Anyone else feel revulsion at the idea of being a provider?

jesusisracist · 2024-02-28T06:26:00+00:00

Your cousin sounds like trash. I'd warn the husband what she told you. She is only using him, and will cheat on him when the opportunity presents itself.

Acceptable-Tip3386 · 2024-02-28T07:50:05+00:00

The culturing of men being providers was made to an environment, when women had limited or no income.

Now that the enviornment has changed, with women having their own income sources,

it no longer makes sense for men to be the sole providers.

About time we re-cultured ourselves and discarded these outdated expectations.

geon2k2 · 2024-02-28T06:02:54+00:00

But what did he win? The chance to be a provider? I guess sex. He didn't have the looks going for him.

All men should understand sex will dry up pretty fast in a marriage, especially in your cousin case if you say he isn't particularly attractive and on top of that she is into fuckboys.

There is no obligation anywhere for the women to provide sex, cook, clean, work or anything else for that matter. All obligations in a marriage are on men.

Bokoman91 · 2024-02-28T07:09:12+00:00

ladies into fuckboys are usually childish and unfit to hold responsibility

ReasonablyUnstable · 2024-02-28T04:15:57+00:00

My heritage is originally French (WAY back) but our family has lived in this country that I basically consider my cultural heritage to be "only" Canadian (though I feel less right to be here than indigenous). Nevertheless, as a Canadian, I have become extremely disheartened at the direction the dating landscape has taken in the last three decades.

I was a simp for a long time (basically, with similar expectations as your cousin) but woke up out of it after a bad breakup. I consider myself VERY LUCKY that I never got married, despite the cost in loneliness and negative effect on my mental health. Still, now that I have seen how bad it could have been for me, I plan to stay single for the rest of my life. I refuse to submit to being some woman's bank account. I just wish more simps would wake up too.

Nope, you're not the only one who feels revulsion. It is pathetic for a man to relegated to nearly the same role as an ATM, and for a man to accept his wife is just his prostitute.

AntiFeminismAU · 2024-02-28T07:50:17+00:00

Yes. I am tired of feeling used as a man. Dating makes me feel like I am being used constantly. Women expect you to pick up the check, etc, pursue, make plans, etc. It gets old.

Extreme_Spread9636 · 2024-02-28T10:20:40+00:00

Something that has never clicked to me is the adaptation of lifestyle. I´m quite frugal, while most women I have dated were relatively big spenders. Why is it exactly that you have to adapt to her lifestyle and not her to yours?

Proper_Frosting_6693 · 2024-02-28T08:41:06+00:00

He lost badly! He’s the unattractive beta provider SIMP that she’s using for resources…how the fuck could he possibly have won??

The Chad she’s pining for won! The Chad had her with little/no effort and in her prime years too. That guy got Chad’s leftovers when she couldn’t pin Chad down. It’s really annoying when women say “he won” as it has to be the biggest lie in history!

ConsiderationSea1347 · 2024-02-28T04:35:31+00:00

I think for the right woman, in the right world, I would enjoy being the provider. I don’t see it as being an ATM or a simp if she is making a home for me and enabling me to build the life we both want. I don’t think that woman exists anymore.

mr_ogyny · 2024-02-28T10:11:57+00:00

I have never liked the idea of providing for someone and will never put myself in that position. That doesn't mean I have a problem with buying her gifts or treating her from time to time.

This extends to providing non-financial things as well. If they expect emotional support, romance and stuff without reciprocating, that’s a no from me too.

It’s true that this will cut down heavily on my dating pool but I couldn’t give two shits. It’s really not my loss. Life is better single than being in a one sided relationship.

Suspicious-Sleep5227 · 2024-02-28T06:42:40+00:00

It certainly feels like that’s the center of gravity for a lot of men. Even if you marry a woman who is equally committed to holding down a full time job and earning similar income as you, they sometimes revert to part time or just entirely quit and leave you holding the bag as breadwinner. Sometimes it’s for a good reason to become a SAHM when daycare costs more than the income earned from her job. But it’s also not uncommon that they do this for more frivolous reasons.

Acousmetre78 · 2024-02-28T13:34:24+00:00

I feel the same. My former friend used to hang out with married women because they always eventually got bored and disrespected their husbands. They get used to being entitled to attention and a standard of living that competes with the I family and friends.

Where is the love thoguh? These girls think a man providing is not a big deal at all and that he has tii on because he's a man. It doesn't matter that it's sexist.

