Those of you who have no personal income and stay home with your kids, what does your financial situation look like?

titlejunk · 2023-05-13T13:32:45+00:00

I have a credit card where I charge everything normal- including gas, groceries, hair, anything I order on Amazon, etc.

I also get an allowance of sorts. I get cash transferred into my personal account each month that I can spend on anything I want. Spa days, dinner out with girlfriends. That kind of thing.

DH pays all bills. I have no clue about our finances unless I ask.

undothatbutton · 2023-05-13T16:04:57+00:00

SAHM. Haven’t worked since I was 7 months pregnant with baby 1. My husband works in finance. We have investments, both individual and family investments. I manage mine, he manages his and the family portfolio. He also manages our retirement accounts (we both have them) as well as our children’s college funds and savings accounts. We both have access to all of this, but generally I don’t do much with anything besides my own portfolio, because it’s literally his job and I trust him. He would consult me before making any big changes to our kids’ accounts but generally not our family accounts (again, it’s his wheelhouse.) Sometimes I consult him before I make decisions with my investments, not because I need permission, but because I want his professional advice.

How are bills paid? Literally? My husband pays them/they are on auto-pay. Where’s the money come from? My husband’s job.
Do I have a budget for gas/groceries? We have a family budget for those things.
How do I pay for personal things? With our money. We have a family budget so if there’s money available and I want something, I get it.
Do I ask permission/discuss? For something like Starbucks, absolutely not lol. I get coffee or something daily probably. That would be a waste of time and energy. Something over a few hundred dollars, either of us would be likely to check in, but not to “ask permission” but just because we generally discuss stuff like “I’m gonna get my hair done. I found these cool new Jordans I’m gonna get for me and the boys to match. I booked a tattoo appointment. I want to get our toddler a new bike.” etc. We pretty equally spend money on ourselves/splurge on the kids. (We have a budget for necessary kid items like diapers, and we have a “splurge” budget as a family for things like “cute matching Jordan’s for dad and toddler.”) If one of us wanted to make a big purchase, we would discuss it. Not to ask for permission, but more so to make a plan within our family’s budget. There’s not much either of us would really veto?

Our budget is really as a couple. We don’t say $X for me, $X for him. We have our household budget, our bills are auto-paid, our savings and investments get auto-deposited a certain amount, and then there’s extra money, and we both pull from that extra money for things we just want. If one of us was doing something more extravagant (my husband got 3 tattoos in one month, for example, because a shop he had been on a wait list for over a year opened their books so he booked with each artist) then generally he would just spend less the next month if I wanted something similar. We don’t pull from savings/investments for fun stuff like that. But that’s kind of oversimplifying because we don’t go dollar for dollar — we just buy what we want when we have the extra money pretty much, while being considerate that it’s a shared pool of fun money, and if one of us spends it all, the other can’t use it that month.

I’m not sure how common our set up is. We share everything, and we always have since we got engaged pretty much.

Hope that makes sense!

raven_lou_chicken · 2023-05-13T12:53:21+00:00

Sahmom of 2 babies. Husband is an electrical engineer.

I don't have a set budget, but he would let me know if I was spending too much. This wouldn't work for everyone and takes a certain type of discipline and self control. I've never seen a bill or bank statement He just put my name on one of his credit cards and we haven't had an issue. For more expensive purchases (more than $50 for me) I always always ask.

When I feel like I need my roots done or clothes etc, I always ask. Just to be sure it's a good time financially.

Also to add: we live very below our means. We bought a cheaper house, we drive old cars, keep our phones and buy used very often! This is so we are able to buy things for our hobbies and travel

I know we have money in savings and our bills are paid and that's all i personally need to know.

Huge_Scientist1506 · 2023-05-13T13:41:17+00:00

SAHM with one baby, husband is cofounder of own tech company.

He’s put my name on the checking, savings and three major credit cards we use frequently so I have my own cards of each. For personal things I’ll usually just ask, our budget is pretty tight as we just had a baby and his company is only a year and a half old but growing. I’m not really a big spender anyways and do most things like pedicures etc at home.

He takes care of most the bills and finances since he knows it generally just stresses me out, except for the one card of mine we’ve kept for travel benefits.

We do most of our shopping together as he works from home and has a pretty flexible schedule, I also am not the best driver 😬 so it works for us. So most of our trips are family trips and we all get what we need/want in an outing.

Mommy_Koala · 2023-05-13T14:51:08+00:00

SAHM to 2 kids. My husband owns his own business and pays all the bills. I have zero clue how money gets from his business to our personal account. We don’t have a budget and I buy what I want. He would be annoyed if I asked his permission to buy things, but I do give him a heads up if I make a purchase out of the ordinary.

