Do you think having a wildly different worldview from others can affect a person’s personal relationships?

Creation_Soul · 2023-03-25T15:15:47+00:00

each person has their own personal red lines in terms of beliefs and values. For example, I am friends with very religious people, but it would be very hard for me to date one because me getting up early each sunday for church would really go against my character and priorities. Same with "no living together and no sex until marriage". These are red lines for me.

Then there are yellow lines, which are things that I value, but can be malleable around them. Crossing these lines individually is not a great deal, but crossing multiple such lines too much becomes a red line.

What people ignore about certain incompatibilities is not how they affect them as adults, but any possible children. An extreme example would be me finding my partner is a flat earther; i can mostly ignore it because I am an adult and know it's bullshit, but there are ramnifications to a child's education.

Safinated · 2023-03-25T15:23:55+00:00

Obviously. People do actually care about thoughts

AstronautLoveShack · 2023-03-25T15:43:18+00:00

Yes, but there are layers to that. I'm an atheist, but I've had a number of relationships with people who are not atheists. My husband is not an atheist, but neither does he go to church. He mainly contents himself by burning altar candles and putting a statuette of Our Lady of Guadalupe on a makeshift altar along with some rocks and trinkets he's found on our hikes, and a ticket for the upcoming lottery. Now, if he went to Church every Sunday and tried to convert me, we would not be compatible. But he doesn't.

Same with politics - we are in the same political party, but that does not mean we vote for the same candidates in lockstep. We discuss our differences like adults and let each other do whatever feels morally right when it comes to voting. If we were in, say, Florida or Texas and he was a Republican, voting for policies and candidates that were against my moral code, we may have issues. But we're not. We're in California, and both liberal in our own ways.

CimZim · 2023-03-25T16:32:41+00:00

Do you think having a wildly different worldview from others can affect a person’s personal relationships?

Oh, absolutely!

I'm well aware that I couldn't ever date a very religious person, or someone who relied on/enjoyed hunting, or who was sexist/racist. Like, I simply would never be with someone who had the same values or worldview as my family...it was horrible as a kid, and there's no reason to invite that back into my life after leaving it.

I’ve seen people say “you can date and be friends with people who have opposite values than you”

I've heard this too, but think it's only true up to a point. Like when the Roe v Wade was dropped, I found out quite a few of my acquaintances and kinda-friends were not just in favor of it, but actually happy it was overturned. It honestly came as a shock to me, because although I knew they were fairly religious I had no idea they were forced-birthers. Some of the posts they made on Facebook were nauseating. It was very eye opening and I ended up severing those relationships.

I can be friends with people who disagree about minor shit, not things that actually have huge negative repercussions for people's lives.

What are some things you’re willing to look over? Or some things that you know will likely cause discord in the home?

Since my relationship is casual, childfree, and we don't live together or share money...I'm willing to overlook a metric shit-ton more than if we were in a committed relationship.

For example, I probably would only date a man who was also vegetarian, or at least willing to only eat small amounts of meat. I can cook meat, but it makes me feel ill and honestly hate doing it, getting the blood and flesh on my hands, ugh. 🤮 But since my FWB doesn't live with me, I only rarely cook it and it's doable.

Another thing is we disagree on circumcision. I'm incredibly, highly against cutting baby genitals unless it's medically necessary, to the point I used to go to protests before covid. My FWB on the other hand doesn't think it's a problem and if he had kids, he would have had it done. For me this would have been a total deal breaker if we weren't childfree/casual.

I'm also very frugal and worked hard to make myself debt free before I turned 35. It was rough to essentially live like I was on the poverty line, but very worth it in the long run. I gave up vacations, nice meals, movies, a better car, ate extremely cheap and simple foods, etc all to be able to throw as much money as possible at my loans. My FWB on the other hand...well, he doesn't lol. Believe me, I love him, but I am really not sure I'd be able to share a bank account with him, which is something I truly believe in doing in a committed relationship.

People here constantly tell me "oh you aren't friends with benefits, you are totally dating!"

Uh, no. My expectations for a man I would be fully committed to are very different than a man I'm having friend-based sex with.

That__EST · 2023-03-25T17:50:39+00:00

I think you can be friends with people who have different values as long as those values don't infringe on each other's personal space.

But in a LTR or marriage no. I'm coming to a realization that there is no such thing as love or soul mates. There is only a shared goal/vision/morals and an appreciation for your partner in helping you achieve and stay within those goals/visions/morals. That's the only fuel in the tank that can make a relationship last with stability.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-03-25T15:08:23+00:00

No I don’t.

No two people are alike so small differences are expected but drastic? Nope.

ChadChasingB · 2023-03-25T15:16:49+00:00

What are some things you’re willing to look over? Or some things that you know will likely cause discord in the home?

