[33M] My game is tight in all areas: look good, feel good, make good money, well built etc. I just don't have the balls to approach! How to work my way up to an approach?

omanisherin · 2022-09-06T22:50:38+00:00

Don't approach a girl. Start talking to everyone. Start beaming out positive energy to srangers on the regular. Have no intentions, just give out compliments, share a laugh, make a joike etc...

If you only approach pretty women they will smell your intent. Don't have an intent. Just connect with folks.

Then when you connect with some you are attracted to, ask me if they are interested in getting a coffee. Smooth transition.

5_7pickup · 2022-09-07T00:05:22+00:00

I was in a similar situation to you over a year ago. The approach is honestly the easy part. Building attraction is far more difficult.

The simple answer: walk up to her and say hi.

The complex answer depends on whats holding you back. Some guys worry about not knowing what to say. Some have crippling anxiety that literally prevents them from doing it. Some are afraid of rejection.

The best places for cold approach is night game. Bars, clubs, night events. Why? Because people go there to socialize so it’s more congruent with cold approach.

You dont need to wait for eye contact or IOIs. If i waited for IOIs I would have fucked 0 girls in the last 12 months. Instead, Ive slept with dozens and made out with hundreds by approaching without IOIs. Refer to my field reports. Ive documented my journey since day 1.

YouGotTangoed · 2022-09-07T10:39:19+00:00

Get off Reddit, realise how much of a good catch you are, and understand it’s your duty to let these women get the chance to converse with you. Walk confidently, and if you see a girl, make a 2second decision to approach. You said you are a confident, developed man who knows what he wants, so just go for it. If not, then there’s more work you need to do before approaching.

This is how I do it, and I’m still a newbie, but got a fwb through daygame.

Don’t build your way up to it, don’t watch YouTube videos and “study” approaching, don’t look on Reddit for hours, just do it, take the risks, and think about the worst later. As long as you are not a creep, and can hold a conversation, the rest will come later. Take action!

Fate-in-haze · 2022-09-07T00:18:06+00:00

Read she's six steps away by Eric Disco.

antonthecad · 2022-09-07T04:44:31+00:00

It doesn't sound like your game is tight. Having balls is 75% of the game.

undapanda · 2022-09-06T21:39:42+00:00

So basically you have no game... I suggest step 1: get some game

JustSomeRandomGuy36 · 2022-09-06T23:02:49+00:00

It’s so fucking easy. Just make eye contact with her and if she smiles then fucking talk to her and then fuck her

GoldenTeacha · 2022-09-06T22:41:39+00:00

I suggest you increase your social circles or circles of interest. It’s so much easier to approach when you know have a common interest.

Could be sports, dancing, astronomy, etc.

Become interesting by having interests, it’ll spread to other places and you won’t care as much if you succeed and fail.

CocoBabeinNYC · 2022-09-06T23:59:46+00:00

I'm so fucking confident bro except that I shit my pants every time I have to talk to a girl.

2022-09-07T03:59:37+00:00

Go to a map and ask 5 girls for directions. Then go and give 5 girls a compliment on an article of clothing they are wearing. Then try to add in conversation

Gr8tstdamgoldfshever · 2022-09-07T05:28:01+00:00

Read “How to talk to anyone” it’s a good tool. And better on audiobook. There are some great networking and social tips there.

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-09-07T13:52:52+00:00

I am terrified of the rejection.

This is the cause of and solution to all of your problems. You have to learn how to take social chances, to be nervous about how others will react to you and act anyways.

There are many, many different ways that you can build this muscle, but they all boil down to acting bravely.

Keithlct · 2022-09-07T14:26:45+00:00

Make eye contact. And if she is smiling, then walk over.. Within 3 seconds. Have an opener like. Excuse me, has anyone told you that you are a shining example of genetic specimen? (with a smirk). If she laugh.. Then continue your banter.. Good luck.

magicfingers73 · 2022-09-06T21:47:43+00:00

Don't fear rejection, brush it off as if it doesn't matter is a good place to start

The_Advocates_Devil_ · 2022-09-06T23:28:22+00:00

Dude no offence but I think you read a bit too much lol. Just go and interact with people naturally.

Having a job, nice clothes and smelling good honestly is like the bare minimum to survive in society, let alone pick up women lol

Stop thinking about it and just go be yourself and say hi

revente · 2022-09-07T02:18:18+00:00

How do I start? Where do I go (I have been told bookstores)? Do I look for eye contact or any other signs of interest? Is it worth getting a coach?

By the end of the day, there are no magic-confidenc-tricks, and you'll have to force yourself to approach the girls that you like.

It's gonna suck, but you have 100% control if you'll approach. You hands might shake, you might sweat, say something dumb or even pee yourself a little bit. But you have 100% control if you approach or not.

Do it.

pikecat · 2022-09-07T03:38:38+00:00

So, you have all of the attributes, but you haven't got the right psyche in yourself yet. The top comment already says what I came here to say.

After years of talking and practice in various situations, all of the right words would come out of my mouth before I knew what they were. No thoughts in my head at all except to go talk to someone, anyone, anywhere.