2024-02-28T16:32:56+00:00

In my opinion he lost because she doesn’t love him equally. The only point in marriage is marrying someone who loves you and you adore. I honestly can’t imagine anything else.

Euphoric_Passenger · 2024-02-28T06:13:04+00:00

Sounds like a typical lala chinese girl mindset. A lot of Chinese boys are also simps. So they fit well 😂😂😂

Sauce: I'm from Malaysia

Ambitious_Campaign81 · 2024-02-28T04:48:31+00:00

It's not that men don't want to be providers, I think that's fairly innate.

It's just we don't want to be spat on while we do it.

NameIs-Already-Taken · 2024-02-28T10:02:58+00:00

When a couple marry, who wins? The woman. She gets a party that's all about her, and then she gets a stake in his assets. What does he get by marrying her when they were already living together (probably)? Nothing except liabilities.

PFCthrowAwayMTL · 2024-02-28T11:55:51+00:00

I want to be a contributor, not a provider

Realistic_W8974 · 2024-02-28T17:16:53+00:00

She is more attracted to 渣男 (fuckbois).

The degeneracy seems to be international.

AntiFeminismAU · 2024-02-28T20:17:02+00:00

Yep. I refuse to pay for any woman and be a provider. Since i’m childfree why do I need to provide for any woman? If a woman wants to date me it’s 50/50 all the way. If not I’ll just go my own way and enjoy my own money.

PUMA-420 · 2024-02-28T08:15:04+00:00

Of course those females would say he won because that statement benefits them. Captain Save-A-Hoes are stupid enough to fall for that and more and more young men are becoming simps.

Amos54 · 2024-02-28T20:06:10+00:00

This is an interesting topic that I've formed some opinions on over the years. I've been divorced for several years. I was married for almost 15 years actually and while I'm open to being married again one day, I'm a little more cautious and observant about the person I'll end up with.

I personally don't have an issue with being a provider type for a woman I'm serious with and we've been together for at least a year. I'm very capable of doing this - I have a very large and healthy income and am on target to retire in a couple years if I want to. The financial aspects of this are not a problem for me. But usually around the 1 year mark you've seen many aspects of that woman's personality, her demeanor, and can get a feel for whether or not she genuinely cares for you or loves you. I'll also observe if she makes an effort on her own to do small things around my house like cleaning or cooking when she's over without even being asked. If she does stuff like that on a regular basis then it's a good sign and it causes a certain provider type feeling in me to start kicking in that makes me want to take her out to nice places, or do things for her like maintenance on her car or paying a bill she has....just something to help take a little weight off of her.

Now here's the problem in today's dating scene that I come across: many women out there who state very openly and very early on in the dating stages that they want a provider type man. When I ask them for clarification on what that means, such as what they expect the man to do, usually the answer is a combination of wanting to be spoiled (meaning getting their nails/hair done, spa days, gifts on a regular basis, etc), wanting to travel regularly, wanting to eat out at fancy restaurants regularly, wanting their bills paid (especially rent). When I hear this, and I suspect many men's minds are probably working the same way, this translates into her saying she wants a wealthy sugar daddy. Practically every single woman I have heard that tells me this, I have observed these women are usually about a month away from being evicted or their car getting repoed. Their car is falling apart or has visible damage, lacking basic maintenance or repairs. They always rent and typically have a roommate, their home is messy or if it isn't the roommate is the one who typically cleans. They always have complaints about people at their job and will almost always say how they need to find a better job, and that they just hate working in general. But if you view their IG/Snap/Tiktok/Facebook their clothing, sense of style, and places to be seen on the weekends is ALWAYS on point. They are attractive women but overall can barely keep their own lives functional. To me this is saying they want a significant upgrade in their lifestyle, nothing else.

Women who openly state these things so early on anymore goes in one ear and out the other for me. These women are describing how they want wife level benefits beginning after maybe two dates. What's more ridiculous is that their requests aren't completely out of line either because there have been simps in her past which have done these things for her, either guys her age which did all this stupid shit because they were afraid of losing her, or older guys who wanted a much younger woman and had the resources available for this stuff. What happens is that over a long period of time of a woman doing these things, she begins to confuse transactional dating like those simps showed her with traditional dating where two people are interested in each other for personal qualities, attraction, and making a genuine effort to build a relationship with another man so that it serves as a foundation for love to develop. In a normal, healthy relationship one does things to help out the other because they genuinely care for them, love them, want to make their life a little better and they try to put the other person first.

