How to introduce sex with the girls you meet/date?

This0neTime23 · 2020-10-05T04:53:19+00:00

This is a thoughtfully written post and I enjoyed reading it just because you're a reflective person and it shows. As a girl the advice I'd give is to show interest with a constant gradual testing of the waters.

It starts with flirty eye contact, I wouldn't suggest intense off the bat because that's a direct message which you don't want to send too early on in the game (it forces her hand on the matter while she may still be figuring out if she likes you). Then it escalates from there, sitting closer to her etc. I mean you need to be able to tell if she's interested in you because then you can go for things like hugs and at some point ask her out. Don't ever jump the gun unless she's a touchy-feely aggressive type. Women are much more self-protective than men when it comes to this. I mean we're the ones letting someone else inside. Would you let just anyone into your house let alone your room? (No you wouldn't especially as a privacy oriented introvert) so keep that in mind.

If she looks forward to hugs and looks at you longingly it may be time to see if she wouldnt mind kissing. You can ask, or better yet kind of go for it then stop your self and ask her. Because then she gets a chance to see how she feels and can answer rather than cold answering the request.

Once you kiss, really sexually heating things up involves a bed. Ask her to watch a movie with you in yours and slowly get closer/see if she leans into you etc. Playfully talk afterward and see if there's desire in her eyes. If that leads to kissing, then start to touch other areas of her body gently and see how she responds. If she is not giving you much indication, ask if what you're doing is ok and if you can go further. You get the idea

And as for the virgin part, if you've got your shirts off etc it's ok to be hey, just so you know this is my first time - can you show me the ropes? Go easy on me. Or don't. ;) your choice.

For hookups idk, I'm not a casual hookup person. I do get instant chemistry with people though, but I can usually read if a guy is interested in me since I like the intense ones that try to hide their attraction. So it isn't helpful since guys are less subtle about their interest. But women show it too, in softer ways and embarrassment. Observe someone's eyes and their face for blushing, or bashful averted gazes. Some women are more aggressive and you'll be able to see the directness of that in the look of desire/confidence/mischief in their eyes.

Hope this was helpful in some way

EDIT: aw wow guys, a buff doge badge and 69 upvotes?! I'm speechless. Future number 70, you know who you are...

KrullTheWarriorKing · 2020-10-05T04:06:44+00:00

[permanently deleted]

tryingmybest_101 · 2020-10-05T06:19:43+00:00

I’m a 22 year old college kid so hopefully I can help! You seem introspective and to know your strengths and weaknesses which is good. People seem to have gone over physical escalation, so I’ll comment on a different part.

I almost always ask a girl on a date 1st. Then near the end of the date, I’ll say something along the lines of “Id be down to keep hanging out. You should come over so we can enjoy the night on the patio and keep talking.” If they say no, I just say “no worries, another time.” If they say maybe, I’ll hype up the wine and music etc. If they say yes and come over, we normally chat for a bit, and I’ll make a move to kiss her. Then, I’ll ask if she wants to go inside. By that point if we are making out on my bed, I’ll say “I should probably put a condom on” so they know what I’m feeling and can say yes or no.

I personally wouldn’t tell them you’re a virgin. Some people get weird about taking a person’s virginity and may back out.

Best of luck bro!

s29 · 2020-10-05T06:24:47+00:00

Ever since I started "sending it" I've increased my luck. And by that I mean, don't think, just do. We're taking a walk? I'm putting my arm around her/lightly leaning. Absentmindedly playing with her hair. Then rub her arm. If her hands close by you can start playing with her fingers. Basically just try to escalate physical contact but start small.

