How do you beat the "out of my league" feeling?

Revules · 2015-06-09T08:13:13+00:00

Getting rejected isn't as bad. If she is THAT pretty, it's nothing worth losing sleep over. But if you get that girl, the feeling of success is even better.

manhani · 2015-06-09T08:28:06+00:00

realize she is human like you. She has flesh and bones, takes shits, eats, and does what a human does. Don't put her on a pedestal because "she looks good" at the end of the day she's human

FAKTAFANNY · 2015-06-09T12:00:47+00:00

I'm a hetero woman but I think this works both ways. I've met a lot of people that at first sight seemed flawless but they all had/have some kind of problems and/or insecurities that at least themselves consider as flaws. I just acknowledge the fact that this guy most likely isn't entirely flawless and I stop being intimidating and instead interested in what kind of flaw he has.

Wsallgood · 2015-06-09T14:21:25+00:00

Stop putting the perceived worth of others above your own.

TheGangsHeavy · 2015-06-09T08:12:39+00:00

Imagine her taking a shit.

spinja187 · 2015-06-09T10:32:14+00:00

Find something you like to do and become the master

biribiri_ · 2015-06-09T12:00:05+00:00

By reminding myself that behavior determines league. Looks, money, and social status always come after, not before.

sunday_silence · 2015-06-09T16:10:22+00:00

Here's an ancedote. Olivia Newton John got married to that weirdo guy McDermott (who subsequently was lost at sea) He was a camerman and nothing famous or anything about him.

OK why would she do that? Think bout it. What does Olivia N J really need? Money? No not at all...Someone with musical talent? Probably not.

What might a person like that want? Maybe someone with loyalty? Maybe someone they can trust if she has to deal with phony people in entertainment.

Who would make the best partner for her? Maybe someone who would support her to the bitter end. Someone she can trust.

I dunno, but the pt. is that what motivates her might be far different than what you think.

I see this over and over again. Girls who look like models, but have no confidence. Or no self esteem. Some of them are messed up, and not worth it, but some just have a little issue with that stuff and are great people. You can be nobody and really lift them up.

Just get to know them. Find out what they need. What motivates them? What are they feeling?

AcriDice · 2015-06-09T18:24:49+00:00

Chick here. I'm no Mila Kunis, but I have a tendency to date guys that other people say are "beneath" me... Or some other dumb shit. Why? Because those dudes typically aren't cocky assholes. They feel like they're lucky to be with me, they are nice to me, and they makes me feel lucky to have them. To be frank, my current boyfriend is out of my league IMO and sometimes it drives me a little bonkers. Knowing that he's dated Miss Hawaii and a other amazingly bangin chicks can make me feel insecure if I let it. But I try not to. He's great to me, we're happy, and that's all that matters.

I'd say be yourself, always. Whether that's a dork or a little insecure or whatever. If a woman is going to consider herself out of your league, fuck her (not literally, though... Cuz that would probably be rape). Chances are, if you're comfortable with you, a perfectly lovely female will be too. Cuz an over-confident hunk might be nice to look at, but in my experience, he's not great for much else.

Polyscikosis · 2015-06-09T21:12:17+00:00

Sure, she may LOOK like a goddess, but after imagining her being cruel to an animal or taking the last piece of cake away from a homeless person or not leaving a tip when she pays at a restaurant I am then able to talk to her normally.

But I dont, because who wants to talk to someone like her!?!? bitch.

franhd · 2015-06-09T11:06:28+00:00

The phrase "start thinking with your dick" set aside any confidence problems I had.

chirar · 2015-06-09T12:40:25+00:00

For every model out there, there's someone that's sick of her shit

sacred-pepper · 2015-06-09T13:13:53+00:00

lift, honestly

and experience giving you the realization that they are just humans such as yourself

2015-06-09T14:18:25+00:00

Just go for it. Think in terms of any skill mastered, like guitar. You can't start playing Hendrix until you practice and give it a go. Some people are better than others, but it doesn't mean it cannot be done. Work on improving yourself along the way (i.e., improve your style, dress, haircut, hit the gym, commit to three hobbies other than videogames) and it will come sooner rather than later.

nick_storm · 2015-06-09T13:39:06+00:00

I lost this mentality when something clicked for me. I would see gorgeous 10s with average 5-6 Joes. I would think to myself, what's going on here? That doesn't make sense.

And I realized it's because those 10s want to be with the averages Joes. Perhaps the average 5-6 Joes are their types? The league scale does not take into account people's types/feelings/desires. That's what busted the league scale myth for me.

RustyRyaan · 2015-06-09T14:32:07+00:00

I always go with "There's no reason why you're not enough."

tooeasilybored · 2015-06-09T15:10:15+00:00

Treat all of them the same, just talk to them. Yes you'll get some girls who realize they are hot shit and if they don't find you attractive they won't engage in conversation but more often than not hot girls are very open to conversation. Even if you don't get a number, you've talked to a stranger and possibly made a friend.

jmalone1187 · 2015-06-09T15:31:47+00:00

I've ALWAYS had this same issue, and to be honest I may still have it to some extent. However, in the past couple months I was approched by someone I consider to be the best looking woman I've ever been with. She turned out to be extreamly down to earth and a total goofball. We get a long great and are still friends, which is pretty awesome.