This is basically how we operated before we had kids and I was still working. He’ll talk to me about the state of our finances occasionally, but usually in the form of rants (IRS! Taxes! Ukraine!) I just nod along.

tambourine_goddess · 2023-05-13T14:08:20+00:00

Currently cooking up baby nunber 1. Due in 2 months. I've been a SAHW since April of 2022.

We have a spreadsheet we stick to. Every 2 weeks, we sit down and go over it. We allocate what money goes where. We built into our budget each of our 'discretionary funds' ($200) for whatever the individual wants, and a date night budget of $300. Both of these are every paycheck, so every 2 weeks.

I have an app that has a bucket system showing which money goes where. So he'll transfer me the $$ for things like groceries ($200 every 2 weeks) and miscellaneous house expenses ($100 every 2 weeks), both of which I take care of. I also have our car maintenance fund, which we fill to $2000 and then stop.

I'm not currently on the big savings, but that's just an oversight with our bank we need to remedy. We have joint AMEX platinum and Venture One X cards with both of our names.

Yes, he makes the money. And yes, at first, it was REALLY hard for me being okay, not bringing a pay in. But now that we're about to have a kid, I feel like I contribute equally, in a different way. I'll be the one staying home with her, and getting her to appointments, and breastfeeding at 2 am. He brings home the bacon, but I 100% cook it up and make our lives into a home.

This system works really well for us.

vintagegirlgame · 2023-05-13T22:10:59+00:00

Nice to see lots of practical examples of what Laurel Doyle calls “Surrendering the Finances” and is usually the last step in her program about how to stop being a controlling wife. When a man is in control of the finances he takes on that responsibility for his family and is more motivated to succeed.

LocalCap5093 · 2023-05-14T06:54:02+00:00

Ok detailed as possible. Currently no kids. Annual income 200,000. (- taxes, I’d add how much specifically but tbh I don’t do the taxes so I’m not sure lol)

I have my own credit & debit card (from his account) and I have a debit from a small account I have prior to marriage. Haven’t talked about merging but he knows my bank account info and all, I mean, it’s not like I’m hiding millions haha plus he can use if he wished.

I get 600 usd a month (this is something I set more so myself) Husband is very laid back and like someone’s comment said he is the one that looks over finances and would tell me if I’ve spent too much or something but I’ve set a budget for myself.

I personally (and we’ve agreed) I don’t have to mention a purchase unless it’s 500+ . If I sign up for any recurring payment then it’s good to mention it. Im in charge of keeping house stocked overall and gifts for others etc so I do get some leeway.

Sometimes there’ll be a bigger agreement regarding certain purchases. I.e he loves sedan cars but I love camping so doing so has been somewhat complex due to the trunk space. Im not from the US and my license expired (you only get an extension for X time) so I need to renew. I had some issues in our city that caused some major anxiety and I became a bit too home bound so he said if I went out to get my license etc then we’d get the suv I wanted lol I also agreed to be the one to make sure it gets to the car washed and like it’s clean, etc. regarding clothes; I can just buy. If I spend more than 100 I’ll prob ask just because I like to ask if it’s fine. I also buy him clothes so he usually is fine w it. If it’s a more expensive item 250+ clothing item I’ll send a link/pic to get his feedback.

There is also an agreement that obviously house needs to be tidy. Not perfect or shining, but tidy. He gets that each day can be diff. Plus since I recently started taking one lecture he wants me to focus on that. Also to be active whether it’s walking, Pilates, etc.

If I’m honest- i feel a little like a ‘trophy wife’ but I make sure he feels like he has a home and that he is leading a home and in return I get to live a pretty nice life, be loved and have a great relationship!

** I can bring about 300-500 usd every quarter. Waiting on visa has been a bit boring so I enrolled in a masters program (engineering) so I TA sometimes and grade exams but rarely so I ‘bring’ in a small amount every now and then lol he says I can keep it 😂 I’ll ‘invite’ him coffee or sushi now and then to feel cool

My approx on More solid numbers from HCOL: Groceries: below 900 above 700 Outings or take out: 1000-2000 My amount: 600 Idk about else lol sorry he does it

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-05-13T19:46:17+00:00

how are the bills paid?

We use one credit card that's in my husband's name and has me as an authorized user. We only have joint bank accounts. Bills are auto paid, for the most part. I handle medical bills (which suuuuucks, btw, I might see if he'll handle it for potential baby #3).