Idk what this is called (is this negging?), but light joking criticism of her outfit that she obviously specifically picked to show something off tends to be a good way to steer the conversation toward sexual things or at least let her know you want it lol. Like "jesus, do you think you could have worn a shorter shirt?!?" They usually say something like " what I'm allowed to do what I want" or "you don't like it!?!" And then you just say something like "I'm not complaining" or "well that depends what you're going for with it"

Basically it doesn't have to make any sense at all. You're just wrapping your appreciation of her physical attractiveness in a layer of bullshit conversation so that you aren't directly saying "you look so fuckable".

harrysapien · 2020-10-05T07:08:55+00:00

I feel as if some guys view sex like a "trap" you have to trick a woman into falling in it.

No.

Women are sexual creatures as well, they like sex, you just have to present yourself as an appropriate partner.

How?

Well, that definitely varies per girl, but in general, sex is all about physical chemistry. As you go on dates with the girl, you want her to have fun but you also want to clearly communicate your physical intent but you also need to be VERY mindful of the cues she is giving you. Similarly, you definitely do NOT want to rush faster than she is comfortable going.

Think of climbing the rungs of a ladder. At the first rung we have "starting out as friends" and the very top rung is sex.

As you get to know each other, you want to move up the rungs of the ladder naturally. You also want to incentivize her to move up the rung. One of the best ways to do this is to be "good" at all the physical chemistry stuff. Being a good dancer, being attentive to her, looking her in the eyes, being a good kisser, and paying attention to her physical cues...

hmmmm.... the more I type the harder this gets to communicate. THere are a dozen little subtle nuances.

I guess, personally speaking for myself. I go on a few dates, we progress to the "make out" portion of the date and I clearly communicate to the woman that I am sincerely happy going as far as she is comfortable with. When things get super hot and heavy and the girl out of the blue starts talking... that is a clear cue she wants to slow down. So I will oblige, I will noticeably back off, talk back, and clearly communicate that I'm having a great time, no pressure, we can back off.

Fuck... I'm rambling... Hmmm... this is harder than I thought.

I guess in a nutshell, it is all about reading her physical cues and listening to her body and body language to include how she is touching you and how she is positioning her body and how she RESPONDS to how and where you touch her. Last, but not least, it is okay to actually ask.

Quick example. On a 3rd date, we had great physical chemistry, she invites me back to her place, we break out the wine, we dance, we kiss, it gets super heavy then I ask her if she would like to show me her bedroom and if not, it's okay I'm having a great time here in the living room... She takes a deep breath and says, "I would love to show you the bedroom".

alright, sorry this isn't that helpful, it's late and I'm ranting...

Kavalicious · 2020-10-05T12:55:45+00:00

My understanding of your question is you'd like some viewpoints on how to get a girl from liking you, to having sex together. So I'm going to skip past giving my opinion on how to get a girl to like you, and assume you're on a date with a girl that you like and you've kissed. If you need me to rewind a bit I can.

Okay, so I'll share an experience from my past with you. With my first girlfriend, we hadn't had sex yet, I was keen as a bean, but absolutely dreaded the idea of making unwelcome moves, so I directly said, while we were lying in bed chatting: "Just so you know, I'm ready when you are to have sex". I was pretty happy with that line, I'd thought a bit about how to word it before I said it. She said to me "I'm not ready yet lets wait". Given my limited experience, I took that as her telling the truth, she wasn't ready yet, and I was cool with that. Cut to 20 minutes later, we're making out, I get on top of her a little, to the point where my leg is now on her crotch. We're both fully clothed at this point. Instinctively I started rubbing my leg up and down her crotch and she was loving it, definitely getting turned on. In the moment I knew that was the green light. Without thinking things started slowly progressing with clothes coming off.

Key points I took from that experience:

Asking a girl flat out if she is ready/keen is probably going to get you a no, not because she's not attracted to you or hasn't thought about it, but because she isn't in the mood.
Rubbing your leg against her crotch while lying down in bed, is such a good 'testing the waters move', because you aren't using your hands so it doesn't seem too forward, and you can tell if she's not keen because she audibly won't be enjoying what your doing, or will turn away.

