• EDIT: Had the follow-up phone call. Glad I had it, cause it confirmed a few things for me. ALSO THANKS FOR ALL THE RESPONSES, whether you think I'm an idiot or made a bunch of mistakes or not, it's helpful and I'll carry it with me to the next one!
  1. The call-out comment I made about not knowing she was interested I think was the fatal flaw. She mentioned that it felt like I was looking for validation, which was true. So I know not to portray that behavior in the future.
  2. She said "guys are trying to get in my pants all the time and I'm trying to guage who is worth my time." This is literally word for word what is said on this sub all the time!!! It hit differently hearing it directly from a woman though. Also I think re-emphasized the point I made about lack of personality, as she's not forced to be interesting at all when she is hounded by dudes all the time.
  3. She said she felt like there was an "expectation to reciprocate physically or to touch and kiss you where I feel like I was just trying to get to know you still since I had never met you before." I think this goes back to point #1, but also not sure what to take from it as I feel there's a balance between not showing physical affection/desire and ending in the friend-zone and being too overbearing. Truthfully don't think I was overbearing at all but I think perhaps I was willing to move faster than she was in this way. Open to advice on this.
  4. I defended myself on the "wandering eyes" part and said that she misinterpreted this entirely. Me people watching when there's a pause in conversation is not "checking girls out" and that I was simply giving her space to contribute more to the conversation and I didn't feel like staring a hole through her waiting for her to open up.
  5. I ended it with "I think you're cute, I'd like to get to know you more but if you're not in the same place, that's cool too and I wish you well." I doubt I'll hear from her again but I'm happy that I didn't let her walk all over me.
  • Edit #2: For those asking about the slide in the DMs part. I followed her, tossed a few likes throughout her profile first. She then gave me a follow back. Then a day or so later, responded to an old "highlight" on her profile and made a teasing joke to her. This way she knows that I've looked more in-depth at her profile as well. From there it was just engagement back and forth via IG DM and on her stories and making conversation. I've had some success with this, I find that a good bio and some good photos goes a long way. My page is also private so that she has to request to see my profile, which once she does this, any messages I send to her will show up in her primary inbox. If you DM girls that don't follow you, often times they won't even see it as it'll be in their "message requests." Hope this helps somebody!

TLDR; The hottest women are often less secure about themselves and less interesting. Don’t be intimidated but rather approach them to find out if they’re even worth your time and attention.

Slid into this girl’s (32F) Instagram DM’s. I was on vacation at the time and I’ve got a fairly strong profile so I think that helped me catch her attention. I’m not a 10 myself but I know I’m an attractive person.

Nonetheless, she’s the Barbie type. Fake boobs, hair extensions, really fit and wears really expensive clothing and rides her horse every week (lmao). She’s a nurse so she’s educated and not some bar star at least.

When I got home from vacay, I asked her out for coffee. She gave me a bit of a shit test but I brushed it off and she agreed. Coffee went well, I could tell she was interested and I made a point to pause a lot, let her fill the conversation, hold steady eye contact.

Since I’d never met her in person before I didn’t try to kiss her at the end since no real physical contact had been established during coffee.

2nd date about 6 days later, we go for dinner. She’s dressed to impress, but conversation from her I already start to notice is pretty shallow. Personality isn’t really seeming to be her strong point. We have some similar interests but I’m not getting much reciprocation from any physical touch, which I found odd given that I had spoken to her on the phone 2-3 times while she was out of town and knew at this point she was interested.

Next day, she invites me to grab a drink with her “gay BFF” before her 4 day nursing cycle begins again. I go and totally win over her friend. I still don’t really find her that interesting but she’s nice to look at. He leaves, so we grab a drink at bar next door. She’s still being super reserved and I’m attempting to escalate. I eventually just tell her straight up with a laugh, “If I didn’t know you were interested from texting and phone calls, I definitely wouldn’t know from your body language.”

Her response, “Most mens are dogs, and just trying to get in my pants. I’m 32 so I’m only interested in serious relationships.” I tell her I am too (truth) and she tells me she’s been single for 1.5 years (surprising to me) but the rest of the date went well. She drops me off, we make out (finally) and even though I find her not very interesting so far, I’m fine to keep seeing her at this point.

She goes back to work out of town and we exchange some texts over the next day and a half but I can tell the mood has changed a bit. Less smileys, etc

She then sends me a voice memo tonight. She tells me that she feels we are in “different places in life” and that “I had wandering eyes and was blatantly checking out women right in front of her and that she didn’t want to get involved with that as loyalty is important to her.”

I was with a buddy when I got this and we both almost fell off our stools laughing. Reflecting back on the three times I was with her, I can’t think of any woman I even found attractive enough to “check out.” Obviously when you’re in a restaurant you’ll look around, but for her to think that because my eyes weren’t on her the entire time that I had wandering eyes SCREAMED insecurity to me and I found it amusing.

I asked her if she’d be open to have a call to clarify what she meant, and I’m going to phone chat with her tomorrow. I fully expect this to be the end and I’m not upset at all but I’m going to defend myself and tell her we should go out again haha (why not). Any advice for that call I’d take!

In conclusion, my takeaway is this:

A lot of times we put the super hot women on a pedestal and are afraid to approach when in reality, we should be approaching to find out if they are worth our time, money or attention. In this case, I found out she had little to offer intellectually and had big insecurities and likely wouldn’t have been a good match for me as a partner even though she’s very attractive.