Every quarter, I go through the bank accounts and credit card statements and record every purchase into an expenses spreadsheet. I check all the investment accounts; I log all this information into a spreadsheet that tracks our savings rate and net worth. We know exactly how much money is coming in, and where it's going.

Do you have a budget for things like gas and groceries?

Gas? No. If we're buying more gas, that means I'm getting the kids out of the house more and that's always a good thing in our book.

Groceries? I wouldn't say a budget, per se, but there is the expectation that I will continually be looking for ways to save without compromising on health. For example, I recently roasted a whole chicken for the first time and turned the bones and vegetables scraps into stock, because whole chickens are super cheap where we are. This was very exciting for us both.

How do you (as the stay at home wife) pay for personal things like a new dress, Starbucks coffee, getting your hair done? Do you ask permission and discuss? Are you given a personal budget?

I put all the money I receive as gifts from family for holidays into a personal fund. My husband contributes about $20 a month to it right now, and next year will be a big bump up to 1% of his gross income since we've started hitting our savings goals. If I earn money through things like credit card churning or freelance jobs, my husband and I discuss what seems like a fair percentage for me to contribute to the household and then I keep the majority. I can spend the personal money on pretty much whatever I want.

For household spending, we discuss every purchase. So if I wanted to grab a boba tea for me and the kids after a pediatrician appointment and didn't want to use my personal funds, I would ask.

Some things to note:

1) Both of us have a good relationship with our parents, who are all financially stable. This limits the potential for financial abuse or a financial crisis for us.

2) My husband's discretionary spending is about $10 a month. All the gift money he receives is put right into the family accounts. He is someone who doesn't need much to be happy and respects that I need a little more.

3) We're big, big savers. The downside to this is that I don't get to make as many purchases on a whim. The upside is that my husband is on track to retire way early, and we don't ever have to stress when it comes time to make a big purchase.

4) My husband decides things like Roth vs Traditional, stock vs bond allocations, and index funds. He set up the 529s for the kids and whatnot.

In summary, my husband's role is to increase income and to invest on our behalf. My role is to keep expenses low and to track our spending.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2023-05-14T12:00:18+00:00

SAHM of a 7 month old. I worked in advertising and was a junior director when I quit as we got married. We knew we wanted me to be a SAHM, and we could afford to have me start staying at home sooner so we did. I got pregnant right after we got married so it was nice to have the transition before being a mom to get a routine down for the home.

Now onto finances. I had a bit of student loan debt but paid it off with careful saving once I got my first job out of college. I met my husband before he started his PhD program in economics. We got married a few months before he completed it and started a remote tech job. He makes 6 figures and since he’s remote, we opted to stay in a lower cost of living area so we could have help with the grandparents when the kids are young too. The flexibility his schedule and my staying at home has afforded us is incredible and we’re able to live our lives in a way at this age we couldn’t have imagined before. We travel all the time, with an infant. We spend our weekends out and about because we don’t have to worry about splitting chores with the little time we have off, we get to enjoy being together as a family.

We live in a 4 bedroom colonial with a pool, we bought this as our first home with 20 percent down 2 weeks after our baby was born. This is after years of my husband saving even as a graduate student, and my savings from when I worked. We don’t have rich parents, we have solidly middle class parents, we’ve paid for these things ourselves. I just turned 30 and my husband is 33. We just knew what we wanted to do with our lives and we’re actually making it happen which is pretty cool.

We have a shared credit card for all household expenses including personal items or even if we feel like a coffee out one day. My husband transfers a set amount to my personal account monthly that’s more of treat yourself or save for something big you want kind of money. But we also use these personal ‘allowances’ (he uses the same amount for anything he wants for hobbies or nights out) to buy each other gifts so I can truly feel like I’m getting him a nice surprise or expensive gift!

countrylemon · 2023-05-13T16:00:37+00:00

No kids yet, husband owns his own business.

Essentially I have a credit card that I use and he runs all the financials. I don’t need to discuss groceries or household products with him unless it’s over $50 then it’s just a matter of transparency and letting him know in advance that say, I’m buying a new mop this week or something. He trusts that I know how to effectively stretch every dollar so he has no worries about how I’ll spend it.

Personal goods, I keep a running list of the things I need and the things I want, he has access to these lists so he can buy things if he wants to. Otherwise I just bring it up with him and he lets me know if we can afford a new dress or if I should wait a little.

I also myself make a small side income, I use this side income (less than $300 month usually) to splurge on myself or surprise him with gifts. I highly recommend developing a skill or a product to earn yourself a little side income. I’ll even do small things like sell handmade goods, I will join the odd bake sale, sell my separated Hostas on the curb, etc. It gives me opportunities to keep my own skills developing and money that I can do what I like with.

