Was it worth it?

ABBucsfan · 2023-06-20T21:27:46+00:00

Well she is the one that wanted out, bur sure ran out of reasons to want to stop her. Can't imagine still being with her. It's bad enough having to still deal with her for co parenting. Became more and more like her mother (she sweared she would never be like her). Just became an awful human (and maybe true colours came out) being over time and worry she will rub off on my kids. Thank goodness I have my space. I had almost given up on having any personal joy outside raising my kids. I'll say I'm glad I got us to counselling and did all the homework and did my best to try and make sure my kids had a loving family. I did what I could on my end, no regrets. I'd suggest doing what you can to try and salvage so you aren't left wondering if you could have done something different or gave up too early

Nobody-941 · 2023-06-20T22:58:27+00:00

Yes it was worth it. I filed, not because I wanted to, but I had to. Her behavior was getting worse and worse to the point where it was going to destroy everything. I had initial regrets when I first left but as soon as she was served with the papers, she completely justified my fears and went full nuclear. Fortunately, I was clear of ground zero then and only had to deal with the collateral damage.

I made the decision...but I didn't have a choice. It's been an awful experience, the worst of my life, but it gets better by the day. It's still going to be an ongoing ordeal until the kids are old and grown but it's definitely better than it would have been and the arrow is still pointing up.

Each situation is different and it's a life changing decision...good luck with yours.

Due-Ad4708 · 2023-06-21T09:20:17+00:00

Whenever I miss my life with her, I focus on "how I felt with her", alone, every time judged, always being compared, garbage, not enough man, a npc, etc. I don't want to come back to those feelings. The person that I loved doesn't exist anymore. I used to sleep 8 hours and wake up tire, now I sleep 5 and I'm fresh.

ranger69danger · 2023-06-20T21:30:22+00:00

I got to be a dad bc I chose to divorce. 100 worth it

voncichlid · 2023-06-21T00:41:45+00:00

They say women inititate 70% of divorces, but I am starting to think the other 30% are just men beating the woman to the punch.

I'd bet at least 90% of marriages are, for all intents and purposes, ended by the woman.

RideATX · 2023-06-20T21:12:57+00:00

Not a lot of guys who filed hang out here... Generally the person that files wants the divorce and doesn't need advice or support.

No_Application_2807 · 2023-06-21T04:12:39+00:00

I’m 3 months in and right now, I honestly would say. I regret it.

Ours was a mutual split, but at the same she was thinking about divorce the last 3/4 years. I think I kind of opened up the door and she ran through it.

Maybe after I get through this rough patch I can come back and provide an update.

Divorce sucks, sucks major ass. We were married for 7 together for 12 years.

Being lonely, it’s very hard to do. Thank god I have a lot of family around me. I miss my house, my dog, and her tbh.

I would literally try everything if I was you. Therapy for your self, marriage counseling, journal your thoughts/feelings and why you are considering it. Do a pros and cons list if you have to.

Dm me if you want to talk more.

email68 · 2023-06-21T05:07:05+00:00

She cheated, we mediated, but technically I filed, yes it’s better now.

hikeruntravellive · 2023-06-21T02:01:03+00:00

My ex filed against me and tore our family apart because “she changed and felt we’re not compatible any longer”.

With a lot of help from then brothers here I eventually got myself together. Now I’m divorced, have more than 50-50 and much happier.

Yes I was willing to put up with a shitty sexless marriage for the kids sake but she decided to file. I’m in a much better place now and less than a year later.

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-06-21T02:59:14+00:00

not my choice

i'd still do anything to fix it

she's unable to control her emotions around me

unable to discuss anything-to make any effort

ImprovementBrave3015 · 2023-06-21T03:11:08+00:00

My life sucks because of it. But I also am still in that transition phase. We have been apart for 12 months now, and after what has taken place in the last 12 months. I know I’ll come Out the other side much better. My kids won’t talk to me. I have 2 to pay for. But the older is 15 next month. So 3 short years then I’ll only be paying for 1. And at that point it will be a fully remote job to cover that cost, and a one way ticket to a foreign destination where my cost of living will be low enough it won’t matter.

lazyassnail · 2023-06-21T14:05:16+00:00

It was most important decision in my life. When I look back myself one year ago, I was in hell of misery…and each day it got better and better when I served her notice. She went absolutely crazy after that with full on tactics and unleashed weapons at me, but I am surviving all of that. And it essentially proves my decision was right. Dignity and peace cannot be compromised. I can’t put it in words how much peaceful and stressless I am able to live today even though my divorce case and DV case is going on. I feel I regained my sanity and my life after divorce process started. It is miles to go but I am enjoying this crucial one time diversion in my life.

dadplup · 2023-06-21T16:41:52+00:00

I put in almost 19 years in, hoping that she would wake up and change, no such luck, she had 2 boys already by the time we got married they were 7 and 1 and we had a daughter together

Our life was ok, because I saw everything with rose colored glasses, it lasted about 8 years, when I voice my issues to encourage a discussion, she went out and cheated

The next 10 years were hell , the stress was killing me slowly, I developed anxiety and depression and developed ptsd, my diabetes was out of control, I lost a lot of weight to the point I looked sickly, I even tried to end it all.

It was then that I realized the kids were not going to be ok if I left them with her, so I made a decision and stayed to protect them as much as I could, it didn't go as well as I hoped but when my daughter turn 17 I filed for divorce, the next 2 months were horrible as my ex tried everything she could to get me in trouble, locked up so she could leave the state with my daughter , it didn't work, and 6 months later the divorce was done

Life after hasn't been the best but both my daughter and I are happier, more at ease, I stopped losing weight and put some on , in no longer on meds for depression, my daughter has already gone thru therapy since and i was given custody because my daughter asked to stay with me, we were always close, now we are closer, as far as my ex? She left town and disappeared for about a year with no contact, locked us out of social media and has had about half a dozen phone numbers since then, not a perfect life but looking back I must say

Yes it's worth it

RunTheBull13 · 2023-06-21T02:48:48+00:00

I'm not there yet as I'm still in the process, but I know it will all be much better. It is hard at the moment.

PutInternational5252 · 2023-06-21T04:15:37+00:00

No kids? Yes and yes. Kids? No, can't tell you (but I don't think so).

fredatbu · 2023-06-21T04:25:52+00:00

Yeah, it’s worth it when your X was not capable of being faithful and you were teaching your boys by example that this is okay.

Title	Was it worth it?
Author	Significant_Step_893
Upvotes	13
Comments	30
Date	June 20, 2023 8:55 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14emxpi/was_it_worth_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/was-it-worth-it.1223058 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223058

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