beautiful women. Why they have everything while I have nothing? Why is it so unfair? I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be jaded and bitter!

But I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what else I can do. Do you have any advise for someone for whom RedPill techniques are not working?

Please, what can I do?

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Marissa_Smiles · 2023-03-14T11:18:58+00:00

I feel a very big piece of this puzzle is missing. If you do everything you say and you have never even been on a date it’s time for immediate correction. Do you have friends? Belong to a church? Are the hobbies and activities social in nature? Do you use dating apps? In your case I think you should. Also it might be time for you to consider being set up by friends and family. With no history it’s extremely difficult to give you guidance. You say all the above, but would a man approaching you agree you are kind?

Title	What can the girl, for whom RedPillWomen's advice is not working, do?
Author	_red_poppy_
Upvotes	39
Comments	61
Date	March 11, 2023 9:51 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11og7i0/what_can_the_girl_for_whom_redpillwomens_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-can-the-girl-for-whom-redpillwomens-advice-is.1172798 https://theredarchive.com/post/1172798

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