Can somebody explain to me the difference between ghosting someone and giving them a vague rejection?

throwawaylessons103 · 2023-06-01T16:12:13+00:00

Mostly it's just about closure and having common decency to let someone know you're not interested.

A lot of guys who have ghosted me have tried to eventually circle back around. Then they act like I'm being a b*tch when I tell them I'm no longer interested.

It can also be a mental mind-f*ck when you go on what you think is an amazing date, then get randomly blocked/ghosted. At least if the person has the decency to tell you they realize they don't see something long-term, you're not sitting there wondering if they were faking it the whole time.

Gr4nd45 · 2023-06-01T16:12:17+00:00

Well, with vague rejection, you at least state it's over. Don't leave the other person hanging.

But overall, it doesn't matter.

(speaking from a man's perspective) if she doesn't return your messages, doesn't communicate, you stop reaching out as well. If she gives you some bs like "don't want relationship now", "you are too good", etc., you don't torture yourself wondering why. It's over. Just move on.

You've gotta value yourself and your attention. Respect yourself. Don't beg. Don't double text. Don't be afraid to walk away if she doesn't reciprocate your attention.

WowYouMustBeJoking · 2023-06-01T16:22:12+00:00

Not ghosting someone doesn't mean giving them the reason why you don't like them. It's just telling them explicitly that you don't, so that there's no possible interpretation that you didn't see the message or your phone dead or you were gonna reply but forgot etc.

MistyMaisel · 2023-06-01T17:26:58+00:00

Ghosting isn't an instant rejection. It leaves the person experiencing it in purgatory. After all, maybe the person is busy, maybe something tragic happened and they'll get back to you, maybe maybe maybe. It usually takes several days to weeks for the person to realize they've been ghosted. This in turn makes them suffer hope, melancholy, and well, limerence essentially.

A vague rejection offers no more information, but it does, provided the person being rejected is reasonable, shut things down immediately rather than forcing them to suffer those extra days and weeks of confusion and hope.

There's also the element of humanity. A vague rejection recognizes the person receiving it as worthy of attention and direct communication (basic politeness). Ghosting has a dehumanizing element to it of "you aren't even worthy of a message" at least in the mind of the person being ghosted.

I've never ghosted, I don't personally think it's overtly wrong to ghost another person if you haven't been talking for very wrong. It's at worst rude in the majority of cases. But, I can at least recognize one seems to be obviously worse for the person experiencing it.

KayRay1994 · 2023-06-01T16:17:30+00:00

vague rejection - someone outright rejects you and tells you they’re not interested, but doesn’t elaborate - would it be nice to get some reasoning and feedback? sure, but we don’t always get that - so there a chance to move on at least

ghosting - outright ignoring someone and dropping them out of nowhere - you don’t know whether to begin moving on or not right off the bat, and it keeps things in the air very messily

bluestjuice · 2023-06-01T16:23:33+00:00

Offering the closure of a polite rejection is courteous. Which is why ghosting feels really unpleasant.

A polite, vague rejection also doesn’t feel good, but it doesn’t leave you guessing, which is an improvement. You are seldom going to get useful feedback after a dating rejection, which is just the nature of the thing - most of the time the ‘reason’ for the rejection either has nothing to do with you directly or had to do with personal qualities you can’t directly control, so there’s nothing to be gained by hearing about it.

wtknight · 2023-06-01T17:14:06+00:00

I think it shows a little more respect and lets people get on with living their lives sooner and not continuing to hope for something.

10throwawayantsy · 2023-06-02T23:52:24+00:00

I don't think ghosting is cruel, to be honest.

DerayRevan · 2023-06-01T16:12:37+00:00

Lol the ego someone gains after ghosting is sometimes beyond me 😂 but to me it's like

Guy: can we pls talk

Girl: NO

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Aegim · 2023-06-01T16:15:16+00:00

Vague rejection - said something so the other party can know or deduce that it's over, usually before the relationship forms

Ghosting - simply stop all communication without giving them any notice, no matter the stage of the relationship (includes when someone simply stops talking to somebody they're in a relationship with!)

Lift_and_Lurk · 2023-06-01T16:40:56+00:00

Ghosting is usually not even getting a vague rejection

“I had a good time, can I call you?” “Sure!”

Then they never take the call or text or respond.

SpiritualBlob · 2023-06-01T16:55:50+00:00

Ghosting: never responding.

Vague rejection: reacting to advances not by directly giving a rejection, but by something implying disinterest. Sometimes they also feign not to understand your intentions. For example: “hey Katy, do you want to have a coffee with me?”. Katy: “I am sorry, but I’ll be real busy this year. So I’ll see you at Roberts sometimes”.

Anxious-Tailor-7182 · 2023-06-01T16:58:36+00:00

There's none. Lack of answer is answer by itself.

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-06-01T17:09:10+00:00

Ghosting holds out the possibility of something. While no answer is definitely an answer, at least saying “im not feeling it” closes the door in the moment and there’s no lingering wonder of whether you should reach out

lolthankstinder · 2023-06-01T19:28:20+00:00

While simple, concrete, rational reasons tend to be the best form of closure for dissolution, vague rejections are the best substitute in the absence of rationality. For example, if you’re rejecting someone because of the position of the moon and the stars, you would do so vaguely.