Nothing. He's right for me or he's not. I wouldn't be with someone that had different beliefs or values, because I will never bend for mine.

mplumpa · 2023-03-25T15:36:25+00:00

Erm...yeah!!!!

puddingbike · 2023-03-25T20:11:31+00:00

100%

No-Rough-7390 · 2023-03-25T15:23:16+00:00

I suppose it depends. Most people’s morality is constructed based on whatever they believe will suit their own needs and sexual strategy, even if they don’t want to acknowledge it.

Polarity is a good thing for relationships as long as neither party is consumed by their beliefs and/or utilize it as their sole source of value/virtue (we can just chalk those people up as walking red flags).

The only things I’d say that are non-negotiable/not easy to overcome would be kids (though I’ve seen countless women go from not wanting kids to having multiple once they nabbed THE guy who was out of their league in their minds), religion due to family and culture (though men typically will ditch whatever they believe in for a woman), and addiction issues since that’s based in a belief by they addicted that they have no problem) this is the leading cause of divorce initiated by men).

Even those things are negotiable though if the person is perceived as hot enough/high enough value though.

To sum it up? For average folks it definitely matters. For upper tier it’s contextual.

dishonouronmycow · 2023-03-25T15:27:37+00:00

The way someone thinks I wouldn’t say is an issue. Whether they like to think logically or more emotionally wouldn’t make someone incompatible. I do think views on fundamental human rights are a hard line though and are likely to cause more trouble than peace. I live in the UK so someone that doesn’t believe in socialised healthcare is very unlikely to be compatible with me for example.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-03-25T16:14:23+00:00

Certainly both your views will affect your relationship. That effect can be positive, negative or neutral. It's not going to be entirely damaging to your relationship so long as your basic moral views and ideas about how a relationship should be wrong are the same. Something more abstract like political views are only a problem if you're the kind of person who sees the other "side" as totally evil or something like that. I'm with someone with quite opposite political views. We agree on a lot of morals, but not necessarily on what should be prioritised in society, which is fine because I'm his partner, not his prime minister. Having diverging views oftem leads to more interesting discussions, I find.

KayRay1994 · 2023-03-25T16:22:48+00:00

while i don’t believe a couple has to fully align they’d at least have to be in a similar realm - ex. an american conservative and american liberal (and i’m talking democrats and actual libs - not actual leftists) can probably figure things out, since they’re both close enough to each other to figure it out - but the farther people are ideologically, the tougher it will be (ex. if a capitalist and communist somehow date, odds are it won’t work) - really depends on the core behind one’s values rather than the direct values themselves imo

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-03-25T17:05:39+00:00

It absolutely can affect your relationships, especially if you're an asshole about your views. I have a friend who went through a militant vegan phase when we were in our teens. We'd sit down to eat somewhere and he'd go on about how everyone was eating corpses and rotting flesh. Eventually, we stopped inviting him to go out with us if we were going to go eat somewhere and he was very hurt by it. Our mutual friend sat him down and told him he was being a dick and we weren't going to get into arguments every damn time we sat down to have a nice lunch. He got over himself and it's been much better since.

Personally, someone who is conservative is a dealbreaker for me and a relationship wouldn't work. Or if someone is very religious. I could be friends with them, depending on how much they bring up their beliefs and values, but I could never date them. You can date people who have some different opinions about relatively small things. But if we're talking about finances, how to raise kids, if you're going to have kids at all, those are very big things that you shouldn't make compromises with. Some people do and end up in miserable relationships.

gate18 · 2023-03-25T19:38:08+00:00

Do you think having a wildly different worldview from others can affect a person’s personal relationships?

Of course. The Amish is a great example.

I’ve seen people say “you can date and be friends with people who have opposite values than you”

These are privileged people!

In a TV show around Nazi Germany, there was this factory owner that liked the nazis. He agreed to sack all his Jewish employees - he felt sad about it but the law was the law.

Then his daughter got sick. By the Nazi ideology, his daughter had to be turned to the authorities (she was weak). Then, the nazi sympathiser started hating the party he loved.

Same in our time. I as a white man, whatever Trump does or says it has very little to do about me. If he wants to grab them by the pussy, I can afford to ignore that and still be friends with people that think grabbing people that aren't like me is acceptable.

So I think most can tolerate views that don't effect us personally.

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2023-03-25T22:14:34+00:00

Yeah, provided that their views are something they actually care about and make a part of their identity.

Which is not a given, and frabkly, not much to blame. If you skip social media political drama and just want to live your life ignorant of it, lifestyle, family goals and time spending preferences are more important. I know a social justice type gal (declaratively, when asked, but not an activist) married to a neolibertarian with a gun obsession, lol. The fact that he likes his food way too salty or that she does not enjoy competitive board games is an issue more frequently raised than their stance on death penalty or something.

Khanluka · 2023-03-26T09:48:17+00:00

This depens on how extrme the other world few is.

My father is a nazi. I have no contact with him. Due this

My best friends thinks we sued get rid of the king in my country and get a president. As he finds the idea of a king old fashion and a modern country sued not have them. Where as i think its part of tradiceel and culture identy. And modern morach have been more poltical neutrel where as presidant can never be neutrel.