Usually it’s as simple as asking him. If I’m going to be in a financially dependant relationship I don’t want to be trapped by it, or controlled by it. Being able to have fluid and open conversations and trusting him to make the right decisions has been more than enough.

Right now we’re saving to work on a large project (my idea but it’s both of our project) and I went through and made a spreadsheet to breakdown the costs of everything involved and I gave that to him, so he can decide what we can or can’t do based on my list, and delegate our finances the most efficiently.

Moovmntstudnt · 2023-05-13T14:50:26+00:00

I use a credit card for everything. My husband manages the money and pays off the card. There is a ballpark number of what we need to cap monthly spending at between the 2 of us in order to save $. I get some maternity leave money right now, but it just gets pooled into the collective fund.

I do not consult with him about buying groceries, baby essentials and clothes, a coffee or snack while out, or replenishing my personal care and beauty items. I do not regularly get my hair, nails, or any other spa treatments. I don’t buy clothes on a whim.

My husband has rubbed off on me to try not accumulate a lot of stuff, so I am more likely to hold off buying clothes and accessories unless I can really justify the need for it. ( For example, even though I have no strict budget, I choose to wear one of his old hats and some sunglasses from a friend that are too small for my head rather than buy new stuff ). I discuss with him before buying clothes or anything expensive.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-05-13T18:16:03+00:00

I want to preface this by saying that if you're already engaged or married, this is an area you should encourage his leadership in and accept his setup for. Finances are the #1 cause for divorce and are NEVER a place you should cause conflict in. If he has told you he wants you to come up with ideas or answers to some of these questions, that's one thing. If you've been having disagreements and are looking for comparison points, please, please don't do that.

However! If you're considering the SAHW/M lifestyle and just want to know how it might look in practice, I'll throw in my hat:

SAHW, husband works for himself.

He pays the regular bills for any accounts he set up. I pay what comes in the mail, because it's always medical and I'm the one who knows how to handle insurance and medical billing departments (he's as healthy as a horse).
No budget for essentials, although we may casually discuss cost-saving measures if something is climbing. "Make sure to fill the tank before we daytrip to a city where it's $1 more per gallon" kind of thing.
I use my credit card for whatever I'm handling, whether a bill or household or personal expense. It gets a good cashback bonus. Paying my credit card currently comes from my old personal account from before we were married (it's a joint one now and some random expenses on his end were coming from there too... no idea what). Maybe at some point we will consolidate. Or perhaps my account will remain our primary household account and he will just transfer money to it from his personal account, where he pays himself from his businesses. I pay off my credit card twice a month as a credit score strategy, and I do it manually so I see the actual numbers.
When we were dating, I asked if he would want me to have a budget, ask permission before big ticket items, etc. He said none of that. He had seen how I spent money and didn't think any explicit rules like that were needed. Since he keeps me apprised of where we are financially, and we share a concept of what's a reasonable expense vs. a ridiculous one, there's no need to discuss. I suppose if I were ever to abuse that trust this would change drastically. If I need a second opinion on something, especially if I'm adding a new recurring charge, I want his judgement. I wouldn't ask a girl friend if they thought something was worth it, lol.
Anything related to investments and the future is in his hands.

When I was single, I saw some couples with a SAHW where they argued over finances. I thought rules were needed for there to be peace, but now, in my own marriage, I realize budgeting and spending rules for the people I knew would have only been covering up deeper issues they had with respect, trust, communication, emotional compensation, and enablement. It can all be quite simple.

anon_7352 · 2023-05-13T19:55:45+00:00

I’m basically a SAHM cause I only work 12 hrs a week at a rec center childcare where I can bring baby to work with me. Husband pays rent and utilities (gas/electric/water). I pay for everything else. Food, internet, my gas, anything else I want , insurance, whatever other expenses may come up. Everything goes on my credit card. We started doing this in January and I’m already over $7000 in credit card debt. I only make like $600 a month. My husband likes this way because he can save everything he makes for the house we’re trying to buy. So fuck me I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

AutoModerator · 2023-05-13T12:33:15+00:00

Title: Those of you who have no personal income and stay home with your kids, what does your financial situation look like?

Full text: Please be as detailed as possible - how are the bills paid? Do you have a budget for things like gas and groceries? How do you (as the stay at home wife) pay for personal things like a new dress, Starbucks coffee, getting your hair done? Do you ask permission and discuss? Are you given a personal budget?

What is common?