So yeah, its all in our perception of people, don't tell yourself they are better than you in anyway and you'll be fine.

disturbing_nickname · 2015-06-09T16:09:09+00:00

Looks is only one of many, many aspects of a human. Looks, wits, kindness, integrity, self-worth, relations close friends and family, ones feeling of success, confidence and how interesting one is are some of those aspects.

In a purely shallow manner, looks are important. That's why good looking people stand out in a club scene. However, I've come to realize that there is a different ballgame in a more private setting, like for instance bars or while waiting for the bus at a bus stop.

That's why I gauge after chemistry. I never approach women with the intention to get with them, I always approach to gauge chemistry. It is easier for the woman to create chemistry with me if she is good looking, but I am looking for some of the previously mentioned aspects as well. This way, I'm not outcome dependent, and I know for sure I can bring as much to the table as she can. After I adopted this mentality I got way better in the club scene, as well as the bar/day-game scene.

2015-06-09T16:39:41+00:00

Fix your own self confidence issues until you realize that you are out of her league, then voila you've got outcome independence down pact too.

RahsaanK · 2015-06-09T17:52:13+00:00

Okay here we go. So if you believe someone is 'out of your league' that means you place higher value on her than yourself. The thing is, she does NOT want you to give away your power. But by NOT approaching or acting reactive you ARE.

So quite simply, you need a deep identity level change. One that removes your EGO and amplifies your core confidence. This comes from approaching more and more convincing your mind that this is OKAY and fun!

Remember, girls don't care about looks, don't care about lines, they are reading your subtle behavior to see if you can handle them. So the real issue here is, you have not approached enough 10s. Keep going.

Cheers!

bandoftheredhand17 · 2015-06-09T19:49:09+00:00

I beat that feeling by getting to know them. Talking to them without hitting on them, to the point where when you end the conversation both of you are feeling good, and then it sets the stage for you to think of her as a person who has the same wants/needs/feelings as you, and not as someone who's looks deny you the right to associate with them.

alltheritemoves · 2015-06-09T22:48:15+00:00

The only way she had better be out of your league, is if you are bowling. You don't bowl. Say to yourself. This is not bowling. THERE ARE NO LEAGUES. The thing standing between you and her is the bullshit you keep telling yourself.

Mindsink · 2015-06-09T15:34:20+00:00

Go join a BJJ gym. You want the secret here it is. You man enough? I friggen guarantee you you will be going after hotter ass bc they will be attracted to you bc they will see how you feel about yourself once you achieve improvement though Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Guaranteed. The only thing is if you will put in the grind, the pain. It is all about how you feel about yourself. BJJ will make you feel amazing about yourself! The time is now!

2015-06-09T13:21:06+00:00

I don't think it is necessary to beat this feeling. You just notice it and talk to the girl anyway.

Let her decide she is too hot for you - which is something that almost never happens anyway, because it is more realistic that she is going to think that you are not hot enough for her, or that you are.

heyyou11 · 2015-06-09T14:03:33+00:00

Girls want to fantasize about (and maybe even hook up with) guys more attractive than you. But as far as anything with a tinge of romance and relationship, more looks hands down help you less than personality or any life hack.

GuanoQuesadilla · 2015-06-09T15:34:06+00:00

You'll never regret approaching someone and being rejected. You will regret never making a move.

I can't remember where I read this, but it seems like a pretty good mindset to have.

2015-06-09T16:22:11+00:00

Make friends with women like that. Like friends friends, without any other intent. This might sound stupid but that's one way to take them off the pedestal.

recyclablebantha · 2015-06-09T17:20:08+00:00

How do you beat the "out of my league" feeling, even if you objectively know that she really is hotter than you are?

You gather enough reference experiences to realize that "leagues" have less to do with appearance, and more to do with mindset.

Just like how you are confining yourself to a lower "league" based almost solely on your confidence.

Ebonic · 2015-06-09T19:34:58+00:00

Realize you only feel that way because of her beauty. There's a lot more things to measure a person's value.

azon01 · 2015-06-09T21:23:04+00:00

Realize there is no league and that hot chicks hook up with doofuses all the time. You could be that doofus!!!

narbilistic · 2015-06-09T21:55:29+00:00

Just imagine her taking a shit. Voila, you're in the same league.

Title	How do you beat the "out of my league" feeling?
Author	Velcade6
Upvotes	113
Comments	83
Date	June 9, 2015 8:02 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/394ygy/how_do_you_beat_the_out_of_my_league_feeling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-beat-the-out-of-my-league-feeling.1389369 https://theredarchive.com/post/1389369

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