What general advice would you give to guys who struggle with dating?

ThrowawayHomesch · 2023-10-19T23:40:11+00:00

If you’re below 5/10 in looks, focus solely on improving your looks until you can reach that threshold. Once you reach 5/10, shift your focus on developing your social skills. If you don’t have the potential to reach 5/10, just give up on dating altogether and focus on other areas of your life.

Lina-Inverse · 2023-10-20T02:36:57+00:00

Just noticed this is listed as "Question for Women"

Why on earth would you only ask women to give advice to guys who struggle with dating.

Are you deliberately fishing for bad advice?

NakedStreets · 2023-10-19T23:17:31+00:00

Invest in general social skills and friendship.

If you’re unable to make conversation with a stranger, you’re probably not going to do well on a date.

If you’re unable to maintain a healthy friendship, you’re probably not going to be able to maintain a relationship.

AlysArria · 2023-10-19T23:38:20+00:00

Dating apps are not great.

Community centers, volunteerism, faith centers, and adult interests that aren't drinking and partying will find you a good woman far quicker than anything else. Events like runs and cleanups and such.

General social skills, a friendly nature, dependability and forwardness will go a long way.

Equivalent-Target724 · 2023-10-20T01:13:10+00:00

You don't ask fish on how to catch fish

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redyellowblue5031 · 2023-10-20T13:41:02+00:00

Dating apps never worked for me. For some they clearly do. I’ve never been the type who’s in it for one night stands or just to have a friend with benefits. I’ve only been interested in relationships.

Tl;dr; you’ll need to learn to love yourself, before you can share that love with someone else. I had to back off, before I could dive in.

Slightly longer personal story:

After feeling sad and frustrated about not being able to find someone, I decided to take a different route. I focused on taking care of and improving myself. I exercised, ate better, and started engaging in a community that revolves around my hobby. I also consistently engaged in therapy.

An important note: None if my motivation was to get a girlfriend at that stage. I was just trying to take care of myself and form new friendships.

Over time, my sadness and insecurity faded and I genuinely got to a point where I liked who I was and just overall felt better about life. It was at that time when I gained confidence enough to put myself out there again.

A second important note: success is never guaranteed. Rejection is part of the process. As tough as that is, it’s critical to not take it personally, no matter how personal it might feel in the moment. This can help you let go of the rejection more easily and not build up bitterness. Nothing is less attractive than a bitter person.

MrBrittle · 2023-10-20T01:34:28+00:00

Being single is better than a bad woman.

It seems obvious, but it is common for men in desperation to accept any woman of low value, so it is something that has to be clearly stated. Plus, when I was single and desperate, I didn't see things that way.

le_paso · 2023-10-19T23:44:43+00:00

Talk to at least 1,000 women

Dolled-To-Death · 2023-10-19T23:40:10+00:00

Avoid associating yourself with "women repelling" habits, ideologies, groups, or actions.

Social media and the impact of the transparency it provides to cultural faux pas is massive. Men have traditionally bemoaned not being able to interpret women or know what would be a huge misstep when trying to attract them. We now have tons of women in the active dating market actively discussing these things to the point where its almost mind blowing how many men will ignore it and proceed to paint themselves with the "ick".

Men still send dic pics, men still catcall, men still tell women to smile randomly on the street, men still spam "hey" to hundreds of women on dating apps, men still cold approach women in inappropriate places etc. They have a plethora of information that tells them its not going to get them the desired results but still choose to do it.

Lots of guys also comfortably self identify as alpha, redpilled, incel, or any other traditionally female exclusionary subset of ideologies. If you wouldn't meet a woman you were interested in and lead off with mentioning being an incel, then its clearly not something you want to associate yourself with. So why do it?

I think it is often understated how often men focus on attracting women rather than actively not repelling them. There is something to be said for the middle ground. There is lots of ground to cover between being a flawless dude who gets mountains of pussy vs a forever alone loser who makes women cringe with a single word. People are rarely one or the other. Too often we see guys who instantly align themselves with defeatist mentalities and toxic actions because they have told themselves it doesn't matter.

If you're starting at zero and just hoping to start any sort of connection, you should be striving for benign and neutral. Ignore what you're being told that women like and desire. Start with avoiding being the guy that women are instantly running from.

Hail_Vercingetorix · 2023-10-19T23:21:42+00:00

Not having "King Of The Incels" and "Black Pill Man" in your Reddit handle and flair would be a good place to start. Fuck's sake man, you're eroding your own value and self-esteem whether you're cognizant of it or not and bringing down the entire male gender along with you. Wake up.

BunnyFlopped · 2023-10-21T17:02:59+00:00

Good hygiene, dressing well, good haircut and posture does wonders.

Have hobbies, ambition, and show a genuine interest in the world around you. Learn how to properly communicate. Read books about it and be sure to learn about relevant communication skills so you are not out of your depth in conversation.

Tbh that’s all you really need. If you pass all of this metrics you’re guaranteed to be above average not even average.

Consistent_Maybe8505 · 2023-10-20T20:25:30+00:00

Be confident, get shower, respect woman

MistyMaisel · 2023-10-20T19:35:51+00:00

Can you be a little more specific about what kind of struggling guy I'm meant to give advice to, because in my mind there's a couple types and the advice for them is drastically different.

AttackOnTightPanties · 2023-10-21T19:10:07+00:00

You need to learn to be at peace with being by yourself and not focusing on dating. That probably sounds counterintuitive, but I think there is a lot of truth to the old adage “you find someone when you least expect it.” When you put yourself out there into social or hobby groups without the expectation of meeting someone, you walk in acting more yourself and confident, and that in itself I usually attractive. People can tell when you’re desperate or trying too hard, and those are the most massive turn-offs for women (and men).

Title	What general advice would you give to guys who struggle with dating?
Author	KingOfTheIncels_
Upvotes	10
Comments	76
Date	October 19, 2023 2:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17bknqw/what_general_advice_would_you_give_to_guys_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-general-advice-would-you-give-to-guys-who.1235715 https://theredarchive.com/post/1235715

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