The logical origin of the argument “he should have worn a condom” or “he should have kept it in his pants” is actually “she should have just been abstinent”. Why do makers of the former claims not understand the argument they are actually making?

When going through the threads covering abortion, pregnancy, paternity, and parental rights, you will see comments like the first two circle like clockwork. However, I don’t think people making this argument actually understand the true argument they are making and that they are actually choosing a particular moment in a sequence that results in pregnancy as opposed to the origin. Here are some presuppositions:

• women are the main selectors and deciders of if and when sex happens between two romantically interested people. How can I verify this (because I’ve seen the arguments against this before)? Let’s look at the topic of consent, it’s bolstering into mainstream talking points, and it’s origins. Women have been the initial and primary drivers of this. Why? Because their consent directly determines whether any kind of sexual act occurs. This also involves what kind of contraception is used, in order to receive their consent. It’s only recently that consent of a man has really come into play and I assume that’s because there’s a realization that women being the primary consent givers means they are the ones who determine bell curve sexual encounters.

• pretending that condoms are some kind of end all be all birth control is incredibly flawed. It’s interesting this point is made so regularly when I’ve had condoms break several times, and it’s a regular occurrence of pregnancy happening even with condom usage. We do not hold women to this same standard with their birth control, and I’ll anecdotally assume because they are typically pretty piss poor at taking it appropriately.

• the “he should have worn a condom” argument actually is designed to obscure the fact that the sexual encounter was not verified by him, but by the woman. She also determines what kind of BC is used. I cannot tell you how many times women told me (and there are an abundance of men with the same experience) not to use a condom but I did anyways. This shows that women are aware of their say in this regard and that if they can urge you not to use it, they certainly can command you do.

• finally, if the real argument is “every sexual encounter should assume a risk of a pregnancy” then that’s pretty much tantamount to being an abstinence hustler.