For my last paragraph I'll relate an experience I had with a young woman who had clearly engaged in this sort of transactional dating before. After two dates which had already turned sexual and she spent an entire weekend at my place, she headed back one evening and texted me that she got home safely. The next morning we did our usual good morning texts which had become our routine of sorts. Well that morning's text she sent a very lengthy one too me describing how she was having financial problems and was unlikely that she was going to be able to pay her rent, which coincidentally was due in like 5 days. She went on at length to describe how she's just not that great with money and her hours at her job were cut back which I had remembered she had told me at dinner at a restaurant I took her too that all her co-workers hated her for some reason. I responded that I was sorry to hear about her situation, encouraged her to stay positive, and suggested that maybe she could just have a 1-on-1 talk with her manager stating that she understands there's been some friction in the workplace lately and she's willing to make a better effort if her manager would make sure to give her more hours. I didn't receive any sort of direct reply to my suggestion. Instead she sent back that she had decided she was going to go "visit" an old friend of hers (a guy) in exchange for him paying her rent for the month as he'd been reliable for that in the past. After reading that I delayed my response back significantly, and later that day I told her that based on what she's telling me I would not be ok with something like that if she and I were to get into a serious relationship. So if she decides to go see that guy, I'm putting strictly in the fwb category. She did not like that response at all and later admitted the whole thing was a setup designed to get me to say "no dont do that I'll pay your rent for you". Basically wanting me to white knight and whatever other bullshit hoops she wanted me to jump through.

I promptly removed her from my life.

EOD_Bad_Karma · 2024-02-28T06:29:40+00:00

Some men want it, some don’t.

As things getting more and more expensive, it becomes harder to be the sole provider.

minimumcontribution8 · 2024-02-28T07:48:11+00:00

Some people like it, some other don't. Personally I wouldn't mind being a protector and provider if I got a faithful, loyal wife who takes care of the home and appreciate what I do. However the chance of meeting a person like that nowadays is probably slim to none

abramN · 2024-02-28T20:49:47+00:00

yeah, he should have gotten himself the gaming pc and given her the old one. The way it should work is that men grow up, they become competent and self-sufficient, they've got their shit together, and the value of their labor grows until they have a surplus. That surplus is then extended to other people - a spouse that believes in a reciprocal and nurturing relationship, and children. Maybe other family as well. Unfortunately, too many men look at marrying as a sign of success, when it's not. Making something of yourself, not being dependent on others for financial support OR validation - those are some of the marks of a successful man.

Antarkian · 2024-02-28T13:22:28+00:00

I dont feel that way, but I do feel that it is not respected.or appreciated by most modern western women. Their level of appreciation is at all all time.low. and their entitlement is at an all.time.high.

mrmensplights · 2024-02-28T15:50:18+00:00

He won the chance to continue to use a 5 year old laptop while buying her expensive gifts for the rest of his life. I'm sorry your cousin is low quality and quite basic. I guess he's signaled he'll give every last scrap to her and the children. Your cousin has taken ownership of a beast of burden, not someone she is attracted to or cares about.

Roddy0608 · 2024-02-28T06:05:25+00:00

I don't mind as long as my woman doesn't waste the money I earn. I like the thought of coming home to my woman and a cooked meal.

I'm quite impressed with my uncle. He's been married for over 40 years and even has a joint bank account with his wife who doesn't earn any money. It's hard to find a woman who you can trust that much.

HotwheelsJackOfficia · 2024-02-28T20:15:30+00:00

It's a good thing I'm poor lmao

Icy_Psychology_3453 · 2024-02-28T21:54:37+00:00

it's his business. sounds horrible to me, but that is why i made my own choices.

you are free to make your own choices.

i married a woman smarter than me. i recommend it.

Pkm16 · 2024-02-28T23:58:24+00:00

It’s hard to love a meal ticket especially when they stop being a meal ticket

spacedjase · 2024-02-28T06:37:27+00:00

Divorce incoming in t minus 3 years

Gpda0074 · 2024-02-28T18:31:56+00:00

No. I'm willing to provide if she's willing to care for me and my house. If you want that equality shit though, better get a job or your ass is out.

nikslab · 2024-02-28T07:40:25+00:00

You are playing the game wrong and have yet to embrace evil. 😈

Derpalator · 2024-02-28T11:09:27+00:00

I like the Chinese. They are straightforward in pretty much all things. They are also quite conniving. This bro is not wrong at all in his views.

ehWoc · 2024-02-28T14:36:33+00:00

I think that the Chinese dating culture is toxic both ways and incredibly more towards men, thanks to the one child policy.