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angelicasinensis · 2023-05-13T12:53:43+00:00

I stay home with my kiddos, we share our bank account and I do the finances, I usually mention purchases to my husband but he isn’t super concerned with spending if I want to get something like a dress or something. Our budget is pretty tight but we try not to stress about it too much. We have a loose budget we do for most things every once in a while to know where we are at. Things change month to month obviously, some months our expenses are higher and other months they are lower.

MarchBaby21 · 2023-05-13T16:01:24+00:00

SAHM of one so far. I’m quite involved in our finances. I make our monthly budget every month using the app EveryDollar. I do 90% of our household spending. We each get the same amount every month in our budgeting app as “personal” money that we can spend on whatever we want. Usually around $100 but it fluctuates depending on other needs. We can bank this money for the future if we don’t spend it all so if I want to save for a larger personal purchase, that’s how I do it. My husband does the same.

My name is on all accounts and I have access to them. I have a spousal Roth IRA for retirement savings that we contribute to annually.

We have regular larger budgeting “meetings” to discuss things like saving for a new car, vacation, home project, what to do with his bonus, etc. I typically run our monthly budget while he focuses on the larger financial picture but we’re both fully aware and constantly checking in on these things. We have shared Google Sheets that I can log into to see where we’re at.

I like being heavily involved in our finances and it makes sense for me to be the one budgeting because I’m the one doing the vast majority of the spending on necessary items.

WorldlyCamel4703 · 2023-05-14T04:39:01+00:00

My husband and I just started budgeting this year and we have allocated budgets for house, bills, groceries and other fixed expenses. He's the one in charged of making sure everything is paid on time, I make sure things are not over budget so my job is to keep track of this expenses.

We also set aside "pocket money" for eating out + for each of us, so we can spend it on our wants. It's not much since we are very modest (even borderline frugal) spender. But we both like this idea cause it gives us permissions to spend without feeling guilty.

I have more interest in managing household finances, so I'm also the one allocating where and how to set aside whatever money left for savings/ investments/ travels etc. Thankfully it's worked well for us so far and it feels great knowing where the money goes.

Marissa_Smiles · 2023-05-17T03:43:40+00:00

Sahm of 2. We keep a loose budget. We pay our bills with a shared credit card which we pay off monthly. We have joint bank account (majority of income goes to this acct) a few shared cards and also have personal individual accounts. We only consult each other about purchases that are significant. But we also have good communication so nothing comes as a surprise. In general we are not big spenders. We have a similar financial style. We also enjoy traveling frequently and prefer experiences. I’ve always stayed home, and will be homeschooling same as my mother.

Careful-Ideal-7033 · 2023-05-17T20:33:35+00:00

My husband and I have a joint account and separate personal accounts. (My personal account is very small and only funded by my currently tiny side hustle.) I have small investment accounts, my husband has a 401k. We each manage our own accounts.

I pay the bills from the joint account, which is essentially the money he makes and that I contribute to when I make extra.

I have a personal credit card that I’ve had since before we were married. I charge household food and supplies, home upkeep things (we bought a fixer so this is sometimes a lot), and whatever other personal items I need or want (hair, clothes, skincare, supplements) and pay my card from the joint account.

My husband and I have similar philosophies with money. We’re both quasi-cheap and budget conscious yet also willing to splurge on things we really want.

I do have a clothes habit that he would probably be aghast if knew how much I actually spent. But I try to stay within a certain budget and he never says anything. We basically each spend what we want and don’t talk too much about anything unless it’s really expensive.

We do save a lot. It’s very hands off and I wish we invested more. I’m trying to get him interested in that.

SeminoleDollxx · 2023-05-21T00:18:24+00:00

My DH pays all the bills with his income. I work part time from home at the company I worked for before becoming a SAHM.

I can buy whatever I want at any given time. No need to ask permission but of course I talk with my husband first if it's something big. However I'm frugal so it's usually not anything major.

Since it's my line of work and area of expertise, I personally created and maintain a balance and flow sheet of our finances. I report to him all of it in detail, though he likes to know just the big stuff. I technically pay the bills and let him know what I paid. I looked at our monthly gas and grocery expenses and used that to calculate things going forward.

His name is on everything major and I handle the maintenance and admin work. I love it : ]

We plan 3 months in advance and crunch numbers so there's nothing unexpected. I use percentages to transfer money from our main account into various things like savings, extra payments, etc.

All of our finances are combined, but he has credit cards in his name.

Title	Those of you who have no personal income and stay home with your kids, what does your financial situation look like?
Author	UniformFox_trotOscar
Upvotes	20
Comments	37
Date	May 13, 2023 12:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13ggdhh/those_of_you_who_have_no_personal_income_and_stay/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/those-of-you-who-have-no-personal-income-and-stay.1219158 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219158

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