We can hang out just fine.

Midaycarehere · 2023-03-25T15:36:45+00:00

In my own experience it is easiest to be with someone who is aligned with you on big things. But I know a lot of divorced men who pretended to think like their ex-wives did to maintain harmony. When I was dating I would hear a lot of, “In the beginning it was fine, but she became more and more feminist and eventually anti-men.” I don’t know any women that would put up with a man acting like that.

I think the smart couples realize politics isn’t worth throwing your relationship away.

MouthSandTeethTongue · 2023-03-25T15:05:13+00:00

Politics is vile.

tricepsmultiplicator · 2023-03-25T15:59:56+00:00

In my experience if you are hot enough you can have whatever world view you want when it comes to sex, for relationships and friendships it does matter. I stopped talking to some friends because they are hardcore supporters of certain political parties to the point where they started stealing tax money.

30yroldviciousbeta · 2023-03-25T17:57:49+00:00

Obviously.

Let's talk about n count

How the fuck are BBand Low n count men supposed to do that ( either by choice or by circumstance)

To a low n count individual, having sex is an important thing, something you do with a person you have an emotional connection to.

So to them it's difficult to understand that casual sex may be unimportant to women. Even those who have engaged in it.

Women.who have had sex in a casual context seem to think that its different. Ie they fuck different in a casual context vs a committed context.

But that's something a BB/low n count man is never gonna understand unless he has had sex in a casual context. (Which he may not even be interested in)

They will never understand that women fuck different.

And women trying to convince them otherwise will just piss them off as it carries the energy of a rich guy saying that poor people are better off since "mo money, mo problems" which is not even untrue, just extremely tone deaf.

This is a fundamental disconnect that men cannot rationalise away. They may be able to stay in the relationship by just straight up not thinking about it, but more often than not it surfaces as insecurity

I get it but even i would balk at wanting to commit to someone who has had more than 5 partners considering that i am a virgin. Hard to feel special, you know.

MorningAssassin · 2023-03-25T18:04:55+00:00

If one finds the other attractive enough they will probably accept a completely different worldview. So men are perfectly willing to accept some weird social darwinist ayn rand chick.

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CombinationUsed7938 · 2023-03-25T15:52:02+00:00

I can be friends but I don't think I can date.

their values, morals, priorities, how they think, etc

This has to match.

I also mean their politics since how someone votes is directly linked to their values

Obviously. No right vote, no right values. Vote right.

Radiant_Specific6542 · 2023-03-25T16:51:53+00:00

They need to have the same views for relationships, specifically, fortified by respect.

My wife and I are polar opposites on almost everything, including politics and our relationship is phenomenal.

We understand and accept out of billions of people, there will be far too many variations on what someone finds important and trivial and we don't subscribe to the notion that you have to believe what "I" believe.

Only thing that matters is that we have a clear understanding and expectation on what we need our of the relationship, what our boundaries are, and that we can respect each other's belief to no belittle them. Disagreements are fine and even encouraged, as we both enjoy different viewpoints.

vivvienne · 2023-03-26T09:41:58+00:00

Usually you need to have similar values. It's not the values that usually differ in couples but what they think are the solutions. Couples can be on opposing sides of politics while agreeing on the problems while living happily together.

Andre27 · 2023-03-26T12:59:59+00:00

You can be friends with someone who has a wildly different worldview to you. You cant be in a relationship with them. Friendships are a lot more flexible than relationships. You can get value from friendships that aren't complete, you can avoid topics of contention, and hell, you can even argue about them while still maintaining the friendship, hanging out and being there for eachother. I dont think that will work as easily for a relationship though, unless it's a casual one, but if you're building a life together, planning to stick together, move together, have children, you can't really do that with someone who has wildly different views on how things should be.

Infact Id go so far as to say you should have friends who have wildly different worldviews to yours, it's good for you. But the people closest to you in life need to be largely on the same page, some differences are fine and can be worked around or ignored, but for the most part your views need to be similar.

Cardinal_and_Plum · 2023-03-26T21:24:47+00:00

The only political or religious differences I care about in a partner are those that would effect parenting. As long as someone else is tolerant of my beliefs I can be tolerant of theirs. My parents have opposing views on just about everything related to politics and religion, and many things related to culture. They have always had a pretty good relationship. They argue from time to time and never seemed to make an effort not to do so in front of me, but I would also say I've never seen them having a full on fight. They respect each other's opinions and listen, even if they don't agree. You can definitely get past those kind of differences if you're united on other fronts.

Title	Do you think having a wildly different worldview from others can affect a person’s personal relationships?
Author	GridReXX
Upvotes	9
Comments	89
Date	March 25, 2023 3:02 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/121onak/do_you_think_having_a_wildly_different_worldview/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-having-a-wildly-different-worldview.1187924 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187924

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