Previously I had no idea what to say, and worried about it too.

Practice really makes perfect.

Jasonhardon · 2022-09-07T04:32:28+00:00

Take dance classes. It forces you to talk to women

WillyWonker97 · 2022-09-07T04:35:09+00:00

Look for a wingman, really helps in the beginning

atomant88 · 2022-09-07T07:27:09+00:00

thats like saying youre a great cook except youre afraid of actually cooking anything lmfao

ilhahq · 2022-09-07T09:36:16+00:00

Where are your friends bro? At 33 single, you should have a good network of friends with constant house parties, dinners etc (plenty of potential dates in those). At very least go out with other single dudes who can open sets...

Chicagoj1563 · 2022-09-07T10:04:30+00:00

Your ego is trying to protect you. That’s where all those negative inner thoughts come from. When you approach, little by little, you learn to self amuse and have fun. The ego realizes it’s nothing to fear, then you can free flow. But there is no way around it. You have to face the fear and allow your mind to realize it’s not a big deal. You have to go through the process.

So, what you are learning is to approach and not care what happens. It’s about the actual interaction and amusing yourself with it.

Amikatey · 2022-09-07T14:50:25+00:00

The first one is really hard man but can be the most rewarding. Don't put any high expectations though. It takes off the pressure and I promise you will love yourself more for doing it.

Frosty-Bit5218 · 2022-09-07T01:10:16+00:00

How many times are you going to tell us what a good looking guy you are. Get over yourself 🙄

Initial-Laugh1442 · 2022-09-06T21:47:07+00:00

Parties, clubs, dancing lessons ...

DeJuanBallard · 2022-09-07T12:12:16+00:00

Your problem is you think approaching takes balls, it doesn't, it's a numbers game. It's not gonna happen the first or second time , you have to keep approaching, which is part of why it's dumb and I suggest you don't do it.

zapadz · 2022-09-06T22:03:21+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJKiFisdi5g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68X1sqr9Prg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMChZC2fopI

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL76nuCstxs7jpcbJ3B5Cbrs7-4gTwjBWF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCU03Dp8Zw

Such_Community_3826 · 2022-09-07T04:48:04+00:00

Start with the Enneagram test on intergrative9.com. After you find out your Type and Subtype (e.g. 7w8, Social), watch a lot of YouTube videos. Stalk yourself. Find out where you fears come from. If you focus on finding a way around this fear in dating, the fear will linger and you'll know it. To overcome this fear, become intimately aware of how it shows up everywhere in your life in the past and present. Get to know this fear on a personal as well as objective level. When you overcome it, you won't be conquering it; instead, you'll be alchemizing it into passion.

omega05 · 2022-09-07T13:43:13+00:00

A 33 year old man who has all this going on for himself still finds himself not being able to approach. Experience should be your teacher. Keep approaching. Get rejected. Get over it. Keep going

billsmashole · 2022-09-07T14:14:34+00:00

I guess realizing that the only thing that could happen that's bad is you look stupid in front of strangers you'll never see again most likely. Or even if you look dumb, most people will forget about it in a day or 2. The upside is too good and the downside isn't as bad as what's in your head. Now I'm talking myself into making approaches, good job bro, you got this.

EvanMcCormick · 2022-09-07T15:16:44+00:00

So I'm in a similar situation to you: Decent looking, reasonably able to talk to people, but very afraid of cold approaching. The approach I'm using is one that psychologists use to help patients overcome phobias (psych major here) called progressive desensitization.

The idea is that while approaching people scares you different types of approaches might scare you different amounts. For instance walking up to a stranger and asking about the time is probably going to provoke less anxiety than walking up to a cute girl and asking her out on the spot. You want to start by making approaches that trigger some anxiety and making them a LOT, to the point that you feel comfortable making set approach. Then you raise the stakes a little bit and make the next level of approach. For me that's going as follows:

Level 1. Approach 100 strangers and start a conversation with an honest comment.

Level 2. Approach 100 cute girls and start a conversation with an honest compliment.

Level 3. Cold approach 100 cute girls.

This is sort of a long term plan, and I've also done a few approaches at every level (38, 6, and 2 respectively) but the gist of it is to slowly approximate the fearful stimulus while never allowing your anxiety to get too high. If you have no problem with level 1 but level two still produces too much anxiety, try to come up with something in between them that approximates level 2 but doesn't produce too much anxiety. E.G. Start a conversation with a cute girl, but just keep it normal (the indirect approach).

This is opposed to the approach a lot of people suggest which is called 'flooding': Just approach 100 women in one week This is really hard to do on your own (more common with a coach) and also has a chance of increasing your anxiety if you don't keep at it until the anxiety goes away.

PaletoDePueblo · 2022-09-07T20:14:10+00:00

I've entered to this reddit to post exactly the same. Now I feel like if we were friends.

2022-09-08T07:39:50+00:00

Read She's 6 Steps Away.

j314314 · 2022-09-08T13:04:27+00:00

Just approach lol

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