Godspeed my friend, you seem like someone with a good head on your shoulders, I'm no expert, I've been in your position, I was later to the party then you are now, but hmu if there is anything else you'd want an outsiders opinion on.

scarrax · 2020-10-05T14:00:12+00:00

I used to be that same way too, shy around women and having a lack of any idea whatsoever on what to do. I learned what to do through trial and error mostly, it boils down to the following in my experience:

You have to be willing to break out of your comfort zone, take risks and understand that no matter what there is always a chance you will be rejected. Rejection sucks, but remember that getting rejected is far better than never trying. The sting of getting rejected will never truly go away, but it will become easier to handle. The trick is to realize that getting rejected is a favour to you: it means you won’t waste your time with someone who is uninterested, unavailable, or incompatible with you. As you get more comfortable with being rejected, it makes approaching and flirting way easier.
You need to not be afraid to be direct in expressing your interest with women. Don’t go for the extreme and walk up to a girl you don’t know and say “Nice tits I wanna put my cock between them”, you say that to somebody you’ve already had sex with many times. At the same time you don’t want to beat around the bush. Start small, ask her if she wants to get coffee or food somewhere. If you’re a student it doesn’t have to be fancy, but don’t take her to McDonalds, Starbucks, Tim Horton’s, etc. Don’t set up a date under false pretences (I.e. say you want to study, only to make it a date). If you’re both old enough to drink then hit up a nearby bar; just don’t get wasted. Most importantly make it clear it’s a date, if she asks if it’s meant to be a date say yes.
Reiterating my previous point don’t go all in at once, be direct but take it in stages. Asking her on a date is the first step, the second step is to compliment her. Hair, nails, jewelry, and accessories are the go to for first compliments; also consider complimenting her outfit, but try to save directly complimenting her body for later. Then find little ways to break the touch barrier (I.e. high fives, compare hand sizes), then hand holding, if she’s holding hands then she’s probably fine with kissing. After kissing, making out is probably on the table. As you’re making out explore her body with your hands. At this stage you can compliment her body directly. At this point try getting her clothes off. If she‘s down to her underwear and you’re still not sure she wants to have sex just ask at that point.
As you stated earlier, but I will reiterate anyway, every girl is different and what works with one girl will probably not work with another. For example, one girl might be willing to have sex after 2-3 dates while another girl might not put out for 2-3 months. One girl might find it weird that you complimented her necklace while another might appreciate that you noticed a necklace she was anxious didn’t go with her top. The point here is that there’s no surefire method that works every time, you can do everything “right” and still go home to your hand. Just don’t sweat it.
One of the most crucial things that many guys miss is to know when to fold and walk away if you have to. For example, she might disrespect you, she might not be on the same page as you, she might not want what you want, the vibe might not be there. If she isn’t ending things then you may have to be the one to pull the plug. From my experience girls tend to not handle rejection very well. You will probably be called an asshole, I have been. But I’d rather be called an asshole than make myself unhappy.

If you have any specific questions please feel free to shoot me a DM or reply!

iohannesc · 2020-10-05T12:40:15+00:00

Tried this yesterday. I asked a girl out to drinks at a place near my apt. We had a good time and great, non-stop conversation for about 3 hrs. Near the end I ask if she can come to my place and show me some dance moves since we were on the topic of music & dance.

She declined. But it’s the first time in my 30yrs if life that I tried something like this, and even tho it didn’t work, I’m glad I did it.

Gaydame · 2020-10-05T11:07:58+00:00

If in doubt, move forward. Yes, really you should be able to feel it and read the signals, but men are terrible at this, even experienced ones. So I don't expect you, a 21 year old virgin, to have a clue. And that's fine, nothing wrong with being clueless. So push forward, assume it's on an act if it's going to happen. If it's something she doesn't want, she'll tell you. (if you push beyond that then obviously you're in the realm of sexual assault but you sound like a nice guy so I don't need to write that disclaimer!)

Since I stopped being so coy (about 6 years ago, I'm 36 now) during pillow talk I've always found out they loved how I lead and pushed forward (it makes them feel desired, which is the most important thing) and lamented the men who don't push forward.