RocinanteCoffee · 2023-06-01T20:59:54+00:00

As long as the person isn't exhibiting alarming behaviors where dropping contact without a goodbye message is often the most rational and safe decision (stalking, threats, levels of obsession that border on these things), it's just common decency and etiquette to say it's not going to work out and wish them well.

That being said, too many times, someone who has never even met someone in person and only exchanged a handful of messages acts unhinged if someone suddenly drops contact.

Like yeah, it's rude but you're not entitled to that person's attention or communication. You just acknowledge to yourself that the person was rude (or got run over by a car and can't respond) and you move on.

Eddiodizz · 2023-06-01T21:16:57+00:00

And what would you rather have? Her tell you you're a weirdo?

eefr · 2023-06-01T21:55:17+00:00

Ghosting is unfair because you're leaving the person uncertain. You haven't told them it's over; they're left in this uncomfortable liminal state where they can't grieve the relationship yet because a part of them just wonders, "What if they were really busy this week? What if they're just taking space and will call back two week from now?" Or some such. That uncertainty is maddening.

If you give a vague reason, you're being vague about the cause but not about the fact that the relationship is over. So you're not giving them feedback, but at least you're sparing them the uncertainty and the anxious waiting in case you come back.

_here_ok · 2023-06-01T22:00:26+00:00

the difference between ghosting someone and a vague rejection is simply. A vague rejection is just keeping the reason why you rejected them vague. Ghosting is flat out leaving.

saying "I don't like you because of things you do." Is vague. Saying "I don't like you because you constantly call me insults." Isn't

AlmostKindaGreat · 2023-06-01T22:33:25+00:00

People are going to put something as nicely as possible and/or use cliche phrases to avoid hurting your feelings. Men and women do this all the time.

I think I understand where you're coming from. I wish I could get specific feedback about something I did that was off putting or something I said that maybe soured someone's opinion on me. Especially when I was getting rejected a lot and trying to get good with women I just really wanted to know how to improve my interactions.

You could always ask and maybe they'll tell you what put them off or gave them the "ick". They probably won't tell you and will just give more general answers. You'll also make it more awkward, which you may or may not care about.

Unfortunately we'll probably never know exactly what went wrong on a date and we'll just have to speculate.

For my part I just accept the rejection and warmly, sincerely wish them well. I'd like to encourage more people to not ghost and let the other person know it's over. That's the best we're usually going to get.

Plazmatron44 · 2023-06-01T22:46:00+00:00

A vague rejection is just the person not being able to articulate themselves as they reject you. Ghosting is flat out cowardice where the person doesn't have the courage to tell you they're not interested any more, they're also hiding from seeing your pain as a result of their actions because they don't want to feel guilty about mistreating you.

just_a_place · 2023-06-02T07:26:56+00:00

Ghosting is when you abruptly and suddenly disappear off the face of the earth. No explanation, no warning, no goodbye, no indication that you have no intention of ever interacting again. She cannot find you, or even get a hold of you in any way and it's as if you never existed to her. The meaning is in the word: A Ghost. It's as if you died, you're just gone.

A vague rejection is when you do give a heads up about your intentions to end things. This is not an explanation, it's a resignation. Resignations don't need explanations.

It is the difference between giving a 2 weeks notice and when you just don't show up for work one day and everyone is wondering what the fuck could have happened to you.

indrawls · 2023-06-02T11:52:35+00:00

Ghosting is a bitch ass way of dealing with people. Lacks integrity. Lack of integrity equals you're the shitty human.

tinableuu · 2023-06-02T21:50:07+00:00

ghosting is me not talking to you no matter how much u try to reach out and a vague rejection is a rejection u know what it is but it’s implied because we don’t want to hurt ur feelings but at the end of the day you guys can feel it tho

ianiemasns · 2023-06-03T06:39:58+00:00

Phatic communication is the term for when what you say is intended to serve a social function and not be taken literally.

You say "hey how are you" because you want to give someone a proper and friendly greeting, not because you literally want to hear about how they are. They say they are well, regardless of how they're actually doing, because that's the socially correct response. This is phatic communication.

The vague rejection is a form of phatic communication. It serves the social function of showing kindness and empathy and a desire to directly tell the other person you no longer want to date them, even though that is uncomfortable, rather than just ghosting, which is easier on you but harder on them.

Away_Significance388 · 2023-06-04T13:49:30+00:00

It's common couresty to let someone know that you're no longer interested in them.

A vague let down is often done to save the other person's feelings and prevent an argument about your real reasoning.

Usually I give a vague let down, but a few times a man has pushed to know the 'real reason' that I rejected them after a date that they perceived as going well. After hearing the reason they usually want to argue rather than respecting/ learning from the rejection and moving on.

EmpressVibez32 · 2023-06-08T09:56:43+00:00

They are the same. Cowardly rejection. Whoever, in some cases, ghosting is necessary. Like abusive relationships, stalking relationships, etc.

Title	Can somebody explain to me the difference between ghosting someone and giving them a vague rejection?
Author	AudaciousPanther
Upvotes	3
Comments	44
Date	June 1, 2023 3:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/13xlawg/can_somebody_explain_to_me_the_difference_between/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-somebody-explain-to-me-the-difference-between.1220965 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220965

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