WhereProgressIsMade · 2024-02-28T16:55:31+00:00

Some one once explained it to me this way. For men, the bar for a woman to be wife material is almost always higher than the bar to be willing to enthusiastically sleep with her. For women, it's the other way around but men usually don't realize this. Their bar to marry a man is often lower than their bar to enthusiastically sleep with one.

If you're not her first choice, you probably should just move on.

Danden1717 · 2024-02-28T04:42:22+00:00

Nope. I'm always the provider in my relationships and I want kids in the future. I don't feel like I have to be, it's just something I feel good about doing.

Low_Breakfast3669 · 2024-02-29T05:42:13+00:00

I only feel revulsion if I or someone is being a provider to an undeserving woman.

I absolutely want to be a provider . . . . . to a good woman.

The problem is men confuse provider with slave and/or provide for absolutely horrific women.

Lonely men and simps abound. Women have zero morals when it comes to taking advantage of these men because they whole heartedly believe they are entitled to it. It doesn't register on even a subconscious level that they are taking advantage of them. That's the level of certainty they have.

I desperately want to be a provider to a good and deserving woman.

It is my opinion that providing for your woman and your family is a fundamental part of a man's mental health.

Which is why I believe so many men fall into that role despite the horrific nature of their arrangement.

Think of it like this. You're dying of thirst and someone offers you water in exchange for one of your toes or a finger. You're going to take that deal, even if the water is dirty or contaminated and your loosing a body part. You're literally dying here.

Men need to feel useful. We have a need to be providers. We need to feel loved, even if it's only transactional.

This need is stronger in some men than others. Some men learn to control it better or find more suitable outlets.

I think im a good example.

I have a very strong desire to be a provider, but TRP has trained me to control and redirect this need in more positive and safe ways and not be another cancerous simp.

Ex: I just took my 4 nieces and nephews to the county fair tonight.

sheyesheye · 2024-02-28T07:08:41+00:00

The potential to have a human being with his last name? & apparently the romantic partner of his dreams

Illustrious_Bus9486 · 2024-02-28T22:46:48+00:00

It is the natural order of things. 2.5 million years of hominid evolution has made women hypergamous and men the providers.

Watcher2 · 2024-02-29T00:42:45+00:00

Feel this exact same way OP, thanks for articulating this so well, you’re not alone.

Milk--and--honey · 2024-02-29T02:45:13+00:00

I think every couple should do what works for them. Some men want a housewife, so in that case they should be the provider. Some men want 50/50 and that's ok too

I would be very hurt if I was dating someone who had a "type" that wasn't me. Like imagine if a guy said "I want to sleep with strippers and party girls but I'll settle down with a plain boring girl" that's basically what your cousin is saying

Shiva_uchiha · 2024-02-29T03:18:48+00:00

It's not the status of provider. For me what's toxic about this entire situation is she is more attracted to fuckboys.

It's almost like men have different value and lowest one in her perspective needs to pay up more to earn the right to be in a relationship with her. This downright insulting. You should probably tell the dude about this, That's the moral thing to do.

wordjedi · 2024-02-29T03:55:47+00:00

Most of the doctors and dentists I've seen the past couple of decades have been female. I worked with very well paid female senior engineers many times. Nice cars and huge houses.

My problem: I made good money too, but never needed or wanted the fancy stuff. The simple life for me! But there are almost no thrifty women. If they have it they spend it, until they have two extra bathrooms and three extra bedrooms they don't use but all immaculately decorated.

I don't want to live with and share a bank account with somebody like that. She will work me to death like an old donkey Take back your "no" my friends. Don't live with or marry women until the world changes (it won't)

EvilManDevil · 2024-03-04T01:19:05+00:00

I like to provide for people I love by my own choice when I feel like it, but no, I don't like having the provider role.

Title	Anyone else feel revulsion at the idea of being a provider?
Author	DFVSoldHisOptions
Upvotes	232
Comments	73
Date	February 28, 2024 3:54 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1b1wf0k/anyone_else_feel_revulsion_at_the_idea_of_being_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/anyone-else-feel-revulsion-at-the-idea-of-being-a.1246649 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246649

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