I have some other tips (innuendo, talking sexually etc) but when I've advised other guys this before it's been really fake on their part, so if it's something you like doing, definitely introduce. You can literally talk a women into being so horny she basically demands it. And they like it, they like it a lot, it's not "manipulative" or hypnosis as some would have you believe.

The other thing is control of your mind and the law of state transfer. If you feel horny (by concentrating your imagination) she probably will too. If your mind is concentrating on an internal monologue of second guessing and "what ifs" that won't get anyone got.

Read Mark Manson's models, there's a great section about sexual leading.

thementalyogi · 2020-10-05T06:25:30+00:00

Be open, friendly, honest. Be willing to talk about sex if the opportunity is presented. Make sex jokes. Don't be too blatant or over the top, but just show that sex is just another thing. It's importance is not top of the pyramid. Just put out that you are a sexual being and all else will land where it should.

squatch1601 · 2020-10-05T11:00:53+00:00

Gradual escalation. Good eye contact is key. It helps to have a touchy vibe in general (nothing too aggressive, but high fives, pat on the back, hug when you see them, tap their shoulder when you talk to them if in a group), stuff you would probably be ok to do with friends in general.

Slowly get sexual with touches, or even just be close to her. If she doesn't try to get away and is comfortable being close to you that's good.

When going for the kiss, if things are going well, and you know feel it's on, I gently pull them towards me with their arm or upper shoulder. Key is to be gentle, and guide them, but they should be able to pullback or walk away if they want (and they sometimes do, it happens). Also do this kinda slowly, to build up tension and let them see it coming.

After that it goes pretty natural. You go to your place/her place/wherever, make out for a while. And once the making out gets kinda intense/passionate just start taking off your clothes, at that point the girl will generally start taking hers off too.

feeelthebeat · 2020-10-05T14:38:46+00:00

Hi there! As a female I appreciate you wanting to be respectful of the woman you are interested in. As someone who also pursues women, here’s some tips:

CONSENT IS SEXY. I have been practicing my ‘sexy consent’ with women recently and it’s been v successful. I’ll say something like: “hey I think you’re cute and I want to kiss you, but only if you want me to”. This of course should be done in a smart moment. Smart moment means a time where you are alone with your girl in a safe place to talk and connect and you can feel the connection. Best case she says hell yeah and you get to make out, worst case at least you know where you stand and at least you don’t have to worry that you kissed someone without their consent.
Sexy times: after getting kiss consent thing may heat up. BEFORE having sex, tell her you consent to it. “I just want you to know I consent you doing whatever you want to me. How do you feel?” or “What do you want me to do to you?” This gives her a chance to tell you boundaries and to also tell you what she likes ;)
SAFE SEX: Have a stash of condoms ready to go. It will not ruin the mood if done right. She can help you put it on. You DO NOT want to deal with unexpected pregnancy. If you’re nervous watch a video or practice beforehand. I like the Skyn brand in the US.
It also helps to have a small thing of lube. Many girls need help getting wet. Again it can be hot if done right! I’m not a lube expert but just get a basic brand from cvs and u should be good. There’s one lube type that’s not good with condoms but I forget right now

I can post more tips after work. Good luck!

Edit: for your bonus question - it’s up to you whether to share your sexual history. I would say if it comes up don’t hide it but also don’t feel like you have to share that info

Syphyxes · 2020-10-05T18:05:43+00:00

Sex with a girl is not the number one priority. Realize this, and embody it, and girls will flock to fuck you. Be a nice, funny, charismatic person. Turn girls away if they seem interested. More often than not that will make them more interested. Keep your own.

