How long did you marriage last and how long did it take to heal completely?

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-07-09T13:02:31+00:00

Heal?

Probably never

24 years next month (29 as a couple. Minus the last year of course)

Divorce started last month

I suppose if I find a new relationship it will help

But I will always want my marriage and family Back

extramediumweaksauce · 2023-07-09T14:06:26+00:00

Married 18 years, she left Jan 22, divorce final in Oct of 22. Better off in every conceivable way, but still a mess.

No-Exit6560 · 2023-07-09T14:00:36+00:00

4 years.

I’ll never be the same man I was when I said those vows.

Vows I intended to honor until my then spouse threatened me with a false dv charge that would’ve gotten me deported(immigrated to her country and she was my sponsor) and essentially never allowed to see my son again.

So, I don’t think any amount of therapy is gonna be able to button that up, or give me the ability to ever fully trust in a relationship again.

marineexmo · 2023-07-09T16:25:38+00:00

Married 12 years. I don't think you ever completely heal. It's like getting wounded or scarred. It doesn't hurt anymore, but you can still see the scar. You faintly remember the pain it caused, but it's numbed. It was part of my overall real-life experience, which I would not change.

I've been very happy in my relationship and my marriage for over 37 years to a loving, faithful wife who I love dearly. It was 3 years after D-day, and I had a lot of catching up with the ladies in between. There were 2 women 'friends' that played a major part in my healing at the time, but it was meeting my wife that set my course right for life.

dnbndnb · 2023-07-09T18:14:14+00:00

31 married, 35 together. She cheated at 10 years. I kept it together to save the kids but it never really recovered. Almost called it myself at 20 years due to emotional abuse. Split two years ago this month, divorced 1.5 years ago. Spent most of last two years reading stuff & watching YouTube videos to find the answer to our dysfunctional marriage. Someone here posted the link below and it brought me closure. Now I rarely think of her. I doubt I’ll even date again & certainly will never marry again. Life is peaceful now.

https://www.drpsychmom.com/2020/04/11/men-who-think-their-primary-value-is-being-a-workhorse/

ijustdontcare74 · 2023-07-09T14:54:54+00:00

13yrs and it took at least 12 months to get over. I started detaching myself at least 6months before the end because her behaviour killed what little love I had left. Once free from her and in my own place the healing started by spending time doing what I wanted, when I wanted and with whom I wanted.

kencinder · 2023-07-09T12:55:45+00:00

Just shy of 10th anniversary when she cheated and wanted a separation last May, she moved out last August. I'm still not totally healed, and I'm the one pushing a divorce through that I didn't want.

acg34 · 2023-07-09T14:17:56+00:00

25 years, 30 together. I’m over it, but she’s lost nearly everything she got in the divorce and now wants more.

Next-Astronomer657 · 2023-07-09T15:17:28+00:00

Married 4 yrs been a slow 8 months but my nuts will always be here 💯💯💯

Gattsama · 2023-07-09T15:46:29+00:00

Together 17 years, married 12 years, no kids, I was a virgin when we meant. Separated Oct '21. I filed Feb '22. Divorced Nov '22 and house sold Dec '22. Since no kids once the house closed, that's the end of it, I make spousal support payments. She has randomly showed up at my place twice to drop off boxes of crap (mostly inexpensive gifts from trips, anniversaries, etc).

As for healing... I'm not sure. We were dead bed for the last 2 years, little to no emotional support. I had been mentally withdrawing for the last couple of years. When we first separated, I was doing great: sleeping well, exercising, working extra (to pay for everything).

But the day I filed my sleep went to shit and still isn't right. It's better, but not right / back to normal. I have a g/f currently, and she's been great and very healing. But I still need healing, I didn't even realize how much healing I need / have to do!

I'm 90-95% good, but that final bit is sometimes really heavy on me. Not for what's lost or her, choosing to divorce was 100% the right call. I don't miss her or the relationship. The relationship was emotionally and mentally abusive. But I'm not healed from the drama and (I hate to use this word) abusive of the relationship.