Most of the time it’s not like a conversation thing when you’re talking about sex. It usually just like... happens. You make out, moving to oral, finally moving to sex. If it doesn’t seem natural, it isn’t. Always ask a girl if she’s “sure”. If she’s 100% comfortable it means she’s horny and she wants you to fuck her brains out.

s29 · 2020-10-05T06:05:44+00:00

“Grab them by the Pussy” Donald Trump

ps never do this it’s called rape

grimbasement · 2020-10-05T13:27:19+00:00

If you are out on a date with a girl she already thinks you are a sexual prospect and vice versa. Admit to yourself that you do want to have sex and be comfortable with it, but also don't be attached to a particular outcome. When we attempt to hide and be inauthentic with our core desires it comes off as incongruent. Touch, tease tell and just have fun. Be comfortable and shame free from the societal narrative about sex.

Teapot_Dragon · 2020-10-05T15:58:36+00:00

Slow escalation. Greet her with a hug, give good eye contact, find ways to casually or jokingly touch her while flirting with her to warm her up to the idea of touching you, go for hand holding (like when you walk out of a place hold out your hand and ask her to hold this, it works), when you have a good moment go for a kiss, if you get a kiss make out and you can escalate to sex from there.

lexicon435 · 2020-10-05T11:03:21+00:00

"Hi, this is Sex incase you haven't met before." There you go

r3art · 2020-10-05T07:28:20+00:00

Start touching her (obviously light touch first) and see how it goes. Escalate from there if the response is positive. Talk about sex and flirt, but don't mention it explicitly.

VDKay · 2020-10-05T07:59:31+00:00

The times it happened to me, I ask her if she'd like to come home with me to chill. And every time it worked.

As others mentioned, be sure to turn her on very well beforehand, e.g. kiss, make-out, maybe some over-the-clothes touching of intimate areas. She should be perfectly receptive to making out and not act reserved.

Once at my place, I turn up all the lights, make sure to have all the windows unbarred, I don't lock the door and I ALWAYS tell her if the first time: "Hey, you are first time at my place and I want you first and foremost to be comfortable. There is no reason to do anything if you are not comfortable. So, if for any reason at all you feel uncomfortable, you'll call time-out. And we will stop whatever we are doing. No nagging or negotiations. We just drop. Understood?"

MadHitchHiker · 2020-10-05T13:52:56+00:00

Total chad move here folks, so this one takes some balls as it can go either way.

It doesn’t matter how attractive you think you are, or good at back an fourth conversation. Some girls like short, tall, quiet, loud: do not try and read a woman’s mind because men just behave and are socialized differently.

You are 21, my ex of 3 years dumped me weeks before my 21st and it was a saving grace! If you see a girl you find cute, and she holds eye contact, walk up nearly immediately. It can be difficult but what do you have to lose, eh? Your virginity that’s what bud. Ask her something like “this is out of character for me, but I had to ask, what is your name?”

Boom. You are different than 95% of men out there.

If she responds well: i.e. you know, nicely, then say “well delila_ I would love to get to know you some more, wanna grab a coffee?” Or however you roll on charisma, just go for it. Make the meeting brief and disengage at the high water mark. Then follow through with said plans.

You will he stood up sometimes. No text back. Wrong number. Lead on. Don’t worry about it man, this is a numbers game. If you are different than 95% of the guys out there you are already in the lead because you are trying and therefore learning.

Now, you asked how to get them on the topic of sex.

I am scorpio, when women who read zodiac hear this they instantly have a reaction of some sort. (For those who don’t know, us scorpios are known for sexy time) So typically, I would play this to my favor and dig a little deeper on the topic to gauge there tolerance for the subject. Some girls will shy off, fine then stop, others will enjoy the sexual energy. After all, they already agreed to coffee.

Now that’s just something I do, find out what works for you, (Saying your a virgin on the 2nd or 3rd date could play the same role for you) but be CAREFULL. Timing is everything with this and if you pull it when she is focused on her life it’s gonna piss her off. Bring it up when you have some sort of chemistry, trust, and foundation applied. Every girl is different, could be the night you meet her, could be the 6th month.

But here is where it gets good.

Proceed like this: What’s your name? Wanna grab coffee? This was nice, wanna grab a drink this week? (Keep the ball rolling is the motto) After a drink, mention how nice of a spot you know for more drinking a little more private. (Scenic view, apartment, another restaurant) And once you both have loosened up from a drink and she is sucking your tongue.
Stop Say “Do you wanna lie on my bed?” (Or wherever” She says yes or no, knowing what may happen next. Then regardless of the answer Keep kissing her

If yes, take her to the spot and kiss until you get bored and take it up a notch. Grab her face, her hair, her body. Take off your shirt. And act like you know what your doing.

She will know you don’t, but that’s part of the fun of losing your virginity bro. Just don’t stick it in her bum hole without asking, that’s not very gentlemanly.

Be a gentleman. Be confident even if you aren’t Be okay with a No Be okay with yourself

Ultimately treat every human being with respect and integrity and you will go far my young Padawan. Now go slay young poon for all of use who cannot. Beat that pussy up B

plaze6288 · 2020-10-05T12:20:26+00:00

I feel like if the chemistry is there it happens

SylAbys · 2020-10-05T13:34:22+00:00

Personally, dont bring up sex. IMO its a turn off to women knowing your intentions. But you can be sensual and affectionate to a point where they will know.. Besides, Females love virgins so it might work out in your favor.

itzReborn · 2020-10-05T15:06:28+00:00

This post is basically me. I’m 21 and want to have sex but I never talk to girls/dated before. I planned to start this year but corona kinda got in the way. All the advice in the comments been great but if anyone can give me advice on how to actually start that’d be great

unknown-one · 2020-10-05T17:00:40+00:00

Step 1

Cut a hole in a box

2020-10-05T18:01:29+00:00

If you have to ask the question you’re not going to understand the answer.

sashimipink · 2020-10-05T18:20:15+00:00

I was seduced by someone with them sending me a suggestive selfie of them in bed.. then a topless one (nothing NSFW).. That’s how he was trying to gauge what my reaction would be. Then next time we met in person, there were no surprises then when he tried to kiss me and go on from there. In a way because the photos weren’t NSFW and still somewhat ‘tame’, it was kind of asking for my consent and allowing me to take control of the situation cause I could have easily asked him to not send me more photos

neverinamillionyr · 2020-10-05T18:47:40+00:00

This may be an entirely different perspective: I’m in my 50’s and recently divorced after a 24 year marriage . I met someone on Hinge. The first date went well. I walked her to her car and we hugged. I leaned in for a kiss and she didn’t back away. It was brief but nice. The second date a few days later was even better. We were a bit more comfortable with each other. I walked her to her car again and this time the kiss was much more passionate. We both got home and I mentioned how much I enjoyed the kiss. She said she had been turned on since I kissed her. This lead to a sexting session. On the third date we ended up in bed. It was far less awkward than I expected.

Peperoniboi · 2020-10-05T23:13:38+00:00

Wanna fuck? Yes/No.

MajinSkollfire · 2020-10-05T23:56:24+00:00

just wing it dude

2020-10-05T13:19:50+00:00

Dickcopter

RaZvAn15 · 2020-10-05T09:58:13+00:00

"Hi, insert girl's name! This is sex!"

KingCeddy24 · 2020-10-05T12:38:21+00:00

Girls are turned on by confident and dominant males. If you second guess your ability to engage in sexual intercourse with them, how do you think they are going to react? Do you think being an insecure man is attractive to them and makes them want to have sex with you?

Aspanu24 · 2020-10-05T05:49:59+00:00

How old are you OP?

2020-10-05T15:22:30+00:00

Carry a glock-16 with you, it'll be easier.

How to introduce sex with the girls you meet/date?

Comments

1 works, but there has to be absolutely no question about their interest and other little circumstances. There has to have been considerable buildup.

1 has worked for me bro

Title	How to introduce sex with the girls you meet/date?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	767
Comments	131
Date	October 5, 2020 2:54 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j5bw8h/how_to_introduce_sex_with_the_girls_you_meetdate/
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