I take responsibility for my role: I chose her, and I chose to stay. The g/f once asked me while we were having sex 'what can I do for you' and I shut down. Long story short, that question always lead to a huge fight with the eX. I knew that, but I thought knowing it was enough. But it turns out was wrong, because I go into defense mode she asked me. I also cry at times that make no sense out of the blue.

So it's only been 7 mo post divorce. I'm doing so much better, but I'm still not 'healed.' But the marriage was horrible and not workable. I am so much better mentally and emotionally now, and actually growth can occur. And as crazy as it sounds I actually have more discretionary income after the divorce. I'm paying a ton in spousal support but it's still less than thr previous life with the eX 🤷‍♂️

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2023-07-09T16:37:29+00:00

10… 12 if you count “till end”. Heal ? Never. I’m Wiser, Meaner & Leaner though .. not doing that Ever Again.

allendale100000 · 2023-07-09T19:09:57+00:00

Married 14. Divorced for 4 years. I’ve been happily remarried now for 4 years and I’ve never been happier in my life.

Divorce is like escaping Shawshank. You have to crawl through 900 yards of shit to come out clean on the other side. Now I’m finally free and living in “Zihuatanejo” so to speak. 😂

jujumber · 2023-07-09T13:22:57+00:00

13 years. Still healing.

EmotionSix · 2023-07-09T13:31:15+00:00

Married/together 17 years.

Divorced 1.5 years.

Not even dating gorgeous sexy people has made me want to commit again.

It’s like a death. There was no way to prepare for these feelings. I’m in a gloomy state. Lexapro has been a real help getting over the hump.

jimsmythee · 2023-07-09T15:27:12+00:00

Marriage lasted 11 years, but started dying off at year 6 due to her addictions to pills.

And I never completely healed from it.

Yes, I got remarried and I'm very happy. I have a great relationship with my kids. Financially, never been better.

But no, I never completely healed from the disasters that her addictions cost us.

SecretDoctor8121 · 2023-07-09T15:48:47+00:00

8 yrs marriage and still bot healed after 3 yrs..most likely never recover.Kinda write off.

dadplup · 2023-07-09T16:32:01+00:00

I was married for nearly 19 years it was finalized av year ago last February

Healing?idk but for sure I don't want to get married again, I haven't dated and stay home, not really motivated to either, im 48 in to old for the dating scene anymore anyway I hope someday I can heal but who knows, ik I wouldn't take her back good luck to you

rhett342 · 2023-07-09T17:22:15+00:00

Seperat3d after 23 years but hit 24 before the divorce was final which will Benin the next week or two.

I'm not over it. Not even close.

Agitated-Fee-6497 · 2023-07-09T18:13:38+00:00

13 years together....its been 1.5 years and the healing is still a work in progress...come a long away but I feel I'm about half way there....ill never be the same....I view the world/relationships in a different way now.

yuehhangalt · 2023-07-09T23:37:54+00:00

Married 7, together 10, friends for 18 years

Discovered her affair shortly after 5th wedding anniversary and separated for about 1.5 years while coordinating the official divorce

Divorced for 6 years

Still not fully healed. I thought I was, but I’m here because the recent death of my mother-in-law opened up the wound.

I don’t think you ever fully heal. I spent the weekend reflecting on my marriage and irrationally blaming only myself for its failure despite knowing I fought hard for it in the end.

Ncfc48 · 2023-07-10T19:34:41+00:00

10 years I'm not sure it ever leaves but you must go down the route of massive self improvement

Reflog1791 · 2023-07-10T19:49:26+00:00

6 years, 3 years.

Title	How long did you marriage last and how long did it take to heal completely?
Author	TheLatitude
Upvotes	6
Comments	27
Date	July 9, 2023 11:30 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14uwaq0/how_long_did_you_marriage_last_and_how_long_did/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-did-you-marriage-last-and-how-long-did-it.1224732 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224732

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